Becca Tilley - Bachelor 19 - Discussion - #8

cindebugg wrote:

Diana wrote:She didn't get to talk to him the first night? I always wondered why they didn't show them talking the first night but I guess there wasn't anything to show.

So she probably wasn't among his top girls after the meet and greet .  It sounds like she was a producer pick to stay because she was a virgin.

Or he was so wowed by her when she got out of the limo that he didn't need any extra time with her to know she deserves a rose. I think his reaction to her at the M&G says it all. Plus she doesn't seem like the type to go steal him away from anyone.


Anyway, I have to post this recap, because I agree with almost everything the lady on the right says. Except Becca not being into him, which isn't true IMO. There's some strong language, so beware.

sfrank wrote:OMG 3-4 days?! And she wasn't head over heels in love with him?! Im shocked!  

I have thought about it and as sister or family member of the Bachelor/Bachelorette I would seriously question the sanity of anyone who told me they were in love with my sibling after knowing him or her for a collective 72hrs.

Maybe I'm bias but I actually prefer someone like Becca in my family who was real, honest and more forthright about how she was feeling.  
That she wasn't saying what was necessary to "win" but speaking from the heart. I think that's a rare quality to find and that's the type of person I would want for my sibling as a life partner.

IMO, if Becca was being forthright she would have told him she wasn't really falling in love with him. Instead we heard, " All I know is that I want you". That just shows a lack of maturity when it comes to romantic relationships. Anybody that's been in a long term relationship knows that "want" is a very small part in making a go of it.

Falling in love in 3-4 days may not be the norm but it does happen within TB bubble and in RL too. My husband and I knew after our 2nd date. We had actually spent less time together than most of the couples coming out of this show.

I really like Becca. She is going to be a phenomenal woman but right now she is still very much a girl. Especially when it comes to relationships.

cindebugg wrote:

sfrank wrote:OMG 3-4 days?! And she wasn't head over heels in love with him?! Im shocked!  

I have thought about it and as sister or family member of the Bachelor/Bachelorette I would seriously question the sanity of anyone who told me they were in love with my sibling after knowing him or her for a collective 72hrs.

Maybe I'm bias but I actually prefer someone like Becca in my family who was real, honest and more forthright about how she was feeling.  
That she wasn't saying what was necessary to "win" but speaking from the heart. I think that's a rare quality to find and that's the type of person I would want for my sibling as a life partner.

IMO, if Becca was being forthright she would have told him she wasn't really falling in love with him.   Instead we heard, " All I know is that I want you".  That just shows a lack of maturity when it comes to romantic relationships.  Anybody that's been in a long term relationship knows that "want" is a very small part in making a go of it.  

Falling in love in 3-4 days may not be the norm but it does happen within TB bubble and in RL too.  My husband and I knew after our 2nd date. We had actually spent less time together than most of the couples coming out of this show.

I really like Becca.  She is going to be a phenomenal woman but right now she is still very much a girl.  Especially when it comes to relationships.

On the contrary, her actions in the show and post show are that of a mature woman not a girl. imo.

cindebugg wrote:

sfrank wrote:OMG 3-4 days?! And she wasn't head over heels in love with him?! Im shocked!  

I have thought about it and as sister or family member of the Bachelor/Bachelorette I would seriously question the sanity of anyone who told me they were in love with my sibling after knowing him or her for a collective 72hrs.

Maybe I'm bias but I actually prefer someone like Becca in my family who was real, honest and more forthright about how she was feeling.  
That she wasn't saying what was necessary to "win" but speaking from the heart. I think that's a rare quality to find and that's the type of person I would want for my sibling as a life partner.

IMO, if Becca was being forthright she would have told him she wasn't really falling in love with him.   Instead we heard, " All I know is that I want you".  That just shows a lack of maturity when it comes to romantic relationships.  Anybody that's been in a long term relationship knows that "want" is a very small part in making a go of it.  

Falling in love in 3-4 days may not be the norm but it does happen within TB bubble and in RL too.  My husband and I knew after our 2nd date. We had actually spent less time together than most of the couples coming out of this show.

