Bachelorette 14 - Becca Kufrin - Episode 9 - July 23rd - *Sleuthing Spoilers*

sbolduc wrote:So I kind of watched the episode last night on and off while doing stuff, so will be re-watching but my initial thoughts:

- Overall this FS fell so flat for me, this is the week where I want to see the romance/physical intimacy and I just felt like it was not there. Like Blake's date - cool idea, but just not what I want to see this week. Also Garrett's date - super cool but I wish we had more of an intimate second half of the day portion, for both of those guys.

- Blake is so in his head - and it was at times it was really hard to watch - but I do like that he laid it all out to Becca, I thought he was able to communicate to her quite well how he was feeling. And I like that while he is clearly a sensitive/emotional guy, he is also very analytical - he definitely has a head vs. heart scenario going on here. In his confessionals that there is no way there is a relationship stronger - I think he is trying to tell himself that, his heart believes it but his head doesn't.

- Garrett - I have been hard on him all season. I will never root for him because of the IG likes, or at least until years down the road and I see he appears to have made significant and permanent changes to himself. I don't think he is cerebral enough for Becca nor do I think in the real world will he challenge her enough. I just don't think he is that smart - when he talks sometimes he comes across as a ten year old.  I do however think he is genuine in his feelings for Becca. I do think he is falling in love and cares for her deeply.

From a relationship perspective, this is the first week where I saw the shift from Blake to Garrett. She blew a kiss to him, said "only for you in bed" etc. etc. There are though some weird things in her body language to Blake though, like at the rose ceremony when she called his name (Blake's) her voice got softer and she did the head tilt (wasn't expecting that) and when she kissed him at dinner she always double holds Blake's face when kissing.  



I was thinking about love languages:

Blake - I think he is a physical touch (heart) and a words of affirmation guy (head). This is why I think he and Becca had sex. I think he was affirmed physically but not through words (ILY) and that is why he was all over the place in the morning.

Garrett - I think he is a acts of service (can cook, is good with hands - the farm) and Quality Time guy

Becca - is interesting because I don't know what she is - I think she is physical touch (always touching the guys) and words of affirmation (her importance on honesty) but I also think she is looking for her acts of service type of guy/quality guy (confidence when they are together)

Mia_Leoni wrote:People keep talking about how Becca is this strong, intelligent, and progressive woman.

Are we just projecting these qualities on her? I haven’t seen her necessarily embody these consistently enough to say: yea, that’s who Becca is.

She may be a nice, likeable person, but that doesn’t mean that she is especially sophisticated, or that she needs a sophisticated partner.

I mean... her track record...  (IMO)

Mia_Leoni wrote:People keep talking about how Becca is this strong, intelligent, and progressive woman.

Are we just projecting these qualities on her? I haven’t seen her necessarily embody these consistently enough to say: yea, that’s who Becca is.

She may be a nice, likeable person, but that doesn’t mean that she is especially sophisticated, or that she needs a sophisticated partner.

I mean... her track record...  (IMO)

Amethyst wrote:

Astrobach wrote:OK. A lot to digest after this episode. I now understand better the order of the dates shown as opposed to their real order. It makes sense with the storyline they are going for.
So, Blake, whose date was shot last, after she let Jason go and had the FS with Garrett, is difficult to watch because of knowing what we know, and how he is the one who waited for the longest time ( 2 weeks! ) and to top it off she brings him on a date where they cannot make physical contact with each other.. I mean that’s torture from the producers, and Becca if she had any influence on this...and Blake is so happy to be with her anyway, despite the restrictions put upon him, it’s endearing and yet sad to see him still hoping. She dodges the hard  questions he asks her by saying ‘ I know’ or ‘ I get it, when I was in that position last year.”..and then kisses him instead of offering an honest answerto his legitimate concerns.
The evening part was looking also forced, she looked like she knew she was going to break his heart but still wanted to play along and get the privacy if the FS. Wow, I do not feel like they had a ‘ honeymoon’ time in there... she was all made up in the morning...which means they may have woken up before to ‘ get ready for hair and make up ‘before shooting the scene, Blake looked more sad than happy, like he knew but didn’t want to fully acknowledge that she was not completely with him. So even though she said a few nice words to reply to him, she was NOT sounding like the way you wake up with a lover after a nice private night with or even without sex. No tenderness or sweetness or longing. I can see her using the ‘filming schedule’ to jump out of bed, get in the shower, do the hair/ make up thing and get back in bed with him, all dolled up only to leave him...to say the foreshadowing: ‘maybe it’s the last time I see her like this.’

