Juan Pablo Galavis - Nikki Ferrell - Bachelor 18 - Discussion

stuckinsc wrote:

umngirl wrote:

chinita wrote:

Well let's just say Nikki already got back at him.  

Yes  agree to the bolded and JPG was as stupid as Nikki.  He trusted her and treated her like a princess (according to Nikki herself) and now to find out she betrayed him

And yet he went on national television twice and treated her the opposite of a princess. Such a swell guy.

I still fail to see how Nikki betrayed him. She bought herself a house in her hometown and didn't tell him. Why should she? They were either broken up by the time she did or to the point where they realized it wasn't working. She shared with her friends and family this big event in her life. And she should. It's not her fault Evel has a big mouth and shared it publicly.

I guess for me, all of what you said would be true if she had done one simple thing first.  Break up with him.  It is really that simple.  It is fine for her to realize they aren't working and buy her house.  But why not just do the grown up thing and break up with him when you know it isn't working?  A free trip to Bali isn't a good enough excuse and even if he wrote te amo in the sand, it obviously didn't solve the problems (shocking that ILY doesn't fix things - sarcasm implied), be a grown woman and break up with the man if you aren't happy.  Sneaking and telling other people these things and not him makes her immature and not nice, IMO.  But maybe she wanted to wait long enough to get free WS tickets because of him, but then again IMO this also makes her a user and not a nice person.

Yup! She just complicated things when she shouldn't. She dragged it until she couldn't stand anymore. They could very well end up in a good way.

Breaking up with someone is not easy. It's not "simple. break up with him". I might not have the life experiences with marriage or kids some on this forum do but I do know breakups and I am terrible at them. I've once put off a breakup for THREE MONTHS because every time I started the conversation I chickened out and all my friends knew I wanted to end it for a while. Was it the most mature way to handle things? NOPE. But breaking up with someone, at least for me, is hard.

umngirl wrote:

chinita wrote:

umngirl wrote:

And yet he went on national television twice and treated her the opposite of a princess. Such a swell guy.

I still fail to see how Nikki betrayed him. She bought herself a house in her hometown and didn't tell him. Why should she? They were either broken up by the time she did or to the point where they realized it wasn't working. She shared with her friends and family this big event in her life. And she should. It's not her fault Evel has a big mouth and shared it publicly.

If we believe the way he treated her on TV the opposite of a princess, then Nikki was lying then.

Re; the house:  Evel Dick said on his recap, he had asked Nikki  many times when she was going to tell JPG about the house.  And also said, she was planning to break up with him in Bali.  Evel Dick knew everything who know for how long.  If you don't cal that a betrayal, then I don't know what it is

He may have treated like a princess at times but he put it out there in national tv that he doesn't always.

Again, they were essentially broken up/to the point where they knew it was ending. She doesn't have to tell him anything. It's her money and her choice. Now if she was using their combined bank account or just his money behind his back then it would be betrayal.

Are we really gonna believe everything Evel says? He faked a relationship just to be on CT. He's not exactly the most reliable person.

JPG was her boyfriend. Someone she claims she loved and still love. Someone she trusts (according to her interview with the tabloids - if it's true) Again, you don't see it as betrayal, then I don't know what it is

To the bolded: I don't know...you tell me..Nikki trusts him

umngirl A man who would say "ILU" just for the sake of saying it to just to please the other person, doesn't make him "more of a man" to me

chinita wrote:umngirl A man who would say "ILU" just for the sake of saying it to just to please the other person, doesn't make him "more of a man" to me

Ummm, I'm confused because I never said that's what they did.

But we'll never agree on the topic since you actually like him and I don't and never will.

Breaking up with someone is not so simple if you have strong feelings for the person, even if you are miserable. I see Nikki as torn about the whole thing....trying to move forward but always looking back until it was too much to bear. Not so unusual....I and many of the women I know have been in those shoes.

