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momoftrips wrote:Kaitlyn and Britt's People blogs.

Britt Nilsson's Bachelorette Premiere Blog: 'I Had to Try Again. How Could I Not?'

By Britt Nilsson
 @brittkarolina 05/19/2015 AT 12:50 PM EDT


Britt Nilsson charmed her way into the hearts of the Bachelor Nation – and nearly the Bachelor himself, Chris Soules, on season 19 of The Bachelor. Now Britt hopes to begin her own journey to love as the next Bachelorette.

I am still not quite sure if this is all a dream. There's a part of me that is still waiting to wake up to my life back to normal … waiting tables, sitting in traffic, talking with my girlfriends about life and love. There's another, more analytical part of me that is processing the fact that my life has definitely changed forever. No turning back.

Looking back on that first night, I was excited and honored, nervous and overwhelmed, self-conscious and confident all at the same time. I still feel all of those emotions. And while I know that everything happens for a reason, and I wasn't standing outside that mansion by mistake, I remember that I couldn't stop asking myself the same question over and over in my mind: Will I stay and find love – or leave brokenhearted?

The season before, when I was on The Bachelor, I went in open but came out broken. My intentions were pure, and my heart was ready, but, when I left the show, my character was questioned and I found myself at a loss for words as I watched. The prospect of competing for love again was, as Kaitlyn had put it, "not ideal." The fear of further rejection or misunderstanding lurked in the back of my mind – but louder than my fears, I heard a resounding "yes." Yes, this was the next step. Yes, this was where I was supposed to be. Yes, this was the chance of a lifetime to find love and happiness with a soulmate. I couldn't help but allow the excitement of that possibility to overtake me. I had to try again. How could I not?


For weeks, I remember my emotions vacillating between extreme optimism and momentary dread. Waking up with confidence, I would feel insecurity creeping in and stealing my joy by the afternoon, and back and forth again. Thankfully, as the first night slowly approached, I remember a sense of peace coming over me one night while I prayed – a distinct shift into a radically different perspective. The apprehension and questioning gave way to a realization that whatever was truly best would happen, and so the outcome was not only out of my control but going to be inevitably good – no matter what. This was something bigger than either of us, and I could ease up and walk through this process with freedom. I'd have to just let go and enjoy the ride. I felt released, happy and finally ready. I would only be the Bachelorette if my husband was in that group of men, and, if Kaitlyn's was, then she would. It was all very simple, but, as I would find out, not necessarily easy.

Most of that day before the first night was spent being dressed and made up by a brilliant team of stylists, which was humbling to say the very least. This look was a far cry from the chipped nails, tennis shoes and T-shirts I usually bum around in. I secretly kept waiting for someone to tell me this was all a big joke and I would have to go home soon. So far no one had, so I sat with my hair curled, my makeup done and my head spinning as I waited for the limo to arrive. I knew that somewhere, Kaitlyn was going through the same process and probably feeling the same anticipation and bewilderment. Unfortunately, our chances of going on and completing the season were mutually exclusive, so I wondered how this night would ultimately end for each of us.

To be honest, the entire evening was mostly a fantastic blur. I specifically remember the surreal moment that our limos pulled up to the mansion. I had recollections of my first encounter there with Chris Soules (nervous heavy breathing included), and couldn't believe that I would now be the one greeting potential partners. I saw Kaitlyn, who looked stunning, and Chris Harrison, who looked like, well, Chris Harrison – always with his mix of serenity, familiarity and a little mischief. I felt ready but all too sure that we were in for a surprise (or two … or 10).

Chris informed us that we would be standing side by side, which is not awkward at all ... right?! So there we stood, side by side, waiting with hearts pounding for the first limo to arrive. There were a million and one thoughts running through my head, but I'll try to spit them out as they come back to me. In no particular order, I recall:


Shawn E.
Hot tub car. I mean, come on! That was actually impressive to me, not so much because it made me think anyone driving it would make a particularly good husband but because I am amazed that we are living in a time and place where someone not only thinks of but physically creates something that ridiculous, awesome and unnecessary.


Ben H.
Ben got out of the limo early and immediately made me feel very comfortable and safe. He told me he was aware of some of the children that I sponsor and correspond with, and he suggested we write a letter to a sponsored child of his own. It felt good to know that he not only had learned about me and my passions beforehand, but also that he shared the same enthusiasm for helping others. That is exactly the heart I am looking for in a man, especially in a father and husband. And, hey, being cute never hurts.


