Arie Luyendyk Jr - Lauren Burnham - Bachelor 22 - Discussion #2

If anyone is unsure if emotional cheating is a real thing I would recommend googling it. With SM, texting, PM's, DM's, etc. it is more prevalent than ever and has ruined more marriages than actual physical cheating. I've seen friends devastated by emotional cheating and many have stated that it hurts more than just a physical affair with no emotions involved. Having your partner share their feelings, humor, day to day thoughts with another is horrible and insensitive. The fact that Liar doesn't understand how hurtful and wrong their actions were shows me that neither is ready for a relationship. What goes around comes around. All IMO.

IMO the filming he had no control over. None. Just as any other cast person would not. 
It appears he even had to go back in at one point to film more. He also alluded to such.

Emotional cheating is definitely real, but let's be honest here, this is a highly edited reality TV show. Sequestered in a house with 25 women, kissing many of them, narrowing it down to two, breaking up with one and proposing all on the same day. The bubble continues when the filming is over with SHV's, wearing disguises in public...more sneaking around. I really think Arie tried to make it work with Becca, but he just couldn't do it. He kept thinking about the one that got away. I cannot fault him for that. We change our minds every day of our life. He even told Becca that he was still thinking about Lauren and asked if it would be okay if he contacted her. Again, this is not a RL relationship where someone asks the F1 if you can contact the F2. It's just not the same in my eyes. I have said it before, but the proposal is nothing more than a committment to date and see if it leads to marriage. Jmo.

It doesn't matter if it was a real engagement or not. Even if they were still dating, you can emotionally cheat. Arie was certainly treating it like a real relationship, considering he and Becca were looking for houses together, he told her that he felt super confident about proposing, and he was introducing her to his friends. IMO.

Just so I'm clear, if Arie started emotionally cheating on Lauren, would that be cool? At what point does the show end? It's been 4 months, but somehow people think filming is still happening and he's still no longer responsible for any of his actions. How far does this even go? Is Rachel allowed to cheat without consequence? Is Sean? Is Trista? IMO.

Mommyof2 wrote:Emotional cheating is definitely real, but let's be honest here, this is a highly edited reality TV show.  Sequestered in a house with 25 women, kissing many of them, narrowing it down to two, breaking up with one and proposing all on the same day.  The bubble continues when the filming is over with SHV's, wearing disguises in public...more sneaking around. I really think Arie tried to make it work with Becca, but he just couldn't do it.  He kept thinking about the one that got away.  I cannot fault him for that.  We change our minds every day of our life.  He even told Becca that he was still thinking about Lauren and asked if it would be okay if he contacted her.  Again, this is not a RL relationship where someone asks the F1 if you can contact the F2.  It's just not the same in my eyes.   I have said it before, but the proposal is nothing more than a committment to date and see if it leads to marriage.  Jmo.

At the time of Arie’s emotional cheating, filming was done. D.O.N.E. He was supposed to be fostering a relationship with the person he chose. Not thinking about, sending hidden messages and obsessively checking #2’s social media. 30 some other leads have managed to avoid this kind of behavior. 

If he had doubts and thought he made a mistake, I don’t think anyone would fault him. It’s, yes, the emotional cheating and the way he went about things that bothers most people, I would guess. It’s just not a good look no matter how you spin it. IMO.

Yeah, I feel like people are confused on the reason why people are mad at Arie. Absolutely no one is faulting him for going back to Lauren. NO ONE. He should be with the person he loves. It's the WAY he did it. He didn't have to lie, cheat, manipulate, and disrespect Becca in order to do it, but he wanted to keep Becca as a fall back in case Lauren said no. That's what makes this whole thing gross, not the switch itself. IMO.

Kashathediva wrote:IMO the filming he had no control over. None. Just as any other cast person would not. 
It appears he even had to go back in at one point to film more. He also alluded to such.