Also, unlike many here, I don't see JPG's behavior as loving. He was hot and cold. Very affectionate sometimes, belittling and withholding at other times. A very manipulative guy. I see Nikki as very naive and not self-reflective and also a little selfish. I don't see either of them as "blameless' but I grew to actively dislike JPG as I watched his behavior on CT. I see him as very self-absorbed and selfish, using physical affection as a manipulative tool and not backing it up with loving perception or intention. It really was all about him.

chinita wrote: They do...maybe the one you know are more "Americans".  They don't use the "I love u" as the "Te amo" lightly. They use "Te Quiero" all the time which it also means "I love you" in English.  The way JPG is trying to say, he wants to use "I Love you" as "Te Amo"  which it's very strong.  He didn't want to say it until he has the strong feeling for her and it looked like he did.  Evel Dick said, he put "Te amo" instead of "I love you"  I think he wants to make sure Nikki understands it's not any "I Love you" it's the real "ILU"

As a Latin woman who's married to a Latin man and has many Latin men in her family and Latin acquaintance (Miami girl)...I never bought his language/ILU/Te Amo/culture BS.  He either was in love with her or he was not.  Saying the words, in English or Spanish wouldn't be difficult for him if he felt them...in whatever language.  IMO, he didn't...hence why he couldn't give her the assurances for a future she obviously needed.  Nikki, being in love, gave him time to hopefully get his feelings for her where hers were for him.  She made the mistake of thinking she could change him; make him love her.  As time past, IMO she just grew disillusioned and less and less hopeful and started as Dr. Jenn said, not trying so much to make him love her.  She probably hung on to the relationship longer than she should have because JP probably strung her along and being a girl in love, she bought it because it was easier to keep trying and believing than facing the hurt or losing him completely.  One of the most telling moments for me watching CT was when in a session with Dr. Jenn, she point blank asked him if he loved her.  She wanted a yes or no answer.  Instead of doing that, he beat around the bush, turned the situation around by acting the injured party for her suggesting he was fake and she ended up apologizing to him.  That's what I mean by stringing her along.  He's a manipulator in my opinion.   I think JPG might love her but I never got the impression he was IN love with her and never thought he really saw a future wife, mother of his children, in her either.  And that's what I believe Nikki needed and wanted to believe but finally realized it wasn't in the cards.

Also, unlike many here, I don't see JPG's behavior as loving. He was hot and cold. Very affectionate sometimes, belittling and withholding at other times. A very manipulative guy. I see Nikki as very naive and not self-reflective and also a little selfish. I don't see either of them as "blameless' but I grew to actively dislike JPG as I watched his behavior on CT. I see him as very self-absorbed and selfish, using physical affection as a manipulative tool and not backing it up with loving perception or intention. It really was all about him.

THS ^^^.

glazedover wrote:Breaking up with someone is not so simple if you have strong feelings for the person, even if you are miserable. I see Nikki as torn about the whole thing....trying to move forward but always looking back until it was too much to bear. Not so unusual....I and many of the women I know have been in those shoes.

Also, unlike many here, I don't see JPG's behavior as loving. He was hot and cold. Very affectionate sometimes, belittling and withholding at other times. A very manipulative guy. I see Nikki as very naive and not self-reflective and also a little selfish. I don't see either of them as "blameless' but I grew to actively dislike JPG as I watched his behavior on CT. I see him as very self-absorbed and selfish, using physical affection as a manipulative tool and not backing it up with loving perception or intention. It really was all about him.

It is funny how we all watch the same show and have different perspectives of what happened. I use to like Nikki but after seeing her on CT and her actions lately I see a spoiled brat that needs to grow up. I saw JP as a loving guy always touching her and the same for her.

Per whit90

It is funny how we all watch the same show and have different perspectives of what happened.

That's the beauty of a discussion thread!

glazedover wrote:Breaking up with someone is not so simple if you have strong feelings for the person, even if you are miserable. I see Nikki as torn about the whole thing....trying to move forward but always looking back until it was too much to bear. Not so unusual....I and many of the women I know have been in those shoes.

