Bachelorette 14 - Becca Kufrin - Episode 4 - June 18th - *Sleuthing Spoilers*

I don't know if the anonymous person from the tabloid got the ok from the ex to throw that info out there rather than doing it herself. That's always a possibility IMHO.

I don't believe Garrett knew how much of that conversation was going to be aired. I wonder how he feels now that he knows they left that in on National TV.

IA @Kashathediva, I'd be signing documents at my lawyer's office. I'm sure there is something in the separation/divorce documents stating, go off on your merry way and leave each other alone.

I personally do not feel Kayla offers the world some kind of response to something intimately personal. IMO it’s no ones business, true or not. She isn’t on this show and plays no part of it. She hasn’t vocally come out to address anything regarding Garrett or the marriage. It’s private and should have stayed that way, IMO
IMO it’s the same as other past cast who had the poor taste to discuss on tv: divorces, deaths, suicides, family issues, miscarriages. There is a right way to do it and a wrong. This imo was wrong and possibly slander.

Do we know if Kayla is remarried? 

Sorry... don’t know all the ins and outs with this. Kind of catching up.

As I also watched the wedding video, to me  it loooked very much like they were both in love and emotional in their own way at the exchange of vows. I hear her voice kind of shaking a bit as she talks. And she is gently touching him as he is tearing up. Their body language is what you would expect for people in love. What I noticed was G. hand placement on her very low back, as they danced...and the vows they highlighted were sounding pretty goofy and borderline immature to me... check G’s comment on the ‘naked show’. Hum. Ok.
Weird to include that at your wedding ceremony. Shows me the level of intellect, but just MO.
As far as the comment from “@Aria
Yeah, I remember hearing from someone who works with abuse victims that most abusers tend to up the severity and frequency of the abuse after commitment has been made. Which makes sense to me, as they're going to get worse after they feel the other person is stuck with them and there is nothing they can do to make them leave. “
One very important fact I learned the hard way is that men who abuse are mostly acting out of two conflicting conditions. 1 is a latent unresolved anger issue that is pervading their perspective and outlook on people and affect their relationships. 2 is that the triggers, which could be quite a large array of factors, are things that makes them feel powerless in some way. They feel so much ‘ out of control ‘ about what is happening, that they resort to strategies that are emotionally or physically harmful - controlling - in order to get a sense of that elusive power they are looking for. That is why most people who have been abandoned, or abused when young are likely to be perpetrators later in life if they have not done a TON of serious work with professionals.
My experience and observations of Garrett is that he shows he could fly off the handle and his emotions are all so OTT. There is a desperation to try and feel loved and meet the needs that were possibly not met earlier. It fits with Becca’s own wants to give love but also the possible abandonment issue caused by her dad’s untimely death. He alsoexhibit some agressive and power hungry gestures, imo. So they are indeed fitting like a puzzle in a weird way. My fear is that it may not be a very HEALTHY way to relate because of the possible projections and unmet expectations.
Obviously all my own analysis here.

In other words, people wha are considered abusers are not necessarily all  looking like mean and angry people all the time. They can be quite nice or pleasant around people, as much as they feel loved and accepted. But because of their latent unmet needs, they can also lose it quickly if they feel threatened or questioned in their own sense of power. They do NOT want to be known as powerless, insecure so they build a facade to compensate that. Truly centered and confident people do not need to prove anything and are secure in who they are without the external validation.
IMOAA

@sosleepy

Yea, I read somewhere that she is remarried.

How did this go to Garrett being abusive?

Garrett is the one who raised the ‘ abuse ‘ topic with his comment about his ex, Kayla, being emotionally abusive. We do not know for sure what happened between the two of them. There are signs that he could be having some control issues and speculations that he may have been abusive because of the way the marriage ended, so quickly and unexpectedly. The whole IG issues were very much related to illustrating control about a certain way of life. Nobody really knows for sure what is going on that explains what we are here to discuss and dissect. Just offering and exchanging opinions and experiences.

SFoster wrote:The things he said are not consistent. When he said he married Kayla, he said it was because he fell in love with her adventurous spirit (not that he fell in love with HER).  Then he said he fell in love with and married the wrong person. Then the "emotional abuse" came out, which that is way more than a matter of "marrying the wrong person".  I don't like either that Kayla has not come out with her side of  it, such as Nick (Amanda's ex). She should at least try to defend herself. For all we know, Kayla's "friend" is herself posing as a friend, or the friend is just totally made up and Kayla remains silent. A friend of Garrett's for 8 years tweeted to RS a while back (a girl named Lopez I think) that even she didn't know why they split. This is why I think it was something really sudden and huge, and he may be making up defensive reasons that will convince Becca while not airing the truth on national tv. I don't like his personality either and it seems so different than the guy in the video. (I wonder if he's taking meds?)

How does he seem different, honestly? I don't see it. I see him emotional with Becca and in the wedding video. And personally, questioning if someone is "taking meds" IMO is questioning their mental state which I find rude and offensive. I take depression medication. I have for 15+ years as I suffer through severe bouts at times. This doesn't make me make claims that aren't true or cry emotional abuse whenever I feel I've been wronged. Sorry, a touchy subject for me.

Astrobach wrote:Garrett is the one who raised the ‘ abuse ‘ topic with his comment about his ex, Kayla, being emotionally abusive. We do not know for sure what happened between the two of them. There are signs that he could be having some control issues and speculations that he may have been abusive because of the way the marriage ended, so quickly and unexpectedly. The whole IG issues were very much related to illustrating control about a certain way of life. Nobody really knows for sure what is going on that explains what we are here to discuss and dissect. Just offering and exchanging opinions and experiences.

Just curious, beyond his social media likes and a highly edited conversation with Becca that received about 2 minutes of air-time, what are the signs HE's abusive? Honestly wondering. Thanks!

To be clear, I did not say he was abusive, but read many comments that did questions that and bring that up as a possibility. There are many red flags that can be observed however, and I am just weighing all the elements at our disposal. All IMOAA

“speculations that he may have been abusive because of the way the marriage ended,

I don't think Kayla should have to come out and say anything. It's well within her rights if she wanted to considering what was said, but she didn't sign up to be a public figure and didn't invited strangers into her private life. All jmo.