Then, we see Jason who is looking great and happy to see her. She is NOT straddling him oh oh.! Bad omen! So they go around town and visit all kinds of sites from food vendors to temples and traditional dancing. They seem to share a good connection and BANG ! Jason starts mentioning something about the future and she has an awkward ‘ weird’ almost anxiety attack at the thought of it. Girl, it’s the Final week, did you think it would be easy to let Jason go ? I truly think she misjudged her feelings for Jason, he grew on her as he was so patient, mature, kind, fun, sexy and his true qualities started to make her question why she did not feel IT with him? She thought it would be easier to distance herself from him, but Jason fulfilled some areas that no one else seem to have, a true friend first and partner material. She was so fixated on Garrett and to a lesser degree that she did not let herself go or open up as much with Jason. It’s fine, she is not ready to see or accept the love that is offered to her in that way, outside her fantasy of Garrett being her missing piece of puzzle. I thought he was so genuine and vulnerable with her, yet the true gentleman to the end. It forced her to be real and actually feel the pain of losing him, even as a friend if not her mate.
What resonated with me was the way he shared his true feelings and when she could not reciprocate, he still was ‘ rooting for her happiness’ ! Now, this is a silly,very scripted reality show, but ladies and gentleman, that is LOVE. He genuinely was wanting her to be happy to the point of being heartbroken by her and still wishing her well. I will come back to this point later. She was the most genuine and raw that we’ve seen her in a while in saying goodbye to him. And it kept being referred to the day after.
Which was Garrett’s turn to be with her. Big smile on each of their faces, Monkey jump and everything you expect from these two lovebirds. Loved to see the scene with the river and the elephants. Of course not much conversation, except they are so happy to be there, together. They are smitten and Gaga and that makes them both look dumb or lost in lala land. This is the time to find out about partner and marriage material and again, in the evening conversation where Garrett looked tortured to tell her he loved her, and shared his fears, about the possible engagement and commitment, but she brushes away any of his fears again by relating to what happened to her last year and the lack of honesty etc...she kisses him and basically gives him the approval that he is seeking and probably has been looking for
In his past relationships but did not get. He keeps telling her and us how he feelsaround her and how she makes HIM feel and how he can be himself and say what’s on his mind ...and she ALWAYS approves or give him love in return. Yes, he wants to always be with her, she gives him a sense of being ok, which sadly I think he did not get even from his family.
So here we go with what I think I finally figured out: they are indeed ‘ in love ‘ with someone who is fulfilling their unmet expectations , for her the daddy issues still unresolved and for him, the lack of approval and understanding so they are co-dependently needing each other to stay that way, loyal to a fault and just feeding into their unmet needs. So that the stuff that is usually worked out in therapy BEFORE you enter a serious relationship. But I do not see them having the clarity or the maturity to see that their fantasy is just that a fantasy based on an imagined persona that fits their expectations. He needs to be loved by her. She needs him to continue seeing her as someone who can be loved and be there for her no matter what, like her father should have if he had lived longer. Their entanglement is based not in loving who they really are, which they don’t even really know yet, but the image they need to project to heal their past hurt and unfulfilled relationships.
That’s where I see Jason as the one who really loves Becca, he wants HER to be happy, it’s selfless, that’s what love is, not about ‘ she makes me feel good’ I want more of this feeling good. Real mature love is a real genuine liking and appreciation of the other and wanting to GIVE them love. By brushing important issues under the carpet and always agreeing and approving whatever Garrett is saying, Becca is setting herself for big disappointments if and when she is suddenly not in perfect agreement with her Man. But life is also dealing with conflict and differences, even in love. I do not see them able to last long when those come up in the real world. After the Disney dust settles and decisions are made, character traits are exposed and their real self ( other then the laughing, giggling dumb ones ) appear, it will be interesting to watch.
Now  I look forward t the MTA and see what transpires.

I remember Becca saying something to the effect that Jason was a great guy, better than any of the men she had previously dated -- and yet she [still] had to let him go. I think she found it very difficult to shut the door on such a quality guy.

I was thinking last night that of the top four, Jason is the only guy that I would personally be interested in dating. The number one quality that I look for is intelligence, and based on what I've seen, Jason seems to be the sharpest tack in the bunch.  This may or may not be the case, but it's how he comes across to me. And I think that we can see evidence of his intelligence in his career arc. He also seems more mature than the other guys, and I think we saw that in how well he handled not only his elimination, but also the two occasions when Becca walked away from him during their date. He didn't let that rattle him, but instead, patiently waited for her to pull herself together and come back. It doesn't bother me that he took somewhat longer than the other guys to fall for Becca, in fact that seems to be the smart, mature thing to do. I got the feeling that he didn't fall for some fantasy of a woman, or for a woman based on his unmet needs, but for a real woman based on their conversations and connection. He found a friend and a possible companion.

I do realize that both Garrett and Blake are much more her type. It appears that Becca was looking for a sometimes goofy, heart on his sleeve, down home country boy. When she was reminded of Jason's sophisticated high rise Seattle condo, it hit her hard that was not what she had in mind.