Tony
I feel almost patronizing saying this but I sincerely liked Tony's "energy." I definitely could tell that Tony was a deep and compassionate individual. We didn't get into very much detail about his exact methods of meditation or healing, but I was impressed that he is driven to help people and learn about himself. Anyone trying to self-improve and better understand how they relate to the world they live in, is immediately attractive to me. Though, I never did get the story on that black eye!


Chris
The cupcake car was just so much yes. If a guy can laugh at himself (which he definitely has to when his head is the cherry on a giant cupcake), that's a great sign. Also, his smile didn't bother me ... at all.

Brady
Brady had an effortless charm about him. I detected a slight accent, which I love, and a peacefulness that was magnetic. His story about leaving his professional baseball career to become a Christian musician was absolutely intriguing to me because my faith is the center of my life. We had a very intense moment of connection, and I felt really excited about the possibility of finding someone with the same core values. I left that conversation wishing it had gone on a little longer, which I suppose is a very good problem to have.


Ryan M.
Somebody get this guy some water. And an attitude check. And maybe a part as the drunk guy in a college frat movie – he might actually have something going for him if he's given the chance to shine in the right role!


Jonathan
I liked Jonathan right away. I liked him to the point that my neck got warm and I couldn't make myself say anything intelligible, only anxiously listen to my own voice stumbling through embarrassing half sentences. I had absolutely no coolness or game with that guy. He's from Detroit, has a son, tattoos, a beautiful face and a lot of personality. Yup. Gooood one.


Justin
Sweet, funny, personable. It takes a real man to bring balloons to a party. (Sidenote: Kaitlyn and I gave the helium a try, and we're thinking of starting a chipmunk cover band. Out on iTunes soon.)

Overall, the night was a rollercoaster. Am I the first person from the Bachelor franchise to say that? I really felt open and was surprisingly able to establish solid foundations with many of the men, considering the circumstances. I was proud of them for being vulnerable and present; it really seemed like they were giving it everything they had. Just as I felt like I was getting a clearer picture of who each one was, Chris Harrison announced that the voting would be taking place. As the energy in the room shifted, I could see the reality of the situation setting in. No one wanted to make the wrong decision, and the stakes were officially set.

As the men filtered in and out to vote, and Kaitlyn and I tried to reach out to the men we hadn't spoken with, the gravity of the impending deadline set in. We were no longer able to convince ourselves that we were all just enjoying a cocktail party. The momentum of the evening had turned from fun to dutiful.

As we waited for the men to finish voting, I had to intentionally keep centering my heart and mind on the fact that this was not in my hands. I had tried my best to bare my soul and make the men feel comfortable, to be perceptive and listen, and to be honest and available to them. I knew Kaitlyn was doing the same, so each man's personal taste was the only thing that would end up making the decision in the end. I still felt like I was supposed to be there, but I also knew that Kaitlyn was more than deserving to be there as well. We were both ready, both fully invested and both unsure of what the next few minutes would tell us about our next few months – and possibly the rest of our lives. Each man that we had only met for a few moments held one bit of our future in their hands.

All we could do was wait ... and hope, and pray for fate to step in and lead us all in the right direction.

–Britt

http://www.people.com/article/bachelorette-premiere-britt-nilsson-blog

Kaitlyn Bristowe's Bachelorette Premiere Blog: 'Going Home Was Not an Option'


By Kaitlyn Bristowe
@kaitlynbristowe 05/19/2015 AT 12:50 PM EDT


Kaitlyn Bristowe charmed her way into the hearts of the Bachelor Nation – and nearly the Bachelor himself, Chris Soules, on season 19 of The Bachelor. Now Kaitlyn hopes to begin her own journey to love as the next Bachelorette.

Well … if you would have told this edgy little gal a year ago that I would be writing a blog for PEOPLE as one of two Bachelorettes duking it out against each other for love, I would have done my fat man laugh. I would think you were nuts, but here I am!

When I was approached with the idea of two Bachelorettes, I was definitely not jumping for joy. It was more like, pouting for hours. I thought about it for days. Why would I do this to myself? And then I realized the world I was living in. It's 2015, people are swiping and linking on Tinder, meeting online and dating on TV. So I thought to myself: Kaitlyn, this is just an incredible opportunity to meet a man you could spend the rest of your life with. Clearly whatever I've been doing in the real world isn't reeling in the best caliber of men. I had to know there could be light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe I should say love at the end of the tunnel! There is it ladies and gentlemen, my first cheesy line of the blog. But I mean it!

