Re: Bachelorette 10 - Media Thread - *Spoilers & Sleuthing* - Discussion Thread #2

[Sprite]

It seems she didn't like Eric giving her anything she didn't like - she sent him packing.  I don't think she is going to take kindly to someone giving it back to either I really think she needs to be in charge.  I guess we will find out as the we get further into the show and see how she interacts with the guys more.   

She admitted as much more than once last season.  I was hoping that experience (having to interact with feelings of powerlessness) might  mitigate her need to be in control - so far this season, not so much.  Unfortunately, I think that all of the feedback she got (much of it positive as in you go, girl) in response to her telling JP off and then leaving the show of her own volition may have reinforced to her that being in control is the way to go.

I agree with the bolded, but, at the same time, there was a lot of negative response to that episode as well and she seems to have totally ignored that. I suppose, like many she hears only what she wants...stuff that just confirms what she was thinking anyway.

I am really curious how this is all going to end. She seems over the top giddy in her appearances thus far. If Josh is really her F1 and is as gaga about her as he appears thus far...and does whatever she says, as Nick alluded in his infamous video...I wonder if eventually she will get tired of that or if he might actually soften her up some and they make it long term?   

[IrishGal]

We've only seen 2 episodes. Hard to say how she will be after 6. I don't see why she should give up any control. Who would she give it up to? TPTB? Drunk a-holes? Crazed suitors? Bromances? Fakes? Chris H? Why in the world after 2 episodes would she give up control? Or even after 6 episodes? Keep control, Andi! Nothing at all wrong with that at all.

[Sprite]

We've only seen 2 episodes.  Hard to say how she will be after 6.  I don't see why she should give up any control. Who would she give it up to?  TPTB?  Drunk a-holes? Crazed suitors? Bromances? Fakes? Chris H?  Why in the world after 2 episodes would she give up control?  Or even after 6 episodes?  Keep control, Andi!  Nothing at all wrong with that at all.

Because someone who needs to be in control all the time is someone who will be difficult to live with...and this is coming from someone who likes to be in control herself!

Relationships are give and take and if she picked someone...anyone...I hope she relaxes enough to give up some of that control and enable herself to have a more equitable relationship. And you know, if she tries to control things with tptb, she will end up edited just like JPab was. She needs to maintain a balance between what she wants and what the other person and/or producers need.

[docnash14]

We've only seen 2 episodes.  Hard to say how she will be after 6.  I don't see why she should give up any control. Who would she give it up to?  TPTB?  Drunk a-holes? Crazed suitors? Bromances? Fakes? Chris H?  Why in the world after 2 episodes would she give up control?  Or even after 6 episodes?  Keep control, Andi!  Nothing at all wrong with that at all.

I certainly agree that there is no reason why Andi "should" give up her power to anyone. However, in my opinion, there is a significant difference between being empowered and independent and being controlling; thus, we may have to agree to disagree about your last statement. Being in our own power allows us to assert our rights, set proper boundaries, establish autonomy, access our feelings and, when we so choose, express them. When we are empowered, we are able to accept our limitations and embrace our powerlessness without guilt and/or shame.

Conversely, as I have discussed in previous seasons, controlling behavior is a defense mechanism used typically in an attempt to control the environment around us so to defend against underlying feelings of fear and insecurity. Defenses, of course, protect us by keeping us from feeling what we have deemed to be undesirable feelings, but in so doing, they preclude us from accessing those feelings which in turn prevents us from processing/metabolizing them. I subscribe to this definition of joy: the ability to feel the full spectrum of our feelings because only then are we truly alive. Thus, the individuals who need to remain in control (again, quite different from owning their own power) unwittingly compromise their capacity for joy and spontaneity.

[Kashathediva]

We've only seen 2 episodes.  Hard to say how she will be after 6.  I don't see why she should give up any control. Who would she give it up to?  TPTB?  Drunk a-holes? Crazed suitors? Bromances? Fakes? Chris H?  Why in the world after 2 episodes would she give up control?  Or even after 6 episodes?  Keep control, Andi!  Nothing at all wrong with that at all.

