Vanessa Grimaldi - Bachelor 21 - *Sleuthing Spoilers* #4

The true color of these contestants will come out eventually, imo. So far. Vanessa has been nothing but cheerful positive and goofy on sm. IMO.

I'll tell you my story ... I have a friend who is much younger than me, she is at times immature (my POV), she can be quite demanding and spoiled, I'm guessing from the way she was brought up never been told "no", at times in BN terms she reminds me of Corinne, she hasn't really experienced real love yet, she is looking for it in all the wrong places (people) and yet thinks that she can give me the advice of how to find my "mr. right" (I do respect her trying to help me). But see, I love her despite all that. I don't scold her for her behavior, sometimes for the reasons of my character I let her be and sometimes, I admit, I'm guilty of "enabling" her attitude, since I don't put my foot down as a "big sister"... Why am I saying this here? Is this talking about her behind her back?
Well, 5 years ago we went on a holiday together, her 1st without any "supervision", to another country and unfamiliar culture and she behaved her usual ... and I chose to tell her "like I see it" ... it didn't matter that we were in the room with a guy she "picked", that I was probably not on my best behavior either and couldn't stay polite and nice when I delivered the message, but she heard me, she knows what I think. So nothing that I wrote is news to her. ... But I do not like the gossip, so I only confide to who matters or when I'm being asked.

Loulou wrote:IMO Vs conversation at HTV with her father and step mother was very telling - she stating that the journey had good and bad/hard times but good out weighed the bad. This was in front of N and he did not appear surprised at this comment so I assumed he was aware of the bad times. IMO this may also be the reason N kept reassuring V so she did not leave. unless I am totally wrong in my assessment of V I can not see her intentionally hurting anyone's feelings. Jmo

IA. It seemed to me that Nick was really aware of everything ... what Vanessa thinks (of the process and the conditions) and what she feels. It appears that the way they talk to each other is very "strict to basics" kind of "truth in your face" communication, so IMO Nick wasn't surprised by anything, but the HTD and her attitude and conversations she had with her family were only a confirmation of what he already thought of Vanessa - IMO.

Also my post above was to make an example of what can be perceived as a "bad talk behind their back" ... and from seeing Vanessa communicate with people, the way she addresses the issues, whether is to Nick or about Nick, to Corinne in person, to "us" in her ITMs ... I find her to be a straight-shooter too, when asked, when it feels like it matters ... so I don't exclude her being "wrong", but I also don't let "the gossip" persuade me to believe she's some "backstabbing" character.

happygolucky wrote:I'll tell you my story ... I have a friend who is much younger than me, she is at times immature (my POV), she can be quite demanding and spoiled, I'm guessing from the way she was brought up never been told "no", at times in BN terms she reminds me of Corinne, she hasn't really experienced real love yet, she is looking for it in all the wrong places (people) and yet thinks that she can give me the advice of how to find my "mr. right" (I do respect her trying to help me). But see, I love her despite all that. I don't scold her for her behavior, sometimes for the reasons of my character I let her be and sometimes, I admit, I'm guilty of "enabling" her attitude, since I don't put my foot down as a "big sister"... Why am I saying this here? Is this talking about her behind her back?
Well, 5 years ago we went on a holiday together, her 1st without any "supervision", to another country and unfamiliar culture and she behaved her usual ... and I chose to tell her "like I see it" ... it didn't matter that we were in the room with a guy she "picked", that I was probably not on my best behavior either and couldn't stay polite and nice when I delivered the message, but she heard me, she knows what I think. So nothing that I wrote is news to her. ... But I do not like the gossip, so I only confide to who matters or when I'm being asked.

This is interesting to read, thankyou for posting.

I can relate to that as I have many friends who are 10 or more years younger than me - in their twenties somewhere. I always try to accept a person as they present themselves to me & how they behave towards me & others is how I continue a friendship or not. IMO It is impossible not to judge certain behaviours at times, I judge according to my own values & perception of who they are at that time. I admit to making a lot of allowances for some friends having less life experiences (usually due to their age) as I always compare it to the lessons I went through at those stages in my life.

Anyway- I try hard never to 'bitch' about one friend to another friend or mutual friend. I try to always be honest with them or keep to myself if it is not necessary to air, rather than gossip or talk behind someones back. Up until recently I had a long time 'best friend' who I was fiercely loyal about up until we had a major falling out and ended our friendship. After that I realised and heard that she had been telling other mutual friends certain things about me, I knew this was true because she often offloaded and was nasty about other friends when she was with me. It just highlighted the relief I felt to be away from that type of mindset & behaviour.
I hate the competitive woman against woman / squad against squad thing that women IMO are expected to be part of. It can be a minefield being 'friends' and I expect along the line that a lot of this 'squad' will part ways, form mini squads, deny they were ever part of a squad. In my experience it helps when you are single to be part of a 'team' of loyal friends , it is amazing, but when there is open hostility to others or downright nasty negative feeling towards specific others then it is not a healthy 'team'.
In relation to how we/ people in general view the whole Squad idea- I see that as in itself creating a barrier- saying we are a squad tells the outside world they are not open to newcomers, that they stand apart.
Just some thoughts of my own, writing it out.
All JMHO.

IMO, there's a difference between being fake and taking the high road. If Rachel doesn't like Vanessa she doesn't need to pretend to or write cute comments on her IG (which she doesn't and that's fine.) But taking the high road and just not being petty on SM doesn't mean that Rachel is being Real and legit. I'd respect her much more if she had just ignored those questions and moved on - I don't think her lack of SM savvy plays into it. All JMO

AllAboutLove wrote:Being an actress or actor doesn't exclude anyone from falling in love on set or being genuine about love. Just like being a teacher, lawyer, nurse, or doctor going on this show doesn't exclude anyone from being fame hungry. 

jmo

So very true!

