Kaitlyn Bristowe - Bachelorette 11 - #5 - Discussion

bleuberry wrote:I dreamt that Shawn planned an epic, romantic, sweet surprise proposal and flew to BC with his whole family in tow. Certainly a dream, but dang if I'm not hoping for a sweet end to this mess!

Girl same! Glad I'm not the only one!

I mean the ring is hers now so she can just take it back and keep it if he never re-proposes. but I don't like that she's like forcing him to ;/ and if he does then us fans will be back to "now will they start planing the wedding!?" ugh something good needs to happen soon cause their fan thread has crickets in it

First, I don't believe Shawn just wanted to win the competition.  I could go on and on with reasons why (the last one being what Lauren Akins said on Kait's podcast), but I think I'd be wasting my breath.

As for the ring...I'm probably gonna ramble, so I apologize.  Some people have pointed out Kait’s shortcomings -- that she's immature for openly talking about their issues, that she drinks too much, etc.  If those were serious issues for Shawn, it was his mature responsibility to sit her down and express his concerns.  Similarly, she's been very open about wanting to marry him and have his children.  If he had any reservations about either issue, he should have once again expressed them.  If he was open with her, it wouldn’t have taken her this long to realize her relationship was going nowhere.  Kait talked about taking the ring off for 3 months, so there's no way in hell that Shawn didn't know what she was considering.  If the thought of "ringless Kait" bothered him, he had months to tell her.  If I were him and I loved her, I'd be asking myself what I was doing (or not doing) to make her feel that unloved, and I would have done something about it.  Remember when she posted that loving tweet congratulating him for opening the gym, saying she was proud of him, but worrying she’d never see him anymore?  He should have addressed her concerns and told her that he loved her.  Instead, he posted a chitty reply about seeing her in 2 years.  If I were her, I would have immediately thrown that ring in his face.  Anyway…I don’t think Kait would have taken her ring off if she wasn’t seriously hurting, and the fact that Shawn’s reaction has been radio silence in every way speaks volumes.  I think he’s PO’ed that Kait finally called him on his poop and his charade is over.  Kait might be immature and stupid for trusting Shawn, but neither of those things makes her cruel.  Shawn is another story.

Did Kait cause problems with the fans and the media by taking off the ring?  Yes.  But what is she supposed to do?  Should she lie to herself and Shawn just for the sake of avoiding speculation?  I can’t even image what it must be like to look at a ring on your finger every day feeling like you’re craving something that may never come.  I think her stance on marriage has been wishy washy because her head was fighting her heart, and I think her recent tweets about marriage and fans’ reactions to them made her seriously consider what she wanted out of the relationship.  It might have made her think that an ultimatum is what she wanted…but I also know that she’s been reading “The Four Agreements,” which might have made her realize that other people’s opinions of what being engaged means were clouding her own authenticity…so now she’s back in the “I love him and just want to be with him regardless of whether or not marriage or babies come” arena, which makes me very sad.

And if anyone reads all of this, I’ll be stunned.  

crunchette wrote:First, I don't believe Shawn just wanted to win the competition.  I could go on and on with reasons why (the last one being what Lauren Akins said on Kait's podcast), but I think I'd be wasting my breath.

As for the ring...I'm probably gonna ramble, so I apologize.  Some people have pointed out Kait’s shortcomings -- that she's immature for openly talking about their issues, that she drinks too much, etc.  If those were serious issues for Shawn, it was his mature responsibility to sit her down and express his concerns.  Similarly, she's been very open about wanting to marry him and have his children.  If he had any reservations about either issue, he should have once again expressed them.  If he was open with her, it wouldn’t have taken her this long to realize her relationship was going nowhere.  Kait talked about taking the ring off for 3 months, so there's no way in hell that Shawn didn't know what she was considering.  If the thought of "ringless Kait" bothered him, he had months to tell her.  If I were him and I loved her, I'd be asking myself what I was doing (or not doing) to make her feel that unloved, and I would have done something about it.  Remember when she posted that loving tweet congratulating him for opening the gym, saying she was proud of him, but worrying she’d never see him anymore?  He should have addressed her concerns and told her that he loved her.  Instead, he posted a chitty  reply about seeing her in 2 years.  If I were her, I would have immediately thrown that ring in his face.  Anyway…I don’t think Kait would have taken her ring off if she wasn’t seriously hurting, and the fact that Shawn’s reaction has been radio silence in every way speaks volumes.  I think he’s PO’ed that Kait finally called him on his poop and his charade is over.  Kait might be immature and stupid for trusting Shawn, but neither of those things makes her cruel.  Shawn is another story.

