Married At First Sight - Season 2 - Sean Varricchio - Davina Kullar - *Sleuthing - Spoilers* #2

IMO, I live in Manhattan and it is very difficult to date people who live outside of the city. There is a certain lifestyle that is very unique to living here (people don't drive, people work later, things are open later, etc.). So it's completely understandable of her to make "Manhattan" a deal breaker. That said, it sound like it's very likely that Sean was more open to the idea of Manhattan to the experts when he was being matched, then when he actually was matched and had to do it. Which would be unfair to Devina, who was very very clear about Manhattan.

That being said, they could have gotten a temporary place on the West Side to make his commute easier. Or she could have been better with making him try to feel comfortable (which she didn't do based on the episode, but it also could have not been shown or Sean could have totally ignored it when she tried...which based on the information from posters who know him sounds pretty plausible).

kimberlyg wrote:IMO, I live in Manhattan and it is very difficult to date people who live outside of the city.  There is a certain lifestyle that is very unique to living here (people don't drive, people work later, things are open later, etc.).  So it's completely understandable of her to make "Manhattan" a deal breaker.  That said, it sound like it's very likely that Sean was more open to the idea of Manhattan to the experts when he was being matched, then when he actually was matched and had to do it.  Which would be unfair to Devina, who was very very clear about Manhattan.

That being said, they could have gotten a temporary place on the West Side to make his commute easier.  Or she could have been better with making him try to feel comfortable (which she didn't do based on the episode, but it also could have not been shown or Sean could have totally ignored it when she tried...which based on the information from posters who know him sounds pretty plausible).

The entire concept of having to live in Manhattan being a dealbreaker is beyond absurd to me, given the circumstances.   I worked in Manhattan for 20+ years and agree with the bolded portion of the above, it really is the city that never sleeps.   I can understand saying that she would love to live in NYC BUT if marriage and a family is really what she wants then she needs to stop putting limitations on what she is willing to accept. She said she wasn't finding the kind of guy she wanted, so maybe she needs to expand her horizon.  I had oodles of friends who were just like her, but they were between 25 and 30 and loved the city and all it has to offer. Once they got married, they couldn't wait to buy a house and have a yard for the kids to play in.  I know many people love living in the city with the access to the parks, the theaters, and restaurants but if I were looking to find a guy I would not make city living a dealbreaker.

Don't think Davina & Ryan R would have been a good match. Ryan R. would not have moved to Manhattan (further than Astoria) and does not seem to have the success that Davina would want. Davina would have been better matched with someone who lives in 1 of the 5 boroughs, who is highly educated, and comfortable with a woman making more. She needs to feel like she is in control & that she is being listened to. None of the guys that have been on the show so far seem to want a dominant woman - not even Ryan R. I think if Sean had been a NYC nurse and not had his own history of insecurities it might have worked.

nuts2uiam wrote:

kimberlyg wrote:IMO, I live in Manhattan and it is very difficult to date people who live outside of the city.  There is a certain lifestyle that is very unique to living here (people don't drive, people work later, things are open later, etc.).  So it's completely understandable of her to make "Manhattan" a deal breaker.  That said, it sound like it's very likely that Sean was more open to the idea of Manhattan to the experts when he was being matched, then when he actually was matched and had to do it.  Which would be unfair to Devina, who was very very clear about Manhattan.

That being said, they could have gotten a temporary place on the West Side to make his commute easier.  Or she could have been better with making him try to feel comfortable (which she didn't do based on the episode, but it also could have not been shown or Sean could have totally ignored it when she tried...which based on the information from posters who know him sounds pretty plausible).

