Becca Tilley - Bachelor 19 - Discussion - #8

whit90 wrote:

cindebugg wrote:

chasingpavements wrote:

Yeah, but this isn't real life. Most past contestants have said that the main point of the FS date is to talk without cameras. Many have said it was at that point where no one was acting for the cameras that they realized how horrible they were for each other (Sean/Ashlee, Jason/Deanna, etc) Lots of contestants have refused sex at the FS. Krisily said that she made it very clear that she wasn't going to have sex with a guy who was dating 2 other women, but refusing time wo/ cameras is plain stupid. And, honestly, calling someone a tease for not having sex on their 3rd date seems crazy sexist to me. No one called Sean Lowe a tease.

I'm sure that she was pressured to tell chris on-camera since it was their storyline for her. I'm sure she would have preferred to tell him off-camera, but being manipulated by producers to do something does not make one not staying true to oneself.

You're right it's not real life.  It's set up for the lead to fall in love with more than one person.  I know people come out of the FS and say the PC thing but we know for a fact that  a lot of leads sleep with multiple people in the FS. Heck, Ben and JPG didn't even wait for the FSD.  I think the smartest thing would be not to have sex until the show is over but I don't think the majority of people who are cast have a problem with it.  They're young, they think they're in love., the libido is raging and the alcohol flowing.  It's a recipe for sex.

Of course she was pressured to tell him on camera.  If she preferred to tell him off camera she should've never been on the show in the first place.  That's just being naive.   The bottom line is she had ample opportunity to tell him.  The night that she wouldn't kiss him would have been a good time to get it out there.  Or on their first date. Or the date after that. Or Hometowns.  Whatever happened in the FS with them didn't leave them feeling good.  Maybe Chris was perturbed she didn't offer up that info a little sooner.  I'm not saying he would have sent her home any earlier but at least he could have made his choices based on the truth.

She might of told him before that we will never know.  It is her right to tell him when she felt comfortable about it. In my mind it would not of been a big deal to him because he was crazy about her. She has never not told the truth she is the most honest contestant that this show has ever had. If it was not for Becca this show would of tanked . She brought something new and refreshing to this show. What happened in the FS was getting to know each other and he respected who she was. That night was probably when she told him that she still was not ready to move or say ILY after dating him a total of 3 days. To me that sounds like a very mature woman that stood by her beliefs.
As far as Juan he did not have sex with Claire in the ocean she has stated that as a fact.

I can't wrap my brain around this idea that Becca was the most honest contestant ever when we watched her keep a secret from Chris for 2 months.

This show wouldn't have tanked without Becca. The Bachelor doesn't tank based on one contestant.

If Claire said she didn't have sex in the ocean it must be true. JPG treated her like crap after that and later said he "loved Boinking her". Clearly she had sex with him somewhere.

chasingpavements wrote:

mindless wrote:^I don't think what happened in the fantasy suite had anything to do with sex or her virginity. I think it was about Chris falling for her bad and her not being able to reciprocate at that point, which made Chris really scared about getting his heart broken by her.

I also find nothing wrong with the timing of the virginity reveal. No one is required to have sex in the fantasy suite and I'm not gonna feel sorry for Chris that he potentially missed out on a night with a Playboy model. It's not like he would've married her anyway. What on earth does it matter when Becca told him?

*******************Edited*********************

And, again, I think it's very sexist. Was Sean Lowe being a tease when he agreed to go to the FS with Emily, knowing what usually happens in a FS and that Emily probably expected/wanted to have sex with him (I'm guessing since Emily had sex with every other single guy she's ever been to a FS with)?

And, let's face it: There are SO many more important things than being a virgin that Chris doesn't know about any of the girls before the proposal. And, vice versa. Again, I have to repeat: Melissa didn't even know Jason's job before she said yes to an engagement. At the end of the day, it's a competition and most of these girls aren't going to sit there and tell Chris about all of the bad things they've done in the past or all their horrible qualities if they want to win.