I really like Becca.  She is going to be a phenomenal woman but right now she is still very much a girl.  Especially when it comes to relationships.

Yes, which is why she wasn't willing to say anything more just to get what she wants. I thought that was very mature. Why would she tell him she's not falling in love when she was and wanted it to happen? She just didn't get there in time. I think she's actually more in tune with her feelings, and everyone's really, than most people on this show. She was well aware that there was another woman in the mix who was ready and willing to give Chris everything he wanted and didn't hesitate to bring it up even in front of his family. She obviously didn't want Chris to pick her under any false pretenses which is why she wouldn't say anything she didn't mean or give any promises she didn't intend to keep. It would've been so easy to do that to win, but she was more concerned about Chris (and Whitney) than about herself. That's the kind of unselfish affection love should be based on, not the selfish kind of "love" most people on this show are in. I mean those who even after months are still pissed that they didn't get picked instead of simply being happy that the person they loved found their happiness. I think that is why she's seemed so happy and over it after the filming. She figured things happened as they were supposed to, because Whitney was perfect for Chris and told her they're happy. She was at peace with what happened. Not sure if she still is after how he was at ATFR, she was looking at him with studying eyes. And the stories afterwards... I think they might have raised some what if's, but even if that's the case, she's too classy to ever say anything out loud.

mindless wrote:

cindebugg wrote:

sfrank wrote:OMG 3-4 days?! And she wasn't head over heels in love with him?! Im shocked!  

I have thought about it and as sister or family member of the Bachelor/Bachelorette I would seriously question the sanity of anyone who told me they were in love with my sibling after knowing him or her for a collective 72hrs.

Maybe I'm bias but I actually prefer someone like Becca in my family who was real, honest and more forthright about how she was feeling.  
That she wasn't saying what was necessary to "win" but speaking from the heart. I think that's a rare quality to find and that's the type of person I would want for my sibling as a life partner.

IMO, if Becca was being forthright she would have told him she wasn't really falling in love with him.   Instead we heard, " All I know is that I want you".  That just shows a lack of maturity when it comes to romantic relationships.  Anybody that's been in a long term relationship knows that "want" is a very small part in making a go of it.  

Falling in love in 3-4 days may not be the norm but it does happen within TB bubble and in RL too.  My husband and I knew after our 2nd date. We had actually spent less time together than most of the couples coming out of this show.

I really like Becca.  She is going to be a phenomenal woman but right now she is still very much a girl.  Especially when it comes to relationships.

Yes, which is why she wasn't willing to say anything more just to get what she wants. I thought that was very mature. Why would she tell him she's not falling in love when she was and wanted it to happen? She just didn't get there in time. I think she's actually more in tune with her feelings, and everyone's really, than most people on this show. She was well aware that there was another woman in the mix who was ready and willing to give Chris everything he wanted and didn't hesitate to bring it up even in front of his family. She obviously didn't want Chris to pick her under any false pretenses which is why she wouldn't say anything she didn't mean or give any promises she didn't intend to keep. It would've been so easy to do that to win, but she was more concerned about Chris (and Whitney) than about herself. That's the kind of unselfish affection love should be based on, not the selfish kind of "love" most people on this show are in. I mean those who even after months are still pissed that they didn't get picked instead of simply being happy that the person they loved found their happiness. I think that is why she's seemed so happy and over it after the filming. She figured things happened as they were supposed to, because Whitney was perfect for Chris and told her they're happy. She was at peace with what happened. Not sure if she still is after how he was at ATFR, she was looking at him with studying eyes. And the stories afterwards... I think they might have raised some what if's, but even if that's the case, she's too classy to ever say anything out loud.

