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Sharleen Joynt on The Bachelorette:: Episode Five
Opera singer Sharleen Joynt—fellow Canuck, FLARE columnist and former Bachelor contestant—shares her take on last night’s episode

Jun 9, 2015

I personally believe that anyone who signs up for The Bachelorette thinking—knowing!—he will be the last man standing is quantifiably insane. It’s one thing to be optimistic about “finding love” but it’s something else entirely to be delusional. After all, the odds are most definitely not in your favour. For that reason, and having been through it myself, I can confidently say that most people go on this show for the experience. It’s not that you’re not there to explore your romantic potential with the lead—you’re open-minded about that—but you’re hopefully keeping your wits about you and realizing there are two dozen others doing the same thing.

That’s why I honestly don’t see the fuss about Kaitlyn letting Nick join her posse of man meat. I don’t see it as disrespectful to the men at all. How is it less disrespectful than going on a group date and kissing several of the men in the same vicinity, the very same evening? Let’s be honest, these are not normal circumstances where normal rules can be applied. It’s a wonky universe where it’s totally acceptable for the lead to be “exploring her options” while her suitors must remain loyal to only her. The richest part of all is that there are still 14 men remaining. They can’t all be the last man standing, and I guarantee you most of them know that.

We haven’t seen much of Justin so far but he did say it best at the rap date cocktail party: “With the connection that we have, and the connection you have with other guys, my gut reaction is, honestly, what’s another one? This is your journey, we’re taking part in this, if one more person is going to impede upon the connections we’re all developing—that I’m developing with you—it’s not necessarily a threat.”

The men who don’t really stand a chance never stood a chance anyway. The addition of another guy won’t change that. And I assure you, these men know who they are. (You think Corey, JJ, Joe, Jonathan, Ryan B, or Tanner actually think they’ll end up engaged to Kaitlyn? Come on.) I’m not denying their good intentions and open-mindedness and attraction to her, but their Bachelorette experience—in addition to their chances with Kaitlyn—will not be affected for the worse by the arrival of another man. Now, as for the guys who are really falling for Kaitlyn: They should want their relationships with her to be challenged. Wouldn’t you rather end up engaged to someone who had a plethora of options? Someone who had been around the block and was making as informed a decision as possible? I would never want to be with someone who was with me simply because he didn’t have better options. Since Kaitlyn is clearly intrigued by Nick, any existing frontrunner who is really there for her (and not just there to “win”) should welcome Nick with open arms. They are all different people, after all, and not interchangeable in any way. She will end up with whomever has the most potential, and if you get bumped because of another guy, that’s information you should rather know sooner than later.

My frontrunners this week…

Nick, 34: The mere fact that Kaitlyn kept Nick spoke volumes about her attraction to—and investment in—him. (If she wasn’t interested it’s safe to say, based on her actions the last few episodes, she would have no qualms about turning him away.) Kaitlyn has gotten a lot of flak for this decision, so there’s got to be something powerful there. And frankly, that “something” seems like a whole lot of chemistry.

Shawn, 28: It’s clear Shawn feels very strongly for Kaitlyn. He’s had a laser-sharp focus on her since Night One. He took her letting Nick on the show personally, which makes him either insane or the true frontrunner. His brooding this week wasn’t lost on Kaitlyn; in general she seems very responsive to him. I’m still waiting for this one-on-one.

Jared, 26: I honestly believe this might have been the most enviable one-on-one date I’ve ever seen. The Met Museum, completely shut down for private perusing, dinner by the Temple of Dendur and a helicopter ride over New York City! Just, WOW. As for Jared, I’m into these two together. He’s bright and quick, as is she, and their time together seems effortless and full of playful banter.

Ben H., 26: Not much airtime for Ben H. this week, and one might expect Chris “Cupcake” to be on this list. However, Kaitlyn’s time with Ben H. last week was still more memorable to me than last night’s time with Chris, which felt forced and not at all romantic. (And while I did enjoy Chris’s wonderfully hammy rendition of “A Whole New World,” what was the point of auditioning with singing and dancing if the actual performance entailed no singing or dancing??) Ben H. has “one-on-one date material” written all over him, so I predict we’ll see more of him soon.

For more on this season of The Bachelorette from Sharleen Joynt, visit her blog, All the Pretty Pandas.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays on City.

Related:
Sharleen Joynt on The Bachelorette: Episode One
Sharleen Joynt on The Bachelorette: Episode Two
Sharleen Joynt on The Bachelorette: Episode Three
Sharleen Joynt on The Bachelorette: Episode Four
The Ultimate Bachelor Match-up: Who They SHOULD Have Picked
Quiz: The Bachelorette—or Chris Harrison’s Romance Novel?
Ask Sharleen: Your Dating Conundrums, Solved!

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http://www.flare.com/celebrity/entertainment/sharleen-joynt-on-the-bachelorette-episode-five/

The Bachelorette's Kaitlyn Bristowe's Blogs About a Tough Call: 'It Really Did Kill Me'


Bachelorette: Kaitlyn Bristowe Blogs Nick Viall Return, Broadway Date
Kaitlyn Bristowe of The Bachelorette
CRAIG SJODIN/ABC
BY KAITLYN BRISTOWE @kaitlynbristowe 06/10/2015 AT 07:00 AM EDT
Kaitlyn Bristowe is the Bachelorette! She charmed her way into the hearts of the Bachelor Nation – and nearly the Bachelor himself, Chris Soules, on season 19 of The Bachelor. Now Kaitlyn has begun her own journey to love.

