Bachelorette 10 - Andi Dorfman - Episode 4 - Mon June 2/14 *Spoilers & Sleuthing* - Discussion

estahafa wrote:

docnash14 wrote:

stuckinsc wrote:

Maddy wrote:From Sharleen Joynt blog:

This was a very heavy episode in more ways than one. Every date this week had me thinking to myself: EVIL PRODUCTION. (Referring to the producers' influence on how things unfold... bearing in mind I love the producers but know they have a job to do.)

This recap, like the rest, consists of my personal opinions alone. I was not involved in this season and know nothing about its production. I merely speculate using logic and what I learned from my own experience on the show.

more here: http://www.alltheprettypandas.com/recaps/

Great recap and I agree with her on everything.  What Sharleen said about the Eric confrontation is what I wish we heard Andi say in her sit down with CH monday night.

In particular, I think she was on point with her comments about Andi and Eric.  While I also understand and agree that Dylan needs time to grieve, how I can endorse his decision is that in coming on the show he was prioritizing himself.  From what he said, he has taken on the responsibility of caring for him mom (since his dad has been out of the picture) which is typically very burdensome.  When we are in the role of caretaker, it makes it much more difficult to go inward (which is why many people become caretakers in an effort to avoid their internal landscape) and confront the pain.  As Sharleen said from experience, Dylan had many hours doing filming for introspection and healing.  I hope that is what he found.

  Many past contestants have mentioned  that the isolation from normal life gave them the chance to reflect and share with others.  That is also the reason many lifelong friendships are created among them.  If anything else, Dylan's openness to talk about his losses is the beginning of the healing process.  Kubler-Ross's  classic theory on death/grieving process involves denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance  and not necessarily in this linear order.

Having been through something like Dylan went through myself and being my mom's rock through it too, I found it hard to let myself grieve and feel as well. I have no problem with Dylan doing the show when he did. I guess I kind of blew over that part of the recap, because I agreed with her so strongly about Eric.

I admire how Dylan handles his family history. I do think that going on the show was cathartic for him. The friends he appears to have made are a plus. I don't see he and Andi as right for each other, but I see him as now being open to the possibility of love, of not settling. I hope he finds it. I think he's a keeper.

pavalygurl wrote:I admire how Dylan handles his family history.  I do think that going on the show was cathartic for him.  The friends he appears to have made are a plus.  I don't see he and Andi as right for each other, but I see him as now being open to the possibility of love, of not settling.  I hope he finds it. I think he's a keeper.

I think he is too and is one of my favorites this season. It would be great if there was someone on BIP who would be a good match for him but not sure who that would be although both Danielle and Daniella seem sweet.

I really like Dylan, too, and think he's a real cutie. Looking forward to seeing him on BIP. I don't remember who Danielle is, but I do like Daniella.

notarose wrote:

estahafa wrote:

docnash14 wrote:

stuckinsc wrote:

Maddy wrote:From Sharleen Joynt blog:

This was a very heavy episode in more ways than one. Every date this week had me thinking to myself: EVIL PRODUCTION. (Referring to the producers' influence on how things unfold... bearing in mind I love the producers but know they have a job to do.)

This recap, like the rest, consists of my personal opinions alone. I was not involved in this season and know nothing about its production. I merely speculate using logic and what I learned from my own experience on the show.

more here: http://www.alltheprettypandas.com/recaps/

Great recap and I agree with her on everything.  What Sharleen said about the Eric confrontation is what I wish we heard Andi say in her sit down with CH monday night.

In particular, I think she was on point with her comments about Andi and Eric.  While I also understand and agree that Dylan needs time to grieve, how I can endorse his decision is that in coming on the show he was prioritizing himself.  From what he said, he has taken on the responsibility of caring for him mom (since his dad has been out of the picture) which is typically very burdensome.  When we are in the role of caretaker, it makes it much more difficult to go inward (which is why many people become caretakers in an effort to avoid their internal landscape) and confront the pain.  As Sharleen said from experience, Dylan had many hours doing filming for introspection and healing.  I hope that is what he found.