That's my take on it. Reading/listening to some current and past interviews from former leads, I would guess Arie had little to no say in how it went down. For example, how many times have we seen camera's at Happy Couple visits? Once he told the producers he was having second thoughts and changed his mind, the ring comes out of the vault and back on Becca's finger with a gaggle of production people all to capture the whole thing on camera when he took it back off. Book the flights to go back to Lauren's house and get the whole happy reunion on camera. The entire thing was produced, IMO. Arie admitted he made a mistake in proposing to Becca, apologized for it, and now all are where they should have been in the first place. I really don't get all the hate toward him (that's reserved for more serious criminal offenses in my book), but to each his own. I would just consider him someone who is more oblivious than conniving. All JMO.

I also think had Peter pulled this, or 1F, or anyone of the more “disliked” contestants on this board, they would seriously be raked over the coals. No holding back; all out looking for blood. It’s ok, it’s human nature. You tend to forgive more of the people you find appealing. And I know, historically, this board really likes Arie. It’s ok. It is what it is. JMO.

Aria wrote:It doesn't matter if it was a real engagement or not. Even if they were still dating, you can emotionally cheat. Arie was certainly treating it like a real relationship, considering he and Becca were looking for houses together, he told her that he felt super confident about proposing, and he was introducing her to his friends. IMO.

Just so I'm clear, if Arie started emotionally cheating on Lauren, would that be cool? At what point does the show end? It's been 4 months, but somehow people think filming is still happening and he's still no longer responsible for any of his actions. How far does this even go? Is Rachel allowed to cheat without consequence? Is Sean? Is Trista? IMO.

I feel like this is an appropriate emoji , but all of this turmoil was happening after the filming stopped, BUT all parties involved had to remain tight-lipped.  Arie and Becca were meeting up for SHV's and he was trying to make it work with her, until he hit the breaking point and decided he couldn't keep up the charade.  He made a mistake.  He chose the wrong girl.
He changed his mind.  I would feel the same if JoJo changed her mind and went back to Robby during those three months.  We all know that would never happen though.    The bottom line is Arie didn't sneak behind Becca's back and then just blindside her on the break up segment.  He told her he was struggling.  He asked for permission to contact Lauren.  I believe that she knew it was coming, maybe not on camera, but she knew.  She's a smart chick, she knew his heart wasn't all in with her and now she gets her very own season.  Wow. . Jmo.

Every past lead I've heard from (Sean, Nick, Jason, Ben H, Ben F, Rachel, and Kaitlyn) has said that he COULD have put his foot down. They've said that production can be tough and they sympathize with the pressure there, but you can always put your foot down and they're not happy with the way he handled things. They've also said that they wish he had reached out to him because they would have advised him NOT to do it on camera, because it doesn't help him or Becca. It's just for the producers. IMO.

How do we know this is all real ? Becca is asked on the first date - we need to pay attention to her (next Bachelorette ?). On the date, Arie gives her several evening gowns - what is she going to do with those - unless.... she is the next Bachelorette ? He may have wanted to be sure of Lauren's feelings for him - and the switch from to go through this "break-up." Why no tears - a lot of "crying" but very few tears... Becca to Lauren certainly creates buzz - and drama. More hi-liting for Becca to have And why does Becca start the relationship with Arie - "let's do the darn thing." Just can't understand that comment !

Aria wrote:Every past lead I've heard from (Sean, Nick, Jason, Ben H, Ben F, Rachel, and Kaitlyn) has said that he COULD have put his foot down. They've said that production can be tough and they sympathize with the pressure there, but you can always put your foot down and they're not happy with the way he handled things. They've also said that they wish he had reached out to him because they would have advised him NOT to do it on camera, because it doesn't help him or Becca. It's just for the producers. IMO.  

Apparently from what Mills has indicated, this is the start of a new twist with after the FRC being part of the new story. 
Because it did not happen with anyone else, does not mean it was something that was not going to happen this season. Those are false assumptions, IMO. Except for Jason's season, there would have been no reason to attempt this post filming twist. 
No one, but production and cast are aware of what actually went on IMO. The viewer saw a lot of continued filming with Becca alone. It was IMO humiliating. I don't think she may have had any more control over that than the other filming at the SHV. 
Mills has indicated this next season is going to be a strange season. That is yet to be seen, however, I think the post filming scenes have just begun. JMO