Dr. Bryan Abasolo - Bachelorette 13 - Discussion - #4

Aria wrote:I understand why people are skeptical of Bryan - I do prefer Bryan when he drops the "smooth, charming" act, complete with the cheesy lines, and is just himself. Like my favorite moments of him have been where he is just joking around with Rachel, like the end credits last episode or his comments about how his Swatch watch or having Rachel repeat that line about liking Bryan the most. I just personally don't believe the "player/cheater" vibes people get from him, because I don't really think there's any evidence of that yet. His ex of 4 years was age-appropriate, still follows him, and has pics of him on her FB. That model fling had kind things to say about and even that random old girlfriend from college seemed to have no bitterness about him. By this time, we had heard so much about guys like Jordan, Ed, Jef, Grant, and Arie and yet RS is saying he's heard nothing. And he's alluded to hearing lots about both Peter and Dean. I get the vibe that he just loves love and that cheesy, hyper-focused, and madly in love in 30 seconds flat is just who he is. I worry more about his possible inability to stand up to his mother or him getting caught up in the fame more than I worry about him cheating on Rachel or becoming bored with her and dumping her for a hot model. IMO.

Also...I heard some Roberto comparisons somewhere in this thread. Interestingly, IIRC, Ali had said on Ashely's MTA (when they were discussing Bentley) that she had the same concerns about Roberto in the beginning, that he was too smooth and charming and perfect. So, I do think there is a cultural element to it. Roberto was just so lovable because he was soft-spoken and always a perfect gentleman, whereas Bryan comes off as more cocky, at times, and puts his foot in his mouth, but they had similar approaches at times (like Roberto saying to look at his eyes when she needs to feel strong). IMO.

Good post! I don't understand what is he saying that many think is smooth, I've heard some smooth lines in my life but that what Bryan is saying is not. Like you say Bryan love being in love, he easily falls. I believe his mother knows this and why she is protective, maybe the ex-girlfriends were the ones that broke it off with him and he was hurt. I believe he wants to be married with kids. Like you say Rachel has fun with him. I don't get a player nor smooth vibe from him, just him being who is, and folks don't him then they just don't. I remember people said the same things about Jerry Ferris, that all was proven wrong. I like that he's all about Rachel. Josh Murray was cocky, there was your smooth player, I saw that mess a mile away.

I actually starting watch BECAUSE of Bryan. I read the first spoiler from RS and saw she picked Peter thought lame - and hard pass on the season. Peter seemed so boring in his bio and I just couldn't believe she'd pick him. I had already missed the first three episodes when something made me go back and read RS again and WHABOOM it had changed to Bryan and I was all in. I really like them together and thing they make a great catch.

On the first episode/night Bryan says, ‘I got it bad for her’ and in another episode ‘I came here for Rachel... let her see that the other guys aren’t as serious as I am.’

IMO this is no different than when Shawn circled Kaitlyn’s face on his TV screen and said he was going to go get his girl.

Bryan was a man on a mission. He wanted Rachel and it showed.

I’ve seen comments here and on SM discussing Bryan’s ‘tactics’ advantage of Miami/Colombian Latin lover background/PUA techniques/smooth lines to get Rachel and I’m trying to make sense of it all/be objective.

I’ve read the Game by Neil Strauss twice. I’ve never disliked PUAs (at least not the original ones anyway) IMO they started out as a group of socially awkward/nerdy guys that couldn’t get a date. Through scientific study/trial and error they found ways to increase their chances of getting girls. Some guys in the book just wanted girlfriends or wives, many others let their initial success with girls go their head and began to play women. IMO this is not Bryan, he was already being sought after midway through high school, by his own admission.

However, even those PUAs usually made it clear they weren’t looking for a relationship. In the end, it’s up to an individual, guy or girl, to ask the right questions and feel out people when they are attracted someone. If they seem like they’re playing you then you decide whether to walk away. Let me add, that
I do not respect guys who lie to women about their intentions.