These cliff-hangers are really giving me some good material to work with for the beginning of my blogs!

Let's sum things up. I quit Clint. Clint quit JJ. The romance and the bromance are officially over. Short-lived, I know. There were just too many red flags with Clint. He was great on our one-on-one date but terrible in a group setting. And I really need a guy who can hang and be social in big groups of people. Clint definitely struggled with that. And no one except for JJ had nice things to say about him. Oh, how awkward was that when JJ asked Clint for an apology?! That was so uncomfortable! And then they almost got into a fight! I had heard through the grapevine that they almost came to blows, but I had no idea it was that close! Way too much testosterone. Toodaloo, Clint. At least we'll always have that drawing of Chris Harrison riding a triceratops!

Just like I didn't see Clint and JJ almost coming to blows, I don't always see or hear about everything that happens in the Bachelor mansion. Sometimes all I had to go with was my gut and my heart. Sometimes I was right. Sometimes I was wrong. When it came to Kupah and Clint, I was dead-on. But it really was a tough job trying to figure out which relationships needed more time and which relationships already had all the time they deserved. And that night it felt like all the relationships needed more time, especially after the Clint drama took up most of the night. So I took it upon myself to cancel the rose ceremony and bring all of the guys to New York City. Yeah, I broke the rules. It won't be the last time. Stay tuned for more rule-breaking later this season!

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Sidebar: Flying from L.A. to New York was my first time flying first class. I'm more of a coach kind of gal. But first class really is a whole new world (foreshadowing!). I had big plans to eat a nice hot meal, watch a movie, catch up on a little sleep, see what first class was all about. Unfortunately, I fell asleep before the plane even took off and woke up five hours later. And I didn't even realize that the chair could recline into a bed. When I woke up, my neck was killing me. What a rookie!

I loved visiting New York. I love the hustle and bustle, the energy and just the New York vibe. I was stoked to bring the guys there and have a week of fun. Starting off with a good ol' rap battle. When in New York, right? Having Doug E. Fresh there to help the guys just made it that much more legit. I'm a country girl at heart, but I used to write raps (make fun of me, I don't care!), and I love old school hip-hop culture. So getting to host a rap battle in New York, the birth place of hip-hop, with the help of rap legend Doug E. Fresh … pinch me! And the guys brought it. For a guy living in Nashville who's a fan of Blake Shelton, Shawn killed it. JJ on the other hand? Not so much.

At the end of the date I was taking pictures with a few people when I heard that my friend Ashley I. from last season was there. I love "KardAshley," as we are known to call her. She is a huge beauty, and I was excited to see a familiar face.

Let me just say, when you are on this show, you instantly become part of the "Bachelor family." So people reach out, you build friendships, and you meet a lot of people. So I have talked to a few guys and girls from other seasons. It's just what happens. I had spoken to Nick from Andi's season a handful of times after I came home from last season, and I remember thinking, "Wow, this doesn't seem like the same guy who was on TV." He was very easy to talk to, funny, witty and incredibly supportive when I was having a difficult time with the idea of two Bachelorettes. He became my go-to person for advice. We became close – or as close as two people can become who have never really met. However, it was a relationship I had to put out of my head when I decided to give it a go as one of the Bachelorettes, knowing there was a 50 percent chance I would become The Bachelorette. So I guess in my mind it was a friendship because there was no other option … until he showed up on my date in New York. Then everything changed.

I know a lot of people have their opinions about Nick. And I did too. I was Team Chris on Andi's season. I wasn't sure how I felt about the way Nick came across. He seemed a little condescending with the other guys on the show. But after talking to him and getting to know him, my opinion of him changed.

I also just want people to know that this decision to bring Nick on the show was extremely difficult for me. I have talked to a lot of guys from previous seasons, and I would not have brought any of them on if they had just shown up. But Nick was different. And there was something in my heart that said "Kaitlyn, if a sliver of you believes he could be your husband, you might have to explore it." I knew I was going to take some heat for it, but I can't just do what America thinks is right; I have to do what Kaitlyn believes is right. After all, this is my forever. I hope people understand that. I went on The Bachelorette to find a lifelong partnership, and if that meant getting over some speed bumps to be happy forever, it was something I had to do. Isn't it okay for me to explore all options if this is truly about me finding my husband? If I end up with Nick at the end of this, it was the right call. And if I end up with someone else, that person will know that I explored all of my options and feelings and THEY are the one.

It really did kill me to be unfair to the guys (and it did feel unfair), but it would have been unfair for me to send Nick home just because the guys wanted me to. Some of the guys understood. Some were upset. I understood both sides. I did take some time to think about it, but I couldn't deny my chemistry with Nick. It was there, and it felt like something I had to pursue.

It was SO GREAT to see Ashley S. Talking with her was exactly what I needed. Jared, the little nugget, was getting manpered (that's man pampered!) while I was too. He even got a man-icure (that's man manicure!) and a tux fitted for him. That's what you need to be ready for an evening at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Especially when you have it all to yourselves! How Bossy is that? Hugo Bossy.

