Re: Josh Murray - Bachelorette 10 - Discussion - Thread #6

[pavalygurl]

^ He's had two serious relationships before according to him and one that I have seen proof of. The same girl is still friends with some of his family members on Facebook. It's apparently been five years since his last relationship. He's certainly been in relationships before.

Different strokes for different folks, but I'd prefer a guy to have only been in a couple of relationships with a large break in between of dating someone seriously then be with a guy who was in a very serious relationship, have that not work out and then quickly jump into another serious relationship, get engaged to that person and then have that person break off the engagement, but that's just my opinion.

Ash, I hear you and understand what you are saying. I've been wrong before and will be again. I'm just still not sure.

On another note, did you see where Dylan is going to be at a bar in Boston tonight for some event? Looks like it will be a zoo. I read you have a friend who met him before.

[Ash2214]

^ He's had two serious relationships before according to him and one that I have seen proof of. The same girl is still friends with some of his family members on Facebook. It's apparently been five years since his last relationship. He's certainly been in relationships before.

Different strokes for different folks, but I'd prefer a guy to have only been in a couple of relationships with a large break in between of dating someone seriously then be with a guy who was in a very serious relationship, have that not work out and then quickly jump into another serious relationship, get engaged to that person and then have that person break off the engagement, but that's just my opinion.

Ash, I hear you and understand what you are saying.  I've been wrong before and will be again.  I'm just still not sure.

On another note, did you see where Dylan is going to be at a bar in Boston tonight for some event?  Looks like it will be a zoo.  I read you have a friend who met him before.

Yes, it's just difficult for me to judge anyone completely while they're on a produced television show because I don't know them personally, so I just go off of what I see, read and hear. With all of that, it seems to me that Josh has been in relationships before and essentially decided he wasn't going to waste his time or anyone else's for that matter if he felt like there wasn't going to be a future with that person. I can respect that. I'm similar in that way. He was drafted as a teenager into the MLB and was on his own for five years, realized it wasn't going to work out the way he wanted it to, he quit, moved to Georgia, got himself a college degree, now works as a financial adviser, has his own apartment and so forth. I think that's a pretty mature guy. He's also super caring with his two siblings and his two parents that both had cancer at one point. I can't label him as immature when there are things that point to the opposite for me. Either way, the most important time will be starting after Monday.

Oh, thank you for the heads up!! I didn't hear about that. Any idea what the name of the bar was!? I would totally go to see him . My friend said he was a sweetheart and was even more handsome in person. I wish he wasn't so shy on the show. During the MTA he seemed really fun!

[Piper61]

I believe referring to Josh as immature is off the mark, and maybe it really wasn't intended that this was his overall behavior/character because historically (as Ash points out above) he's accomplished a lot and has maintained a healthy family life and appears to do so both professionally and personally.  Having a long-term GF or many broken hearts is not the bar that I would use to assess maturity.  Having an outgoing, fun-loving and infectious personality also does not denote immaturity.  I don't believe Josh is one-dimensional, no matter the arc of his storyline on this show.  IMO.

[pavalygurl]

^ He's had two serious relationships before according to him and one that I have seen proof of. The same girl is still friends with some of his family members on Facebook. It's apparently been five years since his last relationship. He's certainly been in relationships before.

Different strokes for different folks, but I'd prefer a guy to have only been in a couple of relationships with a large break in between of dating someone seriously then be with a guy who was in a very serious relationship, have that not work out and then quickly jump into another serious relationship, get engaged to that person and then have that person break off the engagement, but that's just my opinion.

Ash, I hear you and understand what you are saying.  I've been wrong before and will be again.  I'm just still not sure.

On another note, did you see where Dylan is going to be at a bar in Boston tonight for some event?  Looks like it will be a zoo.  I read you have a friend who met him before.

Yes, it's just difficult for me to judge anyone completely while they're on a produced television show because I don't know them personally, so I just go off of what I see, read and hear. With all of that, it seems to me that Josh has been in relationships before and essentially decided he wasn't going to waste his time or anyone else's for that matter if he felt like there wasn't going to be a future with that person. I can respect that. I'm similar in that way. He was drafted as a teenager into the MLB and was on his own for five years, realized it wasn't going to work out the way he wanted it to, he quit, moved to Georgia, got himself a college degree, now works as a financial adviser, has his own apartment and so forth. I think that's a pretty mature guy. He's also super caring with his two siblings and his two parents that both had cancer at one point. I can't label him as immature when there are things that point to the opposite for me. Either way, the most important time will be starting after Monday.