Did Kait cause problems with the fans and the media by taking off the ring?  Yes.  But what is she supposed to do?  Should she lie to herself and Shawn just for the sake of avoiding speculation?  I can’t even image what it must be like to look at a ring on your finger every day feeling like you’re craving something that may never come.  I think her stance on marriage has been wishy washy because her head was fighting her heart, and I think her recent tweets about marriage and fans’ reactions to them made her seriously consider what she wanted out of the relationship.  It might have made her think that an ultimatum is what she wanted…but I also know that she’s been reading “The Four Agreements,” which might have made her realize that other people’s opinions of what being engaged means were clouding her own authenticity…so now she’s back in the “I love him and just want to be with him regardless of whether or not marriage or babies come” arena, which makes me very sad.

And if anyone reads all of this, I’ll be stunned.  

Well @crunchette, I read it and I'm glad I did. I agree with everything except the first paragraph and I think you have stated everything in a straightforward and accurate fashion. There's nothing to disagree with, IMO. It's all true. Kaitlyn knows it and it seems to be causing her more pain than I can even imagine.

IMO, it did not serve Shawn's purpose to let Kaitlyn know he had no intention of following through with his lofty promises until now when he has arguably gotten everything he needs and she can provide.
It's difficult to unentangle oneself from a longterm relationship like this where so much of the couple's income depends on a fanbase and following. It's really hard to walk away from the image, the adoration, the approval of hundreds of thousands of fans. All his endorsements and support stem from his connection to Kait. He must feel pretty trapped - hence the obsession to make his gym work so that he can regain control of his individual self. He must force her to break up with him to avoid the backlash that would be instant and widespread, IMO.
How awful must it feel to be with a man who is trying, insidiously but, purposely to make you break up with him? Sad.

I read the whole thing @crunchette! Nothing to add, just feeling super bummed all around.

This whole reproposal thing just makes me sad for Kaitlyn. She must've originally found it so romantic that he wants to give her a more special and meaningful proposal. Three years later and she's still waiting, and feels the need to give back the ring because no other hints have apparently landed. Shawn really needs to figure out what's important to him, because leaving her hanging indefinitely is just messed up IMO. Sure, maybe she should've kept things private, but if Shawn's this good at ignoring her needs, then I can understand her looking for support elsewhere. JMO.

I agree with all of the above posts, and @crunchette, I read all of yours and thought you expressed my feelings as well. Kaitlyn must be hurting very badly and I hate that for her, but honestly, I don't care for Shawn and think she can do better. Now, if her heart will listen to her gut....

I agree with everything that has been posted. If Kaitlyn and Shawn broke up, would she most likely have to go back to Canada? I am sure part of her would want to go back so that she could be close to family and friends, but she seems to want to have a career in entertainment (on broadway, singing country music, making Bachelor related TV appearances, etc), and it seems like she would have a better chance of succeeding at those things if she were in the US.

I really do hope they can work it out. They used to seem so committed to each other.

Sarahjoh5 wrote:I agree with everything that has been posted. If Kaitlyn and Shawn broke up, would she most likely have to go back to Canada? I am sure part of her would want to go back so that she could be close to family and friends, but she seems to want to have a career in entertainment (on broadway, singing country music, making Bachelor related TV appearances, etc), and it seems like she would have a better chance of succeeding at those things if she were in the US.

I really do hope they can work it out. They used to seem so committed to each other.

After Jillian broke up with Ed, she moved back to Canada. Living in Canada hasn’t hindered her entertainment prospects at all, considering she’s arguably one of the more successful former Ettes, entertainment wise. If I were Kait, I’d want to surround myself with those I love, in a place that’s “home.” 

@crunchette your post was everything, girl. Word.