All of a sudden I am one of two Bachelorettes, at Cary Fetman's place – Cary is the stylist for the show and also one of my favourite people EVER. I spelled favourite the Canadian way. Just let me have that. Anyway, racks of expensive clothes, gowns and shoes surrounded me. Every girl's dream right? Wrong! I wear T-shirts, backwards hats and buy my shoes at Payless! Shopping isn't my jam, but I was excited to play dress-up with the talented stylist. And being the Bachelorette (or one of two) means being glam. Cary, if you're reading this, you truly are a saint for putting up with me. And, now that I think of it, I have a new appreciation for clothes.


Now usually the Bachelorette would jump into a limo, excited and eager to stand in front of the Bachelor mansion, knowing she could potentially be meeting her husband. That's got to be one of the wildest most unbelievable feelings. You are on the receiving side, the power is in your hands and these men are nervous as hell to impress you or they could be going home. Well, not this season. This time around there were two of us and WE had to impress the men, knowing one of US could be going home. Holy pressure.

Everyone asks, "What was your strategy going into this?" And the only thing I could think of was just to be Kaitlyn. Laugh, be sincere and make the guys feel comfortable. And, to be honest, once the first limo pulled up and I accepted the awkward situation, we did have some fun! I would look over at Britt, and we would giggle. The guys were more nervous than we were, which took the pressure off! And just to go back to my strategy for a second … when I ran inside to say hi to the guys, I wasn't trying to be unfair or discourteous. That was never a game plan or strategy. It was meant to be a sweet gesture. We were waiting for another limo, and it was a few minutes late. I heard all the guys inside laughing and having fun, and I had a split second of FOMO (fear of missing out). I wanted to just run in, say hi and tell them how great they were. I remember that night being so long with Chris Soules and thinking how nice it would be for him to run in and just say hi! Sorry if that felt rude, Britt!!


Overall, I was just so impressed with the quality of these men. One definitely gave me that feeling I was looking for when it came to first impressions. So after a motorized cupcake, a strip tease, a car "pool" (hahaha, I'm still laughing) and some incredible dudes, it was time to head into the mansion. It was intimidating to walk into a room of that many handsome faces. It takes a lot for me to be speechless. But having 25 babe sodas staring at me will do it. So what do I do? Tell a joke. CLASSIC KAITLYN. I wanted to make the guys feel comfortable, and I knew I had all night to talk to them about what I was looking for in a husband. Britt killed it; you nailed that speech girl. I like to think she was speaking for both of us. I really was looking at these men wanting to find a best friend to love for the rest of my life. I should have spoken from the heart, my bad.

Let the mad scramble begin. The poor guys had to try and get to know two women in a matter of hours and decide who they might want to marry … not date, MARRY. Kind of a big deal, like WHAT??

Every time I sat down with one of the guys, I would think, Well it's not going to get better than this! And then the next guy would come along, and I'd think, Okay, wait, it can't get better than this … fast forward to 25 guys later, and I'm convinced we have the best group of guys in all of the land. When Clint revealed that picture of Chris Harrison riding a triceratops, I almost died. He is funny AND talented! I love when a guy has some sort of talent.

Chris S. … cute AND successful. Usually I avoid the dentist – not this one. Chris was so easy to talk to, you can tell he has a full heart and wants to find that person to spend life with. Hearing about who these men were, where they came from and what they wanted made me SO hopeful and happy. They opened up to me, shared things with me and put it all out there. Going home was not an option. Unless you're Ryan M. … then you are definitely going home. I'm surprised I didn't smack that guy in the face and walk him out myself. Who does that guy think he is? He was inappropriate, disrespectful and not taking this seriously. I'm all for having a good time, but that was just next level. I had second hand embarrassment for him watching that back. Not cool Ryan.

Enter Chris Harrison. Like I said, it's all fun and games until Chris Harrison walks into the room. He announced that a vote would have to be made. I can't describe the feeling in that moment. Excitement, shock, horror, nerves … you name it, I felt it. Waiting around to learn your fate (while being reminded how great the guys are) is emotionally exhausting. Either way this was going to go, I knew it would be hard. I like Britt. I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt. Everyone deserves love and knowing one of us would feel heartbreak again, made me sick to my stomach (I noticed I say that A LOT) …. Then Chris came out and told me how the voting went … He said … okaaaaaay, we know I can't do that.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!

–Kaitlyn

http://www.people.com/article/bachelorette-premiere-kaitlyn-bristowe-blog

We picked up Tuesday night right where we left off Monday, with me walking through the house out to let the ladies know who the men had chosen to be our Bachelorette. I wasn’t looking forward to having to tell Britt the guys had voted her out of the house, dashing her hopes of being the Bachelorette. Britt was supremely confident, and I think her brief time with the guys had only bolstered that confidence. I could tell when I told her the news that she was out she felt like a rug had been pulled out from under her. I truly think she was caught off guard.  