The entire concept of having to live in Manhattan being a dealbreaker is beyond absurd to me, given the circumstances.   I worked in Manhattan for 20+ years and agree with the bolded portion of the above, it really is the city that never sleeps.   I can understand saying that she would love to live in NYC BUT if marriage and a family is really what she wants then she needs to stop putting limitations on what she is willing to accept. She said she wasn't finding the kind of guy she wanted, so maybe she needs to expand her horizon.  I had oodles of friends who were just like her, but they were between 25 and 30 and loved the city and all it has to offer. Once they got married, they couldn't wait to buy a house and have a yard for the kids to play in.  I know many people love living in the city with the access to the parks, the theaters, and restaurants but if I were looking to find a guy I would not make city living a dealbreaker.

Living in NYC is really really different than working there. Before I lived here, I would have agreed with you and the other posters who said that it shouldn't have been a deal breaker. Now that I'm on the other side, I see it completely. Not to mention that Devina bought an apartment, which likely cost her a lot of money (think at least $800k if not more -- and that's for a 1 BDR). And I think that it's different for people who are in traditional relationships and move after years of being in the city and living with someone, and someone who marries a stranger and is suddenly faced with an hour commute.

Personally, I think that's been the biggest flaw I've seen in the show as a whole. They just put together some matches that are difficult from the jump because of the commute. Vaughn and Monet were doomed partly because she lived in Harlem and he lived near Philadelphia. Doug moved to the city to be with Jamie, but he lived at home anyway and was probably itching to get out of his parents' house. The Jaclyn/Ryan distance was troubling to say the least and who knows if it will hold up or if one of them will ultimately have to change jobs. The only couples who were well-matched location-wise were Courtney/Jason and Jessica/Ryan D.

Like anything else, it's different strokes for different folks. I don't know any other way to explain it. What might be a deal breaker for one, may not be for another. I know equal examples of both in my personal life, shampoo, rinse and repeat.
I can see both sides of the story, too. 
I do agree if someone comes out and makes this a point up front, it would have been nice if TPTB had respected this issue.

I see nothing wrong with Davina's choice to have living in the city a deal breaker. At least she was being honest with what she wanted and expressed so from the beginning. Sean is the one that bailed, he's the one that said it wouldn't be an issue when in reality it was for him. The "experts" can only work with what you tell them, so they need to be honest with what they want or are okay with. Just like Monet, thought she wanted a traditional man, which ended up not being the case. Unfortunately, sometimes we think we know what we really want, and after things change....it's all a learning experience

It's hard for people that do not live in Manhattan to understand what it's like. Sometimes meeting people from Long Island is an instant deal breaker. It just is. Crazy I know. I don't think Davina made anything wrong by asking to remain in Manhattan. Sean said he would move but wasn't really being honest and true to what he could handle. He is obviously very uncomfortable living away from his comfort zone. For him moving to Manhattan is like moving to another country I'm sure.

IMO as someone who has lived and worked in NYC I call BS in the deal breaker. We NYers are very full if ourselves thinking that we are special and that Manhattan is Mars. It takes a very narcissistic person to expect someone to be fully integrated and invested in moving to another state and drastically changing their life and not reciprocating. Jackson, NJ was one of the areas that my parents looked at when thinking about moving us from Manhattan to Jersey. IT.IS.FAR. That is insane to have that as a deal breaker, but hey Princess Davina duped people into buying, sooo. Tho is someone that turned to a reality show for 'love'...can't be that much of a prize, JMO. She's in for a long single life as a sacred Manhanttanite if she doesn't bend.

Thomigirl wrote:IMO as someone who has lived and worked in NYC I call BS in the deal breaker. We NYers are very full if ourselves thinking that we are special and that Manhattan is Mars. It takes a very narcissistic person to expect someone to be fully integrated and invested in moving to another state and drastically changing their life and not reciprocating. Jackson, NJ was one of the areas that my parents looked at when thinking about moving us from Manhattan to Jersey. IT.IS.FAR. That is insane to have that as a deal breaker, but hey Princess Davina duped people into buying, sooo. Tho is someone that turned to a reality show for 'love'...can't be that much of a prize, JMO. She's in for a long single life as a sacred Manhanttanite if she doesn't bend.