Oh, thank you for the heads up!! I didn't hear about that. Any idea what the name of the bar was!? I would totally go to see him . My friend said he was a sweetheart and was even more handsome in person. I wish he wasn't so shy on the show. During the MTA he seemed really fun!

The Greatest Bar 262 Friend St.

[Ash2214]

Ash, I hear you and understand what you are saying.  I've been wrong before and will be again.  I'm just still not sure.

On another note, did you see where Dylan is going to be at a bar in Boston tonight for some event?  Looks like it will be a zoo.  I read you have a friend who met him before.

Yes, it's just difficult for me to judge anyone completely while they're on a produced television show because I don't know them personally, so I just go off of what I see, read and hear. With all of that, it seems to me that Josh has been in relationships before and essentially decided he wasn't going to waste his time or anyone else's for that matter if he felt like there wasn't going to be a future with that person. I can respect that. I'm similar in that way. He was drafted as a teenager into the MLB and was on his own for five years, realized it wasn't going to work out the way he wanted it to, he quit, moved to Georgia, got himself a college degree, now works as a financial adviser, has his own apartment and so forth. I think that's a pretty mature guy. He's also super caring with his two siblings and his two parents that both had cancer at one point. I can't label him as immature when there are things that point to the opposite for me. Either way, the most important time will be starting after Monday.

Oh, thank you for the heads up!! I didn't hear about that. Any idea what the name of the bar was!? I would totally go to see him . My friend said he was a sweetheart and was even more handsome in person. I wish he wasn't so shy on the show. During the MTA he seemed really fun!

The Greatest Bar 262 Friend St.  

Super fun place! Thanks so much!

[pavalygurl]

^^^photos please if you go. Have fun!

[ironcat]

I don't know why having failed relationships is thought to be a prerequisite to have a successful marriage but I agree, it seems to be the common thought process/expectation now. I don't agree with it but this belief is definitely prevalent.

IMO and also experience, failed relationships can be traumatizing and there's nothing great about having them. If a person can have healthy relationships with their friends, family, other humans, I don't know why failed romantic relationships are viewed as so important for a successful marriage. I understand that romantic relationships are different but the basic core human qualities you need to be a great partner are similar to what is needed to be a great sibling, friend, etc.

I think it's even clear how traumatizing it can all be when you compare Ashley and Andi, Ashley who only had 1 boyfriend in college for a brief amount of time and Andi who was in an adult relationship post-college for 3-4 years.

Ashley was so open and available for falling in love, it never even crossed her mind a man can be bad or mistreat her. She was ready to fall in love with Bentley, William and finally JP in a span of days. Good call on the last one there, Ash! But if he wasn't the right one, I think she would have been very much altered and damaged by her experience.

Then we have Andi, who was so messed up from this previous ex athlete, she wouldn't let anyone near her, including a really great guy who was everything she claimed she wanted. In fact, I could attribute Josh's willingness to fight for her and love her and be so honest and open with her because he hasn't been in a relationship that was an epic fail. IMO, he can love Andi so quickly and more than anything in this world because even though it crosses his mind that he may not be f1, it really doesn't seem real to him that she would leave after they're "in love" because it hasn't happened to him for real. Compare him to Nick and JP, both who were truly hurt, and I see the difference in the relationships.

Obviously JMO

Great post, Alanna!  :WAVEY:  I also don't get how having lots of failed relationships equates to a sign of maturity. I think some of the most emotionally immature people are the ones jumping in and out of relationships that they can't sustain, because they're.....immature!  :giggle: 

And it makes sense that Josh's lack of serious relationship baggage would leave him patient about and open to helping Andi get past her own. When both parties are burdened by past "wrongs" and bring those prejudgments into current burgeoning relationships, I don't think it helps any.

[Guest]

I don't know why having failed relationships is thought to be a prerequisite to have a successful marriage but I agree, it seems to be the common thought process/expectation now. I don't agree with it but this belief is definitely prevalent.

IMO and also experience, failed relationships can be traumatizing and there's nothing great about having them. If a person can have healthy relationships with their friends, family, other humans, I don't know why failed romantic relationships are viewed as so important for a successful marriage. I understand that romantic relationships are different but the basic core human qualities you need to be a great partner are similar to what is needed to be a great sibling, friend, etc.

I think it's even clear how traumatizing it can all be when you compare Ashley and Andi, Ashley who only had 1 boyfriend in college for a brief amount of time and Andi who was in an adult relationship post-college for 3-4 years.