Jared looked so so so handsome. Once I relaxed and put the Nick situation out of my mind, the conversation between Jared and me was so easy. I always say that Jared speaks Kaitlyn. He can keep up with my jokes and movie quotes. I don't know if you caught that, but in his little poem he ended it with a Dumb and Dumber quote – a man after my own heart. You know what would make this date even bossier? A HELICOPTER! Haha. Thank you Chris Harrison! You redeemed yourself from putting me in a room with birds. It's the least you could do, really. Jared and I had both never been in a helicopter, and if you are going to take your first helicopter ride, flying over the Big Apple at night is a great way to do it. I felt like I was so close that I could have high-fived the Statue of Liberty. One of the coolest things I have ever done. I knew Jared felt the same way.

Telling the guys that Nick was moving in was a feeling I never want to feel again. I felt horrible, nervous, sick and anxious. But, again, I really had to trust my heart, and it was telling me that I had feelings I needed to explore, and if the guys knew my true intentions for finding a husband, they would get through it with me.

On to BROOOAADDWAYYY. I hope everyone sang that in their best musical-theater voice. This was a dream come true for me. I grew up with a theater background – my mom taught it, and I love it. I was in a couple musicals growing up, and it was always a dream to perform on Broadway one day. Maybe for longer than a split second but I will take what I can get!!! It was so great just to be there, watch the guys go through an audition process and meet Aladdin and Jasmine. My favorite part of the whole date was when Joe just didn't care and sang from the heart. It was perfect. The guys all really tried, and they honestly really surprised me with how great they were. Broadway is not easy, but they were all such great sports. Chris was not only a great sport, but he really channeled his inner Aladdin. It was very convincing. Hence why he got to play my love interest! It was so much fun to be backstage and see the behind-the-scenes part of Broadway. A lot of work goes into making those shows perfect. I was running on one hour of sleep that day, but my adrenaline was in full force, and I was loving every second. Chris you ARE Aladdin. Nailed it!!! I think we both enjoyed every second of our nine-second debut.

And, as if that weren't enough, it was SO SURREAL to take Chris up to the famous New Year's Eve Ball. How many people can say they have touched that thing? Words will not justify how incredible that moment was. We didn't want to leave!

Speaking of not leaving, that brings me to our next DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN. Nick moves in. How will the guys react? Tune in next Monday to find out!

Jillian's blog wrote:NICK…SHOULD HE STAY? Or SHOULD HE GO? Find Out My Take Right Here…

OMGGGG
Ok first and foremost I’m sorry about the abruptness of this blog and the lack of good grammar. THIS girl has got her hands FULL right now and I’ve had very little sleep the last few days. But hey I always say IMPERFECT action is better than PERFECT inACTION ! If you didn’t follow me on the US WEEKLY TWITTER Monday night you might not have caught on to all my thoughts on Mondays episode!! So as quickly as I can (I’m just about to head into the hairdressers to cover up all my grey!!! ahhh!!!) here are some thoughts about Monday nights episode!!!

1. OK WTFFFFFFF is up with Clint and JJ. ARE THEY ACTUALLY GAY??? or just VERY emotional men? I still actually am left with some questions here, it wasn’t very clear to me. I thought their little fight was actually SAD, how Clint raged at JJ and then JJ broke down and slapped himself??? As good as that is for TV and for drama, and as much as we can laugh or judge all we want, there is something not right there… and I sincerely worry for those two humans. Speaking from experience, I remember there were times on the show where I felt like I was going crazzzzzy and so for anyone who loses there SH!T like Clint and JJ did … I just feel bad, because I know being in that situation is NOT easy on the noggin.

2. Group dates generally bore me, and that rapping one was no different. Except Shawns abs. Those were entertaining. And I started to wrap a bit of a beat when I saw the abs. It goes something like this “Here is a little rap from me to you, can Shawn please show a flaw sometime soon” … thats as far as I got but I would LOVE it if you guys can help me by FINISHING the rap that would be GREAT. Cause if Kaitlin and Shawn end up making it I think I might just rap at their wedding as my gift.

3. NICCCCKKKK. EVERYONE has been asking me WHAT I think about Nick. You know what I think? I think Kaitlin should do WHATEVER she wants. EVEN if we all disapprove. I have learned some HUGE lessons in the last little while… that you MUST trust YOUR OWN intuition and not listen to everyone (or anyone else) … my grandma once told me … that opinions are like a$$holes, everyone has one and most of them stink. and so as much as you want to trust your friends, fans, family or even the other guys… you must ALWAYS TRUST YOURSELF FIRST. They say loose lips sink ships but more so I think if you LISTEN to those ‘loose lips’ and not your intuition… that the consequences can be even worse.

I know the guys felt it was unfair and I could SEE how it would be frustrating and confusing but imagine if Kaitlin didn’t let Nick back on, and then she picked someone else… she MIGHT always wonder ‘what if’ … whether she picks him or not, EVERYONE including her, the guys AND Nick, have to trust the process of LOVE and see what happens. Simply not having him there doesn’t guarantee anything…. so you really have to risk it all and see what happens. Nick MIGHT not be the guy for Kaitlin, but there is clearly a connection and she MUST explore that to find out forsure, regardless of what we think, regardless of the ‘rules’ or regardless of the other guys.