I don't think it has to do so much with thinking too much of themselves. 
Mass transit can easily run over 200$ a month for commuting. Add that to rent and other things and it may be a financial issue. I saw this with  someone in my immediate family regarding a commute from BK to Queens and then from BK to Westchester. 
Going over the GWB is 14$ a day. Parking can be over 25$ an hour, if you drive. A studio apartment in the upper ES can easily run over $650K to buy. Rent easily over 2000$ a month for a studio. 
A commute from BK to Queens can run over an hour easily with no mass transit issues. A monthly commute via bus/train is over 200 monthly. 
To me those numbers can be deal breakers with a couple who has no other foundation holding them together.

I understand Sean agreed to move but why make a huge sacrifice like that for a stranger when she isn't making any sacrifice. I don't believe not having her family's support was a sacrifice. Moving to the upper west side as an interim apartment or moving to his place would have reduce/eliminate some of the anxiety. He needed to be eased into it. A huge sacrifice like that could freak out the strongest of us

Kashathediva wrote:
I don't think it has to do so much with thinking too much of themselves. 
Mass transit can easily run over 200$ a month for commuting. Add that to rent and other things and it may be a financial issue. I saw this with  someone in my immediate family regarding a commute from BK to Queens and then from BK to Westchester. 
Going over the GWB is 14$ a day. Parking can be over 25$ an hour, if you drive. A studio apartment in the upper ES can easily run over $650K to buy. Rent easily over 2000$ a month for a studio. 
A commute from BK to Queens can run over an hour easily with no mass transit issues. A monthly commute via bus/train is over 200 monthly. 
To me those numbers can be deal breakers with a couple who has no other foundation holding them together.

Exactly. I totally agree and again, it might seem crazy for people that live in big cities, but in NY things work differently, it's not a matter of NYers are better or not, it's just reality, things work differently on all fronts. Some things are better, some are worse than the average American city but even with all the burden that involves living in NYC some people love it.

Ruqibabe wrote:I understand Sean agreed to move but why make a huge sacrifice like that for a stranger when she isn't making any sacrifice. I don't believe not having her family's support was a sacrifice. Moving to the upper west side as an interim apartment or moving to his place would have reduce/eliminate some of the anxiety. He needed to be eased into it. A huge sacrifice like that could freak out the strongest of us

Maybe Davina didn't think it that way, but she did state that Manhattan was a must for her. The experts agreed on it and she was paired with someone that specifically stated would move. So why is this now all of a sudden a Davina only issue? I don't think Sean is making all the sacrifices either. I think on this issue he agreed he would try and move, she said she wanted to stay put, they were paired. Now he can't cope with dealing in NYC? Where did he think he was going to move? Edison? Trenton? And what, he was going to have the same house with the same driveway only on a town a couple miles away? He never thought about being a homeowner while he was telling the experts he was ok with moving? To me this solidifies Sean not being a) mature enough, and b) sincere when he spoke with the experts.

I agree NYC and more so Manhattan can be quite challenging for someone. If Sean was someone from the mid west I could see him being overwhelmed by the city. But he lives in Jackson, NJ. Though far, is not quite Kansas either. I think Sean has some personal issues and quick changes affect him, deeply, so maybe he should have been more honest with the experts (and himself) before agreeing and saying yes to anything as long as it got him on TV. Each show I watch I get the feeling that he's just putting on a show for the cameras, more so than Ryan D.

FTFNurse wrote:Hello guys, first time posting here. I found the board by googling something else related to MAFS. Anyways, I don't work with Sean or know stuff on Davina personally, but I have been with them a couple times when they did interviews, I can tell you that up to the middle of March they were no longer together, speaking or even interested in what the other person was doing.

Thanks for the information. Somehow I kept expecting this ship to turn and maybe head to calmer waters. At least now I know it will just crash eventually.