And, again I agree with you. Fact is we live in a sexist world. I don't know too much about Sean. The ones that bore me I don't pay much attention too. However I don't recall Sean's virginity status coming up for discussion on Emily's season. Since he was all the sudden a Born again virgin I just assumed that was a stance he took before his own season started. I've always had the impression that he did that for his parents so as not to embarrass them. Isn't his Dad a pastor?

As for the bold, are you saying that Becca didn't tell him she was a virgin because she was afraid she wouldn't win if she did?
Maybe if Melissa had known what Jason did for a living things would have turned out differently. Sounds like she wasn't asking the right questions or any questions at all. Maybe she just wanted to win.

Chrisbecca wrote:

FLChica wrote:

mindless wrote:She's working at her old job as a chiropractic assistant. Not sure what else she should do. And she hasn't been free to date during these four months since she's obviously required to keep the ending a secret.

Obviously! As I said, moving on with her life 4months after taping the Bachelor doesn't have to include finding a guy. 

As to what else she could do: further her education, continue to try modeling, etc.  Hopefully she won't limit herself to doing interviews on her Bachelor experience.

She needs to get into comedy....that is one funny girl!

IA. She's hilarious. I notice from her IG that she hangs with show biz people. Somebody should suggest it to her and introduce her to people that could help.

cindebugg wrote:

chasingpavements wrote:

mindless wrote:^I don't think what happened in the fantasy suite had anything to do with sex or her virginity. I think it was about Chris falling for her bad and her not being able to reciprocate at that point, which made Chris really scared about getting his heart broken by her.

I also find nothing wrong with the timing of the virginity reveal. No one is required to have sex in the fantasy suite and I'm not gonna feel sorry for Chris that he potentially missed out on a night with a Playboy model. It's not like he would've married her anyway. What on earth does it matter when Becca told him?

*******************Edited*********************

And, again, I think it's very sexist. Was Sean Lowe being a tease when he agreed to go to the FS with Emily, knowing what usually happens in a FS and that Emily probably expected/wanted to have sex with him (I'm guessing since Emily had sex with every other single guy she's ever been to a FS with)?

And, let's face it: There are SO many more important things than being a virgin that Chris doesn't know about any of the girls before the proposal. And, vice versa. Again, I have to repeat: Melissa didn't even know Jason's job before she said yes to an engagement. At the end of the day, it's a competition and most of these girls aren't going to sit there and tell Chris about all of the bad things they've done in the past or all their horrible qualities if they want to win.

And, again I agree with you.  Fact is we live in a sexist world.   I don't know too much about Sean.  The ones that bore me I don't pay much attention too.  However I don't recall Sean's virginity status coming up for discussion on Emily's season.  Since he was all the sudden a Born again virgin I just assumed that was a stance he took before his own season started.  I've always had the impression that he did that for his parents so as not to embarrass them. Isn't his Dad a pastor?

As for the bold, are you saying that Becca didn't tell him she was a virgin because she was afraid she wouldn't win if she did?
Maybe if Melissa had known what Jason did for a living things would have turned out differently.  Sounds like she wasn't asking the right questions or any questions at all.  Maybe she just wanted to win.

FTR, Sean made his decision to abstain several years before he went on the show. It wasn't a new thing.

cindebugg wrote:

chasingpavements wrote:

mindless wrote:^I don't think what happened in the fantasy suite had anything to do with sex or her virginity. I think it was about Chris falling for her bad and her not being able to reciprocate at that point, which made Chris really scared about getting his heart broken by her.

I also find nothing wrong with the timing of the virginity reveal. No one is required to have sex in the fantasy suite and I'm not gonna feel sorry for Chris that he potentially missed out on a night with a Playboy model. It's not like he would've married her anyway. What on earth does it matter when Becca told him?

