Ben Higgins - Lauren Bushnell - Bachelor 20 - Discussion - #4

bleuberry wrote:They won't be getting a dog because Ben doesn't want a dog. Sums up the whole relationship really.  

A dog and kid and wedding are not things you can compromise on though IMO. It IS a hard stop if one partner isn't 100% into it for some reason. These are life long commitments. If they vary on these most important life issues, they're not a long term/ life pair then. There is no compromise. All IMO.

Alanna wrote:

bleuberry wrote:They won't be getting a dog because Ben doesn't want a dog. Sums up the whole relationship really.  

A dog and kid and wedding are not things you can compromise on though IMO. It IS a hard stop if one partner isn't 100% into it for some reason. These are life long commitments. If they vary on these most important life issues, they're not a long term/ life pair then. There is no compromise. All IMO.

True. Although I get the feeling that this is Ben's MO in general. I want. I don't want. I want. I don't want. Me. Me. Me.

I don't remember this, either. That is why I was wondering when this update was actually filmed (If it was before or after HEA was filmed/aired). I would be really upset if I were Lauren. I feel bad for her. Ben went from publicly saying can't wait to get married to when it was time to seriously set a date not ready to set a date. That would be so frustrating after moving yourself and your life for him.

I do believe that Ben loves Lauren, but I sometimes wonder if his church, the fact that many of his friends are already married, etc. has made Ben feel like he has to "couple up" rather than be single. That it was just time. The outside pressure to get married can be strong even if it is more covert than overt. I mean he went from not having a girlfriend for a few years to women falling all over to him to engaged and living with his fiancee in a rather short period of time. Maybe he needs more time before he is ready to fully commit or figure out if marriage is what he really wants. This is all JMO.

Speaking of a dog, do we know if Ben ever had a dog growing up? Maybe he isn't a dog person.

But yeah, I don't think they will be getting a dog any time soon.

I think that Ben did have a dog growing up at least part of the time. I didn't get the feeling that he felt a strong attachment to the dog like Lauren had felt with hers, though. I really feel like Ben is used to things centering around himself and what he wants and needs rather than taking others into account.

^ He had a dog. It was mentioned in the newlywed game on jimmy kimmel

For anyone interested in when they filmed their little segment, I believe it was the beginning of December as a producer posted this to her IG: https://instagram.com/p/BNhxDn4hi0n/
From what I had seen, most of these people were asked to be filmed at the end of November and very beginning of December and they were able to do it or weren't.

In terms of Ben being all about himself, that shouldn't be surprising given how he let his season go down and how he handled post show press, even to this day, when he answers questions about his runner up. If I was Lauren, I wouldn't be thrilled. Since the start of their actual relationship she's had to deal with a whole lot of crap because of Ben. There's only so much you can take. To think now that it seems like they turned down the winter televised wedding too. I can't blame them if they weren't ready, but I would think that ship has sailed unless production decides to do a random spring or summer wedding, but at that point, there would be even more couples waiting in line for them to get that call potentially.

Hopefully they're happy and if not hopefully they realize they had a good run, but it won't work. All JMO

Ben reminds of the typical only child syndrome and I don't say that in a bad way, but he simply can not comprehend the dynamics of what other siblings in a household is like having never been in that situation. It's hard to comprehend what you haven't lived. Probably the closest thing he has to associate with is when he does volunteer service in Honduras and that is not living it and for a limited time span.
Lauren has grown up living with multiple siblings almost her entire life. So maybe she gets it and at this point is willing to deal with Ben.
The term nesting means, imo, that they are immersing themselves in their relationship and learning to adapt to each other and enjoying each other. Nothing more and nothing less.
I didn't and don't see this couple getting married any time soon, especially if the network has not specifically thrown out that carrot. I guess if the network were barking at their door for something we might see more enthusiasm from the couple, but I don't think the that idea is being broached. JMOAA

sosleepy wrote:Unless they majorly change their lifestyle and stop with the traveling, I don't see them getting a dog either. Ok, truthfully, lots of speculation on my part, but I feel for Lauren. It seems to me she's all ready to go in on this, Ben not so much. That must suck to be floating right now when just a few months ago you thought you'd be in the happiest time of your life, planning your wedding. IMO Ben needs to either $hit or get off the pot.  He's trying to have it both ways.

ITA. IMO Ben is showing his lack of compromise, of any kind. I didn't say anything then, because IMO it wasn't a big deal on its own, but in the beginning of HEA, his shock about living together was a huh moment for me. Now added with the 'not ready to get married', not ready for really any effort for the relationship unless its a reality show about it, has made me think he needs to make up his mind. Does he want a life with Lauren, and is he ready to compromise and make things to make it work. He can't just be with her because he doesn't want to lose her, it's unfair to her. Either be all in or...

I also think he's not really telling Lauren what he really feels, he's telling her what he thinks she wants to hear, to placate her, and to keep her happy for the moment. That too, IMO is unfair.

This all is my speculation, not based on any facts.

I am content that Nov/Dec for them was essentially out of the media living their life as normal as can be. I feel as though fans and non fans have all talked about how they need to do this... Live a normal life just about them. Heck even both of them have said they needed this because they haven't had much time out of the spotlight. So they're doing their own thing and now social media says they're not committed to eachother cause of IG captions and Ben hating snapchat.
The show clearly took a toll on their relationship, and they survived it. I don't blame them if they don't want to go back to it yet they are still in their contract with abc who may make an offer they could be interested in down the line. tough spot IMO

^ That's all essentially their "fault"/doing though. Especially "It's all about ME" Ben IMO.

I think Ben doesn't want anyone else to have Lauren, but he doesn't even know if he wants her for himself til "death do them part." Poor baby IMO.

suzq wrote:I don't remember this, either.  That is why I was wondering when this update was actually filmed  (If it was before or after HEA was filmed/aired).   I would be really upset if I were Lauren. I feel bad for her.   Ben went from publicly saying can't wait to get married to when it was time to seriously set a date not ready to set a date.  That would be so frustrating after moving yourself and your life for him.

I do believe that Ben loves Lauren, but I sometimes wonder if his church, the fact that many of his friends are already married, etc. has made Ben feel like he has to "couple up" rather than be single.  That it was just time. The outside pressure to get married can be strong even if it is more covert than overt.  I mean he went from not having a girlfriend for a few years to women falling all over to him to engaged and living with his fiancee in a rather short period of time.  Maybe he needs more time before he is ready to fully commit or figure out if marriage is what he really wants.  This is all JMO.

I don't think it's a matter of Ben not wanting commitment, I think he's probably just comfortable with the way things are at the moment and doesn't have any need or wish to change anything. Maybe he's scared a wedding will set the ball rolling and suddenly he'll wake up with 3 kids and 2 dogs and a mortgage he can't afford. I do get it, since I wouldn't want to marry anyone after a year either no matter how happy we were, but it is unfair to Lauren who seems totally ready to move forward.