And now I’m going to post something that will undoubtedly be super unpopular. Beyond the M&G episode, Shawn’s “charm” was completely lost on me. There is something just off about him; I was never a fan. He just has a jealous, moody, his way or the highway persona. I didn’t like how he manipulated Kait on the show, and it mirrors how he has tried to manipulate her IRL all these years. I always said Andi should have picked Nick, and I officially now think Kaitlyn should have picked him too.   

Sarahjoh5 wrote:...If Kaitlyn and Shawn broke up, would she most likely have to go back to Canada? I am sure part of her would want to be close to family and friends...to have a career in entertainment...she would have a better chance of succeeding...if she were in the US....

During the airing of Kaitlyn’s season I remember she was visiting her mom who lived in Arizona. Maybe her Mom still lives there part of the year. I think she has other places in the US she could live besides Nashville.

Kaitlyn doesn’t seem ready to leave Shawn at this time. Break ups are hard especially when you’ve been together for three years.

As for Nick he’s happy Kaitlyn chose Shawn. If Nick was her F1 their relationship wouldn’t have lasted long JMO

sosleepy wrote:

Sarahjoh5 wrote:I agree with everything that has been posted. If Kaitlyn and Shawn broke up, would she most likely have to go back to Canada? I am sure part of her would want to go back so that she could be close to family and friends, but she seems to want to have a career in entertainment (on broadway, singing country music, making Bachelor related TV appearances, etc), and it seems like she would have a better chance of succeeding at those things if she were in the US.

I really do hope they can work it out. They used to seem so committed to each other.

After Jillian broke up with Ed, she moved back to Canada. Living in Canada hasn’t hindered her entertainment prospects at all, considering she’s arguably one of the more successful former Ettes, entertainment wise. If I were Kait, I’d want to surround myself with those I love, in a place that’s “home.” 

@crunchette your post was everything, girl. Word.


And now I’m going to post something that will undoubtedly be super unpopular. Beyond the M&G episode, Shawn’s “charm” was completely lost on me. There is something just off about him; I was never a fan. He just has a jealous, moody, his way or the highway persona. I didn’t like how he manipulated Kait on the show, and it mirrors how he has tried to manipulate her IRL all these years. I always said Andi should have picked Nick, and I officially now think Kaitlyn should have picked him too.   

@sosleepy
I agree with you. Shawn was so aggressively determined to win the competition, I couldn’t stand him. And yes, definitely something off, IMO too. However, I also agree with @jen689. Nick and Kaitlyn would never have lasted.

@crunchette read it all! Lots of things I agree with. I think Shawn's reply about seeing Kait in 2 years (after congratulating him on opening his own gym) is an insight into how they joke and communicate with each other. While it can be fun, he is missing a sensitivity chip if that his mode most of the time. Good for Kaitlyn for calling his bluff.

Chgohighlife wrote: {snipped}  He must force her to break up with him to avoid the backlash that would be instant and widespread, IMO.
How awful must it feel to be with a man who is trying, insidiously but, purposely to make you break up with him? Sad.

You nailed it perfectly.  He wants out of this relationship but doesn't know how to handle it, so he's forcing Kait to end things.  He probably thought he had it all figured out, so now I can't help but laugh when I imagine him listening to her podcast stating that they're still committed and wanted to work things out.  I bet he was sh*tting bricks!!!  So now I'm actually hoping she digs her heels in even harder just to make him so miserable it brings him to his knees. Unfortunately, the government might end things for him very soon if they don't renew her visa.

@sosleepy - IMO Nick was never in love with Kaitlyn, and Kaitlyn was never in love with him.  As soon as I saw her body language with both of the men when they met her family, I knew her decision had already been made and she was just going through the motions as all of the leads eventually have to do.

@Norcalgal - Yeah, I thought he might have been joking in his tweet, but it was such poor taste.  Kait's love languages are words of affection and quality time.  He certain didn't include any kind words in that tweet nor did he reassure her that he'd find time for her.  AND he recently did an interview where he stated that Kait hated him while he was training for the Ironman, so he knew she was gonna feel the same way re: the gym.  For me, this confirms @Chgohighlife's post about Shawn trying to force Kait's hand.  If I were him and I loved her and wanted the relationship to work, I would have sacrificed the gym and found satisfaction with private training and the app.  But we all make time for what's important to us, and sadly Kait is at the bottom of his list.