I certainly agree that there is no reason why Andi "should" give up her power to anyone. However, in my opinion, there is a significant difference between being empowered and independent and being controlling; thus, we may have to agree to disagree about your last statement.  Being in our own power allows us to assert our rights, set proper boundaries, establish autonomy, access our feelings and, when we so choose, express them.  When we are empowered, we are able to accept our limitations and embrace our powerlessness without guilt and/or shame.

Conversely, as I have discussed in previous seasons, controlling behavior is a defense mechanism used typically in an attempt to control the environment around us so to defend against underlying feelings of fear and insecurity.  Defenses, of course, protect us by keeping us from feeling what we have deemed to be undesirable feelings, but in so doing, they preclude us from accessing those feelings which in turn prevents us from processing/metabolizing them.   I subscribe to this definition of joy:  the ability to feel the full spectrum of our feelings because only then are we truly alive.  Thus, the individuals who need to remain in control (again, quite different from owning their own power) unwittingly compromise their capacity for joy and spontaneity.

ITA.
To break it down simply think Serenity Prayer.
You can only change so much in life--mainly yourself and that takes courage. Lots of it.
You have to learn to accept those thing in life you can't change. Which is just about everything else. And it's great if you are able to attain serenity through acceptance.
It takes a lot of wisdom in order to work this and feel that "joy".

[atem]

Eric seems to be a really laid back guy. I guess her over the top reaction confuses me. Let's say it was Michael G, I would get it as he can be very in your face confrontational. But, Eric? Sorry, I don't get it.

[notarose]

We've only seen 2 episodes.  Hard to say how she will be after 6.  I don't see why she should give up any control. Who would she give it up to?  TPTB?  Drunk a-holes? Crazed suitors? Bromances? Fakes? Chris H?  Why in the world after 2 episodes would she give up control?  Or even after 6 episodes?  Keep control, Andi!  Nothing at all wrong with that at all.

I certainly agree that there is no reason why Andi "should" give up her power to anyone. However, in my opinion, there is a significant difference between being empowered and independent and being controlling; thus, we may have to agree to disagree about your last statement.  Being in our own power allows us to assert our rights, set proper boundaries, establish autonomy, access our feelings and, when we so choose, express them.  When we are empowered, we are able to accept our limitations and embrace our powerlessness without guilt and/or shame.

Conversely, as I have discussed in previous seasons, controlling behavior is a defense mechanism used typically in an attempt to control the environment around us so to defend against underlying feelings of fear and insecurity.  Defenses, of course, protect us by keeping us from feeling what we have deemed to be undesirable feelings, but in so doing, they preclude us from accessing those feelings which in turn prevents us from processing/metabolizing them.   I subscribe to this definition of joy:  the ability to feel the full spectrum of our feelings because only then are we truly alive.  Thus, the individuals who need to remain in control (again, quite different from owning their own power) unwittingly compromise their capacity for joy and spontaneity.

  
I think the truly actualized are able to release themselves because they are confident in their own ability to deal with the next unknown. They expect only of themselves; they are open to what others choose to reveal then respond accordingly. Interactions as an experience rather than an event that needs to measure up.

I do think her asking for a group of guys that include men who would not be her usual type was a good step forward. That would set the stage for moving outside her comfort zone because what appealed to a certain category of men in her past wouldn't be as effective with a different type of man. She would have to draw on different aspects of her personality without being able to predict the response.

[Longhornfan]

We've only seen 2 episodes.  Hard to say how she will be after 6.  I don't see why she should give up any control. Who would she give it up to?  TPTB?  Drunk a-holes? Crazed suitors? Bromances? Fakes? Chris H?  Why in the world after 2 episodes would she give up control?  Or even after 6 episodes?  Keep control, Andi!  Nothing at all wrong with that at all.

