Bachelorette 13 - Rachel Lindsay - Episode 10 FRC - Aug 7 - *Sleuthing Spoilers*

When you know, you know and Peter just doesn't know but Rachel does. Sorry Peter - I like you but she's not your person. Let her go and be happy.

Bravo all the past 2 pages of posts, very very accurate imo.  Now I just need Rachel to follow through with choosing happiness & hoping for a beautiful romantic proposal this evening.

That just really sounded like a break up conversation, with Rachel trying to do the breaking up, because they want different things, and imo Peter is not making it easy. Peter wants it his way, his time, Rachel wants a man who wants the same things she wants, and wants them with her. That's not Peter, IMO.

That 'We' re not breaking up' sounded weird, and awkward, well because if she wants to break up, then tough luck. Jmo

I don't see how Peter can both want to win and be the Bachelor. They're usually mutually exclusive. I think he did have strong feelings for Rachel, hence the apparent bitterness post-filming. I just fail to see any logical reason for his bitterness if he was just gunning for the Bachelor all along. Leads who were IMO only auditioning (Ben, Chris etc.) were always playing nice, because they knew it's the way to get what you want. I think Peter did have strong feelings, just not enough to ignore reality and his nagging doubts, which I think were there for a reason. JMO. I hope he's over it enough not to be all poor me at ATFR though. It all worked out for the best.

stuckinsc wrote:Relationships are hard, they do require work. But they should also contain joy. Rachel and Peter had my favorite first date ever and then it all became a struggle. Rachel wanted more affection, Peter withheld (either due to disinterest or communication style). Rachel kept falling back to those first date feels, it reminds me of Des. Des kept going back to the giddy she had with Brooks on their first date, when her body and subconscious were always happiest with Chris. Chris just got Des, they meshed so well, I am sure they have struggled, but their joy is palpable. Bryan and Rachel remind me of that. Rachel melts into Bryan and just has joy with him.

While relationships are hard, at the begining at least they should also be fun. Peter and Rachel got stuck in push and pull. And when you have always been the one to give and never be quite good enough, it can be hard to let go of that destructive security blanket and learn to accept that they can be less of a constant struggle. Personally, I think it was hard for Rachel to break her pattern and chose Bryan. It is difficult to trust something different. I compliment Rachel on realizing that she could make a different choice and breaking her bad pattern.

I don't care if Bryan was it from the limo or if she eventually realized how lucky she was. If they build a great relationship post-show like Trista and Ryan, Ashley and JP, Des and Chris, and even Kaitlyn and Shawn and JoJo and Jordan, I will be thrilled for her. What happens on this show is simply a weird introduction to can we make it. Just dating on steroids, rate and fluctuating emotions included.

All JMO.

Totally Agree with you. . A romantic relationship in its infancy should never be this stressful! I'm glad Rachel chose KISSES over TEARS!
IMO

Forget the proposal. That's not even a part of the equation IMHO, Peter not wanting to propose has nothing to do with his issues, it's just another excuse. Like I've said all season long, he is not into her, he is not attracted to her. If he truly wanted her he would feel it, show her, and tell her. He is once again, giving her demands, when it's the correct time for him, then he'll start building a relationship. So she is suppose to choose him, and then what? He'll call her when he's ready. If anyone spoke to me like that, I would have eliminated him weeks ago, I'm not begging anyone for their affection or promises, but that's MO. I wonder how Rachel feels watching this all back, giving this guy time, giving him a chance to sort things through, then being told sorry, when I'm ready, you'll hear from me. I'm going to skim through any further posts about Peter because IMO he's been a joke of a contestant all season long right from March/17 IMHO. He needs a good therapist IMO.

Cocoasneeze wrote:Peter: 'I want to build a relationship with you, when I feel like it's the correct time.'

Rachel: 'And you feel tomorrow is the correct time?'

Peter: 'NO'

Rachel: 'Exactly, the don't..'

Peter interrupts: 'But I think you're the correct person'

Rachel:  'I don't know how many times I say it. Like, I just want somebody who wants what I want and wants it with me'

Peter: 'I'm sorry it's taken me this long.'

Peter: 'You know for a fact, right here and right now, that I'm the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?'

Rachel: 'I can't answer that question'

Peter: 'Why not?'

Rachel: 'Cause I can't answer that question'

Peter: 'We're not breaking up'

Peter: 'what's wrong with me?'
snipped..

Less than 8 hours to go!

IMO Peter always wants his cake and wants to eat it, too. Life doesn't work that way. Most people learn that somewhere in the scheme of life. Maybe this is the scheme of life finally for Peter. Maybe not. JMOAA

Kashathediva wrote:

quietpal wrote:Peter is never direct with Rachel IMO, and that's the problem. He uses language like "I think you're the correct person", implying that he doesn't know for sure if she's the one. How does language like that give her reassurance to want to move forward with him?
He also makes conditional statements, like when he said "I want to build a relationship with you, when I feel like it's the correct time." Again, this is contingent upon when he feels it's the right time, not the two of them figuring it out together when that time is.
It's this kind of language that makes me think Peter is being selfish and is making it all about him. A relationship should not be selfish. There should be a mutual understanding of what each person wants, and from what I see, Peter and Rachel don't have that, hence why I think they're not compatible and wouldn't work out in the real world long-term. IMHO

I believe exactly what you are saying is what rolls around in her head and tells her she has to go right back and break up with him. She is used to definitives in her life vs conditionals. Life is iffy enough as it is. She has all along stated she wanted confidence and a rock. She needed that. That is what she found in Bryan. She could not find that in Peter. This last piece of the puzzles says that. So with that she lets Peter go and goes forward with Bryan. This is the last piece of the puzzle. It really is.
Good job @quietpal.

