Josh Murray - Amanda Stanton - BIP 3 - Discussion

Two things immediately come to mind after reading posts:
@alanna if caught between a rock and a hard place, I hope BOR picks the rock. You can never have too many in his case. Especially, since I fear he might be sharing them with DUH.
Secondly, according to BOR the book in question is a "fictional novel". Based on his BORish behavior, I think he does believe this. JMOAA

IMO, the ONLY thing Josh and Amanda have in common Are the girls.  She didn't go to college so they didn't have that same experience, she doesn't like sports, she's not into politics, she doesn't seem to care much about Sabel, and she lives far far away from his family.

Personally, I would rather be with someone I fit better with personality wise rather than just finding someone that was ready immediately to have a family.  I think Josh is going to get bored of Amanda.

@Southerngal--the BOR will get BOR'ed? Couldn't help the play on words. Couldn't help it.
I'm sure DUH is getting BOR'ed. :halo:

Loveinterest wrote:Andi said in her book that Josh helped her not to care so much about what people say about her which leads me to believe that he doesn't live his life caring about what others think or protecting any image IMO. I believe he went into his relationship with Andi hoping to get married and have kids. IMO, that is not what she wanted.  I think Amanda is a better fit.

Josh preaches one thing and he practises the opposite. I think he was totally concerned with his image while telling Andi all the right things about not being concerned about what people said about her.
I agree that Amanda might be a better fit because Josh and Amanda are both not very intelligent, fake and superficial.

avacaroline wrote:Snipped

And, if my child would have said "what the hell" at that age, I would've been too busy washing her mouth out with soap to post the snap.

I have a funny story to tell.  It has to do with what vocabulary I tried hard to instill in my children when they were young.  Whenever I think about this memory, I smile...
When my children were 3 and 5 years old, we visited a convent of Franciscan nuns who live in the neighboring town.  They live in a home with land that they farm and chickens and goats that they raise.  Through a connection at work, my husband knew a woman who worked there.  She said to bring the kids by to see the animals, etc and one of the nuns would be glad to show us around the property. A young nun-in-training (probably early 20s in age) greeted us.  When we told her we were on our way to an amusement park for the afternoon, she asked my children if they were going to go on the merry-go-round.  My 5 year old, who had gotten dizzy the last time on a merry-go-round, said "oh, no. I don't like the merry-go-round", to which the nun replied, "yeah, when I was a kid I hated the merry-go-round, too."  My 5 year old gasped and blurted out, "You said a bad word!"  The nun, looking very confused, turned to me.  I immediately knew why my son had said that.  I explained to the nun, "Well, we don't use the word 'hate'.  I usually say 'don't like' or 'don't care for' instead."  She then turned to my 5 year old and said, "You're right. I should have said 'I don't care for merry-go-rounds."  To this day, I tease my child (still as vocal as ever) about how he corrected a nun for her bad language!

I was very aware of the words I used when raising my children.  I didn't want my young children walking around cursing, so I never cursed in front of them.  I banned the word 'hate' in our house because I always feared that the evolution would go something like this: I hate broccoli...I hate this TV show...I hate this teacher....I hate my sibling...I hate you, Mom!  Now, when they became teenagers and they spent a lot of time with their friends, I'm sure their language wasn't perfect.  But still today, they know I will not tolerate bad language in my presence. I tell them that I expect better from them.

Set the bar high and they'll go high.  Set the bar low and they'll go low.  When they are very young (up to 12) they are the most moldable and we can set our expectations for their behaviors.  If you accept nonsense at age 5, I'll bet you're going to be wringing your hands when they're 15!  And if you want to discourage a certain behavior because you truly don't want it repeated, the LAST thing in the world you do is laugh, give a reaction, or give extra attention to it to reinforce it. JMO. Stepping down now.

Southerngal wrote:IMO, the ONLY thing Josh and Amanda have in common Are the girls.  She didn't go to college so they didn't have that same experience, she doesn't like sports, she's not into politics, she doesn't seem to care much about Sabel, and she lives far far away from his family.

Personally, I would rather be with someone I fit better with personality wise rather than just finding someone that was ready immediately to have a family.  I think Josh is going to get bored of Amanda.

This is a good point about the poor dog, the duh has never mentioned or snapped her now that I think about it. Kind of a bummer

I'm not sure why Josh is referred to as a BOR.  IMO many look at academic accomplishments as a factor in determining ones intelligence and I recall my husband (a lifelong Dawg fan) showing me an article a few years ago on Josh and his brother being honored in NY as top student athletes in the country.  Both graduating Cum Laude, Josh from the Terry school of business.  I find Josh to be quite articulate. He doesn't look down and mumble but speaks clearly. I've learned that I may not agree with what someone says but that doesn't make them a BOR, maybe I'm the BOR. ***IMO***

For someone who says that he doesn't care what others think, Josh spends an awful lot of time blocking people on twitter...sometimes even people who haven't tagged him in their posts. I haven't read Andi's book-just snippets which were shared here and there and frankly I didn't even need it to say that Josh is a classic example of an Emotional Abuser. If he told Andi not to care what people say, it wasn't for her betterment but perhaps because people were telling her to see the signs and get out of that relationship. I would know.. I lived through that once. Emotional Abuse doesn't leave behind any physical scars so it's hard for people to acknowledge that it's even happening or to accept that they might be a victim. I was also unknowingly an enabler-constantly defending my now ex to my family and friends so seeing MM and Amanda do it now, it's hardly surprising. Considering Josh doesn't take accountability for anything, I don't see him even attempting to get better anytime soon- after all the issues are just 'fictional'.

