MAFS - Season 4 - Tom Wilson - Lillian Vilchez

TinkiezMom wrote:

Newto wrote:^^  Welcome, TinkiezMom.  

Two people who marry may not really know each other, even if they have been going together for a time.  It is only in the day to day living that differences and similarities come to the surface.  Couples who live together for a time before marriage see more of these characteristics, which may or not be a good thing.

That being said, I respectfully do not agree with most of your post.  I think as time goes on both Tom and Lillian will continue to compromise.  They both seem determined to work hard on their marriage.  JMHO.

Thanks for the welcome.  I honestly hope they DO continue to grow together.  Tom just comes off, to me, as rigid in his beliefs and mannerisms.  IIRC, he stated last week that he wasn't gonna change for anybody - in the one on one camera time narratives before final decision time.   I know there might have been - probably was - more to that statement that was edited out to give people (me - LOL) the impression he wasn't willing to change.  
I see Lily as a person who is sweet and really wants to be married and have children.   Just hope she doesn't lose sight of what's important to HER and HER quality of life.  I don't know if I see bus living in her plans for the future...LOL  
I'm totally willing to agree.  People change, circumstances change, as well.

One thing we "oldsters" recognize is that we don't know what is scripted as opposed to what is real. IMO  Think of it this way.  Look at Sonia and Nick, if we base it solely on what we see, it would have been DOA a long time ago.  Even the face when Dr. Pepper asked about the ring and the pause, the look on Lily's face when she said she and Tom want to be on the same page and spoke the night before.  All scripted for drama.  While people are actually married, we can't lose sight of the fact that this is  first and foremost a TV show meant to entertain and the folks that sign up and play along have to understand that from the start.  If they don't then they should never sign up to participate in the first place.  JMO, of course.

You guys are funny.

Any drama between these two was almost certainly scripted, or edited to look that way. No way do these two show that much affection if they weren't head over heels for each other. The show had to add the drama or else no one would need to watch decision day. As far as the bus, Tom has kept it, but is compromising. He doesn't want to live in it with her (or at least accepts that won't happen), but is rather hoping to use it for vacation expeditions. Actually a cool thing, IMO.

I do agree Tom was a little overly insistent on wanting her to see naturopathic care. On the other hand, the thing that bothered me most about these two was actually Lillian. As the show went on, she seemed to be more and more superficial (hating every aspect of the bus, more and more her discussions were about money and focusing on career to achieve wealth, etc). No doubt she loves Tom very much, but man, her lifestyle would bug the hell out of me.

Overall, while I am happy for them, I found them extremely boring as a couple. No entertainment value (to me) in watching a couple that just gets along 95% of the time. I PVR the show, mostly to watch later without having to wait through commercials, and found myself skipping ahead of most of their segments the last few weeks. Dinners, dates, non-dramatic stuff like that. I did think the ring thing last night was sweet though.

I wasn't surprised to see that Tom and Lily are still together - they are definitely well-suited "physically" However, I see a slightly controlling side to Tom regarding the clothing donation - if Lily wants to have a substantial amount of clothing, that's up to her, especially since she's in real estate and showing homes to her clients. Just because Tom is a minimalist, I don't feel he should expect Lily to convert. JMHO ...

I sensed there may be some differences in the decisions to have children also. It appears that Tom is more of a free spirit, likes a less structured career and overall lifestyle, and perhaps is not as ready to consider family life and a nice home. Perhaps it's the editing, but I do hope Tom is not hoping to swing Lily too far over to his lifestyle. If they honor each other's needs, they can compromise just a little and should have a successful long term marriage. I wish them well!

It seems to me a bit premature, after six months of marriage to a stranger, to be making decisions about having children. They are both young, and need to get to know each other better before embarking on such a life-changing thing. Their lives have changed so drastically in the past six months. They need time to adjust. I hope they will take that time to strengthen their marriage first. JMHO.

Newto wrote:It seems to me a bit premature, after six months of marriage to a stranger, to be making decisions about having children.  They are both young, and need to get to know each other better before embarking on such a life-changing thing.  Their lives have changed so drastically in the past six months.  They need time to adjust.  I hope they will take that time to strengthen their marriage first.  JMHO.

I am the type person who buys things once. For example, furniture. I choose very carefully and spend time pricing and buy things that are not trendy but rather timeless. I view everything as a one time purchase and if I have to replace something it is never for a whim bit rather because after x years it is worn out. I was this way dating too. I would judge after one or two dates if I saw enough "potential" for it to be forever. I didn't want to waste their time or mine. So, I can understand Lily asking about kids, because eventually it could be a source of resentment if Tom was dead set against it. I doubt that either of them is ready to settle down with kids right now though.

Newto wrote:It seems to me a bit premature, after six months of marriage to a stranger, to be making decisions about having children.  They are both young, and need to get to know each other better before embarking on such a life-changing thing.  Their lives have changed so drastically in the past six months.  They need time to adjust.  I hope they will take that time to strengthen their marriage first.  JMHO.

I think it is a good idea to have cards out on the table when it comes to kids. If one person really wants to have children and the other person does not, then that couple probably needs to reevaluate whether to stay together.

No, they are not ready to have kids yet. But whether or not either one wants them at all should be up front and center in their relationship conversations.

We may be aware of Tom's opening intentions, but sincerely doubt we know where he stands even at 6 months given productions heavy handed edit.

provenceguy wrote:No, they are not ready to have kids yet. But whether or not either one wants them at all should be up front and center in their relationship conversations.

Yep. Why waste your time and get attached to someone who wants totally different things out of life than you do? It's less painful to end things early than when you have years of history behind you. If Tom just doesn't know yet, then what can you do, but maybe he shouldn't have taken part in this show if that's the case. Most women around his age have made up their mind about these things already. Lilly clearly isn't in any hurry to actually start having kids, but she knows she definitely wants them at some point, so if Tom doesn't, he is not the person she should be married to.

Lily is way too good for Tom. She has direction and goals for her life. She is motivated to better herself and works hard to see that her goals are not only met but exceeded.  Tom is an unmotivated laid back bum. He has no plan for his future except to take it easy.   Any person who could be so selfish that he would want to try to force his wife to live on an unair conditioned broken down bus with 2" x 4" s for walls. It's not like he is asking Lily to stay on a luxury motor home. Lily is way too good for him. This has to be the worst match ever on MAFS.  They are not on the same page on anything except sex and that's no basis for a long term relationship; let alone a marriage!  Tom is NOT really ready to be married because he does not want to be a real partner and work to make his relationship successful.  Tom just wants to surf and have Lily available at his beckon call to be there for his nonsensical needs. He is still a petulant child and not a grown man in his actions and demeanor towards his wife and marriage.   Lily should stop worrying about making Tom happy and adapting to his world because he never will reciprocate.  How do the "experts" match 2 people when 1 doesn't want children and the other absolutely does.   That's almost as bad as these "experts "  matching a smoker with a non smoker.  I cannot imagine that with over 25,000 applicants there was not someone better for Lily than unmotivated, cheap, deadbeat Tom. If not, then scrap the show and send the experts to get some real life experience!

^^ I know you will get this question, so I'll just jump in and ask it:

What are your qualifications as an "Xperiencedxpert?" This is meant out of curiosity only.

@Xperiencedxpert Welcome to our forum.

Are those your opinions or are they facts. If they are facts please provide verification. If they are your opinions, then you must use IMO in order not to confuse what's fact or what's opinions.