Also, unlike many here, I don't see JPG's behavior as loving. He was hot and cold. Very affectionate sometimes, belittling and withholding at other times. A very manipulative guy. I see Nikki as very naive and not self-reflective and also a little selfish. I don't see either of them as "blameless' but I grew to actively dislike JPG as I watched his behavior on CT. I see him as very self-absorbed and selfish, using physical affection as a manipulative tool and not backing it up with loving perception or intention. It really was all about him.

I don't usually discuss JPG and Nikki. Not my circus. Not my monkeys. (LOVE that phrase!) But, I will comment based on what I observed on TB alone (I do not follow them post show or on CT).

I always observed JPG to be paternalistic towards the women on his show. This is not something that the typical American woman likes long term, IMO. It may be nice to have a man treat you with tenderness and protectiveness, but not when you realize that deep down inside he is doing it because he feels he NEEDS to take care of you because he knows best. I saw JPG as being disinterested in discussing difficult or uncomfortable topics, and choosing instead to either placate the woman with "It's okay" or shutting down emotionally. I don't know if it is manipulation or just ineptitude on his part.

I always observed Nikki to be negative, whiny, and generally unsympathetic on TB. Those tiffs between her and Clare showed her mean-spirit, IMO. I never saw any strong connection between he and JPG. I think she was more interested in the idea of 'winning' and beating Clare than anything. I think she was enamored with the idea of love and not necessarily in love with JPG. But, she is stubborn, so she stuck with him on the off chance that it might be real.

IMO, it was never real love. Yeah, there may have been an attraction, physical chemistry, some admiration, some fondness. But not the kind of love that a true relationship is built on. That take 2 adults treating each other as equals, open communication and the willingness to discuss difficult topics, and the ability to be deeply vulnerable. They, IMO, did not have that capacity as a couple.

Kashathediva wrote:Per whit90

It is funny how we all watch the same show and have different perspectives of what happened.

That's the beauty of a discussion thread!

MiaHawk wrote:

glazedover wrote:Breaking up with someone is not so simple if you have strong feelings for the person, even if you are miserable. I see Nikki as torn about the whole thing....trying to move forward but always looking back until it was too much to bear. Not so unusual....I and many of the women I know have been in those shoes.

Also, unlike many here, I don't see JPG's behavior as loving. He was hot and cold. Very affectionate sometimes, belittling and withholding at other times. A very manipulative guy. I see Nikki as very naive and not self-reflective and also a little selfish. I don't see either of them as "blameless' but I grew to actively dislike JPG as I watched his behavior on CT. I see him as very self-absorbed and selfish, using physical affection as a manipulative tool and not backing it up with loving perception or intention. It really was all about him.

I don't usually discuss JPG and Nikki. Not my circus. Not my monkeys. (LOVE that phrase!) But, I will comment based on what I observed on TB alone (I do not follow them post show or on CT).

I always observed JPG to be paternalistic towards the women on his show.  This is not something that the typical American woman likes long term, IMO. It may be nice to have a man treat you with tenderness and protectiveness, but not when you realize that deep down inside he is doing it because he feels he NEEDS to take care of you because he knows best. I saw JPG as being disinterested in discussing difficult or uncomfortable topics, and choosing instead to either placate the woman with "It's okay" or shutting down emotionally.  I don't know if it is manipulation or just ineptitude on his part.  

I always observed Nikki to be negative, whiny, and generally unsympathetic on TB.  Those tiffs between her and Clare showed her mean-spirit, IMO.  I never saw any strong connection between he and JPG.  I think she was more interested in the idea of 'winning' and beating Clare than anything. I think she was enamored with the idea of love and not necessarily in love with JPG. But, she is stubborn, so she stuck with him on the off chance that it might be real.

IMO, it was never real love. Yeah, there may have been an attraction, physical chemistry, some admiration, some fondness. But not the kind of love that a true relationship is built on. That take 2 adults treating each other as equals, open communication and the willingness to discuss difficult topics, and the ability to be deeply vulnerable.  They, IMO, did not have that capacity as a couple.      

Very convincing! And I love that phrase too.