THANK YOU! I agree 100%! You are spot on! Ive not heard anyone until you now bring up what Becca said to Chris's mom, that "at this point Im more concerned about Chris not getting hurt than myself". Mrs. Soules had to point out to her thats what love is. And it is! Love is not self seeking.

whit90 wrote:

FLChica wrote:

chasingpavements wrote:

She's dating Drew, who made it to the end,so she would probably know if they any force certain actions or dialouge. She said that Drew also had great things to say about his experience and the producers. I think the producers probably egg the lead/contestants on certain things to ask (why don't you talk about past relationships), but I don't think that there are cue cards. I know kalon said so, but I don't really believe a word out of his mouth.

^^ Confirmation from three former contestants that TPTB don't force any certain actions, which would include forcing a proposal. Good to know! JPG confirmed that as well I suppose.

You can not compare Juans season to Chris's season. Juan was pressured to no end to propose to Nikki but like we saw he was not going to be a puppet to what the producers wanted. After his season and Andii's season which had the worst ratings. There is no doubt in my mind that they made sure that there was a proposal at the end. Jmo

IMO, tptb will stoop as low as they have to to get the desired result. I know there's some manipulation of the contestants and the lead but the biggest gun in their arsenal of deception is editing. I believe the reason JPG bombed in the ratings is because the casual viewer didn't remember him and he was just a way to shut up the critics about the lack of minority leads. I don't think they really cared if he proposed or said ILY to anyone. I barely watched JPG just like I barely watched Ben's season as they both showed a lack of seriousness and were all about the booty call.

cindebugg wrote:

Diana wrote:She didn't get to talk to him the first night? I always wondered why they didn't show them talking the first night but I guess there wasn't anything to show.

So she probably wasn't among his top girls after the meet and greet .  It sounds like she was a producer pick to stay because she was a virgin.

First night is all about looks. I remember that Jason didn't get to speak to Melissa on the first night and he has always said he knew his top 3 after the first day.

cindebugg wrote:

sfrank wrote:OMG 3-4 days?! And she wasn't head over heels in love with him?! Im shocked!  

I have thought about it and as sister or family member of the Bachelor/Bachelorette I would seriously question the sanity of anyone who told me they were in love with my sibling after knowing him or her for a collective 72hrs.

Maybe I'm bias but I actually prefer someone like Becca in my family who was real, honest and more forthright about how she was feeling.  
That she wasn't saying what was necessary to "win" but speaking from the heart. I think that's a rare quality to find and that's the type of person I would want for my sibling as a life partner.

IMO, if Becca was being forthright she would have told him she wasn't really falling in love with him.   Instead we heard, " All I know is that I want you".  That just shows a lack of maturity when it comes to romantic relationships.  Anybody that's been in a long term relationship knows that "want" is a very small part in making a go of it.  

Falling in love in 3-4 days may not be the norm but it does happen within TB bubble and in RL too.  My husband and I knew after our 2nd date. We had actually spent less time together than most of the couples coming out of this show.

I really like Becca.  She is going to be a phenomenal woman but right now she is still very much a girl.  Especially when it comes to relationships.

I'm sorry, but you can't possibly really love someone after 3-4 days in Bachelor land. You might realy, really like them and be able to envision a future with them, but true love comes from seeing a WHOLE person and you just can't do that during filming. You haven't seen how the person deals with hardships or disagreements, you don't know about their past arrests and criminal history, how they have treated past partners, the producers don't let you really talk about politics, religion, TV shows, music, movies, etc. Which is why this show is horrible at producing marriages or even long-term relationships. Most couples come out of this show, realizing they know nothing about eac other. Molly, someone who was actually on the show, has said that Becca is the most realistic person to ever come on the show.

Falling in love in 3-4 days may not be the norm but it does happen within TB bubble and in RL too. My husband and I knew after our 2nd date. We had actually spent less time together than most of the couples coming out of this show.

Aw cindebugg - so sweet and so true. I know of 2 other couples that "knew" by the second date. Both have ended up in happy long term marriages.

soccermom333 wrote:To bring it back to Becca, I am just glad  sweet Becca did not cave into anything.    

