Bachelorette 16 - Clare Crawley & Tayshia Adams - Dec 8 - *Sleuthing Spoilers*

In this life-altering year where so many of us have endured extraordinary loss and grief, I’m really grateful that the show is addressing mental health and ways to get help or be supportive to those struggling.  

This season, imo, finally paints each participant as a complex individual–rather than one-dimensional role–with a history that has shaped him. The pain behind so many of their lives strikes a chord that’s hard to ignore and not feel deeply. Their admissions will hopefully help many. Hearts of gold, these guys, and much gratitude for their willingness to share (I hope that therapists were on set as an extra layer of support after discussing trauma.).

As for F2, it’s Ben and Zac, imo, based on edits. Though there was such tenderness between Ben and Tayshia last night, their mutual story as a couple feels less important than Ben’s personal story. At this point, Ben’s story arc this season, imo, is one of self-discovery with Tayshia as a catalyst, unless this date becomes a turning point in their relationship. IMO, Ben will continue to grapple internally with who he really is. A few things throughout the season give me the sense that Ben waits to tell her he loves her and may be let go early only to return to propose.

As for Zac, he and Tay just keep overcoming obstacles together, and as a result, keep getting closer, the hallmark of the F1. It’s very much about the relationship that they are creating together. Tayshia even admitted to falling in love with him, too, but we still have three weeks left! Some bumps must be up ahead, maybe that Zac becomes insecure because the other guys are still in the picture, or Tayshia’s dad is reluctant.

It feels like a straight shot from here, so it will be interesting to see the way it plays out.

@norcalgal, Tayshia did initiate with Zac last night and actually denied Brendan tentatively for the first time. I saw a very obvious look of love in her eyes when looking at Zac. Thought that would make you smile

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I'll start by saying, I am so over Bennett and I hope he doesn't stage yet another return.  Noah is young, but cute, with extra points for being an RN.  Riley is such a catch and I hope he realizes that and is ready for the attention he's bound to receive post show.  I was sad to see Demar leave, but am sure he will also receive his fair amount of attention post show.  Spencer is to me a sure bet for BIP.  Ed brought me some laughs so there's that.  Blake, IDK, he's still there?

Tayshia's presumed F4 are each in their own ways a gem.   However, if there was ever a season to not rush an engagement IMHO it's this one.  She has 4 guys who are very worthy of consideration but who also deserve the time for it to be lasting, not just Bach bubble stuff.

IMO, Ivan is the one I could see most ready to propose and have it succeed, but I think Tayshia still sees him more as a friend.

I do see the attraction/connection between her and Zac.  He brings a lot to the relationship, including "emotional intelligence".     I am still not sure if he is F1.  He gets a lot of airtime, but I don't know that it equates to being her final choice.  I would like to see them take their time and savor getting to know each other fully.

Ben was such a surprise, he "opened up" and laid himself bare to her and us.  That took courage. He was kind of in the background for me but now I do see the appeal, the sweetness, the possibility.   I applaud his commitment to healing but I worry an engagement is way too soon in his recovery.  2020 has been no picnic and he has had MAJOR life events to recover from in the last few years.  Too much on the stress meter to be making such a serious choice IMHO.

I have been mulling this over since yesterday and am still not sure what I think but am unsettled as to whether tptb are exploiting the highly charged stories, especially of Ben and to a degree Zac.  While told much more compassionately than I would have expected, it still stings of a bit of opportunism.  The post show help lines were good, raising awareness is good, but WOW, putting Tayshia in the position of having to absorb all the trauma, in a shortened timeframe was "a lot".  Someone mentioned trading trauma for a rose.  I have limited awareness/confidence in the show's therapist(s) so I am happy the guys have outside professionals they can turn to.

Brendan remains my favorite.  I still have no clue what happens, why his folks don't show, how he leaves.  I just want to stand up for him and say, he was robbed on the lie detector,  and liked when he told her "I swear" he was telling the truth.  Tayshia did seem noticeably cooler towards him in last night's show.  I think he is approaching this whole thing as if it were real life instead of reality tv.  He's falling in love, his past divorce makes him/his family cautious.  He's not giving into the pressure to conform to show timeframes.  Who knows, I certainly don't.  He did post on IG yesterday that it was his late dad's BD.  He seems so close with his family that had to be bittersweet.

@veg_out

Luvstruck wrote:Amethyst
You missed the best part, the awesome conversation with Zac, she told him unfaithfulness was a deal-breaker for her then he explained the lie detector answer saying he was unfaithful to a 6th grade girlfriend, then Tayshia told Zac she loved him!!!