The only thing Bryan did on the first episode was speak to Rachel in Spanish, tell her she was in trouble (btw he wasn’t lying, she was in trouble ), and go for a kiss. Every guy did something to try and set themselves apart on the first night. Yet it seems that Bryan’s being blamed because Rachel liked it?

Yes, in my experience Latin/Miami guys seem more forward in pursuing women and ‘smoother’ in compliments than other guys that I’ve dated but that only helps them with their initial impression and giving a girl the ‘excitement feelz’, it does not work past a few dates. The guy’s personality will come through.

Besides, most Miami girls (and other women in other places) that I know are already trying to gauge whether a guy is feeding lines, has a secret wife, etc. when they first meet them. (I know, sucks to be a millennial).

Rachel was skeptical of Bryan, she said he later proved to her that he was sincere. IMO if they break up, it will be for the same reasons that any of the other couples broke up, not because Bryan’s a player.

For me, putting aside everything else, the thing that really makes me hope for the best for those two if he is F1 and makes me believe all the evidence pointing to his being F1 is Rachel saying that Bryan accepts her for exactly who she is and that she's never had that.

I don't think that comment/moment got as much focus as it deserved and some realize how profound that is. It's great for a person to be attracted to you, to have great passion, chemistry, fun moments, etc. That's all amazing. But when you can find someone who gets you and accepts you, flaws and all, that's everything.

And Rachel has repeated this twice about Bryan and their relationship. She alluded to it on their second one on one when she said he wouldn't allow her to run and he just accepts her fears and goes, "nope, I'm still here". And she said it again when telling his mother what stood out to her about him. She said again that no one had ever treated her and given her what Bryan does.

That so many keep insisting they're not showing the love story between those two or it's all just lust, just tells me again that some aren't listening to what Rachel's actually saying and instead hearing or seeing what they want to.

sfrank wrote:I actually starting watch BECAUSE of Bryan. I read the first spoiler from RS and saw she picked Peter thought lame - and hard pass on the season. Peter seemed so boring in his bio and I just couldn't believe she'd pick him. I had already missed the first three episodes when something made me go back and read RS again and WHABOOM  it had changed to Bryan and I was all in. I really like them together and thing they make a great catch.

Yes!!  Same here.   Bryan is one-in-a-million.   He completely changed this season for me.   I am so happy, and so optimistic for them. 
I was so happy when RS changed the spoiler because it just didn't make sense.  Now... it makes sense!

lleyki wrote:For me, putting aside everything else, the thing that really makes me hope for the best for those two if he is F1 and makes me believe all the evidence pointing to his being F1 is Rachel saying that Bryan accepts her for exactly who she is and that she's never had that.

I don't think that comment/moment got as much focus as it deserved and some realize how profound that is. It's great for a person to be attracted to you, to have great passion, chemistry, fun moments, etc. That's all amazing. But when you can find someone who gets you and accepts you, flaws and all, that's everything.

And Rachel has repeated this twice about Bryan and their relationship. She alluded to it on their second one on one when she said he wouldn't allow her to run and he just accepts her fears and goes, "nope, I'm still here". And she said it again when telling his mother what stood out to her about him. She said again that no one had ever treated her and given her what Bryan does.

That so many keep insisting they're not showing the love story between those two or it's all just lust, just tells me again that some aren't listening to what Rachel's actually saying and instead hearing or seeing what they want to.

I've found it obvious, too, but I wish they were showing us more of the interactions that have led Rachel to her conclusions. Knowing only what we've seen it all seems to be based on chemistry; they say wonderful things about each other but don't seem to be getting to know each other. So that is the part of the story we are missing: them actually getting to know each other.

lleyki wrote:For me, putting aside everything else, the thing that really makes me hope for the best for those two if he is F1 and makes me believe all the evidence pointing to his being F1 is Rachel saying that Bryan accepts her for exactly who she is and that she's never had that.

I don't think that comment/moment got as much focus as it deserved and some realize how profound that is. It's great for a person to be attracted to you, to have great passion, chemistry, fun moments, etc. That's all amazing. But when you can find someone who gets you and accepts you, flaws and all, that's everything.