I think in the beginning both ladies were realistic about the chance it might not work out and they were careful not to let their mind wander too far down the road. But as the night went on, both of them couldn’t help but let their heart and mind go there. It wasn’t fun having to tell Britt she wasn’t the one, and even tougher to have to walk her out and literally show her the door. I felt she handled it like a lady with the upmost respect and dignity.

As you saw, all might not be lost for Britt, but more on that later. After telling Britt the bad news it was time to tell our new Bachelorette that she was the one. Her reaction was priceless and incredibly genuine. I thought it was sweet and very telling of the type of woman Kaitlyn is that she didn’t really know how to feel or act. On one hand she was extremely excited, but on the other she felt bad for Britt. We only showed her mentioning Britt one or two times on the show but she probably asked me about Britt about five different times. At one point she made me tell her exactly how it went down and how Britt reacted. Britt and Kaitlyn are very different people, but they are both sweet, caring women.

The men have spoken and Kaitlyn is now our Bachelorette.

Now it was time to make her understand she needed to come to grips with this reality very quickly, because we had a rose ceremony fast approaching. Kaitlyn had no idea we were going to do this. She figured it was already incredibly late and a lot had gone down, so that was probably going to be it for the night. She handled the turn of events rather well, and went in there to face the men, many of whom didn’t vote for her. Kaitlyn was well aware of this fact and she really appreciated guys like Jared who admitted they voted for Britt but that they really wanted to stay and get to know her. It’s a dynamic no other Bachelorette has ever had to deal with, and Kaitlyn is to be commended for how she dealt with it. Overall I really like how vulnerable, open and honest Kaitlyn is. It’s going to make for a fun, entertaining season for all of us. You can also probably tell Kaitlyn isn’t shy about showing her affection with the guys. Chris, AKA Cupcake, got the first kiss this season, but Shawn B. got the first impression rose and an even better kiss.

As for the rose ceremony… Brady was very clear from the beginning that he was there for Britt. The two of them really hit it off and they had instant chemistry. He was absolutely crestfallen when Britt was sent home and he’d been down about it all night. I wasn’t surprised when he pulled Kaitlyn aside and let her know he was going home. I was a little surprised when he asked to talk to me to see if he could possibly find out where Britt was staying. Brady wanted to know if there was any way possible if he could see Britt again and find out if there was truly a connection between them. I thought Brady was sincere, so we made the arrangements and sent him over to see Britt. You saw the knock on the door, and next week you’ll see more of how that moment played out.

As the “This season The Bachelorette” tease showed you, this is a wild emotional season with a lot of twists and turns.  Kaitlyn is an open, emotional woman and at times she can really be her own worst enemy. This is a good group of guys, but you might have noticed there’s one more guy that will be joining the ranks that nobody saw coming. Nick, from Andi’s season, will be joining the group vying for Kaitlyn’s attention. As you can imagine this doesn’t sit very well with the other guys. I can’t wait for you all of you to get into this season, there’s so much to talk about.

I’m currently on the road this week. I spent Monday and Tuesday in New York doing press and starting a week-long book tour to promote my new novel The Perfect Letter that’s now in bookstores everywhere. If you are nearby and have a chance to come say hello I’d love to meet you and one of my book signings in Austin on Wednesday, Dallas on Thursday, Oklahoma City on Friday and Minneapolis on Saturday. (Visit theperfectletterbook.com for all the details.) For those that came out Monday and Tuesday and all of you that purchased the book, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you will enjoy the journey.

See you next week as the romantic dates begin and let me warn you, next week has an explosive ending like nothing you have ever seen on this show before.

geo55 wrote:Kaitlyn new people blog

http://www.people.com/article/bachelorette-kaitlyn-bristowe-blog-premiere-part-2

First and foremost before I congratulate Kaityln (woooohoooo!) I have to admit that I totally didn’t realize how much was at stake for these two and I guess never really thought about the two bachelorette thing and that one of them would really be going home after the first night. While I always like to remind myself that the franchise “is a show and a business…” my heart totally broke for Britt last night. My heart just sunk and I felt so bad for her.

But having said that, obviously getting rejected and sent home doesn’t mean she won’t find love… I mean a lot of the guys were interested in her on the show AND I am certain, in real life!! So although it may look and feel like rejection by not being the Bachelorette she is going to be JUST FINE. I am so pumped for her and know that professionally and romantically this will bring her a lot of great things. And way to go Britt for taking a chance and putting all of this out on the line in your career life and your love life.