I also have never had an issue with Nick, and so as a ‘Bachelorette Granny’ … for now, I approve.

And that is it from me this week! I love Kaitlin, I think she’s unique, and funny and different and I am SO excited to see how this unravels for her!!!
xo
Jilly

Luvstruck wrote:Chris Harrison blog is up https://www.yahoo.com/tv/chris-harrison-bachelorette-blog-122797592650.html

Alanna wrote:K's blog, snipped

http://www.people.com/people/mobile/article/0,,20934431,00.html

The Bachelorette's Kaitlyn Bristowe Blogs About One Relationship That Truly Scared Her

The Bachelorette's Kaitlyn Bristowe opens up about getting intimate with a suitor and stands by her decision. Subscribe now to hear what she has to say about having sex on the show in this exclusive interview, only in PEOPLE!

I wonder how many times I can try and explain how hard this journey is to go through and for people to understand, but IT'S HARD! It is difficult having this many relationships at once and even more challenging when you have to watch people you care for struggling though the journey.

Of all the guys, the one having the most difficulty was Shawn, and I totally understood. I don't think you ever go into this experience thinking you're going to feel feelings this deep. You want to, and you hope it happens, but you don't necessarily think it will. So how can you prepare yourself? I believe that's what Shawn's struggles were. He didn't expect to feel all the things he was feeling. It's so hard to care about someone and try and let your brain access those feelings in an average relationship. Now imagine adding in that you are trying to accept the person you care about has other relationships happening. It was only human for him to be upset.

It's not possible to date all these different men without upsetting anyone. When Shawn asked me point-blank if I was in love with him, I was surprised. Again I found myself sitting there asking was it fair to say yes? Was it unfair to say yes? I could understand his perspective – it wouldn't have made sense for me to be in love and having intimate relationships with other people when I cared for him. Yet that's what was happening.

I am imperfect. I was confused. I knew I was falling in love with Shawn. I was falling for a couple people. And, if I am honest (which clearly I am), I was scared of Shawn. I was worried he wouldn't be able to get through the hardest part of the journey and he would leave. I NEED a strong man, not physically (although it doesn't hurt) but emotionally. I was questioning my decisions and having a tough time understanding my actions and my feelings.

It was difficult to have that conversation with Shawn and have to switch gears to a two-on-one date the next morning. Two-on-one dates present challenges as is, so it was difficult to have to put my focus into two of my other relationships when I felt one was suffering.

Did I mention two-on-one dates are SUUUUUUUPER uncomfortable for everyone? Being in a JJ and Joe sandwich on the boat ride to the island was uncomfortable, although they made the best of it. Now don't get me wrong – it was nowhere near as uncomfortable as the Badlands date with Ashley I. and Kelsey on Chris Soules' season ... but it was still awkward.

I would also like everyone to keep in mind that I had never seen the JJ that the guys in the house saw. So, at that point, I was still thinking he was a good guy. My crush on him started night one because he made a punny joke, and we connected. But I also think we all watched that crush fizzle a little since that first night. When he told me that he cheated on his wife, I felt a bit sick. That is my biggest fear in a relationship – that and falling out of love. It was brave of him to tell me that, and I do believe he learned a valuable life lesson. Having a family, putting them through that and losing so much, I can imagine it being an eye-opener. It was hard for me to understand his choices, but I respected his honesty. I think I was looking for that connection again with JJ, but it was lost.

Joe, on the other hand, always made me laugh and was also a sensitive sweet guy! He's definitely that old southern gentleman who has manners and a sense of humor. YES PLEASE! The only thing that I was looking for was Joe's wall to come down and to hear how he actually felt, which happened, and it meant so much to me. I knew in that moment I had to say goodbye to JJ and get him back to his daughter. I needed more time with Joe.

I'm a big fan of love languages, and one of mine is quality time. I needed that with Joe in order to find out exactly where my feelings were with him. Going back and spending more time with him was ideal and worth it. He is something special. I learned more of who he was and where he came from. Learning those things made it easy for me to give him that rose.

When I got back to my room, it hit me what a long and emotional day it had been for me. I was so tired. Going back to the hotel, I really couldn't wait to get into my sweats and just shut off for the night. I wanted to finish up my interview and go to bed and just process everything that was happening. But Shawn had other plans. When Shawn interrupted my interview, I didn't know what to think. I was preparing myself for the worst. I thought he was coming up to tell me he was leaving, which I feared. I thought maybe Nick had said something to him. I didn't want him to hear about what had happened between Nick and me from anyone else but me, and I just wanted the timing to be right for me to tell him myself.

Despite my exhaustion, knowing he was there to further explain why he was having such a hard time was almost a relief. To be honest, I was happy he wanted to justify it. He had every right. He was there because I had said one thing and showed him another, and he had questions.