And Rachel has repeated this twice about Bryan and their relationship. She alluded to it on their second one on one when she said he wouldn't allow her to run and he just accepts her fears and goes, "nope, I'm still here". And she said it again when telling his mother what stood out to her about him. She said again that no one had ever treated her and given her what Bryan does.

That so many keep insisting they're not showing the love story between those two or it's all just lust, just tells me again that some aren't listening to what Rachel's actually saying and instead hearing or seeing what they want to.

I definitely paid attention to that comment and thought she sounded slightly delusional, since she'd known the guy for a hot second at that point. How can someone accept you, flaws and all, when they've only spent a few hours with you and probably haven't even seen any flaws? I give weight to such comments 6 months into a relationship, not after one date. If she still feels that way though, then great! She does look happy, so hopefully he's still her rock. JMOAA.

But does anybody really know each other while on this show? I thought the real relationship and getting to know one another happens after the show?
To me, this is like every other season where we're shown bits of a potential F1 and the lead's developing relationship. I don't understand when people say they wish to see more of Bryan and Rachel's relationship beyond the chemistry. This is what TP do. They show snippets and even those are edited. This is nothing new. Same formula. Different people. IMO
That being said, I do see the strong connection with them. I see funny moments between them and back-and-forth banter. They seem to be on the same page as far as chemistry, life goals, etc. IMO there was no other relationship that was even on the same level.

mindless wrote:

lleyki wrote:For me, putting aside everything else, the thing that really makes me hope for the best for those two if he is F1 and makes me believe all the evidence pointing to his being F1 is Rachel saying that Bryan accepts her for exactly who she is and that she's never had that.

I don't think that comment/moment got as much focus as it deserved and some realize how profound that is. It's great for a person to be attracted to you, to have great passion, chemistry, fun moments, etc. That's all amazing. But when you can find someone who gets you and accepts you, flaws and all, that's everything.

And Rachel has repeated this twice about Bryan and their relationship. She alluded to it on their second one on one when she said he wouldn't allow her to run and he just accepts her fears and goes, "nope, I'm still here". And she said it again when telling his mother what stood out to her about him. She said again that no one had ever treated her and given her what Bryan does.

That so many keep insisting they're not showing the love story between those two or it's all just lust, just tells me again that some aren't listening to what Rachel's actually saying and instead hearing or seeing what they want to.

I definitely paid attention to that comment and thought she sounded slightly delusional, since she'd known the guy for a hot second at that point. How can someone accept you, flaws and all, when they've only spent a few hours with you and probably haven't even seen any flaws? I give weight to such comments 6 months into a relationship, not after one date. If she still feels that way though, then great! She does look happy, so hopefully he's still her rock. JMOAA.

I see what you mean but I think we can chalk this up to word choice. I think it's impossible to truly experience all/or a lot of a partner's flaws in the initial stages of a relationship but many people run into a flaw or two even early on. That's why people initially look for deal breakers (though deal breakers are usually lower-level/superficial forms of 'flaws'.

Like I said, it's unusual to experience lot of flaws early but Rachel has said she's keeping it 100, this probably extends to the conversation she's having with Bryan. IMO she may have laid it all on the table: good, bad, whatever and asked the same of all her guys in return. Look at convos we've heard so far: Peter abandoned an ex, Bryan dated a girl for 4 years and refused to get serious, and Eric doesn't know what it's like to be in love. Not exactly winning confessions.

IMO what Rachel could mean is that she's told Bryan her insecurities, how she's trying to sabotage their relationship because it seems to good to be true, and whatever else she's told him about her and Bryan still wants to be with her in spite of her confessions.

Great points, @lleyki. And agreed, @kerriway! To add to that, the "flaws and all" comment, while one of my favorite moments so far--so sweet and vulnerable, and coming from our badass girl made it that much more endearing--did seem like it came out of left-field a little bit, but for me that just confirmed (yet again) that there's so much we're not seeing. Not only has Rachel been quick to point out in her blog multiple conversations of substance that we weren't shown, but we've also seen a number of references in what was aired to other conversations (off the top of my head: "I told you I struggle with vocalizing my feelings" and "as I blossomed as you would say" from their first one-on-one--both referencing previous conversations we weren't shown IIRC). Those are almost more powerful to me than her blog, since she's not saying these things to defend her relationship, but rather they're just part of natural conversation.