Awesome! I'll have to go back and watch again over the weekend. Thanks for the synopsis.

bluwavz wrote:Ashley I's Cosmo recap: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/tv/a34917584/bachelorette-tayshia-adams-season-16-episode-9-recap-analysis/


Sharleen's Flare recap: https://www.flare.com/bachelor/the-bachelorette-season-16-episode-9-recap-clare-crawley-tayshia-adams-sharleen-joynt/

Very perceptive comments by Sharleen regarding Ben's disclosures. I hope that Ben knows how highly the fans think of him. If not Tayshia, then I hope that he finds someone wonderful with a kind heart.

For what they're worth, here are my observations watching this week's episode.

*I still don't care for Bennett and his overall demeanor. There's a difference between knowing principles of EQ and living them.
*Noah is a boy.
*JoJo looks beautiful as always.
*Ivan is simply adorable.
*I like Zac. Thought his "cheating" revelation was very funny.
*Ben is growing on me.
*Riley deserves to find his great love.

And lastly, I think Tayshia is a great B’ette!

veg_out wrote:In this life-altering year where so many of us have endured extraordinary loss and grief, I’m really grateful that the show is addressing mental health and ways to get help or be supportive to those struggling.  

This season, imo, finally paints each participant as a complex individual–rather than one-dimensional role–with a history that has shaped him. The pain behind so many of their lives strikes a chord that’s hard to ignore and not feel deeply. Their admissions will hopefully help many. Hearts of gold, these guys, and much gratitude for their willingness to share (I hope that therapists were on set as an extra layer of support after discussing trauma.).

As for F2, it’s Ben and Zac, imo, based on edits. Though there was such tenderness between Ben and Tayshia last night, their mutual story as a couple feels less important than Ben’s personal story. At this point, Ben’s story arc this season, imo, is one of self-discovery with Tayshia as a catalyst, unless this date becomes a turning point in their relationship. IMO, Ben will continue to grapple internally with who he really is. A few things throughout the season give me the sense that Ben waits to tell her he loves her and may be let go early only to return to propose.

As for Zac, he and Tay just keep overcoming obstacles together, and as a result, keep getting closer, the hallmark of the F1. It’s very much about the relationship that they are creating together. Tayshia even admitted to falling in love with him, too, but we still have three weeks left! Some bumps must be up ahead, maybe that Zac becomes insecure because the other guys are still in the picture, or Tayshia’s dad is reluctant.

It feels like a straight shot from here, so it will be interesting to see the way it plays out.

I agree with all of this, but especially the bolded. One of the most poignant parts of Ben & Tayshia’s conversation last night was after he opened up, he said he was so scared to tell her but he did & he’s ok. It’s why while I understand the criticism of people saying the show is forcing people to open up when they might not want to, I thought it was so good for Ben to see that he could tell people, and it’s not gonna be the end of the world or a disaster or him being a burden.

I hate to give the show any credit but I think they’ve handled these emotional & sensitive conversations this season with a lot of care. I really appreciate that it hasn’t been teased in promos or used for advertising. & they haven’t framed the guys’ stories as something that makes them unworthy of Tayshia or any other relationships. Jmo.

Norcalgal wrote:

luvstx wrote:As the mother of someone who walked a similar path...and won..I totally get Zac’s emotional reaction to his parents’ reaction to seeing him happy.

Four years ago TODAY I dropped our son off at a detox center to start his recovery from alcoholism....seeing him now happily married was a beautiful moment that I cannot describe.

I now watch this crazy show with the woman who stood by him throughout...

There is hope.

I had goosebumps reading this. I bow down to you for supporting your son through those darkest days. And what joy you have now! Life is beautiful. Humbled by the love you have in your life.

Thanks Norcal.  We were lucky to get connected with a great addiction counselor through our health plan when things really started going south (end of senior year in college).  Lots of tough love which was very hard for this mother to do.  And we started going to Al Anon which was HUGELY helpful and taught us a lot about how we could support our son without sabotaging him.  He eventually feared he was killing himself by poisoning his liver and blood tests showed that to be true.  He was scared straight.  And never faltered.  We told his then-girlfriend we would support her decision to walk away and probably would have told our own daughter to walk away had the tables been turned.  But she didn't and they have a beautiful love born of honesty, mutual respect and just plain old love.  

I share this in case there are others on this board walking a similar path with fear.  There is hope but it's not easy.  I also share this as there were some on the board after Zac's date last week saying that Tayshia is risking a lot by connecting with a recovering addict.  No judgment from me on that one.  But I've seen another option and I sense that Zac really has his head on straight.

I appreciate all of the kind words all of you have shared about my post.

And now back to this crazy show that I have been watching since 2002!!

@Norcalgal I forgot to mention you in my post...hope you see my thanks.

@luvstx Thank you for sharing. Just had a convo today with a friend whose son, a couple years older than yours was when he went to rehab, is struggling with issues that are related to his mental health. I always say "There, but for the Grace of God, am I." Wishing all of continued success on your healthy journey.

.@ashleyiaco & @haibon_jared reveal their #TheBachelorette frontrunners and talk Bennett vs. Noah.

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