I certainly agree that there is no reason why Andi "should" give up her power to anyone. However, in my opinion, there is a significant difference between being empowered and independent and being controlling; thus, we may have to agree to disagree about your last statement.  Being in our own power allows us to assert our rights, set proper boundaries, establish autonomy, access our feelings and, when we so choose, express them.  When we are empowered, we are able to accept our limitations and embrace our powerlessness without guilt and/or shame.

Conversely, as I have discussed in previous seasons, controlling behavior is a defense mechanism used typically in an attempt to control the environment around us so to defend against underlying feelings of fear and insecurity.  Defenses, of course, protect us by keeping us from feeling what we have deemed to be undesirable feelings, but in so doing, they preclude us from accessing those feelings which in turn prevents us from processing/metabolizing them.   I subscribe to this definition of joy:  the ability to feel the full spectrum of our feelings because only then are we truly alive.  Thus, the individuals who need to remain in control (again, quite different from owning their own power) unwittingly compromise their capacity for joy and spontaneity.

Docnash, this is both a fascinating and an eye-opening read to me.  I love this sort of discussion!!  I look forward to hearing more from you on this subject as the season progresses.  Also, I want to add that I remember seeing a video of Andi last season where she questioned whether or not her "expectations" might be too lofty (and therefore unattainable) when it came to what she was looking for in a partner.  So, to me it is fitting that she chose the theme for her season as "that one great love".  

The idea that there is just one great love out there is certainly a romantic one.  But, will Andi really allow herself to fully step out of her comfort zone and choose the unfamiliar, the unknown? That is what I am questioning.

[momoftrips]

INTERVIEW: Boyz II Men on "rocky moments" with The Bachelorette guys


Will It Be The End Of The Road For Someone?

This season of The Bachelorette is already off to a great start, but it's about to get a whole lot better. Iconic four-time Grammy Award–winning R&B group Boyz II Men will be bringing their harmonies to The Bachelorette during a special two-part episode starting tonight. Singer Shawn Stockman gives us the inside track.

SheKnows: We're big Bachelorette and Boyz II Men fans, so we were pumped to hear you guys would be making a cameo on the show. How did this collaboration come about?

Shawn Stockman: It's a perfect collaboration because our songs have always been all about love and romance and relationships. So it was definitely a great date idea that the producers on the show wanted to do with us. It was fun to have all of the contestants there with us on stage at our concert. Sharing the music is what it's all about.

SK: We caught a cute clip online of Wanya singing with Andi and telling her she sucked, ha ha. But it was clear y'all were having fun. What was it like working with the bachelorette?

SS: It was great — all in good fun. Andi was a really good sport. We make it look easy on stage, but it's not.

SK: The 12 remaining guys get the surprise of a lifetime when they find out they'll be performing on stage with you. At any point while rehearsing with the bachelors, did you have your doubts they'd be able to pull off the performance?

SS: We definitely had some doubts. It's hard to get up on stage in front of an audience and not just sing, but put on a good performance. And none of the guys — besides Bradley — are trained vocalists, so we definitely expected some rocky moments.

SK: You probably can't mention any standout singers beforehand, but did y'all get a sense for any of the guys enough to say who you think might have a shot at getting the final rose? Anybody who just impressed you as a person?

SS: You know, it's still really too soon to tell. We're going to have to wait until a little later in the season before picking front-runners.

SK: Andi and the guys will be singing "I'll Make Love to You," a total classic. What do you think it is about the song that still makes it so relevant 20 years later?

SS: We've always been about making heartfelt, timeless songs for real moments in people's lives. "I'll Make Love to You" is just one of those songs that audiences have always connected with, and we love how excited fans still are when we play it now, 20 years later.

SK: We love seeing you guys pop up in TV cameos, like How I Met Your Mother and now The Bachelorette. Any chance we'll be seeing you on any other shows soon? What are some of your personal favorite shows that you'd love to cameo on?

