Re: Bachelorette 8 - Media - Thread #3

[summerluvn]

Bachelorette Speculation: Why Emily Maynard Picks Jef Holm (Maybe)
about 2 hours ago by Gina Carbone From the Wet Paint website: http://www.wetpaint.com/the-bachelorette/articles/bachelorette-speculation-why-emily-maynard-picks-jef-holm-maybe
I couldn't get the pics to upload on this paste, so go to website itself to see adorable pics !


It’s early days on The Bachelorette Season 8, but we’re looking for a love story and a true love story should probably start pretty soon when there are only two months of dating time. So we have our eyes on some guys Emily Maynard may claim as her prize. We’ve already shared a few reasons why Em may end up picking (and be currently engaged to) Arie Luyendyk, Jr. Here are some reasons we think Emily and Jef Holm may make #TeamJem very happy.

1. She Thinks He’s Super Cool
If you watch Emily as Jef Holm walks up to her for the first time, before flinging his skateboard to the side, she beams and giggles and does a little coquettish twist of her shoulders — like she already has a crush. (She said he smelled good too.) She seemed very impressed with him right away on the premiere and when they eventually sat down for a chat, she told him she had been looking for him all night. Em eventually told the cameras Jef made a great first impression — and he made her feel like a “nerd.” “He is super cool and I hope that he thinks I’m cool too.”

2. The Skateboard Moment
It’s not exactly a Team Cupcake story, but not only did Jef ride in on a skateboard and get Emily to joke about wanting to ride it later, they really *did* ride it later. He gave her a mini lesson, which ABC offered up in an adorable deleted scene. “Just you and me and a skateboard,” he said. It’s sweet and it’s something they can go back to.

3. She’s Chasing Him
Another theme Team Jem can return to is the idea that he keeps needing to be told to show his feelings. He’s reserved, the way Emily was reserved on The Bachelor Season 15. By Episode 2 of this season, Emily was already seeing a lot of herself in the soft-spoken hipster guy. She actually tracked him down and gave him a speech/talking-to, saying she kept trying to make eye contact with him but every time she looked at him, he seemed to look away. “When I came in here tonight I said 'Where the hell is Jef? Like where has he been all day? Why hasn't he come talk to me?' ... Either Jef's playing hard to get or he's just not into me. ... Does Jef speak English?" She probably didn’t bother making that speech for any other guy. He got the group date rose afterward and that’s a pretty big deal. This week, on Episode 3, Emily’s friends suggested Jef tell Emily how he feels. He revealed he has a major crush on her and she gave him that cute little giggle-grin again. There’s something special about the way that she looks at him and wants him to look at her.

4. They Have Compatible Lives
Maybe it’s just a feeling, but Jef seems like he would fit right in with Em and Ricki and maybe they would like to move to Utah to be with him as he tries to help save the world through People Water. In the initial press release announcing her as the Bachelorette, Emily said she was planning a mission trip to Africa. People Water gives a portion of proceeds to a charity that builds wells around the world for people who need clean drinking water. Check Jef out in Nicaragua. Emily would probably be impressed and inspired by what he does — who wouldn’t? Also, Jef told Emily’s friends that he dated a girl with kids and he seemed to get along with the kids at the playground. He has a soft-spoken way about him and Emily said he makes her feel calm. Jef’s parents are Mormon and it’s possible he is too — and even though Emily does not seem to be part of the LDS Church, a focus on faith and family is probably something they share.

5. People Who Know Emily Think Jef Is a Good Match for Her
Michelle Money, the other single mom from The Bachelor 15, is friends with Em and knows and likes Jef. Michelle tried to warn Ashley Hebert away from fellow Utah resident Bentley Williams, so it’s not like she just likes anyone from her state. Since Jef lives in the Salt Lake City area, if Emily and Ricki move there, Em could be close to Michelle and her daughter, Brielle, who is around Ricki’s age. Jef has also received an early endorsement from Season 7 Bachelorette Ashley, who compared Jef to her own beloved JP Rosenbaum and said she’s “team ‘Jemily’ all the way.” (But for the record, it’s Team Jem.) Season 6’s Ali Fedotowsky also said Emily could end up with Jef since he’s “a little funky” and “a little different” and she likes that. True Ali recently defected to Team Arie, but only because of the recent tradition of Chosen Ones getting their first dates on Episode 3. Ben Flajnik already broke that trend, so maybe Emily won’t follow it either.