Ashley was so open and available for falling in love, it never even crossed her mind a man can be bad or mistreat her. She was ready to fall in love with Bentley, William and finally JP in a span of days. Good call on the last one there, Ash! But if he wasn't the right one, I think she would have been very much altered and damaged by her experience.

Then we have Andi, who was so messed up from this previous ex athlete, she wouldn't let anyone near her, including a really great guy who was everything she claimed she wanted. In fact, I could attribute Josh's willingness to fight for her and love her and be so honest and open with her because he hasn't been in a relationship that was an epic fail. IMO, he can love Andi so quickly and more than anything in this world because even though it crosses his mind that he may not be f1, it really doesn't seem real to him that she would leave after they're "in love" because it hasn't happened to him for real. Compare him to Nick and JP, both who were truly hurt, and I see the difference in the relationships.

Obviously JMO

Great post, Alanna!  :WAVEY:  I also don't get how having lots of failed relationships equates to a sign of maturity.  I think some of the most emotionally immature people are the ones jumping in and out of relationships that they can't sustain, because they're.....immature!  :giggle: 

And it makes sense that Josh's lack of serious relationship baggage would leave him patient about and open to helping Andi get past her own.  When both parties are burdened by past "wrongs" and bring those prejudgments into current burgeoning relationships, I don't think it helps any.

great posts both of you guys. i do think there is a learning curve that can be gained with more relationship experience but along with that may come a little or a lot of baggage. i can't even imagine how damaging being cheated on would be to one's sense of trust. many people then carry that mistrust into their future relationships. i think if people learn from their relationships that is good and healthy but unfortunately that isn't always the case. some people just keep reenacting the same scenario over and over. or, they get hurt badly once and then close off a part of their heart. i have a good friend who did the latter and forever chose safe guys that never quite seemed right for her after her one love initially hurt her. i don't necessarily think having little relationship experience or lots of relationship experience is better than the other. i think they both come with positives and negatives. i think it's more about how one handles those situations and whether or not one grows from those situations. i agree with ironcat that some do not grow from their many relationships but rather keep repeating an unhealthy pattern. andi is obviously incredibly guarded after being cheated on but josh just might be the person to restore her ability to trust. i certainly hope so and wish these two the best. jmo.

[mathwiz37]

I don't know why having failed relationships is thought to be a prerequisite to have a successful marriage but I agree, it seems to be the common thought process/expectation now. I don't agree with it but this belief is definitely prevalent.

IMO and also experience, failed relationships can be traumatizing and there's nothing great about having them. If a person can have healthy relationships with their friends, family, other humans, I don't know why failed romantic relationships are viewed as so important for a successful marriage. I understand that romantic relationships are different but the basic core human qualities you need to be a great partner are similar to what is needed to be a great sibling, friend, etc.

I think it's even clear how traumatizing it can all be when you compare Ashley and Andi, Ashley who only had 1 boyfriend in college for a brief amount of time and Andi who was in an adult relationship post-college for 3-4 years.

Ashley was so open and available for falling in love, it never even crossed her mind a man can be bad or mistreat her. She was ready to fall in love with Bentley, William and finally JP in a span of days. Good call on the last one there, Ash! But if he wasn't the right one, I think she would have been very much altered and damaged by her experience.

Then we have Andi, who was so messed up from this previous ex athlete, she wouldn't let anyone near her, including a really great guy who was everything she claimed she wanted. In fact, I could attribute Josh's willingness to fight for her and love her and be so honest and open with her because he hasn't been in a relationship that was an epic fail. IMO, he can love Andi so quickly and more than anything in this world because even though it crosses his mind that he may not be f1, it really doesn't seem real to him that she would leave after they're "in love" because it hasn't happened to him for real. Compare him to Nick and JP, both who were truly hurt, and I see the difference in the relationships.

Obviously JMO

Awesome post and ITA especially with the bolded

[sparkler]

I don't know why having failed relationships is thought to be a prerequisite to have a successful marriage but I agree, it seems to be the common thought process/expectation now. I don't agree with it but this belief is definitely prevalent.

IMO and also experience, failed relationships can be traumatizing and there's nothing great about having them. If a person can have healthy relationships with their friends, family, other humans, I don't know why failed romantic relationships are viewed as so important for a successful marriage. I understand that romantic relationships are different but the basic core human qualities you need to be a great partner are similar to what is needed to be a great sibling, friend, etc.