  Many past contestants have mentioned  that the isolation from normal life gave them the chance to reflect and share with others.  That is also the reason many lifelong friendships are created among them.  If anything else, Dylan's openness to talk about his losses is the beginning of the healing process.  Kubler-Ross's  classic theory on death/grieving process involves denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance  and not necessarily in this linear order.

    Chris, I think, was really pivotal in helping Dylan.  He was just the right guy at the right time for Dylan to feel comfortable enough to share his story with.  I think that then made it easier fir Dylan to talk with Andi about the same thing.  
Love me some Chris    who epitomizes compassion.   In other words, as much as I like Sharleen, I disagree with her assessment of this situation with regard to Dylan talking about his past but I think talking about it to Chris would have been sufficient. A repeat with Andi could have been eliminated however she was likely given a prompt from producers and followed through.

Understand your point. However, one of the most empirically validated treatments for trauma is exposure therapy which often involves telling your story over and over again perhaps to different people (e.g. first your therapist, then your fellow group members and at times different family members/close friends) with the intent of discharging what I call "emotional pus" that is surrounding the wound. The timing of this sharing is critical in that you want to allow the individual some time to be with his/her feelings before beginning to drain them.

I definitely agree that Dylan chose well in sharing with Chris. As I said in another thread, in my opinion, Chris demonstrated great emotional intelligence in simply putting his arm around Dylan and letting Dylan share his feelings uninterrupted. And, actually, I thought Andi showed a considerable amount of compassion as well even with her "it's okay."

DocNash, I was more so questioning why it had to be told twice on tv but after reading your post I now understand how doing so could be more empowering.  

notarose and docnash: I really enjoy your perspectives on this.

I think tptb see Dylan as golden. He's articulate, likable and willing to share his story. To his credit, I think Dylan has used the opportunity to work through some of his pain and still not be "ruined" by them if that makes any sense. My love/hate relationship with this show has taught me that tptb are not above trying to making fools of their contestants for sport. So far, so good for Dylan. He's walked the tightrope successfully. I'm both excited and worried for him on BIP.

pavalygurl wrote:notarose and docnash:  I really enjoy your perspectives on this.

I think tptb see Dylan as golden.  He's articulate, likable and willing to share his story.  To his credit, I think Dylan has used the opportunity to work through some of his pain and still not be "ruined" by them if that makes any sense.  My love/hate relationship with this show has taught me that tptb are not above trying to making fools of their contestants for sport.  So far, so good for Dylan.  He's walked the tightrope successfully.  I'm both excited and worried for him on BIP.

I totally agree with your post, especially the bolded!!!

finally watched this episode.. and the third episode so i might have some stuff confused.

1) i love dylan as a person. and i love how it seems that the guys have his back. they all knew that he was going to get a rose and if he didn't, it was because he didn't open up. someone mentioned that he's a good guy and that there was no reason he shouldn't get one. i dont see him with andi, but with someone with more compassion and maybe emotion?

2) love brian.. but omg he has no game!! haha.

3) marcus was a good sport in helping her during the date.. but something is off with them imo.

4) she has hot chemistry with josh - very at ease but i'm waiting to see substance.

5) either andi has a good "poker face" or she has genuine feelings for nick. i never really pictured it and when she talk about nick in her ITM, it kind of seems fake? but he's really into her. do we have analysis of who initiates what? maybe i want to know that first before i try to make up my mind.

6) pissed at the whole eric situation with the whole talk at the end. it was trying to save face & she didn't even really say anything. she was sticking to her guns and tip-toed around it and being like "bachelor family blah blah blah" or really trying to reiterate he died weeks later. i felt like she wasn't even sorry and maybe she's not. i don't know. i wished they just showed something about eric instead and left it on a positive note about who he is as a person.

Personally, no I don't think Andi noticed that she came off as MeAndi.

Rolly wrote:I can't imagine what Eric's family must have been feeling about having this on TV especially with how he left the show.  

They didn't think anything bad was shown, here is one of Eric's brothers talks about that:

From Tasos' twitter:

@HannaMHixson we had the same red jerseys for everyone. So we turned ours inside out and had andi autograph them. #Bachelorette #5ofhearts