Clare Crawley & Dale Moss - Bachelorette 16 - Discussion

IA @Sprite, but I could also see Dale trying to avoid a confrontation. Lots of guys fear the drama and it appears that there's lots of that with Clare. One thing I don't think he should have done is say that was a joint message unless it really was.

albean99 wrote:IA @Sprite, but I could also see Dale trying to avoid a confrontation. Lots of guys fear the  drama and it appears that there's lots of that with Clare. One thing I don't think he should have done is say that was a joint message unless it really was.

Clare has gotten herself in deep twice now that we know of. In Winter Games and now as the Bachelorette, seems to me she doesn't learn from her experiences.

Sprite wrote:I don't know @albean99. If a man tells me he wants to take a break, that is a pretty clear signal to me that it is over. I can see Clare just not wanting to hear. Dale is at fault for not standing up for himself...right from the beginning when they pressured him to propose...but the Clare from my TV never was a good listener.

He didn’t handle the breakup well, but I can’t fault him for what happened at La Quinta. From the moment that Tayshia said yes, TPTB were determined to have a proposal.

What they staged was pretty much a combination of a honeytrap and a shotgun wedding. In 48 hours, Dale went from being a comfortable frontrunner to not just being engaged, but also planning for their first child.
CH stared at Dale with his dead eyes and said “Clare will be expecting your proposal.” He really lived up to the nickname “Dark Lord Harrison” in that episode.
JMO

albean99 wrote:There has to be a lot of guys who Clare could date in Sacramento and it wouldn't have to be a "fall in love at first sight" kind of start. She seems to want a Prince Charming and no man can live up to that. The show can work for some people but apparently not for Clare.

Dale seemed to get in over his head and then just wanted out but possibly didn't do it in a way that made Clare understand that it was over. Maybe she didn't want to hear what he had to say but I'm guessing he wussed out on making it strong enough.

Given her age and knowing what she wants, I think the show would have worked for her if she only took the time to get know all the guys, then chose Dale at the end if she still felt that he was the one.
Tayshia had less time than her, but took the time to get to know all the guys and has been blessed with a man like Zac, a man who adores her. It is available for Claire to meet someone special, she needs to go up in age and be open to move.

@Maggenzm While I have criticized Clare on a lot of things, I can't criticize her for not wanting to move. Her mom is in a home and she wants/needs to be near her. I can't fault her for that.

I don't think the moving is the big issue with Clare anyway. I think she has unrealistic expectations and moves too fast with people she really doesn't know.

Clare has created financial independence. She has dated men on and off the show. She has experienced heartbreak more than once. She has moved through typical milestones yet somehow she seems unready, to me, to cultivate a solid relationship.
IDK exactly why but she IMO can’t seem to figure it out in a way that works for her.
I do think Dale’s more lowkey personality is probably a better fit for her OTT style but obviously they ended up not being a match. A different guy is the solution and  JMO Clare needs to herself be different in some ways. There needs to be growth somewhere.

albean99 wrote:There has to be a lot of guys who Clare could date in Sacramento and it wouldn't have to be a "fall in love at first sight" kind of start. She seems to want a Prince Charming and no man can live up to that. The show can work for some people but apparently not for Clare.

Dale seemed to get in over his head and then just wanted out but possibly didn't do it in a way that made Clare understand that it was over. Maybe she didn't want to hear what he had to say but I'm guessing he wussed out on making it strong enough.

While I think Clare's expectations got the better of her, my heart still hurts on her behalf.  I agree no man can live up to the fairy tale.  I hope Clare takes a moment and "says her goodbyes" to these notions.  She is a loving person and I hope she finds a realistic approach to finding her love.

I've watched Clare every time she's been on a show in this franchise and while I enjoy her and root for her, I see her as fragile and unrealistic when it comes to relationships. We have no idea what it was like inside their relationship, how much they argued, how demanding Clare might have been. Potentially it was a joint statement but Clare is playing the victim and now claiming it's all Dale. There are too many unknowns for me to put this all on Dale's shoulders given what we witnessed during her season. A beautiful and career stable woman like Clare isn't single at her age because she didn't settle... there is more she needs to work on for herself. IMO

Sprite wrote:@Maggenzm While I have criticized Clare on a lot of things, I can't criticize her for not wanting to move. Her mom is in a home and she wants/needs to be near her. I can't fault her for that.

I don't think the moving is the big issue with Clare anyway. I think she has unrealistic expectations and moves too fast with people she really doesn't know.

@Sprite, you're right, I didn't mean leave her mom, but for what I see, she is really set in her ways and doesn't consider the big picture in her decisions. I think in life, we need to consider possibilities and not be so closed up. I lived in NYC in Brooklyn and worked in Manhattan, there are so many nursing homes to chose from which might even be better for her mom. JMO

So many good points made by posters here. Bottom line for me is that Clare appears (to me) to have unrealistic expectations from a relationship. A relationship is a partnership that is worked out by two cooperative persons. Sometimes it looks as if one partner puts the other on a pedestal; other times it looks much more 50-50. But it is a partnership developed over time and with realistic expectations. Those expectations can't be fully formed in such a short time. JMHO

For me, it's pretty clear that Clare projected the image of the perfect man who was deeply in love with her and wanted a family with her onto Dale and didn't seem to take into consideration who he actually was. I never saw anything resembling a 'love story' between the two of them. I was rewatching their proposal and remembered that she said she knows he would never leave her and would never run away (well!) - which is such a ridiculous thing to say when it's based on the evidence of just a few weeks. But it made sense for her to say that to the fantasy version of Dale that she created.

I just think that Clare wasn't a good pick for Bachelorette. I think her "biological clock" plus being in a pandemic did not help her. She also went on the show 5 times and it hadn't worked out for her the previous 4 times -- maybe some self-reflection is warranted? She was looking to find someone immediately. I also think that TPTB regretted not choosing Tayshia to be Bachelorette in the first place and wanted Clare to leave. There is nothing wrong with liking younger men -- however, it might help Clare to realize that who she ends up choosing may not be in the same mental space or marriage/family readiness as she is. I hope they are both getting the support that they need to deal with this breakup. JMO.