SS: You never know. I'm a father of three, so when I'm home, I always want to spend as much time with them as possible... I end up watching a lot of kids' shows with my little ones.

SK: We understand you'll be performing brand-new songs from your upcoming album Collide as well. What can you tell us about that?

SS: We can't wait to share Collide with the fans. The album will be out Sept. 30 through our label, BMG. Two of the songs, "Better Half" and "Diamond Eyes," will actually be showcased on The Bachelorette, so fans should tune in for a little sneak peek of the album.

SK: How would you describe the sound on your new album as compared to your past albums?

SS: It's a totally new direction for us a group, sound-wise. It has more of a "pop" sound that I think our audience will be excited by.

SK: What does the future hold for Boyz II Men?

SS: In addition to Collide, we always have a residency at the Mirage Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. That has been a lot of fun for us, and we'll be there on weekends through the end of 2014. I also just opened a new cycling gym, Beatbike, in Los Angeles that I'm really excited about.

SK: On a personal note... true story, my first concert was y'all, TLC and MC Hammer — epic!

SS: We're a little biased, but that's a great first concert!

http://www.sheknows.com/entertainment/articles/1038957/interview-boyz-ii-men-on-rocky-moments-with-the-bachelorette-guys

[momoftrips]

‘Bachelorette’ films episode in Essex at Griswold Inn

ESSEX >> The town’s Colonial-era tavern and bed and breakfast, known locally as the ‘Gris,’ is the setting for a long-running and popular reality show.

Bachelorette Andi Dorfman, star of the current season of ABC’s romantic series “The Bachelorette,” spent a special night at the Griswold Inn enjoying New England charm and hospitality.


The Bacheloretteis in its 10th season and chose the Griswold after first filming at Mohegan Sun Casino in Montville, where contestants rappelled off a building and enjoyed a concert.


Dorfman, along with one of the male contestants, spent a dinner date at the Griswold. Dorfman had another date with another of the guys at the Essex Steam Train and Mohegan Sun. Viewers will have to tune in Monday night to find out which of the men enjoyed her company.


Joan Paul, owner of the Inn, said it was an interesting experience, especially to see how many people it took to film the episode.


“We closed up the Gris,” Paul said. “It took more than 30 people to put it all together and there was all kinds of communication the week leading up to it. It seems somewhat effortless, but there’s a lot going on behind the scenes.”


The crew filmed at the Griswold in mid-March and also at the Essex Steam Train.


“We have a national reputation being the oldest continually operating inn in the country,” Paul said.


Paul said one of the biggest draws to the Griswold was its New England charm. “We’ve been operating since 1776,” Paul said. “What’s more New England? It’s a charming place to have a date.”


The Griswold Inn isn’t new to the world of television. In Paul’s most recent memory, HGTV’s House Hunters filmed an episode there after a couple decided they wanted part of it at the Inn.


“They discussed their three possibilities for a home at the Gris in the library because that was their favorite place,” Paul said. “The couple was buying a house in Ivoryton.”


Paul said they are actually contacted quite frequently by people wanting to film shows about the Gris, however Paul declines most of them. “It wasn’t right for us,” Paul said.


However Paul said she hopes that the episode of the Bachelorette goes beyond the 15 minutes the Essex portion airs.


“I hope people talk about it,” Paul said. “Maybe more people will be curious about what’s so special about the inn.”


The episode featuring the Griswold Inn and the Essex Steam Train will air on June 2 at 8 p.m. on ABC. Until then, Paul said she cannot give any more details about the guy who went on the special date or how it ended.

http://www.middletownpress.com/general-news/20140601/bachelorette-films-episode-in-essex-at-griswold-inn

[docnash14]

We've only seen 2 episodes.  Hard to say how she will be after 6.  I don't see why she should give up any control. Who would she give it up to?  TPTB?  Drunk a-holes? Crazed suitors? Bromances? Fakes? Chris H?  Why in the world after 2 episodes would she give up control?  Or even after 6 episodes?  Keep control, Andi!  Nothing at all wrong with that at all.

