Andi Dorfman - The Bachelorette 10 - Discussion - #3

Kashathediva wrote:I don't believe most people enjoy feeling victimized. I would loathe that role.
When feeling loss or insecurity, I hope one becomes a fighter.
If that simply means one foot in front of the other and walking through hell until you have come out the other side, then do it.
I believe in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Do something other than being enabled and having others constantly do for you.

notarose wrote:I used to think Andi was "lost" but I now think she is just singularily focused.  She sets a goal, dons blinders, and propels herself forward. 
She was too busy as an assistant DA to date.  She was too busy engaged to manage a scheduled job.  Epi 2 in her season she walks into a cocktail party in tears because she is exhausted. 
At some point it would be nice for her if she could will herself into a state of balance.  I know of no one who doesn't have to balance employment, housework, play, and social duty.  It's just a requirement in adulthood and from it can come satisfaction rather than burden.  It is all about "state of mind".

traveler90 wrote:I partly agree with you stuckinsc, I do think that her quitting law hurt her relationship with Josh and Josh changing careers didn't help either. They both didn't get the person they thought they would, IMO.

However, I would say that Andi has been floating around for 9 months now, since she finished tapping the bachelorette in May 2014. I don't think she assumed, she would miss work for such a long period of time or that she would become the bachelorette but she did get sucked into this 'glamorous life', having fans, getting presents and having men fawning over her, IMO. During her season she appeared to be someone who knew what they wanted and worked hard for it. It also seemed like all she ever did was push herself harder (trying to be play tennis professionally, never taking off time after high school or after graduating college or getting her law degree and then instantly after getting her degree starting working as a lawyer). It sounds exhausting. I would know, I did the same thing and after a while you can't continue like this and you are burned out. She probably thought that all this work would be worth it in the end, once she was a lawyer, she would be happy, but instead she worked long hours and had no private life (I think I read somewhere that the day she applied for the bachelorette was the first day she got off work early in a long time).

Then she gets to be a contestant on the bachelor and later on becomes the bachelorettte. She gets praised by fans, gets presents, travels the world, men are falling in love with her and she barely has to lift a finger to accomplish that (if you compare it to being a lawyer). On top of that she gets paid better than a lawyer who is just starting his career. So, when you add these two, her being unhappy in her job and the unreal experiences (mostly positive in her mind) with being famous, she clung to that and quit her job. I think the reason why she is still clinging to her fame and why the opinion of the public means so much to her is because for once she was happy during her experience on the bachelor/the bachelorette and doesn't want to let go of it. She also knows that she is nothing without her fans (in the TV world that is). Being a perfectionist myself and having gone through quite a few changes myself in the last 18 months, I know that it scary and hard to start from scratch. It would be hard for anyone, but being a perfectionist you only see failure in front of you and want to be perfect from the beginning. Andi, IMO thinks that she failed on all ends. She failed as a lawyer, as the bachelorette (a lot of people don't like her) and she failed in her relationship with Josh. On top of that all the world was part of it, which only makes it worse. Of course she chose to go on TV herself, no one forced her but I think she thought it would be different. She thought she was strong and independent being a lawyer, but in the end she had to deal with the fact that she is not that person.

I don't think she knows who she is or what she wants anymore. She needs to realize that she will never be happy as long as she is looking for other people's appoval and acting a certain way for people to like her, subconsciously or not. She needs to do what makes her happy and be selfish, to put her happiness above what other people expect of her or what she thinks they expect of her.

That all is of course JMO but I'm sad when I read how many people don't like her and judge her as I think she is mostly missunderstood. I tried to explain, in this essay it appears to be, sorry for that , how I see things and why I like her. I just can relate to her, feel compassion for what she is going through right now and I see quite a few similarities between the two of us other than the fact that we are both called Andi (and no I'm not her, I live in Germany)

Kashathediva wrote:I don't believe most people enjoy feeling victimized. I would loathe that role.
When feeling loss or insecurity, I hope one becomes a fighter.
If that simply means one foot in front of the other and walking through hell until you have come out the other side, then do it.
I believe in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Do something other than being enabled and having others constantly do for you.

mindless wrote:I agree with a lot of what traveler90 said and I can't really fault Andi for being lost. I've been there, so I can relate. Sometimes you just realise you've gone through life doing things because you're supposed to rather than because you want to, and then you have to refocus. I just really hope for her sake that she's given up the quest for fame. It's not happening and it's clearly not good for her. She doesn't have the personality for it and her hopes of staying relevant now that she's broken up are very slim. Most people are already over her. The best thing for her would be to get back to real life by finding a job or going back to school. She needs something to focus on other than her failures right now. All the wallowing will only lead to bitterness. But maybe she's already taken some steps to move forward. I hope so.

Georgia Lindsay wrote:Agree with your assessments of MeAndi! Also, the fact that she never changed her twitter profile or IG picture from this picture of her as the bachelorette, speaks volumes to me. Even when she and Josh were engaged and happy (before it all went away), she kept this picture, because she can't let it go, she's chasing fame and she's really pathetic. Also, JMO, I think she parties and drinks a little too much for a late 20's "career" woman and acts more like college girls, and she seems to do it every night!!! Dancing on table/counter tops, always a glass of wine in her hand in so many IG's, it's like her life revolves around drinking & partying. That makes it tough to get up early  and go to work. Her excessive drinking, combined with all the other things y'all have stated may have been another factor in Josh not wanting to marry her. JMO

Here's the pic I'm talking about for those who don't have SM:

nannymargie wrote:

Georgia Lindsay wrote:Agree with your assessments of MeAndi! Also, the fact that she never changed her twitter profile or IG picture from this picture of her as the bachelorette, speaks volumes to me. Even when she and Josh were engaged and happy (before it all went away), she kept this picture, because she can't let it go, she's chasing fame and she's really pathetic. Also, JMO, I think she parties and drinks a little too much for a late 20's "career" woman and acts more like college girls, and she seems to do it every night!!! Dancing on table/counter tops, always a glass of wine in her hand in so many IG's, it's like her life revolves around drinking & partying. That makes it tough to get up early  and go to work. Her excessive drinking, combined with all the other things y'all have stated may have been another factor in Josh not wanting to marry her. JMO

Here's the pic I'm talking about for those who don't have SM:

Can you point me to some things that show Andi is chasing fame?  She did not do DWTS, (CS is doing DWTS so is he chasing fame?) She did one interview with Taylor after the break up and the one with CH 2 months later.

Dancing on the countertop was done in the privacy of a home not out in public and others were doing it also. She was just having fun with friends trying to forget her hurt for a while.  Is there any proof of her excessive drinking and partying?  Some pictures we have seen were in restaurants not bars.