MAFS - Season 4 - Derek Schwartz - Heather Seidel

Ruqibabe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

Ruqibabe wrote:

Hmmmmm... I don't understand what is realistically expected of him. Do we expect him to be jumping for joy and hugging someone that just dumped him? How realistic is that?  I am even surprised he is smiling and reaching out to her for friendship. I am happy there is no name calling or family attacking this season. I would be so angry. IMO

It is called being an adult. Being dumped does not make a person a victim. Someone not liking someone else does not make them a victim. Someone not being attracted to another person does not make them a victim. Yet, IMO, Derek repeatedly acts like a victim.

If a guy is sad because he got dumped, he is acting like a victim. If a woman cries after being dumped, she would be encouraged to get it out of her system.  

What does Derek have to be sad about? It is not believable that he is sad about Heather not wanting to continue. He wasn't exactly making a compelling argument for her to stay with the way he treated her IMO. IMO,he is just playing it up (with terrible acting) for the cameras. Honestly when I see Derek all I can think if is this is what he is like IMO.

I have previously stated my opinion of this couple and will continue to stand by that opinion. The mere fact of the weekly snippets of the H & D therapy attempt should reinforce to all that this is a reality show. While I have never felt Heather was all in and her short term interest in D was the first straw, I will now say that his current actions make him seem desperate to stay in the public eye and that gives me pause. I wish they would both go away.

Interesting exchange on twitter.. Paria was the producer for Heather and Derek. She said they had IT at the wedding.

Jason is right, chemistry is either there or it isn't. There is no point in sticking with someone who you do not like and who has treated you in a cruel way. Using Jamie and Doug as an example is foolish. Maybe Jamie really did trust the process, maybe in her case she could envision a future with Doug before she had feelings for him. But you could also argue that Jamie had a different end goal. Jamie is also a reality show veteran. She was on The Bachelor and on The Bachelor Pad. She has gotten additional media jobs and has quit her former job.

Ruqibabe wrote:
Ashley's case is very different. She wasn't friend with people in her season, she had to look for friends in other season.
Sonia is friends with both Heather and Derek but closer to Derek. She must know something we don't know after listening to both sides. Just my opinion

The point was that no one liked Ashley, yet she found people to hang out with. It was argued that if Derek was so unlikeable, people would not hang around him. I used the Ashley example to show that our perception of these people as viewers does not influence the fact they can still acquire friends from the show. Therefore, pointing out Derek hangs out with Sonia and others doesn't really prove anything about his role in the relationship with Heather, good or bad. He found friends in fellow participants. That's all.

jupitercornflakes wrote:

How exactly does Davina hate men? Because she called out Sean for lying? Because she disliked how she was matched with someone who had no intention of trying to create a relationship? How exactly does Ashley hate men? Because she didn't like how David treated her? Expecting men to be honest, respectful, and decent people is not hating men.

Okay, neither truly "hates" men. But both had harsh things to say about men during and after their seasons. I am too lazy to go back through all the threads to find the evidence, so I guess I'm obligated to say "IMO" even though it was brought up last year somewhere in that Ashley-and-David-trainwreck thread.

GuardianAngel wrote:
IA with both Courtney and Derek. A deal breaker shouldn't have to be negotiated, and Derek's comment it should have been clearly determined prior to getting married. IMO It's not Derek's fault Heather's supposed deal breaker wasn't taken into consideration by the experts. I don't consider his comments lashing out, he is simply asking a question. He use's a lot of gif's in his SM, as do a lot of other people. It seems to be the current thing.

As much as I am against Derek in this pairing, I 100% agree that if Heather's deal breakers had come out in the interview process, they should not have been matched. If they were and the deal breakers were known, it is neither Derek nor Heather's fault - it's on the producers for purposely putting them together despite such knowledge.

Having said that, everyone insists Heather "checked out" without giving him a chance. Is it not possible at all that she was highly disappointed in whatever "deal breakers" she saw (smoking, gambling, whatever), but it was the way he treated her during the honeymoon (the yelling, insulting, jealousy, etc.) that led to the actual decision to bail? After all, for someone who "checked out", she DID go on the honeymoon. She DID do those activities with him, as disastrous as they ended up. The producers were there with them. She could have decided right away after the smoking, gambling, and untidy nature of him that it was too much, and either gone home or refused to stay in the same hotel room. I am convinced it was more than her "deal breakers" that ended the marriage - but we'll never know for sure unless someone eventually lets it out publicly.

If the deal breaker made Heather check out then she should have said so. She IMO didn't communicate, often times she kept to herself gave him the silent treatment and ignored him. When the honeymoon was over, she said she needed to rest. She said she was emotionally drained. Why not end it there. Or why not call the experts during the honeymoon and tell them, I'm done. He smokes whatever and that's a deal breaker. She should have gone over all the possibilities of what may happen and how would she handle the situation, beforehand, I certainly would have.

I would have told him straight up. Let's enjoy the honeymoon location if you want as friends because this isn't going any further. She came across as despising him which didn't do her any favours IMHO. Even if I couldn't stand the sight of him, I would still treat him respectfully. He got frustrated by her behaviour, which didn't help matters.

I'm looking forward to seeing both of these two move on. I hope they both find whatever it is they are looking for.

GuardianAngel wrote:Thanks @Ruqibabe for all that!!

IA with both Courtney and Derek. A deal breaker shouldn't have to be negotiated, and Derek's comment it should have been clearly determined prior to getting married. IMO It's not Derek's fault Heather's supposed deal breaker wasn't taken into consideration by the experts. I don't consider his comments lashing out, he is simply asking a question. He use's a lot of gif's in his SM, as do a lot of other people. It seems to be the current thing.

