Bachelorette 13 - Rachel Lindsay - Episode 10 FRC - Aug 7 - *Sleuthing Spoilers*

quietpal wrote:Peter is never direct with Rachel IMO, and that's the problem. He uses language like "I think you're the correct person", implying that he doesn't know for sure if she's the one. How does language like that give her reassurance to want to move forward with him?
He also makes conditional statements, like when he said "I want to build a relationship with you, when I feel like it's the correct time." Again, this is contingent upon when he feels it's the right time, not the two of them figuring it out together when that time is.
It's this kind of language that makes me think Peter is being selfish and is making it all about him. A relationship should not be selfish. There should be a mutual understanding of what each person wants, and from what I see, Peter and Rachel don't have that, hence why I think they're not compatible and wouldn't work out in the real world long-term. IMHO

I believe exactly what you are saying is what rolls around in her head and tells her she has to go right back and break up with him. She is used to definitives in her life vs conditionals. Life is iffy enough as it is. She has all along stated she wanted confidence and a rock. She needed that. That is what she found in Bryan. She could not find that in Peter. This last piece of the puzzles says that. So with that she lets Peter go and goes forward with Bryan. This is the last piece of the puzzle. It really is.
Good job @quietpal.

lleyki wrote:Again, to quote the woman who was actually in the situation, the relationship with Peter reminded her of past relationships and brought up insecurities and reminded her how she would wonder what was wrong with her and why she wasn't good enough to commit to. And as I said when I first  heard that comment from Rachel and I would say to anyone, if any man or relationship makes you feel that way, knowingly or not, cut it loose and move on. Because that is not love. JMO.

Exactly this. What Peter is offering to Rachel is not love, imo. It is not "real".... It is dysfunction, imo. 

A dysfunctional relationship of never feeling good enough and less than and as Rachel said, like she experienced in her past relationships. And which to Rachel felt "normal" given this is what she had experienced in all her past relationships... 

When dysfunction feels normal, it is hard to break from that. Anything that resembles being made to feel worthy and deserving of healthy love will feel like it's "too good to be true". 

No wonder Rachel felt that way with Bryan. Like Rach said that with Bryan she felt she was more than worthy of a wonderful love and a feeling of being totally accepted - something Rach said she had never had before with any man before Bryan. That says it all, IMO.  

It also is why Rach said she wanted to sabotage her relationship with Bryan because it felt "too good to be true" when comparing to the past relationships she had. When someone has experienced a relationship that is founded on dysfunction and where one party has the power and the other is in a place of insecurity like Rachel said she had, the first response would be to self-sabotage like Rachel said she was doing.

It's why for me it has truly saddened me that someone like Rachel, who has so much going for her, had to even be put in a position to ask for a kiss or ask to be met where she wants to be - which is a place where a man "will want what she wants and will want it with HER".

Bryan is exactly that man that Rachel had been seeking, imo. A safe place where Rachel could be herself and feel worthy and loved without having to be made to feel not good enough the way Peter made her feel and as Rachel said herself like Peter made her feel insecure just like in her past relationships and giving her just enough but never committing.

That Rachel realized this about herself... that she had the courage to CHANGE her own pattern of what she would accept in a relationship and no longer accept a dysfunctional view of herself or of love is HUGE imo. 

From all accounts by Rachel herself in interviews, Rachel didn't just find love, she was able to break the cycle that so many don't ever get to do. And one of the main reasons Rachel was able to break that cycle was because of Bryan imo... as she said and Bryan has said... he will be strong when she is weak and doing so in such a way to make her feel safe because of it rather than insecure.

That's the opposite of a dysfunctional relationship which the person in power (Peter imo) makes the other person feel weak and insecure rather than a healthy relationship, where the person who is the same wavelength and a relationship of reciprocity empowers another to be able to not feel insecure about any weakness because they'll be there for them and they don't see that as something to prey on but to be a team with that person.

No doubt to me, Rach made the right choice by choosing Bryan and most importantly, choosing herself and allowing herself to not accept anything less than someone who will meet her where she is and love her for all she is.

JMO

am i the only one who was totally creep-ed out by the we're not breaking up comment? I'm sorry but sounded so controlling and ott.

I truly believe when Rachel said she is reassured she made the right choice everyday because she did.

all jmo

I am on a liking spree. So many awesome posts today morning!  