To give you some further insight, one night after the rose ceremony, I had snuck down to just say hi to some of the guys – not to be promiscuous but just to say hello. A few of them had mentioned how it would be nice to just chill and say hey once in a while without cameras (we all know I don't tend to follow rules) so I thought, "Why not?" not thinking of the long term or how it could alter anything. I just wanted it to be a quick, fun gesture, and it turned into me telling Shawn I thought he could be the one. So unfair to him, unfair to myself and unfair to the other guys. But Shawn was someone I felt so strongly about, and I just didn't want him to give up on me. So I REALLY reassured him.

Again, I challenge anyone to date this many guys and not make mistakes. This was one I made, and it only set him up to get more upset when it came to my other relationships. This is why I understood where Shawn was coming from when being upset.

With everything that had happened since getting to Ireland, I was EXTREMELY nervous for the rose ceremony. I knew I had ruffled feathers, gone too far and confused people. That doesn't make for a seamless rose ceremony. That's almost an oxymoron.

Ben H. had something weighing heavily on him, Nick was seeing how shaken up I was, Shawn could tell I had felt what I said to him was a mistake .... It was all just very overwhelming.

The room knew I was feeling off, and Ben Z. was the first to take me away to talk. He is a very calm and comforting person so I knew he was the perfect person to take me out of the room. It was nice to sit there and talk with him. Going into the night, I really didn't know whom I was sending home, and I wanted it to be there with Ben Z. But I just didn't feel like we were moving forward. He was always nice and sweet, and he's so handsome, but our relationship had stalled. Again, I really wanted it to be there, who doesn't love Ben Z.? We all do, I just didn't see him as my husband. That's all. I'm sure 99 percent of women out there will!

RELATED VIDEO: Who Does Kaitlyn Bristowe Think Should Be Next Season's Bachelor?

In my time with Ben H., I learned he was affected by my actions with Shawn. He didn't know what was said, but he knew that something had changed. He had felt a shift in the room after I had reassured Shawn. Luckily for me, Ben H. is a very understanding, compassionate, forgiving person, and he could tell that my heart was still open. He understood that I knew I had made a mistake. I felt lucky in that moment to have someone in my life like Ben H., who cared about me.

When Nick pulled me aside, I wanted to just reiterate to him that our moment was private. I guess that's when I started thinking about what he had said to Andi on After the Final Rose. I was worried history would repeat itself. My fear was he would tell the guys what happened. It wasn't that I wanted it to be a secret, it's that those were my relationships, each moving at different speeds. And if anyone was to find out, I wanted it to come from me. I thought it was only fair.

I think Nick was slightly offended that I thought he would possibly jeopardize our relationship like that. He got visually upset, and it showed me his intentions were good. He shed a couple tears, and it made me realize that he was feeling the right feelings.

When I sat down with Shawn, he apologized for having a difficult time. I took responsibility as well. I was sorry, too. That was the first time Shawn and I had sat down together without kissing and only talking. I felt a pit in my stomach about that night. I think a step back was the right decision for our relationship – not in a negative way, but in order for us to get back to the Kaitlyn and Shawn we wanted to be. We had a very raw and real relationship and, for us, that was a bump in the road.

When the rose ceremony time came, I was so ready for the night to be over. It had been such an emotional roller coaster for me. Unfortunately, Tanner and I just moved at the pace of molasses in January. Okay, wow, did I just say that? I remember my fifth grade teacher saying that, and I haven't heard it since. But I feel like that applies here. Haha.

I like Tanner. He is a funny character and a good dude. He's just not the dude for me! Saying goodbye to Ben Z. was crappy, I don't know how else to put it. I didn't want to see him leave, and I knew he didn't see it coming, but at the same time I didn't really either. But, like I said, compared to my other relationships, we weren't moving forward. I will say this: I would set him up with any one of my best friends or family because Ben Z. is a stand-up guy. I wish nothing but the best for him.

RELATED VIDEO: Does Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe Think Prince Harry Deserves a Rose?

The next morning I was ready to leave everything in Dublin behind and move forward. What better way to do that than a ROADTRIP?!?!?!?! Time to see Ireland's beautiful countryside.

I wanted to make a date out of the road trip so I asked Jared to come along! Jared is definitely someone I would want beside me on a road trip. He is fun, laidback, hilarious and so cute. I knew he was someone I could have comfortable silence with if that happened, but he was someone I could banter with as well. Just not someone I could switch out with for driving. Jared ... LEARN HOW TO DRIVE STICK!!!! Wait maybe I should take my own advice. I hit a couple curbs. In my defense, I was driving on the other side of the road and switching gears with my left hand! YOU TRY IT JUDGEY McGEE'S!!!! Jared was actually pretty proud of me. He himself said he couldn't have done it.

It was unreal to stop at the Blarney stone and kiss it for good luck. I wonder how many lips have touched that stone ... kind of gross ... but who gets to do that? WE DO! It was kind of a rush being up there leaning over that ledge. It gave me the gift of gab! (That's what kissing it brings – not that I need it. I don't stop talking.) So, after a long day of driving and laughing, it was nice to end it at my castle. Yeah, "my castle," I just said that. When you can road trip with someone for hours and still want to kiss them at the end of it, I would say that's a good sign.

Hearing someone knock at my door always gives me a panic attack. Like, "What now, who's leaving, who is going to be upset with me, what did I do now?!" Seeing Chris Harrison on the other side of that door was a relief because it wasn't any of those things. But when Chris Harrison shows up at your door ... you know there's something serious going on.