*******************Edited*********************

And, again, I think it's very sexist. Was Sean Lowe being a tease when he agreed to go to the FS with Emily, knowing what usually happens in a FS and that Emily probably expected/wanted to have sex with him (I'm guessing since Emily had sex with every other single guy she's ever been to a FS with)?

And, let's face it: There are SO many more important things than being a virgin that Chris doesn't know about any of the girls before the proposal. And, vice versa. Again, I have to repeat: Melissa didn't even know Jason's job before she said yes to an engagement. At the end of the day, it's a competition and most of these girls aren't going to sit there and tell Chris about all of the bad things they've done in the past or all their horrible qualities if they want to win.

And, again I agree with you.  Fact is we live in a sexist world.   I don't know too much about Sean.  The ones that bore me I don't pay much attention too.  However I don't recall Sean's virginity status coming up for discussion on Emily's season.  Since he was all the sudden a Born again virgin I just assumed that was a stance he took before his own season started.  I've always had the impression that he did that for his parents so as not to embarrass them. Isn't his Dad a pastor?

As for the bold, are you saying that Becca didn't tell him she was a virgin because she was afraid she wouldn't win if she did?
Maybe if Melissa had known what Jason did for a living things would have turned out differently.  Sounds like she wasn't asking the right questions or any questions at all.  Maybe she just wanted to win.

A) Sean had been abstinent since he was 24 years old, so for about 5 years before he went on the show. And, from what I read in his book, he never told Emily that and assumed that she would never have sex in the FS because she was a "honorable southern woman".
B) No, I'm not saying that Becca didn't tell him because she wanted to win. I'm saying that ALL of the girls kept secrets from Chris, whether intentionally or not, just because of time constraints. If you read any of the books written by these people (Courtney, Sean, Melissa), it is crazy the amount of things that they didn't know about their fiancé after filming. Personally, multiple DUIs and a history of cheating (supposedly, if you believe Sheena's sorority sisters) would be a much worse secret than being a virgin.
C) It's completely unfair to say that Becca had been keeping that a secret for 2 months, considering her first 1-on-1 wasn't until 2 "weeks" before hometowns. To only have two dates to decide that you like a person enough to reveal something that personal to you? That's pretty quick to me. If she had revealed that she was a virgin in the quick 10 minutes chats they had during group dates, I would have thought that there were something very wrong with her (as I did with Ashley).
D) Melissa DID want to win. Most of these girls want to win. How many girls have we seen grill Chris about his DUI? And, ask if they can trust HIM? None. Because, they know that if they want to stay in the competition, they can't get on his bad side. If they truly just wanted a good husband/father for their children, these questions would come up. They never do.

chasingpavements wrote:
A) Sean had been abstinent since he was 24 years old, so for about 5 years before he went on the show. And, from what I read in his book, he never told Emily that and assumed that she would never have sex in the FS because she was a "honorable southern woman".
B) No, I'm not saying that Becca didn't tell him because she wanted to win. I'm saying that ALL of the girls kept secrets from Chris, whether intentionally or not, just because of time constraints. If you read any of the books written by these people (Courtney, Sean, Melissa), it is crazy the amount of things that they didn't know about their fiancé after filming. Personally, multiple DUIs and a history of cheating (supposedly, if you believe Sheena's sorority sisters) would be a much worse secret than being a virgin.
C) It's completely unfair to say that Becca had been keeping that a secret for 2 months, considering her first 1-on-1 wasn't until 2 "weeks" before hometowns. To only have two dates to decide that you like a person enough to reveal something that personal to you? That's pretty quick to me. If she had revealed that she was a virgin in the quick 10 minutes chats they had during group dates, I would have thought that there were something very wrong with her (as I did with Ashley).
D) Melissa DID want to win. Most of these girls want to win. How many girls have we seen grill Chris about his DUI? And, ask if they can trust HIM? None. Because, they know that if they want to stay in the competition, they can't get on his bad side. If they truly just wanted a good husband/father for their children, these questions would come up. They never do.