You can be a good son,a good brother, a good friend, a good pet owner AND still be an emotional abuser. It's not either or. I do believe that he genuinely cares for Amanda's kids and they truly like him. Sadly, their love for him is just one more thing he could use to control Amanda if and when it all goes south. My only concern is for the kids- they didn't sign up for any of this. As for Amanda, if she doesn't see the signs, she would just have to learn it the hard way like some of us did.

Sorry for the RANT. I normally don't overshare but just had to add my two cents.

JMOAA

I appreciate your view but I don't think Josh is an emotional abuser at all. I believe Andi couldn't control him and threw a fit when Josh wouldn't do everything she wanted. We've only heard one side to that story and it was the side of a very high strong spoiled girl with a potty mouth who IMO probably gave a lot worse than she got. Nothing was ever her fault. She just couldn't understand why Josh would be upset after driving 5 hours to meet her and she was too drunk to check her phone while he sat in the car for over an hour trying to reach her. IMO, most men would have left. I could go on and on with the hypocrisies in her book. If she was so abused why didn't she leave the first time Josh broke up with her? It was until the 3rd time that he told her it was over and left his apartment with his dog for a week so she would move out that she finally conceded it was over. IMO, she's upset that he broke up with her and it wasn't on her terms. Andi couldn't even admit in the book that she drove to the casting for the show, her car misteriously drove to the casting call. No other person Josh has dated has ever come out to coraborate Andis allegations. IMO it was a toxic relationship all around. I'm not sure how Amanda and MM enable him to do anything. IMO, he treats both of these woman as well as his sister very well. Of course this is all JMO

Loveinterest wrote:Andi said in her book that Josh helped her not to care so much about what people say about her which leads me to believe that he doesn't live his life caring about what others think or protecting any image IMO. I believe he went into his relationship with Andi hoping to get married and have kids. IMO, that is not what she wanted.  I think Amanda is a better fit.

Not being disrespectful Loveinterest but I have to vehemently disagree that that's not what Andi wanted. In her book she said the first four months were bliss, the next two were so so and the last two were terrible. (Paraphrasing). I think she was smart in seeing that there were problems in their relationship and to make sure it was solid before making any wedding plans. Unfortunately, it never became solid. But I believe her when she says that she moved to NYC so as not to bump into him and be hurt seeing him with other women. When someone is as in love as she was with Josh that is not unheard of for a woman to want to get away so as not to be put through the hurt of that. But I will stick up for her till the end of time that she really did expect to marry him. JMO

As far as Amanda being a better fit. Also have to disagree with that. With Andi they would go golfing together, watch sports, basketball, football, baseball. I'm sure if they were together today they would be talking about the debates and politics. She also loved Sabel and considered Sabel hers as well. And I believe it was his mother that said that she checked every box on the list of what Josh wanted and needed.

But with Amanda I don't believe there is any of that. Amanda is not the sports type, her claim to fame is working at Hooters before she got married at something like 22, while having problems with her ex she got pregnant again and then left the ex when the baby was born. And within a year of that went on the Bachelor. And the rest is history. When I saw her on Ben's season I just didn't buy the kind, sweet, great mother that she tried to project on Ben's season. I believe she's sweet when she wants to be but it's more of a phony sweet. And she is very manipulating. And I do not believe she is a great mother. She is young and extremely immature. Some things the girls do she thinks is real cute like the snap with the oldest swearing. The fact that she was letting the girls decide to wear floaties in the pool or not, giving them way too many sweets which is unhealthy for them. Josh said in an interview that she was one hundred and eighty degrees from Andi. And I do agree with that but not in the way I believe he intended that to mean.

I just thought Josh could do better. These are all my opinions.

We are actually in agreement, I agree Andi was very much in love with Josh and Josh stated several times that he tried to end it with her 3 times but she insisted they stay together. Whether it be because she was embarrassed that it didn't work out or it wasn't on her terms, it should have ended much sooner and probably a lot of the fighting could have been avoided. My main point being, Josh didn't want her to stay, he wanted the break up. So much so, he left his own apart because she wouldn't get out. If she was so emotionally abused, why did she stay in the relationship with someone who wanted out and tried to get out? That has always confused me. Even a week or so later when Josh returned, she hadn't moved any of her stuff out from his apartment. Again, I think she was the controlling one and she wasn't going to move it until she was good and ready. Apparently him leaving HIS apartment with his dog for a week wasn't on her terms and therefore she did nothing.

IMO, I can't imagine a partner not being upset after being lied to for so long. Not only about sleeping with Nick but it didn't seem as though she was really interested in having a family anytime soon which she had told Josh that was something she wanted.