Chris had a great point when he arrived: I kept changing and breaking the rules, so we might as well keep it going and change things up even more.

Meeting someone's family is a really special thing. I was worried about bringing four families into this and then having to say goodbye. I wanted to try and make this as real as possible, so spending as much time with these guys before meeting their families felt like the right thing to do. It also made me think about how serious I have to be about each guy. It had been fun with some of these men, but it couldn't be about fun dates anymore. It was time to really focus on the guys I could see my future with. I knew I had to say some tough goodbyes, as soon as I knew they weren't the right guy for me.

Has anyone ever stood outside their castle in Ireland, with a handsome guy, waiting for their helicopter to pick them up to fly to the Cliffs of Mohr? Oh, you haven't??? I suggest it. What an unbelievable experience.

I have to say this: Cupcake, if you are reading this, we had some really great moments together, and this was up there for us. I was really happy to share that moment with you. I could see how much you took it all in, and I was happy to enjoy that with you. Flying over the countryside was absolutely breathtaking. I was in awe the whole time. We were SOOO SO SO SOOO lucky to have had the weather we had there.

We landed and had a beautiful romantic picnic on the cliffs. It was in that moment that I took a step back and wasn't sure where my heart was with Chris. I knew Chris was exactly what I was looking for, and I knew I liked him. He told me about his family and where he came from, and he is ridiculously good-looking. He's a gentleman ... I could go on and on.... But, at the end of it, I just didn't see him as my forever, and I promised myself I would lead anyone on.

It would have been so easy to finish my date with Chris, fly back and go to sleep happy. But that wouldn't have been right. It was HARD to leave him and say goodbye. I questioned why I was doing that and what was wrong with me. But my heart told me that was the right thing to do. And, as we all know, sometimes the right thing is never the easiest. Watching him cry broke my heart. That was a tough day. I also knew in that moment that nothing about this journey would be getting any easier .... You'll see next week as provides it's own set of challenges and difficult choices. Until then ...

XOXO,
Kaitlyn

RELATED VIDEO: Chris Harrison Promises a 'Full Mesnick' Breakdown on The Bachelorette


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mysthelma wrote:
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@FLAREfashion: Honesty can get tricky...@sharleenjoynt recaps last night's @BacheloretteABC ---> http://t.co/jiazrbalJL http://t.co/zapK5eoFVA

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Let's dive right in, shall we?!

Talk about an intense conversation between Nick and Shawn! That pretty much went exactly how I thought it would. I understand they don't like each other. It's a challenging position to be in for both Shawn and Nick. They are two totally different guys dating the same woman, so it makes sense for them to have tension. As an honest and direct person, I appreciate anytime someone will put an issue out on the table. But I still don't know if them arguing was going to solve anything.

Meanwhile Ben is just enjoying his time with me and being his positive self. Two things that are on my very long bucket list: visiting Ireland and riding a horse. I killed two birds with one stone on this date! And to cross both those items off the list with a handsome guy, that was icing on the cake!

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What you guys didn't see was that Chip (my horse) was a little stinker. He kept going to eat grass and throwing my body forward while he ate. He could tell my little biceps couldn't control his powerful body, and he took advantage of that. I would try and pull him back, but he just took me down. This happened approximately 14 times, it was quite hilarious. And I thought Ben's horse was the feisty one! What I will say, Ben was the perfect guy for this date. That time with our horses had its romantic moments, but it was filled with laughter, too. And that is a winning combination in my book.

Having a picnic in front of a beautiful 19th-century castle didn't feel real. It looked like a movie set or a picture out of a fairytale. And do you know what's crazy? A person actually lives in that castle! Must be nice. That was one of the most memorable picnics I think I'll ever have. Not just because of the scenery but the company.

I loved spending time with Ben, and I liked that he felt comfortable with me. I always felt comfortable with him; he was very easy to be around. When Ben came to meet me at the front of the castle, I had just worked my glutes by walking up a thousand stairs to the top of the castle, all just to be cheesy and romantic when I welcomed him – it was very fairy tale-ish of me. Except when I met him in the front entrance I was sweating and out of breath, but it was WORTH IT.

In our conversation together, I couldn't help but think how easily it flowed between us. And I loved how worried he was about telling me his age. Cute. Age was never anything but a number with Ben. I think everyone can agree with me that he is a mature 26. You can tell he has lived life, had experiences and is ready for looooove. He is also a smooth talker; he doesn't even realize how much game he has. All of the things Ben says, he means. It always comes from the heart with him and he is one of the most genuine people I have met.

My favorite part about our Fantasy Suite, aside from staying in that gorgeous castle, was that we had time to hang out just the two of us with no one else around. We just got to be weird together. We had a dance party, we ate a lot of cheese and we tried to explore the dark castle, but it was too scary. Haha. We actually had a fun sleepover. I was really hoping he was going to be a dud so that my decisions could get easier haha. But dud he was not.

RELATED VIDEO: Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe May Know Roses, but How Would She Do as a Florist?

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Although my Fantasy Suite with Ben was great, going to see Shawn was something I was looking forward to. We were having a tough time, but I had been honest and so had he. We had gotten through a struggle, and I knew that we were going to be able to get back to us, whack some balls, share some laughs and probably kiss a lot. Just be Kaitlyn and Shawn. And that's exactly what happened.

