MAFS - Season 4 - Derek Schwartz - Heather Seidel

1. Editing can make anyone look cold. Reality show producers have admitted that they can edit a person to seem any way that they want.

2. When he was shouting at her he told her that if she was so great she wouldn't have been single.

Anyone who treats someone the way Derek treated Heather is a loser IMO. I'm not going to support men who think it is ok to verbally abuse women for any reason.

Saying he was being salty was not taking ownership, IMO. He did not acknowledge the true nature of what he did. The things he said to her were the same things that anyone who has worked in family services knows to look out for because it was verbal abuse. So until he acknowledges that he was being verbally abusive, then no he is not taking ownership.

Ashley was being viciously attacked for not wanting to married to a violent man. The show didn't have a leg to stand on with Ashley. It is rather upsetting that people are still going after Ashley, even though they know the truth about David.

1. If it was just editing then why was Derek commenting on it in the moment to Heather and she did not deny it. Why was Pastor Calvin calling her out for it.

2. I may be remembering wrong but I thought he said 'If your life was perfect you wouldn't be here'

If people worked in family services then they should also be on the look out for passive aggressive behavior, eye rolling etc  is hostile inaction which is a form of covert manipulation and is destructive to a relationship. So if you want Derek to own what he did then you should also require Heather to own her behavior as well. They both acted badly in that moment IMO

When was David violent to Ashley, he made a mistake in the past it should have excluded him from the show but he did not abuse Ashley IMO

Ruqibabe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

2observe wrote:
I definitely understand Derek''s position.  Heather finds fault in everything he does.  IMO, Heather just wants what she wants and was/is not open to establishing a relationship with Derek like she agreed to do.  Why does Derek have to perfect in order for their marriage to work?  Imo, most of Derek''s frustration stems for Heather''s unwillingness to work on their marriage.  Jmo

I disagree. When Derek decided that getting stoned was more important than getting to know Heather, he was sending her a clear message that he really didn't care. That was was when she started to check out because there was no point in her trying with someone who couldn't be bothered. I'm going to be willing to bet that Pastor Calvin won't even mention Derek's anger. IMO, Derek's anger and treatment of Heather was inexcusable. No one should put up with being attacked like that. I find it shameful that any woman is expected to try and fix a relationship with a petty and angry man child.

1. I don't even know where to start. Why are we so stuck on this smoking issue? Did he screw up by smoking? Yes. As a mature woman, I just wonder why Heather couldn't express her displeasure and concern about this issue. According to the preview, she became cold on day 2. Isn't that the day, he started smoking. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with the frequency. Heather had a problem with the ACT OF SMOKING. if you are strongly against the act why give him the permission. After the argument, Derek stopped smoking so I dont understand the ' he was sending her a clear message that he really didn't care'. Imagine if she had said it on that second day, maybe things wouldnt have gone that bad. Why some women can't speak their damn mind is beyond me?

2. The ANGER: I don't understand why we expect Derek to be ecstatically happy at being rejected how realistic is that. Heather told him she hates forced emotions so no holding hands or kissing. What's the big deal about holding hands? When did that become sex? Can she get pregnant for holding hands? After being told abt the no holding hands policy, she held hands with the surfing instructor which might have been innocent. But from Derek's POV, it translates as total rejection. She is willing to touch other strangers but not him. As if that isnt enough, Heather left him in cave without saying a word. When he expressed his concerns? She called him a child. How is a sane person not suppose to be hurt? Should he have said some of the hurtful words? Nope but I can bet it, he was very hurt. I can bet it, most of us have said worst things when hurt.

I am tired of some of these wives quiting the marriage because the husbands are not their type. Just friendzone them and see what can happen. How difficult is that?

BTW this petty and angry man child has NEVER bashed or insulted Heather on SM. I wonder why

ITA with everything that you've so eloquently stated. Thank you Ruqibabe!!!!

Ruqibabe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

1. It matters because you cannot get to know someone who is high. And I'm willing to bet she said it was ok because she didn't expect him to get high  several days in a row. And the reason many women don't speak their minds is because society has taught women to to be quiet and not make waves. **** IMO *****

2. You can have an argument  without making abusive comments. But that is not what Derek did. He made several statements that were very cruel and very personal. That is not what adults do. She did not do that to him. She kept her comments to how he was behaving.

I'm tired of seeing women told they need to make it work with losers, while no one ever focuses on how these men behave.

The only reason he is not blatantly insulting her on SM is because he would risk violating his contract with the show. That hasn't stopped him from making comments that are veiled insults. And it is worth noting that he did not take ownership of the the unacceptable things he said. He made a pathetic excuse and as usual few people take him to task for it.  