Exactly. We all have qualities and habits that are a deal breaker to someone. Should we list them all out on the first date to avoid possibly wasting the other person's time? That's just not how life works. Everyone has a right to get to know someone before revealing such intimate information. Becca told him on the 4th date. And it had been heavily implied by her family and dating history before, so it didn't come out of nowhere. Chris said it had definitely crossed his mind that she could be a virgin. He also had two other options to choose from still after she told him, so it's not like she wasted his time at all. Even if she'd told him on the 2nd date, she still would've been there at the end because Chris liked her more than Carly, Britt turned him off and Jade turned out scandalous. So I really don't see what the problem is with the timing. It didn't affect anything.

mindless wrote:

chasingpavements wrote:
A) Sean had been abstinent since he was 24 years old, so for about 5 years before he went on the show. And, from what I read in his book, he never told Emily that and assumed that she would never have sex in the FS because she was a "honorable southern woman".
B) No, I'm not saying that Becca didn't tell him because she wanted to win. I'm saying that ALL of the girls kept secrets from Chris, whether intentionally or not, just because of time constraints. If you read any of the books written by these people (Courtney, Sean, Melissa), it is crazy the amount of things that they didn't know about their fiancé after filming. Personally, multiple DUIs and a history of cheating (supposedly, if you believe Sheena's sorority sisters) would be a much worse secret than being a virgin.
C) It's completely unfair to say that Becca had been keeping that a secret for 2 months, considering her first 1-on-1 wasn't until 2 "weeks" before hometowns. To only have two dates to decide that you like a person enough to reveal something that personal to you? That's pretty quick to me. If she had revealed that she was a virgin in the quick 10 minutes chats they had during group dates, I would have thought that there were something very wrong with her (as I did with Ashley).
D) Melissa DID want to win. Most of these girls want to win. How many girls have we seen grill Chris about his DUI? And, ask if they can trust HIM? None. Because, they know that if they want to stay in the competition, they can't get on his bad side. If they truly just wanted a good husband/father for their children, these questions would come up. They never do.

Exactly. We all have qualities and habits that are a deal breaker to someone. Should we list them all out on the first date to avoid possibly wasting the other person's time? That's just not how life works. Everyone has a right to get to know someone before revealing such intimate information. Becca told him on the 4th date. And it had been heavily implied by her family and dating history before, so it didn't come out of nowhere. Chris said it had definitely crossed his mind that she could be a virgin. He also had two other options to choose from still after she told him, so it's not like she wasted his time at all. Even if she'd told him on the 2nd date, she still would've been there at the end because Chris liked her more than Carly, Britt turned him off and Jade turned out scandalous. So I really don't see what the problem is with the timing. It didn't affect anything.  

Great post by the two of you !!!!

whit90 wrote:

mindless wrote:

chasingpavements wrote:
A) Sean had been abstinent since he was 24 years old, so for about 5 years before he went on the show. And, from what I read in his book, he never told Emily that and assumed that she would never have sex in the FS because she was a "honorable southern woman".
B) No, I'm not saying that Becca didn't tell him because she wanted to win. I'm saying that ALL of the girls kept secrets from Chris, whether intentionally or not, just because of time constraints. If you read any of the books written by these people (Courtney, Sean, Melissa), it is crazy the amount of things that they didn't know about their fiancé after filming. Personally, multiple DUIs and a history of cheating (supposedly, if you believe Sheena's sorority sisters) would be a much worse secret than being a virgin.
C) It's completely unfair to say that Becca had been keeping that a secret for 2 months, considering her first 1-on-1 wasn't until 2 "weeks" before hometowns. To only have two dates to decide that you like a person enough to reveal something that personal to you? That's pretty quick to me. If she had revealed that she was a virgin in the quick 10 minutes chats they had during group dates, I would have thought that there were something very wrong with her (as I did with Ashley).
D) Melissa DID want to win. Most of these girls want to win. How many girls have we seen grill Chris about his DUI? And, ask if they can trust HIM? None. Because, they know that if they want to stay in the competition, they can't get on his bad side. If they truly just wanted a good husband/father for their children, these questions would come up. They never do.