That was one of my favorite days. I definitely felt like myself with Shawn, and I really loved the idea of golfing with him for the next 40 years. I have a pretty sweeeeet swing if I do say so myself. Shawn is unreal in so many other ways so I loved that I could keep up with his talents. Rory McIlroy was the first person to drive the green on this par 4, and Shawn was the first to sink a putt buck naked. It was impressive, and so was the putt. HA.

Wanna know why he was wearing those long john undies? Because he didn't want underwear lines under his tight pants. (Laundry day, my toosh). I had to run away with his clothes – when would I get this opportunity again?! I wanted to throw them in the lake, at the least the long underwear. But all the goofiness aside, Shawn actually gave me a really beautiful four-leaf clover Alex and Ani bracelet that day, too. Very sweet.

After a great day I was ready for a great dinner, and I DID NOT want to bring up Nick. But I did want to get to the bottom of it and kind of put it to bed. Enough was enough, and I wanted to know they both could man up and sort out whatever hate was going on between the two of them. I didn't want to be the middle man anymore, listening to them complain to me about each other.

I'm glad Shawn told me he visited Nick to address the situation. (Even though I still believe nothing was solved). I think Shawn and I both felt like more time was what we needed, so accepting Chris Harrison's offer for the Fantasy Suite was a no-brainer. The two of us wanted to spend more time talking, and I'm happy we took the time to do that. It helped us a lot, and it was not only necessary but very well-deserved.

After a great night, we are back into it. Watching it back, I'm starting to wonder if this is The Bachelorette where someone finds love or if it's The Nick and Shawn Show where they find only hatred. I think we just need to end it by accepting that they STRONGLY dislike each other and that will never change.

Going into that rose ceremony was one of the most challenging moments on this journey so far. Saying goodbye to Ben was a really heartbreaking decision. I can't stress enough how hard it was. I think you can tell by how nervous I was standing there that I wasn't taking the weight of that decision lightly.

I was grateful for Chris Harrison's words of encouragement in that moment. I knew what I had to do and that I had to follow my heart, but the thought of sending Ben home broke my heart. Ben was always nothing but sweet, genuine and open with me. I will forever be grateful I got to meet him and that he was a part of this journey with me. It's not that what I had with Ben wasn't real or didn't mean anything to me, but I had to make a choice of how I was going to move forward. It crushed me to say goodbye but all I could do was trust my heart in that moment.

RELATED VIDEO: The Bachelor Dudes Might Have Found an Instagram Clue Revealing Who Wins The Bachelorette

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I was VERY anxious going into meeting the two families. Especially knowing Nick's family had already gone through this experience, I really felt the pressure. When you decide to come on to The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, you make a conscious decision to share your journey. But what people sometimes forget is our families don't necessarily make that same choice. They aren't the ones who sign up for this experience. So I wanted to be very sensitive to that when meeting both families, especially Nick's. They had been through this before, and it is a lot to take in. There are a lot of emotions happening for everyone, so I took meeting their families very seriously. Your heart is invested here which means so is your family's. So I was extremely nervous.

I knew with Nick's family having gone through this before, they would have their reservations. And I knew they would want answers. They definitely saw how comfortable he was with me and that I brought out Nick's goofy side. We were doing the Carleton dance in the living room for Pete's sake! I think it helped them relax and enjoy the moment seeing us doing so.

Nick has a very sweet family, but I was SO intimidated by his sister, Maria. I knew that's the sibling he was closest to, and he told me Maria would be the hardest. She just cares so much for her brother that it's very understandable. His three brothers were great! I saw a little bit of Nick in each of them. One was deep, one was sensitive and one was funny. Like I said, the three of them formed one super Nick. It was interesting to see their family dynamic. Eleven kids in one family calls for a lot of personalities, and it was interesting to see which kid Nick was out of all of them. Seeing him with his family was great because when you're around family you are WHO YOU ARE. Was he going to be the funny one or the serious one? I have seen both of those sides, and I was interested to see him in his element.

Let me say, Bella is one of the sweetest little nuggets in all of the land. You can tell she has a kind spirit and great examples of love in her life. She was such a treat to talk to. And Nick's Mom is such a sincere, compassionate woman who deeply cares about her children's hearts. It was hard to see her cry and worry because I couldn't promise her anything. It has got to be hard and extremely emotional. I know moms just want to see their kids happy – that's what all parents hope for. Over all, Nick's family was fun, loving, very open and welcoming. It was nice to see where he came from. And after all the tough times he's gone through where people didn't care for him, he is surrounded by love.

I couldn't wait to meet Shawn's family. He had talked a lot about them. I loved that, and I could tell family means a lot to him. Hearing him talk about how close he is to his two sisters meant a lot to me. There is something about a guy who has a great relationship with his sisters. I trusted Shawn a lot, and I trusted his heart. I think a lot of that is because of those special relationships he shares with his sisters. He has learned to be sensitive because of them. I knew they had to be amazing, loving women. I couldn't wait to meet them.