Thanks, Kash!

I do think it's about the proposal, since Rachel herself defined it as some kind of a commitment to build a relationship that leads to marriage rather than a decision to get married soonish, which is how Peter defines it. I think they were just discussing the issue using her terms in that particular moment. It makes no sense for Peter to not even want a relationship and still be debating the issue, so I'm not even considering that. JMO.

I'm excited.

.@TheRachLindsay's man will be revealed! Don't miss #TheBacheloretteFinale tonight! pic.twitter.com/UBOfnJwOun

— The Bachelorette (@BacheloretteABC) August 7, 2017

This clip just reinforces so much of what Rachel has said and so much of what has seemed to play out this season.

And I don't mean to take anything away from Rachel's confidence or strength or ability when I say this, but Rachel has her own insecurities about relationships/men and I think she fell for two totally different men, but attracted to both, all the same.

1. Bryan. He is the guy who is everything she ever wanted. She notes devastatingly handsome, well-educated, sincere in how he handles her, great job, great family, so open, so confident, so secure, so strong.

He's the guy she says she runs from. She liked Bryan early and fast and was scared to death of him.

I mean no harm when I make this point about ~damage, but...

It had come up in other conversations and people were kind of knocking Bryan as not being as easy to root for, in part because... Bryan didn't have a trauma, or a sob story, or some major crazy obstacle, or upheaval to share with Rachel that made him easy to root for.

And I remember thinking at the time, Bryan's lack of damage, his lack of drama, his lack of need, his complete self-sufficiency, his maturity, and autonomy were actually why if I'm looking through Rachel's lens? Is exactly WHY you root with Bryan for her, imo.

Bryan, because he has it all together, is capable of being for Rachel, exactly what I think Rachel needs or needed at the time, at the very least. He balances her. He builds her up. He reassures her. He takes control so she doesn't always have to be in the driver's seat. He makes her a better human being. A strong human being.

He has more than once now stepped up and told her he'd be the "strong" one or acted like the "strong" one when she even started to express anxiety or fear. And he does this at cost to himself sometimes. He puts her fears and anxiety over his own.

I knew that's who he was to her, but... That just came more completely full circle to me when... When Rachel said, "I need you..." about the hot air balloon situation and he said, "I'll be strong for both of us..." before she could even finish getting out her whole sentiment.

And I loved him for that. But also... He disclosed in that moment that he has a slight issue with heights. SAY WHAT? And I loved him even more for how good he was to her in that moment, especially because...

The same guy who talked Rachel down off that ski jump or whatever?! Where he put her first. Told her when to move her hand. Told her to get off the ledge because it would feel better and he knew because he tested it first for them, told her to just focus on him, told her not to look down, told her... Like, seriously?! THAT GUY? Had an issue with heights?! Who knew, because he basically held Rachel's hand all the way through that repelling exercise.

And now... Now he discloses he's got an issue with heights on this hot air balloon thing and he still is like, "I'll be strong for..."

THAT is just one example of the epitome of why I root for him with her. Bryan has the emotional and mental capacity at this point in his life to be there for Rachel in a way she needs someone to be there for her to feel secure, to feel safe, to feel wanted. He is built and wired in a way that he can lend himself to being what she needs.

2. Peter. Good looking, great family, business-minded/goal-oriented... A lot of the things Rachel was looking for, again. Doesn't cross off as many of those boxes as Bryan, but, he does well.

But the difference is... Peter is not confident, mature, self-assured, and in control the same way Bryan is and those things are huge.

And I'm not someone who didn't think Peter had a chance. I think he did. I think he was 1B behind Bryan, tbh. I think she always wanted Bryan, yes, and I think she realllllly wanted Bryan, to be clear, but I think she was so scared of Bryan, she could have run from him so quickly if Peter had given her ANY REAL security or assurance, because Peter was/is her default type.

I think the difference is and why he stayed 1B... Rachel was attracted to Peter, and she saw the potential in Peter, and then that was that.. and Peter coasted/stalled, but Rachel kept him around, imo, because she still saw the potential and was hoping that the potential might become reality. Combine that with how he was what's comfortable to her...

I don't think things really got out of hand as far as catching up to Bryan until Bryan's first one-on-one and even then, things wouldn't have had to have been so lopsided if Peter would have put himself out there.

But as it is and how it played out to me... The relationship with Peter seems to exacerbate every single insecurity and fault line she has about relationships. And he doesn't seem to have the emotional capability to give her what she needs to be on solid ground with him, and that in and of itself is a warning sign, imo. It plays on her fear that she wasn't ever quite good enough, imo. And I just... No.

She has one guy who builds her up. She has another who tears her down. She has one guy who will put his issues to the side to be what she needs. She has another guy who was not capable of doing that. She has one guy who is confident enough in what he had with her he blocked out the competition. She had another who started verbally demeaning and attacking the competition. She had one guy who allowed her to let her walls down and just be, and not have to control anything, she didn't have to be the strong one, or have to worry. She had another guy who kept her in a push/pull loop where she never was able to figure out where she stood or what he wanted from her or with her. I MEAN. The tale of two guys!

This clip hammers that home to me.

Diana wrote:am i the only one who was totally creep-ed out by the we're not breaking up comment? I'm sorry but sounded so controlling and ott.  

I truly believe when Rachel said she is reassured she made the right choice everyday because she did.

all jmo

Nope you are not the only one that is creep-ed out by Peter. 

I said it early on and I will say it again, Peter has some serious issues, imo.

Rachel dodged a bullet with Peter. jmo