1. When did she start acting cold/checked out?  Day 2. Watch the preview video. He asked her about it on day 5 but she started withdrawing on day 2. This proves that your severAL days in a row logic is flawed.
Society has taught women to be quiet. This is the same woman that told Derek to stop kissing her shoulder because she hates forced affection. She also told him not to hold her hands. Some women keep quiet when it favors them or maybe they need a get out of jail card.

2. The only cruel comment I heard was the spring chick/milk comment. I am trying to figure out the others. The spring chick comment was made to the camera when I assumed they asked for his opinion. I wonder what we would say when we say things at our lowest times. He was definitely wrong for saying that. Let's keep in mind that Heather inferred that he was classless and immoral. She also said he was acting like a tennager and a child. They have both said hurtful things to each other.

We are wondering why women are told to stay with 'losers'. So you know he is a loser after watching a heavily edited show. People that have known him for a while attested to it that he is a standup guy. BTW i havnt seen anyone anonymous person say otherwise (remember David). Women that are quick to judge should never sign up for this show.

When has contracts ever stopped anyone. Ashley and family went all out last season. Ryan D and Jess were at each other's neck on instagram. I follow him on instagram and twitter. I have never heard him say anything bad abt her. Infact he has defended her.  

Regarding the spring chick comment, he did say he was a bit salty. I saw that has taking ownership. I don't think it's difficult to believe that people say terrible things at their lowest moment.

https://twitter.com/derek_mafs/status/768263767251644416

This is all my opinion

Again, Your thoughts are my thoughts too.

@Ruqibabe I won't quote all your posts again but will say thanks for sharing your thoughts, I agree keep them coming

Interesting conversation, not much to add on my part.  I don't get a warm feeling towards this couple so I don't watch their portion of the show much.  I am interested in the other two.  I am from a country where pot is smoke and grows out in the open and it does not bother me, to each his own, but I can also see the side of both of them.  Being on a honeymoon IMHO he should have waited until he had gotten to know her a bit more before bringing that topic/conversation and even go as far as doing in the backyard away from her.  I believe their match was a bad one from the get go.  I feel sorry for both parties, hope they are both doing well now.

Thanks crazychicken and 2observe. I just don't like how people on SM are ready to paint the men as abusers and losers while the women as saints. Let's try to fair, they ALL have issues..

Please do not question anyone's opinions. Everyone is entitled to voice their opinions without a direct slam against them. Your posts should include IMO then state what you think without referring specifically to the poster.

When using the word "people" be specific, because "people" meaning people on this forum is against the rules and posts will be deleted.

Choose your words wisely.

Ruqibabe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

Ruqibabe wrote:




1. When did she start acting cold/checked out?  Day 2. Watch the preview video. He asked her about it on day 5 but she started withdrawing on day 2. This proves that your severAL days in a row logic is flawed.
Society has taught women to be quiet. This is the same woman that told Derek to stop kissing her shoulder because she hates forced affection. She also told him not to hold her hands. Some women keep quiet when it favors them or maybe they need a get out of jail card.

2. The only cruel comment I heard was the spring chick/milk comment. I am trying to figure out the others. The spring chick comment was made to the camera when I assumed they asked for his opinion. I wonder what we would say when we say things at our lowest times. He was definitely wrong for saying that. Let's keep in mind that Heather inferred that he was classless and immoral. She also said he was acting like a tennager and a child. They have both said hurtful things to each other.

We are wondering why women are told to stay with 'losers'. So you know he is a loser after watching a heavily edited show. People that have known him for a while attested to it that he is a standup guy. BTW i havnt seen anyone anonymous person say otherwise (remember David). Women that are quick to judge should never sign up for this show.

When has contracts ever stopped anyone. Ashley and family went all out last season. Ryan D and Jess were at each other's neck on instagram. I follow him on instagram and twitter. I have never heard him say anything bad abt her. Infact he has defended her.  

Regarding the spring chick comment, he did say he was a bit salty. I saw that has taking ownership. I don't think it's difficult to believe that people say terrible things at their lowest moment.

https://twitter.com/derek_mafs/status/768263767251644416

This is all my opinion

1. Editing can make anyone look cold. Reality show producers have admitted that they can edit a person to seem any way that they want.

2. When he was shouting at her he told her that if she was so great she wouldn't have been single.

Anyone who treats someone the way Derek treated Heather is a loser IMO. I'm not going to support men who think it is ok to verbally abuse women for any reason.

Saying he was being salty was not taking ownership, IMO. He did not acknowledge the true nature of what he did. The things he said to her were the same things that anyone who has worked in family services knows to look out for because it was verbal abuse. So until he acknowledges that he was being verbally abusive, then no he is not taking ownership.

Ashley was being viciously attacked for not wanting to married to a violent man. The show didn't have a leg to stand on with Ashley. It is rather upsetting that people are still going after Ashley, even though they know the truth about David.