Okkkkkkk HUGE HUGE HGUE CONGRATS to Kaitlyn!!!! She is the second Bachelorette to be from Canada and Vancouver at that….there must be something in the water . We have a lot of mutual friends and word is that we have a lot in common…we’re both off side, quirky, adventurous, have no filter, fiery! I love that she has great style (which I will be covering on the blog throughout the season….and have picked out some cute navy sequin dresses that remind me of Kaitlyns below) and I am SO looking forward to what this season brings!!!!

For starters i was your typical rose ceremony and since it was the first one it was hard for me to get attached to anyone of the guys. The show put a lot of emphasis on Shawn and makes it look like Kaitlyn is in love with him with the initial make out and all…but in my opinion…that’s the way the show works…they edit it and put emphasis on certain people at the beginning of the show to plant the seed but in the end I don’t think he is the one. And the other guy she made out with…I don’t even know his name so hope to get to know him a bit more throughout the show!!!

The part we’ve all been waiting for….the previews for the upcoming season!! I know my jaw dropped along with everyone in my house…we were all screaming and yelling…the whole house was full of energy. BUT, every single season the show does this. They do such a good job at making it look so dramatic and so gnarly but it’s never as crazy as it’s made out to be. I think they’re just really really really playing up a lot of the drama, they’ve got to hook us early and it’s working isn’t it!!!???

I have read some hurtful comments on my Facebook and social media and it brings me right back to my season of everyone’s criticism and strong opinions of whats right and wrong. Regardless if you put yourself in this position, you’re doing something because you want adventure, you want something new and your not playing by someone else’s rules. First of all she is NOT Mother Teresa or a perfect little Disney princess …she is Kaitlyn fricken Bristowe…she is her own person who doesn’t need to live by anyone else’s rules and can do what she wants when it comes to matters of her heart. She is a normal person who also makes mistakes and maybe bad decisions to some, but you still must be accepting and learn from it whether it be good or bad. Who cares if she slept with someone before the overnight dates…she’s a grown women…she can if she wants to!!! I say go for it girl… You are trying to navigate through your heart to find your forever partner, sometimes that requires a test drive. (Sorry not sawrrry)

If she decided to or not it’s her prerogative and it doesn’t mean that she has to be with him in the end! She is the one trying to make a decision and whatever she needed to do to make that decision….I don’t think she should be judged for that.

I haven’t read any spoilers, I do not know the answers or the end result and I don’t want to know!!!!! Please do not ruin it on ANY of my channels! BUT I have a feeling that she picked Nick. No one has picked anyone that has come back from previous seasons and judging from the previews I saw so much connection between the two of them. I think that in itself will make it a steamy and exciting season!!

I have put together my top picks for navy sequin dresses that remind me of Kaitlyns but are short and easy to wear!!…..

Stacia620 wrote:This is interesting:

Bristowe revealed that she and Viall had been friends -- just friends! -- before she left to become the Bachelorette, but apparently the former contestant wanted more so he asked to be a part of the fight for her heart.

"It was a friendship in my mind. I hadn't even thought of a relationship with him," she explained. "And then I saw him and he booked a one-way ticket, and he left his job and it was for me, there was a sliver of a chance that I see somebody that I could spend my life with, I'm going to explore that."

"I don’t think that's a crazy thing to sleep with somebody when you're trying to be in a relationship with them," the brunette beauty explained. "I'm a 30-year-old woman and I make my own decisions and intimacy to me is a part of every relationship and I don’t know why everyone is so shocked by it. It's 2015."

WATCH: Bachelorettes Britt and Kaitlyn Play 'Would You Rather?'

"I'm an in-the-moment kind of person," she continued. "I tried to compartmentalize each relationship and be present with each guy, and some went faster than others and some went slower than others."

O'Dell's pressing caused Bristowe to admit that her late-night rendezvous happened after she and the mystery man had shared "a few" dates together. More specifically, somewhere after the second date but before the fifth.

"I'm not ashamed of it -- I just regret the timing. But I'm also not afraid to talk about it," she said. "I don’t really have a problem talking about that kind of thing. I think when you're looking for a lifetime partnership, intimacy is obviously a part of that. I think maybe I'm just the first Bachelor or Bachelorette to talk about that on TV."
http://www.etonline.com/tv/164916_exclusive_bachelorette_kaitlyn_bristowe_is_not_ashamed_of_having_sex_on_the_show/

Alanna wrote:Sorry for the double posts, folks, but Kait's blog is already up. Wonder why so early?

http://www.people.com/article/bachelorette-kaitlyn-bristowe-blog-episode-3

Waking up that next morning as the Bachelorette was a surreal feeling. There was so much happening that first night I think it was still taking its time to sink in. I mean, it's not every day you wake up in a beautiful house with Chris Harrison knocking at your door. But I will admit, I was so relieved to see him. There was a lot to process and having him there to help talk me through it was much needed.

