Ben and Lauren Happily Ever After - Discussion - *Sleuthing - Spoilers*

So after watching last night's episode, I've concluded that Ben has even more deeper issues that he has yet to unravel with Lauren...

Lauren is ready to Wed but Ben isn't. If they're having second doubts I don't think they should've announced or done anything wedding related for this show. It sucks because the one person who is being dragged along only to burst her little bubble is Lauren.

I saw some clips of the therapy session and it seemed very real.

I did cringe when he told Lauren something along the lines of feeling like they hadn't don't anything yet, presumably in their relationship. That was pretty nasty to say given I haven't seen much compromise from him. That's all come from Lauren. Ben is an interesting guy and appears to not be so great when it comes to handling difficult situation. IMO

Ash2214 wrote:I saw some clips of the therapy session and it seemed very real.

I did cringe when he told Lauren something along the lines of feeling like they hadn't don't anything yet, presumably in their relationship. That was pretty nasty to say given I haven't seen much compromise from him. That's all come from Lauren. Ben is an interesting guy and appears to not be so great when it comes to handling difficult situation. IMO

Regarding the bolded, what does that even mean? Does he think being married will stop them from doing things? Or does he think Lauren will immediately want babies after the wedding and that's why he wants to put it off?

^ I tend to think it meant as he felt like they hadn't accomplished anything as a couple yet, which is how I think Lauren took it too since she started to cry and said that hurt her because she quit her job, left her LA lifestyle behind, moved into his house, etc.

It was a stupid comment to make given everything she's given up this far and also because it seems like Ben was more about doing this show than Lauren was. Maybe if they went back to a normal life he would feel like he knew her and their relationship better. JMO

If you watch his reasons are weird. I really want to marry you someday just not right now. How are they going to wrap this up? And ash did you see the moment where he goes well that is a huge load off of my shoulders I feel better now and she is just sitting there with stunned tears tracking down her face? How could he be so oblivious? Whatever. Now I just wonder, how can they wrap this all up with some perfect Ben bow? In two episodes.

I think Benjamin has the whole tied down married perspective wrong. You're still going to bicker about things when married Ben. He wants to get things off his chest and not rush but all these things will still happen when you eventually marry. I just don't understand what he wants. If he wants to just date Lauren and not get married anytime soon, then he should've said so from the get go. He has trust issues and failure is terrifying to him. He wants to marry someone but he has to be 10873737373838% sure that they'll be together and happily ever after. (Pun intended) JMO

casjacknick wrote:If you watch his reasons are weird. I really want to marry you someday just not right now. How are they going to wrap this up? And ash did you see the moment where he goes well that is a huge load off of my shoulders I feel better now and she is  just sitting there with stunned tears tracking down her face? How could he be so oblivious? Whatever. Now I just wonder, how can they wrap this all up with some perfect Ben bow? In two episodes.

Oh gosh this is exactly what happened with his Jojo ILU slip up....if he just blurts hurtful things out cos he needs a load off but then the impact of him saying something is bigger than the eventual outcome ....he needs to consider what and when he says things rather than just saying things just so he feels better

Getting a much better understanding of what Ben's Mom meant when she said (euphemistically imo) that Ben has to be talked off the ledge. He seems to get overwhelmed easily and as emusha said to blurt out things without thinking about or realizing the effect on others of what he says.

As much as it sucks for Lauren, if I were her, I'd be taking a major step back and not wanting to rush into marrying a man who seems to need real professional help with making and keeping a commitment. The glamorous paid for TV wedding would be one day; the marriage is supposed to be a lifetime, and personally, I'd have major reservations about marrying him now when he just doesn't seem ready. Not suggesting she should dump him. Just think they need to stop living their life according to scripts and ABC imposed deadlines for getting a free wedding, get back to real life, and work on their issues, and only marry if and when both are on the same page, with no reservations. JMO

bleuberry wrote:I'm trying to sympathize with Ben but IMO Lauren has done a lot of changing and shifting her life around to make things work. Literally everything that's important to Ben she has taken on. Quit. Moved to Oregon and into his modest house. Renovated and made it a home. Charity trips. Sports. You name it, she's down for it.  I'm not saying he needs to rush the wedding to please her, but learn to communicate effectively and stop being such a baby.

I totally agree. Imo Ben needs to $hit or get off the pot. I get they have only been together one year, and for large chunks were filming reality shows or in hiding, and of course he is entitled to his feelings, but he's made public promises to this women - "I would marry her tomorrow," he AGREED to a televised wedding in the first place, let Lauren's mind go there. Let her start planning. This is clearly what she wants. She's changed about 100% more about her life to accommodate Ben then the other way around. Then he rips these promises away and is all "phew. Got that monkey off my back," watches Lauren's devastation, but he still like wants Lauren to live with him and carry on like none of that happened, all no big deal. He wants to keep getting the milk without buying the cow. And yeah, it's only been a year and it's totally reasonable to take more time. But he handled it all wrong and let it get too far out of hand and now he's backing out of promises and breaking trust here.  It doesn't work like that. It's a crappy place to put Lauren. She seemed to handle that devastation and public embarrassment in stride and with compassion, but that's some heavy crap to get over if you are Laren. IMO I'd have trust issues after something like that. I think Ben is quite selfish and me-centric, as also illustrated by his inability to take responsibility and apologize to the woman he loves and the woman he hurt over the dual ILY's.

For me I think there is still hope they will wrap this up with a nice little bow and wedding is still on. And if not, my opinion of Ben has soured considerably, and frakely, Lauren can do better.

Ben is very whiny and selfish. That's been very clear since his season IMO. He doesn't even KNOW what made him that way, according to him. Maybe it's only child syndrome or something...

IMO.

@sosleepy sometimes I think you and I are the exact same person with the same thoughts. Only you say it better. Ditto to everything you said. Also I am now reading online that there are three more episodes because last night was one episode. Anyway to verify that?

But here's the thing IMO: would they even be saying the word marriage if not for the show? I don't think so. This is all on them IMO, putting the shilling above their relationship. I get why she's upset now but none of this has been initiated by their actual relationship, it's all been pandering to the audience/ABC, so his hesitation makes sense for me too. It's completely convoluted.