I think it's even clear how traumatizing it can all be when you compare Ashley and Andi, Ashley who only had 1 boyfriend in college for a brief amount of time and Andi who was in an adult relationship post-college for 3-4 years.

Ashley was so open and available for falling in love, it never even crossed her mind a man can be bad or mistreat her. She was ready to fall in love with Bentley, William and finally JP in a span of days. Good call on the last one there, Ash! But if he wasn't the right one, I think she would have been very much altered and damaged by her experience.

Then we have Andi, who was so messed up from this previous ex athlete, she wouldn't let anyone near her, including a really great guy who was everything she claimed she wanted. In fact, I could attribute Josh's willingness to fight for her and love her and be so honest and open with her because he hasn't been in a relationship that was an epic fail. IMO, he can love Andi so quickly and more than anything in this world because even though it crosses his mind that he may not be f1, it really doesn't seem real to him that she would leave after they're "in love" because it hasn't happened to him for real. Compare him to Nick and JP, both who were truly hurt, and I see the difference in the relationships.

Obviously JMO

Great post, Alanna!  :WAVEY:  I also don't get how having lots of failed relationships equates to a sign of maturity.  I think some of the most emotionally immature people are the ones jumping in and out of relationships that they can't sustain, because they're.....immature!  :giggle: 

And it makes sense that Josh's lack of serious relationship baggage would leave him patient about and open to helping Andi get past her own.  When both parties are burdened by past "wrongs" and bring those prejudgments into current burgeoning relationships, I don't think it helps any.

great posts both of you guys. i do think there is a learning curve that can be gained with more relationship experience but along with that may come a little or a lot of baggage. i can't even imagine how damaging being cheated on would be to one's sense of trust. many people then carry that mistrust into their future relationships. i think if people learn from their relationships that is good and healthy but unfortunately that isn't always the case. some people just keep reenacting the same scenario over and over. or, they get hurt badly once and then close off a part of their heart. i have a good friend who did the latter and forever chose safe guys that never quite seemed right for her after her one love initially hurt her. i don't necessarily think having little relationship experience or lots of relationship experience is better than the other. i think they both come with positives and negatives. i think it's more about how one handles those situations and whether or not one grows from those situations. i agree with ironcat that some do not grow from their many relationships but rather keep repeating an unhealthy pattern. andi is obviously incredibly guarded after being cheated on but josh just might be the person to restore her ability to trust. i certainly hope so and wish these two the best. jmo.

I am really enjoying reading all of your thoughtful and insightful posts. I can say that from my own experience that having been broken to pieces by a failed relationship, I grew exponentially. I could no longer do what i was doing (eg repeat the same relationship patterns etc). For me, I had to take years to really get to know myself, see what made me be attracted to people who were not good for me etc. I am now very happy in my relationship with my husband. However, FOR ME, it took being broken apart to get me here. I think maybe that is what is being alluded to. Everyone is different, of course, and I am enjoying seeing all sides of this conversation. As for Josh or Nick, who knows, only they do.

[stuckinsc]

I have to ask if Andi was so broken apart by her break up why go on the bachelor in the first place and for JPG at that, since he was announced so very early. Then chose to the bachelorette.

Also I don't consider law school being grown up and out of college, it is really just an extension of college. Same for most post graduate education, it is a bit of a holding pattern and not like everyday life.

I don't think you have to have failed relationships to have a good quality relationship, but it can help you to get to know yourself better and to make sure what you want and not just to need to be with a person.

I am have no problem with Josh's time off, he was focused on other things, so this is not a knock on him. I continue to be a Josh fan, and if he ends up happy with Andi, I will hope for the best for them.

What do you all think of Dylan saying he didn't think that Josh and Andi would last?

[nannymargie]

I have to ask if Andi was so broken apart by her break up why go on the bachelor in the first place and for JPG at that, since he was announced so very early.  Then chose to the bachelorette.

Also I don't consider law school being grown up and out of college, it is really just an extension of college.  Same for most post graduate education, it is a bit of a holding pattern and not like everyday life.  

I don't think you have to have failed relationships to have a good quality relationship, but it can help you to get to know yourself better and to make sure what you want and not just to need to be with a person.

I am have no problem with Josh's time off, he was focused on other things, so this is not a knock on him.  I continue to be a Josh fan, and if he ends up happy with Andi, I will hope for the best for them.

What do you all think of Dylan saying he didn't think that Josh and Andi would last?

I don't think Dylan knows what he's talking about. Wasn't Dylan friends with Nick? That could be why he said that. I give these 2 a very good chance of making it to the alter.

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