I certainly agree that there is no reason why Andi "should" give up her power to anyone. However, in my opinion, there is a significant difference between being empowered and independent and being controlling; thus, we may have to agree to disagree about your last statement.  Being in our own power allows us to assert our rights, set proper boundaries, establish autonomy, access our feelings and, when we so choose, express them.  When we are empowered, we are able to accept our limitations and embrace our powerlessness without guilt and/or shame.

Conversely, as I have discussed in previous seasons, controlling behavior is a defense mechanism used typically in an attempt to control the environment around us so to defend against underlying feelings of fear and insecurity.  Defenses, of course, protect us by keeping us from feeling what we have deemed to be undesirable feelings, but in so doing, they preclude us from accessing those feelings which in turn prevents us from processing/metabolizing them.   I subscribe to this definition of joy:  the ability to feel the full spectrum of our feelings because only then are we truly alive.  Thus, the individuals who need to remain in control (again, quite different from owning their own power) unwittingly compromise their capacity for joy and spontaneity.

Docnash, this is both a fascinating and an eye-opening read to me.  I love this sort of discussion!!  I look forward to hearing more from you on this subject as the season progresses.  Also, I want to add that I remember seeing a video of Andi last season where she questioned whether or not her "expectations" might be too lofty (and therefore unattainable) when it came to what she was looking for in a partner.  So, to me it is fitting that she chose the theme for her season as "that one great love".  

The idea that there is just one great love out there is certainly a romantic one.  But, will Andi really allow herself to fully step out of her comfort zone and choose the unfamiliar, the unknown?  That is what I am questioning.

Totally agree that is the question. In going on the Bachelor, I think Andi took a significant step toward that unknown and, thus, stepped into some powerlessness.

[docnash14]

We've only seen 2 episodes.  Hard to say how she will be after 6.  I don't see why she should give up any control. Who would she give it up to?  TPTB?  Drunk a-holes? Crazed suitors? Bromances? Fakes? Chris H?  Why in the world after 2 episodes would she give up control?  Or even after 6 episodes?  Keep control, Andi!  Nothing at all wrong with that at all.

I certainly agree that there is no reason why Andi "should" give up her power to anyone. However, in my opinion, there is a significant difference between being empowered and independent and being controlling; thus, we may have to agree to disagree about your last statement.  Being in our own power allows us to assert our rights, set proper boundaries, establish autonomy, access our feelings and, when we so choose, express them.  When we are empowered, we are able to accept our limitations and embrace our powerlessness without guilt and/or shame.

Conversely, as I have discussed in previous seasons, controlling behavior is a defense mechanism used typically in an attempt to control the environment around us so to defend against underlying feelings of fear and insecurity.  Defenses, of course, protect us by keeping us from feeling what we have deemed to be undesirable feelings, but in so doing, they preclude us from accessing those feelings which in turn prevents us from processing/metabolizing them.   I subscribe to this definition of joy:  the ability to feel the full spectrum of our feelings because only then are we truly alive.  Thus, the individuals who need to remain in control (again, quite different from owning their own power) unwittingly compromise their capacity for joy and spontaneity.

ITA.
To break it down simply think Serenity Prayer.
You can only change so much in life--mainly yourself and that takes courage. Lots of it.
You have to learn to accept those thing in life you can't change. Which is just about everything else. And it's great if you are able to attain serenity through acceptance.
It takes a lot of wisdom in order to work this and feel that "joy".

Right on! The majority of my clients have suffered some kind of trauma and, thus, as you would expect given your own professional experience, many of them have a co-morbid substance use diagnosis (as a result of attempting to medicate the unresolved pain with the substance). Thus, if my clients aren't already familiar with the Serenity Prayer prior to coming to therapy, they become so in short order.

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