Andi Dorfman - The Bachelorette 10 - Discussion - #3

BachFan77 wrote:.

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thanks for your thoughts - I think everyone here sees her as human and as worthy of all the happiness and joy in the world
since you do know her...I do think it's worth sharing with you that a lot of people who post these comments are basing them off of her behavior and actions. Her behavior with Josh once they broke up, Juan Pablo after the FS and her keeping on throwing him under the bus, the way she reacted to Nick - very cold and having zero compassion. and others...when she goes into full attack mode repeatedly putting all the blame for everything on these other people and not sharing in the blame....it all sadly paints a picture of someone rigid and always insisting she is right, lacking compassion/empathy for someone else esp the guys she was in relationships with... the consistency of these behaviors gave people a specific impression of her. I think people would see her very differently if she admitted to sharing the responsibility, if she was open that she was imperfect as are the other people she's associating responsibility to and taking the high road to show compassion, empathy and true consideration for people who are not in agreement with her... all of these would help significantly shift ppl's views

Ladybug82 wrote:First,    bachfan77!

There is a fan thread for only positive and loving posts about and towards her.  Not everyone likes each and every contestant from the show, but there is somewhere for each of us to discuss our thoughts - good, bad, happy, sad, ugly, etc., between the general discussion, sleuthing, fan , other reality TV shows,  sports, books, etc!  Find where you feel comfortable posting and join in!

Andi Fan Thread

It's not about liking a contestant or not. A lot of the comments here and even in other threads might seem unnecessarily nasty and a bit jarring to newcomers. But this is a forum where people are able to come and say anything about any one of these contestants. I agree though, it's probably best to stay in the fan forums, especially if you know her personally, might be harder to swallow the negative comments

My apologies LadyBug82, I didn't realize there was a negative and positive forum.

Edited by Bet

Speaking of opinions, I actually agree with you emusha in regards to her taking responsibility for things though I find it ironic that neither Nick or Josh are expected to take any responsibility either, yet they don't get criticized.

Edited by Bet

^ People have def said stuff/criticized both Josh and Nick.. just in their own discussion threads. They're still here or floating in the archives.

So I wouldn't necessarily say the women here are giving males a pass. That is just an assumption.

BachFan77 wrote:My apologies LadyBug82, I didn't realize there was a negative and positive forum, which if you think about it just makes this even worse. You basically have a forum where you cast judgment and spout off only negative opinions. That seems so counter-productive in my opinion, which like you said all opinions are welcome.

Speaking of opinions, I actually agree with you emusha in regards to her taking responsibility for things though I find it ironic that neither Nick or Josh are expected to take any responsibility either, yet they don't get criticized.

As a woman, and based on many of your names, I take it most of you are women as well, I wonder, why are we so quick to criticize another female, yet we give the male's a pass?

If you read the threads for Josh and Nick, each of them has been called out for plenty of things and do have tons of negative comments written about them. In general, nearly every contestant with a thread on this board has both positive and negative things said. No one is immune. Andi seems to draw many negative comments because of her own actions, behaviors, and words. She could potentially win back some favor with taking responsibility and perhaps doing some personal growth.

BachFan77 wrote:My apologies LadyBug82, I didn't realize there was a negative and positive forum, which if you think about it just makes this even worse. You basically have a forum where you cast judgment and spout off only negative opinions. That seems so counter-productive in my opinion, which like you said all opinions are welcome.

Speaking of opinions, I actually agree with you emusha in regards to her taking responsibility for things though I find it ironic that neither Nick or Josh are expected to take any responsibility either, yet they don't get criticized.

As a woman, and based on many of your names, I take it most of you are women as well, I wonder, why are we so quick to criticize another female, yet we give the male's a pass?

There is criticism to go around. Josh and Nick (and all others) have had their fair share of negative and positive comments. Since you are new (welcome, by the way) it might be helpful to review the board rules. Since this is "Andi's" thread, discussion is limited to her. Each thread has it's own title, and that topic is what is discussed in those threads. If we get off track, the mods will help guide us back to the topic at hand.

Most of us have never met these contestants. Opinions are based on what is seen and heard on TV. Many feel that because these contestants "signed on the dotted line and put themselves out there", they are open to the good and the bad. I'm not a fan of Andi for many reasons, but I don't wish her any harm or unhappiness. Maybe you have seen a better side of her that some of us here don't see.

Okay I'm getting the hang of the rules haha. Listen I am all about freedom to voice your opinion, I guess it just saddens me that a year later people are still taking the time to opine every word or thought of her.

Did she open herself up when she signed on the dotted line? Yes and no. When she signed on the dotted line she opened herself up to sharing her emotions with the people on the show and though opinions come with it.


edited by Bet

As has been stated, this is a general discussion forum where all opinions are welcome. Our fan forums are the place for only positive posting. In both types of forums we do not allow directing negative comments to other posters or telling them what to post.

Rules and posting etiquette for all forums can be found here RULES

Thank you

BachFan77 wrote:My apologies LadyBug82, I didn't realize there was a negative and positive forum.  

Edited by Bet

Speaking of opinions, I actually agree with you emusha in regards to her taking responsibility for things though I find it ironic that neither Nick or Josh are expected to take any responsibility either, yet they don't get criticized.