I couldn't believe that in just one night connections had already begun to develop. And there I sat, lucky enough to be the Bachelorette and eagerly awaiting my first week of dates. In the back of my mind, I had to wonder, Which of these guys voted for Britt and who voted for me? And how was Britt doing? But I couldn't allow those thoughts to take over. I had a great group of guys ready to kick these dates off with, and that's where my focus needed to be.

I knew starting it off with a boxing group date would be a hit ... literally. See what I did there?! I couldn't wait for my first date as the Bachelorette, and what better way than to see these guys hot, sweating and shirtless? Truthfully, what girl doesn't want a guy who can fight for her and protect her? And training with undefeated world champion boxer Laila Ali that was an experience I will never forget! I could probably take her, but I decided to let the guys do the fighting (haha ... JK, Laila, don't hurt me!).

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Training with the guys was the best way to find out who had the skills. And who knew Corey and I had such good jump-rope game? I had a blast getting to spend some one-on-one time with some of the guys while we trained. Jared thought he was sooo funny with his little sparring trick, which I have to admit was pretty cute. It was great to have some of the guys make time to come over and talk with me while training. Except Kupah, who I guess was just really into his training ….

I was excited for Laila to announce that the guys would be boxing each other! The looks on their faces were priceless. Let the adrenaline and testosterone commence! I have to admit, they all looked really good in their fighting gear. Having a live crowd only made it more exciting. But, to be honest, I was a little concerned the guys might let their competitiveness outweigh their concern for safety. My stomach dropped once Ben Z. and Daniel began to fight. Ben Z. ain't tiny y'all. And it only seemed to get worse as each match started. As the guys fought harder and harder, I started to think maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

When Ben Z. and Jared stepped into the ring for that final match, I was terrified. I think you could actually see my heart beating out of my chest! At least it felt like it. The hit Jared took was my worst nightmare. Although I was excited for Ben Z. to win the belt, I couldn't stop thinking of Jared. Knowing he'd been hurt and couldn't join the afterparty made me so sad. But I had to put my focus to the guys that were there.

At the after party, I felt so touched that Ben Z. shared the story of his mom with me and that Justin opened up about his son. To know these guys felt confident enough to share these personal stories with me really touched my heart. To top that off, receiving the note from Jared was really special. The fact that he felt that terrible after the match and thought to stop by and see me meant a lot to me. But above it all, I couldn't help the connection I felt with Ben Z, I had to give him the rose.

RELATED VIDEO: Kaitlyn Bristowe Dishes on the Roller Coaster of Emotions After Finding Out She Was The Bachelorette
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Picking up Clint the next day for my first one-on-one date was exciting. He seemed really intelligent and genuine, and I was looking forward to spending some time with him. An underwater photo shoot was a great ice breaker for a first date … right?! I didn't know what to think, but I knew it would be a test of our connection. Listen, I love being in the water, but being photographed submerged in water, that is not easy. (You can tell from my face, right?! It's okay, I can admit it.) But, as the date continued, it got easier and easier. And, hey, who doesn't want a first kiss under water?! What can I say? The connection was there between us! Even with water up my nose.

I was excited to dry off and spend some more time talking with Clint. We vibed so well, and he said all the right things. That Clint, what a charmer. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. After such a great date with him, I knew I had to give him the rose. It was one of the best first dates I'd ever had.

Going into my second group date with the guys, I felt like I was in a really good place. I was developing some connections and I still had a whole other date to go. If there's one thing people know about me, it's that I love jokes. So of course I love a guy who can make me laugh. Who better to help me decide the funny ones of the group than one of my all-time favorite comedians, Amy Schumer! To have a girlfriend to help with this date and have another woman's perspective was amazing. That's right, I said it, AMAZING! But, after hearing their best jokes, I was a bit concerned. I was relieved Amy brought Nikki, Rachel and Bridgette to help coach these guys. They needed the help! #ROOKIES

As these guys took the stage to start their stand-up, I couldn't wait. Having Amy open the show was great. She is hilarious! And when Ian took the stage, I was impressed. He actually had some good one-liners. But when Cupcake Chris grabbed the mic, I found his nerves to be the cutest thing! He might not have been the funniest, but I think he did great. Tony on the other hand … well … he pretty much bombed. I think you could hear a pin drop in that room! I think even Tony would admit that comedy's not his thing. He's a lover, not a comedian! But let me tell you, I was blown away by Joe. I wish you guys could have seen some more of his stand-up, but this is a PG show and Joe was heading into NC-17 territory. All in all, I knew I picked the perfect group of guys for this date.

