Re: Nick Viall Bachelorette 11 - Fan Forum - Thread #17

[RainbowConnection]

whit90, ditto to all that you said - ITA and couldn't have said it better. And IA with you as well Obsessed. I have watched since the beginning also but have missed a few - I'm not sure what I was doing - but Nick is my all time favorite!! I just discovered this forum this season and have really enjoyed reading all of the comments and seeing all of the great pics! Many of you guys are so clever - it's just fun to check in a little each day and see what's up!!

[bluwavz]

nickviall One of the best parts of my time with the show was meeting this special lady. The 2nd was meeting her fiancé Happy Birthday @sharleenjoynt. Love you @machinelevine 2h

http://websta.me/p/1065609416330644953_28313266

[mysthelma]

Aww that is really sweet message to Sharleen. It makes me soo happy that they became friends

[ElonM]

She commented on the post.

[GuardianAngel]

That's a very nice message to both of them, including Andy.
Here's Sharleen's reply to that pic.

sharleenjoynt Thank you @nickviall! Looking forward to your next visit. #bromance 9h
Read more at http://websta.me/p/1065609416330644953_28313266#F14S6JcJ48rkioD6.99

[nutty1]

I love that friendship.
Nick is going to do fine in life. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise, not being on the show.

[OnePromise]

[Sorry in advance for the lengthy post, I just couldn't shorten it and maintain clarity.]
We as a group of Nick's fans have speculated about why Nick has not found "the one".  He is an extremely eligible bachelor with no shortage of female attention who seems to know exactly the type of woman he wants, so why hasn't he found her yet? IMO, it is because like many of those searching for their great love (including myself when I was searching), he is simply looking for the wrong kind of love.  

The Greeks understood there to be four different kinds of love.  Storge or familial love.  Philia or friendship. Eros or romantic/intimate love.  And agape or selfless love.  I espouse this definition completely.  

IMO, a successful marriage must have philia, eros and agape love.  Most people find the first two and call it a success hoping to develop agape love if given enough time.  But I think they are selling themselves short.  What if people were able to set aside philia and eros love temporarily and look for a partner capable of agape love first? It wouldn't be an easy task, but much more fulfilling in the end.  It would require understanding the difference between the types of love, valuing agape as the most important type and learning how to practice it.  The last of which being the most challenging of course.  

I see Nick (and most people looking for their partner), looking and finding philia and eros love without a problem.  Nick found both with Andi and Katelyn.  I even think that the women would agree that at the time, they also loved Nick in these ways.  However, when Nick told Kaitlyn that what he felt for her was "more than a moment", he was referring to the fact that he was willing to put everything else in his life second to her for a lifetime.  He was talking about agape love.  In a conversation with Andi last season, he expressed his desire for a relationship with the type of love that was a daily choice.  IMO, he was talking about agape love, a selfless love capable of giving up will, thoughts and emotions for the benefit of the other person and making the choice to love no matter what is seen or felt at the time.

To me, it seems that Nick is aware of agape love.  He has probably seen his parents live it out in the flesh and he would like that type of relationship for himself.  So why not look for that primarily?  Let the other types of love develop secondarily.  Likely because it is not an easy thing to do.  It is a huge challenge because it goes against everything the world tells us.  However, I think it would be so much more rewarding than the current status quo.  

I guess I would challenge Nick (and anyone else looking for "the one") to attempt to discover if the prospective partner in question is capable of agape love as soon as possible.  Of course this would involve a pretty deep conversation.  But as I see it, Nick loves that type of thing.  So have at it Nick.  And don't compromise for someone who is not capable of agape love.  Move on and find the one that is.

[notarose]

^^  Great post OnePromise
I do think you are correct in saying Nick has given plenty of hints that he is aware of and in search of agape.  His interviews and a few convo bits from the shows indicate he has invested a fair amount of time in contemplation of his definition of love and his having said a relationship is where the "work begins" all mesh with terms he has often used: "selfless" and "reciprocal" . It flows because each partner gives unconditionally therefore neither is wanting.
IMO agape can be experienced in friendship as well. Without eros, that is where a relationship goes. So yes, I see your point of verifying whether a potential partner shares a similar capacity for agape but without eros one has the pleasure of a long term/lifetime friendship but IMO not a spouse. I'm coming from the perspective of having always had male friends, none of which have ever been lovers, but all of which are of great value to me and some of whom share my own interpretation of love.

[Nonina430]

It's my opinion that agape love is spiritual and not sexual.
I'm in total agreement with your post NOR.

[OnePromise]

I agree with both of you Notarose and Nonina. 

Notarose, absolutely one can have agape and philia together... Best kind of friendship for sure.  

And Nonina, I also personally espouse that agape love is best performed through one's spirit (and with God's help), but I could see how you could also have agape love for someone without it having to be purely spiritual.  And you are right, the sexual part of love would be totally eros.

[sdmom]

Very nice discussions. NickChicks write some of the most thought provoking posts!
Sorry to switch gear here:
I was out of town when they announced Ben in After Paradise so I missed the episode. I read Nick made an appearance, what did he say? Is there a link to watch his part? Did the current appear in person or just called in?
TIA!

[Nonina430]

Tell me OP where did your interest come from C Jung or
from Ancient Greek myth . Mine after learning of my genetics 
My ancient ancestry part from Ancient Eastern Roman which
Are the Byzantine (Greeks) 360ad then the Normans.

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