Edited by Bet

There are fan threads and general discussion threads. The fan threads are limited to postitive posts only, the general discussion threads are open for both positive and negative opinions.

When anyone puts themselves into public life, whether as a celebrity, TV reality star, politician, et al, they have subjected themselves to being scrutinized by the public, freedom of speech and all that jazz.

Welcome to the forum!

Alanna wrote:I don't get all this finding yourself business. Like, is your other personality hiding under the freaking bed? Did you forget to pack it when moving? Did it get spooked so it hid? Does it quack like a duck like all good alterego personalities and does your shrink know about this? Seriously, life isn't a John Green novel, but whatever, I'll watch this anyway

I agreed with you until that last statement. Watching that I just want to

You can just see Nicole Miller rolling her eyes. MeAndi wants, wants, wants. To bad she doesn't want to work. She is still the same old fake Andi trying too hard to be cute. Is there a slapping emoticon?

BachFan77 wrote:Okay I'm getting the hang of the rules haha. Listen I am all about freedom to voice your opinion, I guess it just saddens me that a year later people are still taking the time to opine every word or thought of her.

Did she open herself up when she signed on the dotted line? Yes and no. When she signed on the dotted line she opened herself up to sharing her emotions with the people on the show and though opinions come with it.


edited by Bet

Welcome.

If Andi had just gone back to work...or to school for design or whatever...people would be cutting her more slack. Instead she is filming her "fun" new life in NY...eating, shopping, working out and oogling a**. She is doing absolutely nothing of substance. If she wanted the criticism to stop, she could have just faded back into real life like many other former contestants. Clearly she craves the attention and doesn't care if it does come with plenty of negativity. I don't think anyone wishes her ill, but I shake my head at the potential going to waste.

BachFan77 wrote:Okay I'm getting the hang of the rules haha. Listen I am all about freedom to voice your opinion, I guess it just saddens me that a year later people are still taking the time to opine every word or thought of her.

Did she open herself up when she signed on the dotted line? Yes and no. When she signed on the dotted line she opened herself up to sharing her emotions with the people on the show and though opinions come with it.


edited by Bet

it does appear that Andi seeks the limelight  and is trying to make the most of the attention while it's there - she is currently filming a reality web series of herself going out to restaurants, meeting men, living in NYC, meeting nicole miller (who most aspiring fashion people don't gain access to) etc. this adds to people's impression of Andi ....for instance people mentioned the nicole miller conversation with Andi -- Nicole was trying to politely state that she has a technical and design background -- meaning she's dedicated time and effort to learning some "chops" to be in fashion...to that Andi responds -- "I love all of it". That lacks a sense of humility to acknowledge that it takes real hard work and skill-building and burying your head in a lot of learning AND adding value, carving a place where you can contribute, proving yourself etc. etc ....if fashion really is the direction that you want to go. Andi studied law I doubt this fact that hard work is required escapes her but her approach and what she communicates shows her not acknowledging that others struggle to "make it" ...it also portrays her as someone who is entitled and spoilt -- how many people go to NYC and work reallyyyy hard for years through low paying jobs in fashion to make it up to some real positions? not saying she shouldn't take advantage of the privileges she's being offered but a bit of humility or self-examination along with empathy goes a long way in how she communicates and portrays herself and those are the exact things her public persona lacks. she doesn't even know what she wants within fashion she just "loves it all" even that takes hard work knowing where she would fit and what she could contribute ...she could approach that with "i'm trying to learn and explore where I can best contribute in fashion...can you give me some ideas for where to start this exploration?" this comes at it from a humble place vs. an entitled "it's all about me and I deserve everything with a snap of my fingers" place

If you are a public figure and you choose and seek the limelight -- unless you're deliberately trying to portray yourself like a diva -- people generally prefer to see people who try to maintain a grounded approach (as absurd as this statement might be even kim kardashian, that girl Lauren from the Hills...work at being relatable and appearing grounded despite their glamorous/celebrity lifestyle) ... Andi does a lot of "boo hooo poor me" (around her breakups and in dealings with her guys) or "look how awesome I am" / "I'm strong woman hear me roar". She also goes hard and attacks people who "wronged her" -- Josh, JPG, Nick etc.

She somehow seems blind to the fact that the hard work of being real and honest about where she can improve herself/ accepting flaws rather than sweeping them under a rug and grow, accepting where she is "wrong" and where she humbly accepts privileges rather than communicating entitlement about living in NYC on top of which she wants  a "career in fashion" without putting in the ground work ---< these are the parts where she is repeatedly missing the mark with her public image....when she could share a multidimensional and deeper person (which I have no doubt she is) she defaults to a flat one dimensional "I'm perfect and deserve everything and I can do no wrong cos the people in my life are to blame for the things that happen to me" image. No one denies her the right to pursue her dreams but at least for me the reason I still post and comment about her is that it appalls me how unaware she seems of this aspect of her image and these flaws which she chooses to repeatedly sweep under the rug... I started out as a fan so deep down I'm just hoping she'll go through the growth process to realize and grow into a more empathetic, tuned in, humble person.... Maybe she could also get a publicist in addition to a bit of self examination.