Heading into the after party, I was really looking forward to learning more about these guys. Joshua had me cracking up in our time together, while JJ on the other hand stole my heart getting so emotional when he spoke about his daughter. I want nothing more than to start a family, so hearing him speak so adoringly about family meant a lot. It felt right to give him the rose, but I will tell you it was not an easy decision!

Starting off my first cocktail party as the Bachelorette was a little overwhelming. But I hung onto the fact that I was really connecting with these guys and it seemed to make the night a bit easier. Walking in to see all their faces brought a sense of calm, as weird as that sounds. I did feel bad that there were some guys I didn't have a chance to take on a date that week, so I was really looking forward to those conversations.

I had no idea there was so much conflict happening amongst the guys that night. I didn't feel any sense of tension until I spoke with Kupah. I can always appreciate when someone is forward and honest, but I can't appreciate aggression. And that's how Kupah's approach felt. Having to defend my initial connection was a weird position to be in. I felt like I had been knocked off my game and it put me in a very confusing headspace. By the way, Kupah, you voted for Britt, of course the connection isn't AS strong, you didn't feel it either! Then hearing him turn around and share our conversation with other people wasn't a good feeling. Sending him home was the only thing that made sense at that moment. Hearing him yelling at production in the driveway only confirmed I made the correct choice because I wasn't going to allow other people to be disrespected.

I like to think I've been pretty vocal about following my heart and not sticking to the rules as the Bachelorette. I knew going out to confront Kupah and his behavior was the right thing to do. I've always been one to stand up for what's right and I'd like to think next week, you'll see what I mean. This will be the first of many times I'll ask you to trust me and my heart so you stay tuned and hang in there. 'Til next week!

xoxo,
Kaitlyn

Sharleen Joynt Blog

Oh, the irony. Just last week I theorized that the men cast on The Bachelorette were the sort who spend a lot of time on their biceps but who tragically wouldn’t ever be permitted to put those biceps to use. In fantastic news for Ben Z, our resident real-life Incredible Hulk, the very first group date would entail sparring in a boxing ring. But to ensure the ambulance sounds and ominous “someone’s hurt” music that come with every competitive sport group date in the history of this show, they pit 225-pound Ben Z against 170-pound Jared in the final round, a move that outraged my expert-in-all-things-boxing fiancé, Andy. Andy trains and spars daily and said he would never compete against someone more than 20 pounds heavier than him. Some quotes thrown out during that date: “Floyd Mayweather would have a hard time against someone 55 pounds heavier!” and “That Jared guy could have DIED!” Good job, team!

People.com
Kupah ... ohhhhh, Kupah. Well that escalated quickly!

Before we dive in, let me start off with a tip, if I may, for any guys out there reading my blog: When a woman says the connection is gone, don't tell her how hot she is. A connection is more than someone's appearance. Kupah was going down fast, and I think he knew it. I'm not entirely sure what Kupah was getting at (you'll have to ask him for clarity), but I hadn't been the one ignoring him; he'd been the one ignoring me! If you recall, he'd spent our entire date ignoring me! And let's not forget that it was only the second week, and I was struggling to juggle 19 relationships. Oh, and he was clearly more interested in Britt. (There's that.) That, Kupah, is really why you probably didn't feel a connection.

After the altercation with him in front of the house, I didn't feel the need to continue the cocktail party. Kupah had ruined not only my mood but also the mood of the entire party. Altogether it was an emotional night, and I just wanted it to be over. The rose ceremony was difficult to get through and deciding to send home Cory was not an easy choice. I actually had a really tough time with that decision because I felt all the things I wanted to feel with Cory, but something in my gut was telling me he wasn't my husband, and I didn't want to keep him from his daughter if I had any doubt. He is such a sweetheart, and I really thought in that moment, "How the hell am I going to do this every week? It's only the second week, and I am already so sad to say goodbye. Uh-oh."

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RELATED: The Bachelorette Recap: Kupah Finally Goes Home and Tony the Healer Loses His Zen
GONNNGGGGG!

I really wish I could have joined Yama and Byamba to wake up the guys, haha. What you don't know is, that rose ceremony went until about 4:30 a.m. So the poor guys had just gotten to sleep around 5 a.m. Imagine being woken up by two 600-lb. Japanese men at 7 a.m. after such little sleep. Wakey wakey! Rise and s--- your pants!