She caved. She didn't tell Chris about her virginity until it was poo or get off the pot time. That was either a producer directive, which means she didn't stay true to herself, or she didn't tell Chris up front out of fear. That wasn't fair to Chris. In the real world, If you wait until your date plans a romantic evening complete with over night accommodations to pull out the Virgin card you will be labeled a tease. IMO, something like that needs to be out at the very start to be fair to the other party who may not want to wait for sex. If Becca's virginity is based on her faith then she will only be having sex with the man she marries and the probability that the wedding night will be the first time for her is high.

Chrisbecca wrote:
THANK YOU!  I agree 100%!  You are spot on! Ive not heard anyone until you now bring up what Becca said to Chris's mom, that "at this point Im more concerned about Chris not getting hurt than myself".  Mrs. Soules had to point out to her thats what love is.  And it is! Love is not self seeking.

Exactly. Love is not self-seeking. Which brings me to another point I wanted to discuss. People say she wasn't into him, because she looked relieved at the FRC. I'm sure she was a bit relieved, but not because she didn't have feelings for him. I think it's because she knew then that she wasn't responsible for his happiness anymore. What I mean is that for a week or two, people had been pushing her to say she's in love and ready for things she wasn't really ready for and I'm sure she could see how much it hurt Chris that she couldn't give him those things. He was struggling, like he said, and there was nothing she could do about it, except lie. I'm sure a part of her was terrified that he would pick her and then she'd never get to the point of being in love. He'd be heartbroken, Whitney would be heartbroken, his family would be heartbroken, and it would all be her fault. But she didn't want to let him go either, which is why she didn't take herself out of the competition. She just wanted him to choose her only if she was the one and only for him. She didn't want to "steal him away" from Whitney, who might make him very happy. So when he let her go, she no doubt felt a bit of relief, because he was now free to go be happy with Whitney and she could stop trying. I find it highly unfortunate that people take that as her not having feelings for him. Or not having feelings at all. I'm sure she was sad about losing him, but she just wasn't selfish enough to ignore what it meant for everyone else. JMHO.

cindebugg wrote:

sfrank wrote:OMG 3-4 days?! And she wasn't head over heels in love with him?! Im shocked!  

I have thought about it and as sister or family member of the Bachelor/Bachelorette I would seriously question the sanity of anyone who told me they were in love with my sibling after knowing him or her for a collective 72hrs.

Maybe I'm bias but I actually prefer someone like Becca in my family who was real, honest and more forthright about how she was feeling.  
That she wasn't saying what was necessary to "win" but speaking from the heart. I think that's a rare quality to find and that's the type of person I would want for my sibling as a life partner.

IMO, if Becca was being forthright she would have told him she wasn't really falling in love with him.   Instead we heard, " All I know is that I want you".  That just shows a lack of maturity when it comes to romantic relationships.  Anybody that's been in a long term relationship knows that "want" is a very small part in making a go of it.  

Falling in love in 3-4 days may not be the norm but it does happen within TB bubble and in RL too.  My husband and I knew after our 2nd date. We had actually spent less time together than most of the couples coming out of this show.

I really like Becca.  She is going to be a phenomenal woman but right now she is still very much a girl.  Especially when it comes to relationships.

Just because she wasnt ready to say ILY or "yes" to a proposal after 3-4 days doesn't mean she didn't want to be with Chris. She told him she did in the hotel and confirmed again ATFR. I don't subscribe to the notion that "she just wasn't that into him". She wanted to date him in real life before she was willing to uproot her entire life in SD. Which is a mature approach, IMO. I can only imagine just how much pressure TPTB had put on her to get "there" but she held her ground. Thats the embodiment of a mature woman and someone that knows who she is and her values. Values that she won't compromise for ANYBODY and certainly not to be the "winner" of some TV reality dating show. If thats not mature then I don't know what is.

As for the comparsions to RL, people aren't kept in artificial bubble with no communication to the friends and family. Nor are they competing with 25-30 other people for attention with cameras on you. She was spending a total of 3 days together - including shared time on dated with other woman. I don't really believe anyone can truly fall in love under those circumstances. It's like Becca said you can only truly credit the process for introducing them and the real work comes after the lights and cameras have gone away.