Don't think I can say anymore than what's already been said. Just want to share these two quotes:


Source


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Diana wrote:am i the only one who was totally creep-ed out by the we're not breaking up comment? I'm sorry but sounded so controlling and ott.  

I truly believe when Rachel said she is reassured she made the right choice everyday because she did.

all jmo

No. You were not the only one. I think it's pretty much always been his way or the highway. Him in control. Life doesn't work like that.

I have no problem with Peter in that clip. Yes, you're supposed to want to propose at the end no matter what, but it doesn't make it any less ridiculous. You can think someone may be the one and still be nowhere near ready to commit to a marriage and that seems to be how Peter views engagement (so do I). Rachel said she wants someone who wants the same thing she does, but Peter doesn't know what that is at this point, so I don't blame him for asking her. Yes, he knows Rachel wants an engagement, but who with is kind of a massive deal for him. I thought that was as much a way of pointing out that she's expecting him to be sure she's the one for him, while she's not even sure he's the one for her, than it was about getting an answer. Of course she can't reply but it's still a valid question. And if she'd already made up her mind then she could've just said no, but perhaps she needed to go ask for permission from the producers first. I hate how this show tries to draw out proposals from several people when they're wisely trying to stay out of the bubble. I'm not blaming it on Rachel though, since it's the same crap every season. However, I'm not blaming Peter for staying true to himself either. Rachel had all the facts and she went for Bryan who was on the same page, or at least said he was. Good for her! No one was tricked into anything so I don't see a reason to vilify anyone personally. All JMO.

Diana wrote:am i the only one who was totally creep-ed out by the we're not breaking up comment? I'm sorry but sounded so controlling and ott.  

I truly believe when Rachel said she is reassured she made the right choice everyday because she did.

all jmo

Everything about Peter creeps me out!

Peter wants to Win IMO. Bryan wants Rachel IMO.

Rachel chose the one she loved and could see a mutual future with. She is over the moon happy IRL. All this because Rachel chose Bryan IMO.
JMO

on a lighter note, I am so excited to watch Rach drop his azz and see her and Bryan be so happy! I remember CH say this finale is like Christmas morning and he's right. IMO

Kashathediva wrote:

Diana wrote:am i the only one who was totally creep-ed out by the we're not breaking up comment? I'm sorry but sounded so controlling and ott.  

I truly believe when Rachel said she is reassured she made the right choice everyday because she did.

all jmo

No. You were not the only one. I think it's pretty much always been his way or the highway. Him in control. Life doesn't work like that.

Shades of Jake Pavelka for me.

mindless wrote:I have no problem with Peter in that clip. Yes, you're supposed to want to propose at the end no matter what, but it doesn't make it any less ridiculous. You can think someone may be the one and still be nowhere near ready to commit to a marriage and that seems to be how Peter views engagement (so do I). Rachel said she wants someone who wants the same thing she does, but Peter doesn't know what that is at this point, so I don't blame him for asking her. Yes, he knows Rachel wants an engagement, but who with is kind of a massive deal for him. I thought that was as much a way of pointing out that she's expecting him to be sure she's the one for him, while she's not even sure he's the one for her, than it was about getting an answer. Of course she can't reply but it's still a valid question. And if she'd already made up her mind then she could've just said no, but perhaps she needed to go ask for permission from the producers first. I hate how this show tries to draw out proposals from several people when they're wisely trying to stay out of the bubble. I'm not blaming it on Rachel though, since it's the same crap every season. However, I'm not blaming Peter for staying true to himself either. Rachel had all the facts and she went for Bryan who was on the same page, or at least said he was. Good for her! No one was tricked into anything so I don't see a reason to vilify anyone personally. All JMO.

I dont' think anyone is a villain its is just how the show is and someone needs to be the F2.  However, if he truly is that way and can't commit, he should not be the next lead. However, I (hope I am wrong) believe he will jump at the chance to be the lead.  I really just think Rachel wasn't the one for him (which is fine) but he kept playing the part so he could be the next lead, that is what he is really after, I think we will see the final part of his audition tonight. All IMO

kirkie1 wrote:

Diana wrote:am i the only one who was totally creep-ed out by the we're not breaking up comment? I'm sorry but sounded so controlling and ott.  

I truly believe when Rachel said she is reassured she made the right choice everyday because she did.

all jmo

Everything about Peter creeps me out!

Pretty much me, too. He isn't the worst. Effie out does him on that, but he is a weirdo for sure. IMO