When the guys came out and took off their robes, I died. I did NOT know they were going to be in man-thong diapers!! It was hilarious. And let me tell you, those Mawashis didn't leave much to the imagination. Well done, Kaitlyn! As for the date itself, my intention was to just have some fun. At no time did I think things would ever get violent. It was supposed to be about laughing at yourself in a man diaper, having a blast and practicing the art of sumo. I understood Tony's point about violence – and, sure, a nice nature walk is a lovely way to fall in love – but love is also about having fun and trying new things. Loosen up, Tony! Even I got out there and went up against Yama. Piece of cake. Don't underestimate my size. I kick crazy sumo butt. And JJ, for the record, you stole my joke about Tony partying his azz off. Don't think I didn't see that!

Seeing Tony standing there that night didn't surprise me. I think it was best he left because I wanted to focus on the guys that wanted to be there, and I was just excited to spend more time with the awesome group of guys I had left. I was surprised Clint held back throughout the date. He didn't talk to me once the entire date. It was really unfortunate, especially after having such a great date with him. I'm attracted to men who know what they want and go after it. We aren't kids anymore. I don't need to play games. I honestly expected more from Clint. Shawn and Chris, on the other hand, had a blast, never complained and pulled me aside to let me know how they were feeling. That's what I'm looking for in a man. At the end of the night, I didn't have much hesitation about giving Shawn that rose. The connection we had that first night was still there, and it was undeniable.

Moving on to my second one-on-one date of my journey, I was excited to spend more time with Ben Z. Our connection at the boxing date was so great, and I was looking forward to spending more time with him. Little did I know that he – and everyone else – would be learning my secret that I have tried to keep from all of America …

Yes, it's true. I am TERRIFIED of birds. Go ahead, laugh at me. Enjoy it. And yes, I do realize I have two birds tattooed on me. Truth is, I have been scared of birds since I was a little girl. I think it's genetic because my mom shares this fear with me. And it's not just the birds … it's the flapping! Doesn't anyone else out there feel the same way? Help me out here! I will repel down a building any day rather than go into a room with a bird in it. I should have known Chris Harrison would play like that!! I can't wait to find out what his biggest fear is and put him through it!! Pay back hurts, buddy.

I have to admit, that escape room was creepy. I was lucky to be there with big man Ben Zed (see how I snuck that in there like a good Canadian?). A big guy with a big heart, he was so comforting, and I just hid behind him the whole time. I felt protected, and I thought we worked well together as a team! That's such an important thing to have in a relationship.

Once we did manage to escape, it was so nice to just hang out with him back at my place. One of the qualities I love most about Ben is he is such an easy person to talk to. He's also not afraid to open up. Ben shared stories with me about his mom, which I truly appreciated. I had no idea he had been through so much. He's a sincere and genuine guy who is truly looking for someone to share his life with. It was a no-brainer giving him a rose, and it left me excited about the connection we shared.

Talk about putting yourself out there ... Discussing sex in front of 11-year-olds and the girl you're dating is not easy. They couldn't even air half of the questions that were being asked. Poor ABC probably didn't know what to do with themselves! I am laughing out loud right now thinking about all those things the kids said! And I never told the guys those kids were actors. I was going to, but it was just too good to keep it to myself. If you guys are reading this ... GOTCHA! But the guys were so great. I think, all in all, this was a very educational date for the guys. I mean, Joshua called a tampon a ripcord! Ha! I think he learned more than anyone at school that day. Ben H. just killed it on that date. He was so calm and confident up there, and then he tied in our relationship and how he was feeling.

Most of all, it was nice to see these men interacting with kids. It made me think about how they would be when the topic comes up with OUR kids. They all impressed me. I loved laughing about it later with Joshua. He's such a beauty. And how cute was Jared? He just kept on getting better and better! I was also excited to hang out with Ben H. after how well he did on that date. The moment we shared on the helicopter pad was a game-changer for me. Getting dipped, overlooking LA on a helicopter pad while kissing Ben H., now that does NOT upset me.

Before we wrap things up, let's talk BROMANCE. Clint and JJ, sittin' in a tree. Wow, that was something serious. It's crazy how much I didn't see. I just wish Clint could have treated me like he treated JJ. Speaking of Clint, that night at the cocktail party, his name kept coming up. I appreciated the guys' honesty. You could tell they didn't want to be throwing anyone under the bus and that they were genuinely just looking out for me. I was so confused because I had seen this sweet, nice side of Clint that I was really attracted to. But when I heard stories and heard how the guys felt, it pissed me off. I had to do something about it.

I'm sure you have ants in your pants just waiting to hear how I handled that one. But you are gonna have to see how it all plays out next week. Are you guys just loving these cliff hangers or what? It's a "Clint-hanger" this week. Get it? [Crickets]

'Til next week, xoxo,
Kaitlyn