Arie Luyendyk Jr - Lauren Burnham - Bachelor 22 - Discussion #2

Aria wrote:I don't care what Arie's education level is, it was just mentioned in this thread because there were lots of comparisons being made to doctors who had married late because they were consumed by their education/careers and didn't have the time or opportunities to meet people. It just, IMO, didn't seem like an apt comparison as, well, Arie isn't a Doctor. He's clearly never had trouble meeting women and, as he has said, he made the choice to date women who weren't ready for marriage. This isn't a Rachel type of situation, who really just wasn't able to meet men because of her career.

I think he's an idiot in a lot of ways, but I don't really question his intelligence - he's the Bachelor alum to make the most on Millionaire, which is somewhat indicative of logical reasoning and general knowledge. It's why I've never bought the "the producers just manipulated and forced Arie to do something he didn't want to!". IMO, Arie's never been a pushover and he is just much more savvy and calculated than Jason was.

I wasn't comparing my situation to Arie's at all. I was simply responding to someone upthread who claimed that there is something abnormal about people in their 30s who are not married. I don't think it's abnormal to be 36 and not married, but that's just me.

I don't think she was saying it's abnormal, like psychologically abnormal. She was just saying that studies show that the chances of getting married, when you have not previously been married, goes significantly down in your mid-30s. That's not her opinion, it's a fact supported by research. It's like anything else in the world - it's a trend, a generalization, it doesn't apply to every single person in the world. No study does. IMO.

Mommyof2 wrote:

Aria wrote:I don't care what Arie's education level is, it was just mentioned in this thread because there were lots of comparisons being made to doctors who had married late because they were consumed by their education/careers and didn't have the time or opportunities to meet people. It just, IMO, didn't seem like an apt comparison as, well, Arie isn't a Doctor. He's clearly never had trouble meeting women and, as he has said, he made the choice to date women who weren't ready for marriage. This isn't a Rachel type of situation, who really just wasn't able to meet men because of her career.

I think he's an idiot in a lot of ways, but I don't really question his intelligence - he's the Bachelor alum to make the most on Millionaire, which is somewhat indicative of logical reasoning and general knowledge. It's why I've never bought the "the producers just manipulated and forced Arie to do something he didn't want to!". IMO, Arie's never been a pushover and he is just much more savvy and calculated than Jason was.

I wasn't comparing my situation to Arie's at all.  I was simply responding to someone upthread who claimed that there is something abnormal about people in their 30s who are not married.  I don't think it's abnormal to be 36 and not married, but that's just me.  

Ok, that was me. And I never said it was “abnormal” to be unmarried in your thirties. Not at all. You completely misunderstood what I said. I said... statistically (and this is true), once you hit a certain age, and I believe it’s 33 or 34, if you have never been married, your odds of ever marrying decrease, and continue to decrease further with every passing year.

Does this make you wrong, or abnormal, or weird, or bad? No. I never said that. I don’t believe that. Does this mean no 40+ year old Bachelors ever get marred? Of course not. Of course some people do get married later in life. Heck, my own step father married my mom at age 40, and she was his first marriage. See, everyone can come up with some anecdotal story.

My point was, and remains, that statistically, once you hit a certain age without marriage, odds of ever marrying decrease. Arie, having hit that age, is in that bracket. It doesn’t make him abnormal or wrong. It’s just what it is. The end.

IMO.

ETA: Also, coincidentally, my dad is a doctor. He married my mom at age 22 while he was just starting med school.   Statistically, as discussed, people with higher education get married later in life. So see, everyone can come up with anecdotal stories that defeat the odds.

Aria wrote:I don't think she was saying it's abnormal, like psychologically abnormal. She was just saying that studies show that the chances of getting married, when you have not previously been married, goes significantly down in your mid-30s. That's not her opinion, it's a fact supported by research. It's like anything else in the world - it's a trend, a generalization, it doesn't apply to every single person in the world. No study does. IMO.

Yeah, this.

ETA:
I literally only brought this up to begin with because it was mentioned that Arie has a better chance of settling down because he is 36 vs. 26. My point was, statistically, the 26 year old actually has better odds of getting married than the 36 year old. Statistically. Which, as they say, statistics have nothing to do with the individual.

sosleepy wrote:I literally only brought this up to begin with because it was mentioned that Arie has a better chance of settling down because he is 36 vs. 26. My point was, statistically, the 26 year old actually has better odds of getting married than the 36 year old. Statistically. Which, as they say, statistics have nothing to do with the individual.