But I don't even think that's the most important thing here. People (and this is not directed at people on this forum, but to the SM crazies who hate on Bryan hard) who jump to the conclusion that Rachel can't know anything about Bryan because their conversations lack substance are disregarding all the things you learn about people outside of what they say. I'm a big believer that words have meaning and are powerful, but people can also say anything and make words meaningless. What isn't meaningless, to me, is how people respond in various situations, how they treat others, how they react to conflict and obstacles. I'm certain Rachel actually learned a whole lot about Bryan just by spending time with him and picking up these little things.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely think they should be talking about big, important things (and it sounds like they do in the FS, if they haven't yet -- https://www.facebook.com/eentertainment/posts/1860064707343642) but I just don't buy in to the argument that she's just falling for his lines and their relationship has no depth.

@sarahg ITA and thanks for bringing up Rachel's statements, great poing. You're right, there's so much more than the words: the body language, they way he looks at her, how nervous he was that his mom wouldn't like Rachel, etc.

kerriway wrote:

mindless wrote:

lleyki wrote:For me, putting aside everything else, the thing that really makes me hope for the best for those two if he is F1 and makes me believe all the evidence pointing to his being F1 is Rachel saying that Bryan accepts her for exactly who she is and that she's never had that.

I don't think that comment/moment got as much focus as it deserved and some realize how profound that is. It's great for a person to be attracted to you, to have great passion, chemistry, fun moments, etc. That's all amazing. But when you can find someone who gets you and accepts you, flaws and all, that's everything.

And Rachel has repeated this twice about Bryan and their relationship. She alluded to it on their second one on one when she said he wouldn't allow her to run and he just accepts her fears and goes, "nope, I'm still here". And she said it again when telling his mother what stood out to her about him. She said again that no one had ever treated her and given her what Bryan does.

That so many keep insisting they're not showing the love story between those two or it's all just lust, just tells me again that some aren't listening to what Rachel's actually saying and instead hearing or seeing what they want to.

I definitely paid attention to that comment and thought she sounded slightly delusional, since she'd known the guy for a hot second at that point. How can someone accept you, flaws and all, when they've only spent a few hours with you and probably haven't even seen any flaws? I give weight to such comments 6 months into a relationship, not after one date. If she still feels that way though, then great! She does look happy, so hopefully he's still her rock. JMOAA.

I see what you mean but I think we can chalk this up to word choice. I think it's impossible to truly experience all/or a lot of a partner's flaws in the initial stages of a relationship but many people run into a flaw or two even early on. That's why people initially look for deal breakers (though deal breakers are usually lower-level/superficial forms of 'flaws'.

Like I said, it's unusual to experience lot of flaws early but Rachel has said she's keeping it 100, this probably extends to the conversation she's having with Bryan. IMO she may have laid it all on the table: good, bad, whatever and asked the same of all her guys in return. Look at convos we've heard so far: Peter abandoned an ex, Bryan dated a girl for 4 years and refused to get serious, and Eric doesn't know what it's like to be in love. Not exactly winning confessions.

IMO what Rachel could mean is that she's told Bryan her insecurities, how she's trying to sabotage their relationship because it seems to good to be true, and whatever else she's told him about her and Bryan still wants to be with her in spite of her confessions.

Oh I'm sure they've discussed plenty of things and probably touched on their not so positive traits as well, but for me true acceptance is something that is shown through actions, not words, and it takes time. It's easy to brush off any concerns when you're infatuated and especially when you're still trying to win someone over. It's not until you live with a person and their flaws (not necessarily live as in live together) for a longer period of time that you can say you truly accept them as they are, or they accept you. That's just my opinion though. I find most things the leads and their F1's say every season delusional, like calling each other their best friends etc. You've spent like 48-72 hours together, you're barely acquaintances in my book.