Exactly. We all have qualities and habits that are a deal breaker to someone. Should we list them all out on the first date to avoid possibly wasting the other person's time? That's just not how life works. Everyone has a right to get to know someone before revealing such intimate information. Becca told him on the 4th date. And it had been heavily implied by her family and dating history before, so it didn't come out of nowhere. Chris said it had definitely crossed his mind that she could be a virgin. He also had two other options to choose from still after she told him, so it's not like she wasted his time at all. Even if she'd told him on the 2nd date, she still would've been there at the end because Chris liked her more than Carly, Britt turned him off and Jade turned out scandalous. So I really don't see what the problem is with the timing. It didn't affect anything.  

 Great post by the two of you !!!!

Well said!    If none of the women told him the number of guys they had been with, i see no wrong in Becca listing the none she had been with. It does not define a person and shouldnt be brought up until one is ready and comfortable to do so. She told him when it was a time in the relationship the conversation needed to happen. I can only assume that conversation comes up with peple in the real world when the relationship moves towards intimacy. 
Just because someone agrees to a fantasy suite date is not agreeing to sex in there. Imo

Given that we all know TPTB craft this into a highly scripted show complete with storyboards, it's reasonable to believe they also dictate when each contestant can share their "big secret" with the lead. This would include: 1. Juelia's husband's suicide  2. Ashley I's virginity  3. Kelsey's husband's death  4. Jade's nude pics / soft porn video 5. Becca's virginity. 

The timing of the big reveal doesn't make one contestant disingenuous and one contestant virtuous. It is done as TPTB dictate to move the story they want told forward. IMHO. 

I wonder simply what would happen if a contestant would simply keep certain personal information private. Something I have thought about.  Certainly, it would not make part of a storyline.
If certain things never became shared with either the other cast in the house or the main, it could totally alter the plot.
Obviously, it might become difficult or awkward not to mention you had a child.
There are quite a few private things that come to mind, that I don't think I would mention.
I am not pointing a finger at how others have handled this, I am simply, for sake of discussion, throwing this out.
After all, under normal circumstances, I might mention at one point that I had been previously married, but choose not to discuss details until I felt comfortable vs the confines of the show. The same would go if I were still a virgin.
I wonder if eventually we will get cast that will not open that can of worms for the sake of getting further in this dating process. In Becca's case the fall out was not so bad, but in the case of the widows it was not good.

Imo the widows had fall-out not because they were widowed but because they showed themselves to be seeking attention and sympathy, and were unwise in the way / timing of how they shared their info. As mentioned, those were probably dictated by tptb, but still showed a lack of class.

I'm still not clear why being a virgin should be considered by the lead as a negative, unless some are assuming Chris only wanted sex in the fs. I hope he was actually wanting to get to know these women. He seems a step above a Blob. Sure, his experience level and Becca's were at different places, but in real life that isn't unusual.

Keep in mind Chris Harrison has said they try to cast people with a story to tell, makes show more interesting. Look at Chris season..... Juleia's & Kelsey's husbands death, Whitney's mom's death and father abandoned, Mackenzie worked while pregnant till son born, Jade's playboy past, Carly's boyfriend who didn't  touch her, Ashley & Becca virgins, Samantha had a sad story Jade said she didn't use as a one up so we never saw it, even Britt told Chris she'd had a long (4 years?)relationship with no sex (Note: may be 1 reason more guys voted Kaitlyn as bachelorette???).  Chris's story was a 7 year relationship and he ended engagement because he wasn't in love, took him awhile to figure that out, LOL.....better luck this time !!!