1. So we are back to editing now. We are to blame editing for making Heather look bad and not Derek. Double standard.  
I love backing my words with proof. Nick and Pastor Calvin spoke for Derek when people were ready to have his head for THAT comment. They definitely have better insight so I trust them. **edited**. Since Heather is in good terms with Nick. See her tweets for proof.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10108066078211453&id=5211570&fs=4

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155218453879251&id=641559250

2. How is you would remain single if you continue like this a verbal abuse? When a man tell a woman the truth he is abusive.. how is he treating her? Apart from the milk/sing chick comment, I don't understand your point.

David that never attacked Ashley even though she went all mean on him on twitter is also called abusive? The truth abt David.. so because David had a record that was long time ago, we are assuming he is abusive. On the other hand, Heather was arrested for DUI and possession  less than 5yrs ago and she isnt an alcoholic. IMO #doublestandard

1. He did shout at her. That had nothing to do with editing. He chose to make statements that were derogatory about Heather. No one forced him to do those things.

2. IMO it is not conducive to relationships or the discussion of them to give incorrect  definitions. There is a difference between the truth and being verbally abusive . IMO, that is something that mature adults understand, and Derek clearly doesn't understand that. Derek does not know anything about Heather, so when he attacked her past relationships and her being single, he was not telling the truth, because he was talking about something he doesn't know anything about. He also went to far in telling her that she was single because something was wrong with her. And there was the attack behind her back about her appearance.

And he slipped up when he was talking about her. I have pointed that out before in a different post. He made several statements about how she was drinking too much. But that doesn't track with what he said later. During the dinner at the end of the honeymoon where she was telling him to "chug it" he said this was the closest to flirting with him she had gotten, he speculated that is was because she was tipsy. But according to him, she was drinking the whole trip. But then wouldn't she have been tipsy previously? His statements are inconsistent. Where is the truth? IMO, Derek doesn't understand how the truth works. Apparently Heather having a drink only really matters when he is defensive about his own habitual pot use.

Also David did act aggressive towards Ashley, he was shown slamming doors and storming out of the room. He yelled at her for things that had nothing to do with her. David also lied about his record from years ago. If he was a changed man, he never would have lied about it last spring.

And unless she has deleted it, I don't see any attacks on David from Ashley on twitter.  She doesn't even appear to be that active of a twitter user.

jupitercornflakes wrote:


1. He did shout at her. That had nothing to do with editing. He chose to make statements that were derogatory about Heather. No one forced him to do those things.

2. IMO it is not conducive to relationships or the discussion of them to give incorrect  definitions. There is a difference between the truth and being verbally abusive . IMO, that is something that mature adults understand, and Derek clearly doesn't understand that. Derek does not know anything about Heather, so when he attacked her past relationships and her being single, he was not telling the truth, because he was talking about something he doesn't know anything about. He also went to far in telling her that she was single because something was wrong with her. And there was the attack behind her back about her appearance.

And he slipped up when he was talking about her. I have pointed that out before in a different post. He made several statements about how she was drinking too much. But that doesn't track with what he said later. During the dinner at the end of the honeymoon where she was telling him to "chug it" he said this was the closest to flirting with him she had gotten, he speculated that is was because she was tipsy. But according to him, she was drinking the whole trip. But then wouldn't she have been tipsy previously? His statements are inconsistent. Where is the truth? IMO, Derek doesn't understand how the truth works. Apparently Heather having a drink only really matters when he is defensive about his own habitual pot use.

Also David did act aggressive towards Ashley, he was shown slamming doors and storming out of the room. He yelled at her for things that had nothing to do with her. David also lied about his record from years ago. If he was a changed man, he never would have lied about it last spring.

And unless she has deleted it, I don't see any attacks on David from Ashley on twitter.  She doesn't even appear to be that active of a twitter user.

Do you know why Derek got mad on the balcony? It was because she was trying to keep the problem alive and not accept or offer solution. He said they were going in circles. I also hate arguing in circles. Since I already answered all your questions, I would like to wish you a happy weekend.

Several went unanswered, but ok.

jupitercornflakes wrote:Several went unanswered, but ok.

I agree with all your points. People show their character in the worst of times, not the best. Frankly, I don't even think it could be considered the worst of times. He was just feeling rejected. He couldn't even keep a lid on his nasty behavior in front of a camera, so imagine what's he's like without a camera in his face? So, yeah, loser imo. Too many issues to bother with. I'd feel badly for Heather but why anyone signs up for this show is beyond me. I like the guy living in a bus this season. I'm still trying to figure out why he's on the show. Did he just need to move out of the bus?  

jmo

If anyone is unsure of the rules, or have not read the rules, I suggest you take the time to read them.

Sarcastic posts directed at members are NOT allowed, ever.

If you feel the need to argue with someone for their opinions, this isn't the forum for you.

Kindly respect the rules.