Of course I was also nervous because I wanted them to think that about me. I wanted to impress his sisters and be up to their standards for their little brother! I also knew Shawn valued his father's opinion more than anything. I was sad Shawn's mom couldn't make it, and so was he. But I knew it would still be a very special day. Having his aunt Caroline there was wonderful! She was so sweet and supportive.

Talking with Jessie was the most comfortable I've felt when first meeting someone I wanted to impress. She is such a beautiful soul. You can tell she is a mother figure and just a positive, calm person. She is a mother, wife and teacher, and, I'm telling you, that is what she was put on this earth to do. I could tell she would be the one Shawn could turn to for advice. I immediately wanted to take her number just to still have her in my life no matter what!

Meghann was also so relaxed and easy to talk to. She actually kind of reminds me of my sister: easygoing, sweet, down to earth and also fun. She seems like she would be the best-friend kind of sister. You could tell she's protective of Shawn – they live together, and I am sure she knows what he is looking for. I didn't want my conversation to end with her, not only because I wanted all the dirt on what Shawn is like to live with but also because she already felt like a best friend.

I know Shawn's dad was skeptical of this process and curious how this could all work out and last. Fair. Shawn's dad is a very practical man, which I liked. That is not a bad quality to have. But that quality made it challenging for him to understand where Shawn's head and heart was. But you know what, he understood regardless. I think he could see in Shawn's eyes it was real. He could see the way we were together. Shawn's feelings were very real and, from the relationship these two shared, his dad knew. That was a really nice moment to watch. Shawn has a very warm, welcoming, loving family. And that gave me a lot of reassurance with how I felt towards him. I would be lucky to be a part of that family.

After that, I could tell Shawn was nervous, and he scared me with what he was going to say. He was shaking and started to mumble about being honest. He shared how when he told me he was falling in love with me that wasn't true. I WAS ABOUT TO THROW UP. But when he said he wasn't falling in love with me in Texas, he WAS in love with me, that sick feeling immediately turned into wanting to melt into his arms. I had been waiting for him to say those words. I think being with his family and being surrounded by so much love in one room, he knew how he felt and felt confident in telling me.

It was a very overwhelming couple of days, in a good way, but in a terrifying way as well. I was scared to hurt someone, and I was scared to let down a family. I was scared for how I was feeling. And now I'm scared writing this knowing my next blog will be about the Men Tell All. How come no one warned me how hard being the Bachelorette was???

Well ... until next time.

XOXO,
Kaitlyn

Sharleen Joynt on The Bachelorette Finale

Opera singer Sharleen Joynt—fellow Canuck, FLARE columnist and former Bachelor contestant—shares her take on the last episode of the season

Has there ever been as heart-wrenching a breakup on this show as last night’s? Love or hate Nick—though I truly believe anyone in the latter category is clinging to a first impression borne of judgment and misunderstanding—one would have to be incapable of empathy to not feel for him. His delight at seeing Neil Lane at the door, the carefully chosen words in his proposal speech, even his hurt but civil demeanour at being rejected… All this after a turn as unwitting villain on Andi’s season? His entire journey has been like a prettily-wrapped gift on a storyboard producer’s doorstep. And as someone who considers him a friend and has some idea as to what he’s been through, I found last night’s finale very bittersweet—it was the ultimate redemption of character, by way of brutal heartbreak.

I have to wonder: had we not already been so exposed to reality television and gradually desensitized to these real people’s real emotions, wouldn’t we would be horrified by what we saw last night? The gentle cracking open of a person’s already reinforced shell, his heart extended like an offering, with the words, “If you’ll have me.” Watching her tearfully interrupt him, his soft face grow hard with realization…how many years ago would this have been massively upsetting to watch? Was there a specific point along the way when it became an excuse to drink wine on Monday nights, or was it more of a slow burn?

After The Final Rose was standard enough and, thankfully after this season, there were no curve balls. The one segment I could have done without, however, was the interview with Nick and Shawn together. Two people who have never seen eye-to-eye (and likely never will) were made to flesh out their differences—as though those differences were past-tense—under the guise of “closure.” I understand and appreciate the sentiment of two grown men admitting to having behaved immaturely. Unfortunately, the effect was negated by the palpable tension and subtle sparring throughout every second leading up to that admission. The result felt forced and like a waste of time. After The Final Rose often feels rushed enough and I think those minutes could have been put to better use. How about outlining how Nick has come to terms with and recovered from feeling “like a fool,” or to hear what he now seeks and values in a partner? Or how about where Kaitlyn and Shawn intend to live and what the short and long of their future looks like to them?

Speaking of which, Kaitlyn and Shawn were positively glowing. They are adorable together (that goes without saying) but what I particularly liked was how they don’t seem any different now than they did while on the show. How they beam at one another, the sweet way they watch each other speak, how they always seem intertwined… It was not dissimilar to any romantic one-on-one time we’ve seen of them all season. They’ve been through the ringer and gotten out alive—stronger, surely, but also wonderfully unchanged. Did anyone else feel this way? I’m not sure if I can explain it, but I like it. A lot.

All in all, and in spite of my gripes, that was one very compelling season. Congratulations to the beautiful, happy couple! As for Nick, he handled himself incredibly well at After the Final Rose. While no person should ever have to withstand what he did, something tells me he’ll be just fine:) Thanks for following along with me, folks. That’s a wrap!