Ben Higgins - Lauren Bushnell - Bachelor 20 - Discussion - #4

Ash2214 wrote:

SeekAny wrote:They obviously had these plans for a while since they openly talked about it a while ago. Don't think it means anything other than they spend a lot of time together already and wanted to equally spend the holidays with their families since it's obvious they are very close to them. When you get married and have kids you start your own traditions, they're still young w no kids so make this compromise while you can.

IMO I think we as society place too much emphasis on what people SHOULD do based on what we expect. If kaitlyn and Shawn don't want to get married good for them, just be happy. If Jojo wants to live in Dallas while Jordan works elsewhere, good for them. If Ben and Lauren chose to spend Christmas apart to accommodate both families, that's their choice.  Just saw a picture of Lauren doing a puzzle with bens parents last night on twitter and a fan pic of them both at church. Sweet, normal things.

I do stand by the belief Ben needs to find a career that makes him happy. I think hes struggling with that while Lauren has found what makes her happy and pays the bills. I don't question their love though, those two imo still very much love each other. I expect the wedding, and imagine they'll be in the same place at the same time for that important day.

Just as a note, Jordan lives in Dallas with JoJo. Jordan only works in NC four days a month, which is over now until the football season starts again.

I guess for me, it has nothing to do with what society places on people. Everyone is different and can do their own thing. If this is what Lauren and Ben want then that's great. However, I know for me, and everyone else that I know, when you love someone and you're starting a new life together, I can't imagine not wanting to be with that person on Christmas. As others have stated, this is their first Christmas where they can be out in the open and enjoy it together, but that's not happening and that's just simply odd to me. To each their own, but it's puzzling. JMO

Yes. We are aware of the living/working sitch with these two. I think SeekAny's point was when Jordan took this job away from JoJo lots of people were speculating how this could hurt their relationship so soon. How he might be prioritizing his career over JoJo. It turned out to be a whole lot of nothing and moot points. Just as over speculating about B&L choosing to be apart for 5 days right now will, IMO, likely turn into a whole lot of nothing.

Ben and Lauren had their reasons not to be together right now. It seems they will reunite soon. What is working for them right now, this year, should not be held up to anyone else's standards, just their own. I wish them the best.

What exactly is their reasoning to not spend Christmas together though is what we are all wondering/guessing. jmo.

sosleepy wrote:

Ash2214 wrote:

SeekAny wrote:They obviously had these plans for a while since they openly talked about it a while ago. Don't think it means anything other than they spend a lot of time together already and wanted to equally spend the holidays with their families since it's obvious they are very close to them. When you get married and have kids you start your own traditions, they're still young w no kids so make this compromise while you can.

IMO I think we as society place too much emphasis on what people SHOULD do based on what we expect. If kaitlyn and Shawn don't want to get married good for them, just be happy. If Jojo wants to live in Dallas while Jordan works elsewhere, good for them. If Ben and Lauren chose to spend Christmas apart to accommodate both families, that's their choice.  Just saw a picture of Lauren doing a puzzle with bens parents last night on twitter and a fan pic of them both at church. Sweet, normal things.

I do stand by the belief Ben needs to find a career that makes him happy. I think hes struggling with that while Lauren has found what makes her happy and pays the bills. I don't question their love though, those two imo still very much love each other. I expect the wedding, and imagine they'll be in the same place at the same time for that important day.

Just as a note, Jordan lives in Dallas with JoJo. Jordan only works in NC four days a month, which is over now until the football season starts again.

I guess for me, it has nothing to do with what society places on people. Everyone is different and can do their own thing. If this is what Lauren and Ben want then that's great. However, I know for me, and everyone else that I know, when you love someone and you're starting a new life together, I can't imagine not wanting to be with that person on Christmas. As others have stated, this is their first Christmas where they can be out in the open and enjoy it together, but that's not happening and that's just simply odd to me. To each their own, but it's puzzling. JMO

Yes. We are aware of the living/working sitch with these two. I think SeekAny's point was when Jordan took this job away from JoJo lots of people were speculating how this could hurt their relationship so soon. How he might be prioritizing his career over JoJo. It turned out to be a whole lot of nothing and moot points. Just as over speculating about B&L choosing to be apart for 5 days right now will, IMO, likely turn into a whole lot of nothing.

Ben and Lauren had their reasons not to be together right now. It seems they will reunite soon. What is working for them right now, this year, should not be held up to anyone else's standards, just their own. I wish them the best.

Unless you follow JoJo or Jordan closely on social media or in the fan thread, I'm not sure everyone would know their situation, so I wanted to clear that up before there were any questions.

All we're doing is speculating about Lauren and Ben, like we're allowed to and have done with every couple and contestant from this show. It has nothing to do with living up to anyone else's standards. This is simply a discussion with varying viewpoints. All JMO

@Ash2214  By stating ones own standards for how you "should" do Christmas with your SO, you are, in fact, holding Ben and Lauren up to certain standards. And of course you are allowed to do that here. Just as others are allowed to point out that they must have had their reasoning and hopefully they did what was right for them. As someone who follows Ben and Lauren pretty closely, I think they are still happy together. Despite being apart right now. Not saying they are perfect or don't have their challenges and issues. But I genuinely believe they are trying. This situation would be weirder to me if Lauren didn't go to Indiana at all, if Ben wasn't going to Portland at all. Which they are both doing.

JMO

sosleepy wrote:@Ash2214  By stating ones own standards for how you "should" do Christmas with your SO, you are, in fact, holding Ben and Lauren up to certain standards. And of course you are allowed to do that here. Just as others are allowed to point out that they must have had their reasoning and hopefully they did what was right for them. As someone who follows Ben and Lauren pretty closely, I think they are still happy together. Despite being apart right now. Not saying they are perfect or don't have their challenges and issues. But I genuinely believe hey are trying. This situation would be weirder to me if they Lauren didn't go to Indiana at all, if Ben wasn't going to Portland at all. Which they are both doing.