A 36 year old who still flips burgers for a living or has an alcohol problem or mental problems will probably never get married, and he's part of the statistics.

I however think most 25+ year old women would prefer a 32+ year old guy that is wealthy, of good moral character, and ready to settle down and start a family.

A 26 year old who still flips burgers for a living or has an alcohol problem or mental problems and will probably never get married, is also included as part of the statistics, so it all evens out. Any researcher with even an basic course in statistics will ensure that things like education, mental status, substance abuse issues, and socioeconomic status are not skewed for any particular age group. And if they are, that will be included as part of the results as that would have tainted the results. In general, there is no significant difference between 20-somethings and 30-somethings when it comes to psychiatric or substance abuse issues.

And, no one is saying that Arie *couldn't* get married. The guy definitely has options. It's just a matter of wanting to. IMO.

Not sure if this was posted yet, but Arie and Lauren are interviewed by Ryan Seacrest.

sosleepy wrote:

Aria wrote:I don't think she was saying it's abnormal, like psychologically abnormal. She was just saying that studies show that the chances of getting married, when you have not previously been married, goes significantly down in your mid-30s. That's not her opinion, it's a fact supported by research. It's like anything else in the world - it's a trend, a generalization, it doesn't apply to every single person in the world. No study does. IMO.

Yeah, this.

ETA:
I literally only brought this up to begin with because it was mentioned that Arie has a better chance of settling down because he is 36 vs. 26. My point was, statistically, the 26 year old actually has better odds of getting married than the 36 year old. Statistically. Which, as they say, statistics have nothing to do with the individual.

My point is he is 36 and the clock is ticking if he wants to have kids.  He doesn't have the luxury of waiting as a 26 year-old man does.  I know this first-hand as both my DH and I are older parents.  There is no turning back time.  Even my DH said to me the other day, I am almost 51 years-old and have a 4 year-old. It bothers him. I am sure this is in the back of Arie's mind as well and it might explain why him and Lauren are full speed ahead regarding planning a wedding.  Jmo.

I know it was easier for me to take care of little kids when I was younger. It's exhausting now. 

Kashathediva wrote:I know it was easier for me to take care of little kids when I was younger. It's exhausting now. 

Is it ever!  Some days I don't even know how I make it through the day and my kiddos are both highly energetic, which makes it all the more difficult!  

Mommyof2 wrote:

sosleepy wrote:

Aria wrote:I don't think she was saying it's abnormal, like psychologically abnormal. She was just saying that studies show that the chances of getting married, when you have not previously been married, goes significantly down in your mid-30s. That's not her opinion, it's a fact supported by research. It's like anything else in the world - it's a trend, a generalization, it doesn't apply to every single person in the world. No study does. IMO.

Yeah, this.

ETA:
I literally only brought this up to begin with because it was mentioned that Arie has a better chance of settling down because he is 36 vs. 26. My point was, statistically, the 26 year old actually has better odds of getting married than the 36 year old. Statistically. Which, as they say, statistics have nothing to do with the individual.

My point is he is 36 and the clock is ticking if he wants to have kids.  He doesn't have the luxury of waiting as a 26 year-old man does.  I know this first-hand as both my DH and I are older parents.  There is no turning back time.  Even my DH said to me the other day, I am almost 51 years-old and have a 4 year-old. It bothers him. I am sure this is in the back of Arie's mind as well and it might explain why him and Lauren are full speed ahead regarding planning a wedding.   Jmo.

Men can suffer lower sperm count, but they can continue to father children their whole lives. So I don’t think Arie’s age requires he get serious. Since we are bringing up personal exceptions, my father was 48 when I was born. My 47 year old high school classmates and his wife in her late 30s just had a child. Another friend and his younger wife had twins, he is 46. BTW, my dad was proud to be an older dad. My friends are ecstatic.

IMO, Arie seems to prefer younger women, so really his clock doesn’t need to tick for a while.

Perhaps Lauren and Arie are meant to be, I neither know or actually care. I personally don’t think Arie’s age will have anything to do with their success. All JMO.

Yes, fertility issues may present themselves as men age (low sperm count or even sperm mutation), however a big factor in being advanced age is trying to keep up with kids. They are exhausting and require so much energy. So.much.energy.