I actually have a friend that I met through a scrapbooking forum many years ago that is a former actress. When I first met her online, she lived in southern CA along with her husband and son. She has since had 2 more sons (twins) and they have moved to Nashville. In her 40's she chose to return to school and has become a nurse. When I actually met her 7 years ago on a cruise (all people from this scrapbooking forum), she was an absolute delight and one of the most normal people I have ever met. I had an absolutely great time touring Belize with her! But when she was in her early 20's.... she was a wild child before she met her husband. She has stories she could tell about some well known actors/actresses from her acting days but she chooses to keep quiet about them. She is not someone that you would know her name either since she never did any of the "big" movies. In fact, she would never tell us what name she used as an actress. Several people has seen her in a movie and recognized her but it is a non issue for most of us since we know her for who she is now. Which is a loving wife of 23 years, mother of a 21-year old and 2 12-year old sons, an amazing nurse and most of all a friend to all.

Seabear wrote:I think from early in the season when the squad where having their group message about IMO the crying on the volleyball date and Nick keeping them all for the rest of the date.. the squad has clearly been pissy. IMO they are mad that Nick chose Vanessa. ITA that they probably hoped the edit would make Vanessa look bad....but it doesn't and she has way more SM followers than the squad does....so it probably makes them mad. I see them as jealous and petty....as well as very immature. I hope Vanessa just ignores them and stays above the fray.
JMO

It's plausible that these girls have seen the comparison between Nick in love and Nick trying to fall in love. Nick interested, and when he is not. Couple that with pack mentality and a person with a target on her back... IMO

Lara wrote:There have been way too many popular F1s for me to believe this was jealousy, IMO. And, the way that all of the girls reacted with support and love for Rachel when she was announced...I don't think I've ever seen that before. Not a jealous group, IMO. Petty about events that happened 3 months ago? Probably.

And, I really, really, really don't think this has anything to do with nick. IMO.

Well, there's always the exception: Josh was liked during his season and by the rest of the contestants, Nick, not so much. Now, years later, after people got to know both of them on a deeper level, the tables have turned. So far, I haven't seen anything from Vanessa that warrants this kind of behavior from the other contestants. So, I can't agree with your argument. All JMO.

happygolucky wrote:

Loulou wrote:IMO Vs conversation at HTV with her father and step mother was very telling - she stating that the journey had good and bad/hard times but good out weighed the bad. This was in front of N and he did not appear surprised at this comment so I assumed he was aware of the bad times. IMO this may also be the reason N kept reassuring V so she did not leave. unless I am totally wrong in my assessment of V I can not see her intentionally hurting anyone's feelings. Jmo

IA. It seemed to me that Nick was really aware of everything ... what Vanessa thinks (of the process and the conditions) and what she feels. It appears that the way they talk to each other is very "strict to basics" kind of "truth in your face" communication, so IMO Nick wasn't surprised by anything, but the HTD and her attitude and conversations she had with her family were only a confirmation of what he already thought of Vanessa - IMO.

Also my post above was to make an example of what can be perceived as a "bad talk behind their back" ... and from seeing Vanessa communicate with people, the way she addresses the issues, whether is to Nick or about Nick, to Corinne in person, to "us" in her ITMs ... I find her to be a straight-shooter too, when asked, when it feels like it matters ... so I don't exclude her being "wrong", but I also don't let "the gossip" persuade me to believe she's some "backstabbing" character.

I have that same perceptions on Vanessa's incidents with Danielle L...Nick has mentioned to Vanessa to be herself, to tell him how she feels whether frustrated, angry, or sad...after Danielle L's 1-1 Date or GD, she could have overheard these girls talking about the event that has happened on that day (the day Danielle L has her breasts exposed in public during the concert while dancing with Nick)...maybe Vanessa has some concerns so she has to confront Nick to find out how he feels for her and to ask him on what has happened on that day...during the conversations, Nick would have asked her back on how she feels and what she thinks about Danielle L...maybe she has brought up the comments on how other girls have perceived her and she thinks she also feels the same (for being fake) or she may have straight forward answered him that she thinks she is not here for the right reasons...somebody may have overheard the tail of their conversations...thus she (unknown) starts to spread the rumours around saying Vanessa is back biting Danielle L by saying she is fake...maybe after that particular incident all of these girls have started to treat Vanessa indifferently isolating her...making it harder for Vanessa to live her life in the house with them...Rachel could have been the leader of the pack...thus, after Vanessa's second 1-1 date and with Danielle M being gone, when Vanessa has a melt down, Rachel strikes back with her statement on she is so fake...ensuing an arguments thereafter...since Danielle M is gone... Vanessa feels helpless, thus she locks herself in the room...or Vanessa may have just walked away, locking herself in the room instead until Nick calls them back to speak to them individually...

I was shocked when Corrine called her a "lucky bitch" when she got the date card. How do you like Corrine or for that matter those that support her in that instance? Of course she stayed by herself.

Is the kettle calling the pot black? If this about calling someone a backstabber aren't they all guilty? All of them had a talk with Nick about Corinne's maturity level but yet continued to be best chums with her. Are they possibly upset with Vanessa because she denied it?

Mgrissom wrote:I was shocked when Corrine called her a "lucky bitch" when she got the date card. How do you like Corrine or for that matter those that support her in that instance?  Of course she stayed by herself.

That was hurtful. If there was a hint of sarcasm, I wouldn't have minded it. But, Corinne was dead serious.