Again, this is my opinion. If I'm stating what I would do or what I think they should do, it doesn't mean they have to do it and have to live up to my standards. I'm no one to them and they are no one to me. Im discussing with fellow posters.  Most posts in a back and forth discussion will be "ad nauseum" JMO as always

Ash2214 wrote:

sosleepy wrote:@Ash2214  By stating ones own standards for how you "should" do Christmas with your SO, you are, in fact, holding Ben and Lauren up to certain standards. And of course you are allowed to do that here. Just as others are allowed to point out that they must have had their reasoning and hopefully they did what was right for them. As someone who follows Ben and Lauren pretty closely, I think they are still happy together. Despite being apart right now. Not saying they are perfect or don't have their challenges and issues. But I genuinely believe hey are trying. This situation would be weirder to me if they Lauren didn't go to Indiana at all, if Ben wasn't going to Portland at all. Which they are both doing.

Again, this is my opinion. If I'm stating what I would do or what I think they should do, it doesn't mean they have to do it and have to live up to my standards. I'm no one to them and they are no one to me. Im discussing with fellow posters.  If my posts are bothering you and you think they're "as nauseum" then they can be avoided. JMO as always

Certainly didn't mean you in particular. Just everyone in general.

Like I said, I have faith they made the right decision for them with far more information about their specifics than we have. Do I know for certain everything is peachy with them? Of course not. But I'm still wishing the best for them and still think they are likely fine and are entitled to take an "unconventional" path here and there and make decisions for what works best for them and where they are at in life right now - not everyone else.

Lauren recently said somewhere they are just kind of on their own timeline. Doing their own thing and trying not to compare to other couples. Other couples have been celebrated for that kind of stuff (K&S come to mind) where B&L get scrutinized. Just an observation.

B&L were going to teach us all how to be in a relationship whereas other couples haven't made such bold statements. Also, Lauren has been hailed as knowing exactly what she's doing (in life?) and having it alllllll under control (in my understanding) so my standards for them are altered by how Perfect & Right these two are. All IMO.

@sosleepy yeah, I don't think this means they're on the rocks or will be breaking up soon. I don't follow them enough to have any sort of idea. I simply just find it odd, but in my post I said "to each their own" because everyone is allowed to do things how they want to. If it works for them it works for them. I still hope they take their time with a potential wedding because it can only benefit them in the long run if they make it. Given that we're almost in January now without a hint of a wedding, I think that's probably true.

Alanna wrote:B&L were going to teach us all how to be in a relationship whereas other couples haven't made such bold statements. Also, Lauren has been hailed as knowing exactly what she's doing (in life?) and having it alllllll under control (in my understanding) so my standards for them are altered by how Perfect & Right these two are. All IMO.

I think this impression you and some others have of them comes from their fans. (So like probably me at some point! ) Not from B&L themselves. Ever.

sosleepy wrote:

Alanna wrote:B&L were going to teach us all how to be in a relationship whereas other couples haven't made such bold statements. Also, Lauren has been hailed as knowing exactly what she's doing (in life?) and having it alllllll under control (in my understanding) so my standards for them are altered by how Perfect & Right these two are. All IMO.

I think this impression you and some others have of them comes from their fans. (So like probably me at some point! ) Not from B&L themselves. Ever.

Unless I'm crazy, I remember Ben actually saying he's excited about their reality show to show how to be in a relationship. I've learned a lot, Ben, a lot.

Lauren told us a month ago these plans so they've been made for quite awhile not some spur of the moment decision because they're having ~PrOBz~ They don't over share with fans. Everyone wondered why Ben went to Honduras first, and then we found out Lauren had an event in NY and joined him later. Everyone questioned why Lauren went to CA without Ben for thanksgiving , then he joined the family for atleast 5 days. Ben left to Warsaw before Lauren, and we found out Lauren was dog sitting and then had obligations to a boutique in LA before heading to Warsaw. With how much time they spent together from July-October, it's healthy to go back and be individuals. Doing the tv show molded them into one person IMO and that's not healthy for 2 independent and stubborn individuals. Ben's been able to do stuff for the charity and Lauren's tried figuring out her interests and I think that's going to keep them going strong.

We don't get to see their conversations but IMO this wasn't an irrational decision, and I don't think they have been having probs for months.

I don't really see the big deal to be honest. My sister has been with her husband for over 10 years and they've probably spent half of their Christmases apart, the rest either with his family or ours. Then again they live really close to his parents and very far away from ours, so she doesn't get to see our parents that often, which is why she'd usually rather spend Christmas with them, and he doesn't feel the need to tag along every time. More than a week at your in-laws in the middle of nowhere probably feels pretty long. I can understand why Ben would want to spend Christmas in Indiana, since he is an only child and it would be pretty depressing for his folks if it was just the two of them. Would've been nice of Lauren to stick around, but maybe she just doesn't feel at home there for whatever reason. It's always nice to imagine that these people just fit right in to their SO's family and feel like one of their kids, but that's just the ideal situation. Real life is not always so simple. I have nothing against my boyfriend's mother, she's a lovely woman, but the thought of living under her roof for several days, let alone 11, is exhausting to me. I just know I wouldn't feel at home. Luckily she lives 10 minutes away, so I have no need to ever stay over. I can't blame Lauren if she'd rather go home and spend some sibling time before Ben joins them. They have plenty of Christmases in their future to spend together, if they end up married. JMO.