ITA with you GA. However, I find it very hard to believe that smoking was a deal breaker for Heather. IMO, if it really was a deal breaker, she would NOT have agreed to it under any circumstance. As always, it's just my opinion.

Ruqibabe wrote:

GuardianAngel wrote:I don't think he's angry at all. If his SM is any indication, he's a pretty normal guy IMO. There are a lot more reality tv contestants that I would call "lashing out". Season 3 is a perfect example. IMHO I don't follow him closely but when I check up on him, I've only seen positive tweets. Here's another one. Whether he's being genuine or not IMO he's not being rude and cruel like some of the former contestants from this franchise. Just my opinions, I have no reason to dislike this guy, yet.

Mama D.
‏@DonnaTaylor49
Why do I feel that @derek_mafs and Heather are going to give it another chance? #MAFS

derek schwartz ‏@derek_mafs  7h7 hours ago
derek schwartz Retweeted Mama D.
we call that #hope

I totally agree.. I have never read any tweet from him lashing out at any woman and I am very active on twitter.

Me either.

Ruqibabe wrote:

jupitercornflakes wrote:

GuardianAngel wrote:derek schwartz ‏@derek_mafs  4m4 minutes ago
So glad all that is behind me now. Back to focusing on positive energy and positive people! #MarriedAtFirstSight

IMO anyone can make a generic statement about being positive. However, IMO several things he said to and  about Heather whileon the show were rooted in anger. And IMO several things he said in interviews were digs in her direction. IMO that is not positive, it is just giving the concept lip service without  putting it into practice.

Hmmmmm... I don't understand what is realistically expected of him. Do we expect him to be jumping for joy and hugging someone that just dumped him? How realistic is that?  I am even surprised he is smiling and reaching out to her for friendship. I am happy there is no name calling or family attacking this season. I would be so angry. IMO

Again, ITA with everything you've stated above.

MAFSMinority wrote:

Ruqibabe wrote:
Ashley's case is very different. She wasn't friend with people in her season, she had to look for friends in other season.
Sonia is friends with both Heather and Derek but closer to Derek. She must know something we don't know after listening to both sides. Just my opinion

The point was that no one liked Ashley, yet she found people to hang out with.  It was argued that if Derek was so unlikeable, people would not hang around him.  I used the Ashley example to show that our perception of these people as viewers does not influence the fact they can still acquire friends from the show.  Therefore, pointing out Derek hangs out with Sonia and others doesn't really prove anything about his role in the relationship with Heather, good or bad.  He found friends in fellow participants.  That's all.

jupitercornflakes wrote:

How exactly does Davina hate men? Because she called out Sean for lying? Because she disliked how she was matched with someone who had no intention of trying to create a relationship? How exactly does Ashley hate men? Because she didn't like how David treated her? Expecting men to be honest, respectful, and decent people is not hating men.

Okay, neither truly "hates" men.  But both had harsh things to say about men during and after their seasons.  I am too lazy to go back through all the threads to find the evidence, so I guess I'm obligated to say "IMO" even though it was brought up last year somewhere in that Ashley-and-David-trainwreck thread.

GuardianAngel wrote:
IA with both Courtney and Derek. A deal breaker shouldn't have to be negotiated, and Derek's comment it should have been clearly determined prior to getting married. IMO It's not Derek's fault Heather's supposed deal breaker wasn't taken into consideration by the experts. I don't consider his comments lashing out, he is simply asking a question. He use's a lot of gif's in his SM, as do a lot of other people. It seems to be the current thing.

As much as I am against Derek in this pairing, I 100% agree that if Heather's deal breakers had come out in the interview process, they should not have been matched.  If they were and the deal breakers were known, it is neither Derek nor Heather's fault - it's on the producers for purposely putting them together despite such knowledge.

Having said that, everyone insists Heather "checked out" without giving him a chance.  Is it not possible at all that she was highly disappointed in whatever "deal breakers" she saw (smoking, gambling, whatever), but it was the way he treated her during the honeymoon (the yelling, insulting, jealousy, etc.) that led to the actual decision to bail?  After all, for someone who "checked out", she DID go on the honeymoon.  She DID do those activities with him, as disastrous as they ended up.  The producers were there with them.  She could have decided right away after the smoking, gambling, and untidy nature of him that it was too much, and either gone home or refused to stay in the same hotel room.  I am convinced it was more than her "deal breakers" that ended the marriage - but we'll never know for sure unless someone eventually lets it out publicly.

IMO it is not fair to say that no one likes Ashley. She was not well liked by the audience. But she was also edited to be an unlikable person. I'm still missing how being liked by the other people from their season or from the show in general means anything. And it also needs to be pointed out that there have been many well liked people who have committed heinous crimes. Being someone a lot of people like, is not the same as being a good person.

IMO, it is pretty obvious several matches have been for the sake of dramatic television and not for the purpose of making a quality match.

Geez, I thought it was Heather, and not Derek, that asked for a divorce.

Again, IMO, we're talking about Heather being married off to a frequent pot smoker. ***IMO***Derek's friends are stoners, too. ***IMO***Although they're not saying it, we're seeing it. Heather is obviously not open to the 420 lifestyle. ***IMO*** I'm not either and, so, I get it.

^^ I zoned out on everything Derek and Heather so don't really recall if Derek and his friends actually said they were stoners or even did something that seems like they are. Is this really a fact or your guess? Just wondering.