Abigail Heringer - Bachelor 25 - Discussion

Some stuff to start: I'm Deaf with bilateral cochlear implants. Proof. I speak and sign ASL. Matt James is my first season of The Bachelor and I was convinced to watch it because of Abigail Heringer. I'm making this post because I'm bothered by the ableist language people have used to describe Abigail's deafness, and hearies need to get educated on it since disability education is nonexistent.
1) 'Hearing impaired'.

The word 'hearing impaired' is straight up ableist not welcomed by the Deaf community. This term was created by hearing people for the Deaf community decades ago because they didn't want to be blunt about calling Deaf people deaf. The terminology itself centres on what Deafies can't do. Using 'hearing impaired' puts the hearing above Deaf people. It establishes the standard as hearing.

To put it in perspective: it is akin to saying white is superior to Black, or the default; hearing is the default and superior to the Deaf. Deaf culture has a whole history with many different sign languages. Deaf culture is a culture. Do not use the word hearing impaired. Please call us Deaf or hard-of-hearing. Both words are widely accepted and welcome. Further reading here by the National Association of the Deaf.

2) Deaf and deaf.

We use the capital D to refer to the community of people who are Deaf and hard-of-hearing. Deaf does not look or act one way. People who sign are Deaf. People with cochlear implants or hearing aids are Deaf. People born deaf or late-deafened are Deaf. They are all Deaf. The lowercase d refers to the actual symptom.
Examples:


[*]'Bob is a new student! He is Deaf!'

[*]'Do you know if he is deaf? I don't think he heard me.'

To add on, it is ultimately up to people whether or not they want to use the word Deaf to identify themselves. Some people with cochlear implants don't identify as Deaf because they consider themselves not 'Deaf enough'. This is because they were never taught to sign and had speech therapy growing up (which is a whole 'nother can of worms that I am not going to address in this post). Some late-deafened or deafened because of sickness can also choose not to identify as Deaf. It is up to those individuals what is/isn't comfortable for them.

3) Social settings.

This is in response to s25e4. People have made the accusation that Abigail is a 'mean girl' because she laughed at the escort situation. I am a simple viewer like you with no relationship with any of the cast members, but as a Deaf person watching her, I feel confident in saying it was a nervous laugh.

Let me explain.

Deaf people are among the best fakers you will ever encounter. Deaf people have trained their whole lives to mimic hearing people in order to fit in social settings. Deafies are often the only Deaf person in a group, school, or anywhere. It is isolating. You are forced to adapt to the hearing world in order to navigate is successfully. The hearing world is not accessible and was not made with Deaf people in mind. Often in a large group setting that is predominantly hearing we don't know what's happening. We fade into the background and mimic the actions of those around us to not bring attention to our 'disability'. It is uncomfortable being the odd one out. It is uncomfortable not being able to follow conversations because of accents, background noise, too many people talking, etc.. Mimicking people is a mechanism that helps us feel safe and part of the conversation. It is extremely awkward to pause a conversation to ask, 'What did Bob say?' every 5 second, and the response dismisses us with the much hated word Nevermind.

Nevermind is like a swear word in Deaf culture. Every single Deafie hates this word. It dismisses us and places us into an awkward situation of people thinking we're dumb because we can't follow. It is better to mimic the actions of other people around us- even when we don't know we're being harmful- because the latter is worse. When Abigail Heringer did her nervous laugh, I don't think it came from a place of maliciousness. I don't think she truly agreed with other women in the room that evening.[/size]
Obviously, I'm not Abigail. The show is heavily edited, so we can't know the truth unless she says something, but as a Deaf person similar to her, I recognise the body language and the laugh because I've done it myself. Usually when someone tells me what happened afterwards and if I disagree with it, I will go directly to the person and apologise and explain that I'm Deaf and didn't follow the conversation. I wasn't aware of what I was laughing at. I go out of my way to make amends. I would've like to think she would've done the same off-camera, because that's also part of Deaf Culture.

We don't apologise for being deaf, but we apologise for unknowingly contributing or going along with the hearing person.
4) Disability justice.
As we approach a more diverse and equal world, please keep disability in the back of your mind. As we continue to fight for Black Lives and transgender equality, please, please keep disabled people from all walks of life in the back of your mind. Many of us still don't have equal rights in the United States. We can legally be underpaid, we can be denied marriage, we can be denied independence. There are 61 million disabled people in the United States alone, and some 400 million worldwide. Advocate for accessibility in your workplace, at school, or anywhere. Advocate for captions, for wheelchair ramps, elevators, hand-railings, accessible emergency exits, flashing fire alarms, visual description, etc.. Accessibility is for everyone.

For further reading on disability history: Section 504, Americans with Disabilities Act, Crip Camp (the Netflix show), Thomas Hopkins Gallaudet, Laurent Clerc, Deaf President Now!, Black ASL, Plains Indian Sign Language, French Sign Language, and so many more sign languages!, Alexander Graham-Bell (eugenics), The 1880 Milan Conference, and many more!

Popular Deaf activists: Nyle DiMarco, Christine Sun Kim, Lauren Ridloff, Chella Man, Marlee Matlin, Carlisle Robinson, Nakia Smith.

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