6. Jef Already Has Practice Proposing
We’ve already seen Jef get down on one knee to propose to a hot blonde. Yeah, it was Miss Piggy, but Emily seemed to like watching Jef say his vows on the Episode 2 Muppets group date. He did get that date’s rose, after all. Maybe she even requested that he be the one to make that move. As Ashley Hebert blogged about that moment, “I seriously got goose bumps. There was something so honest about that proposal. Did you hear the music in the background, too? Show is over. Seriously.” Seriously! Just check out the GIF of Jef looking to Emily for approval before proposing to Miss Piggy (compliments of The Bachelorette

[Guest]

Tony Pieper: Being the next 'The Bachelor' star would be a dream come true

By Elizabeth Kwiatkowski, 06/01/2012

The Bachelorette bachelor Tony Pieper, a 31-year-old lumber trader from Beaverton, OR, was eliminated along with two other suitors during Monday night's broadcast of the ABC reality dating series' eighth season.

Tony was ousted during the group date because The Bachelorette star Emily Maynard knew he was missing his son at home terribly, while fellow bachelors Alessandro and Stevie were eliminated during the third episode's cocktail reception and Rose Ceremony respectively.

During a Thursday conference call with reporters, Tony talked to Reality TV World about his short-lived The Bachelorette experience. To read what he had to say, click here.
RELATED LINKS
Reality TV World: The Bachelorette 8
More The Bachelorette 8 News

Below are some highlights from ABC's transcript of the rest of Tony's call with reporters -- including whether he thought he could've had a strong connection with Emily had he stayed, why aggressively pursuing a girl on the show was out of his comfort zone, who he believed were the best guys for Emily, and why he's concerned some of the guys may not be ready to become fathers despite their good intentions.

Do you think if you had been able to push through missing your son, you would have eventually felt a stronger connection with Emily?

Tony Pieper: You know, it's kind of something I've thought about and we just had so much in common, and I really didn't get that much time with her off the bat. So I mean, I think we would've grown closer.

There was an initial connection there, but just because I didn't really have that much time and obviously my son was kind of the only thing I could think about -- and the tough part is that when you only get a certain amount of time with somebody, days feel like weeks just being away from my son.

It was just hard because after, you know -- after a good amount of time passed, I was missing my son so much and I'm like, "Well, I haven't really had time to get to know this girl."

So, you know, maybe if I did, it would've -- it would've been easier for me to really think to myself, "Hey, this could be the love of my life and I could, you know, be able to start a family with her" -- which would benefit me and my son and everything. It would be great because we'd be a family, but I just don't feel like I had enough time with her to really make that decision. So...

Do you think you were at the point that if she had not sent you home, you would've walked away anyway?

Tony Pieper: Yes, I definitely was at that point. And, like I said, I mean, I just -- I just didn't know enough about her. I just didn't have that much time with her. So I was thinking to myself, "I don't know if I could've lasted another week being there just because of how much I missed my son and everything." I probably would've gone home on my own very soon after.

I'm sure you knew leaving your son initially that it was going to be hard, but when you were actually there and away from him, was it a lot tougher than you thought it was going to be?

Tony Pieper: Yes, you have no idea. Yes, it was definitely much tougher than I ever imagined. I mean, yes, you're right. I did go on the show and, you know, I actually thought about it for a long time, like, "Is this the right thing to do, should I go on this show?"

I know that I could be gone 10 or so weeks or however long it was, and being away from him -- I've never been away from him for more than four to five days. So I knew going into it, it was going to be tough, but how I kind of -- what I told myself is that, "I'm looking for a family, I'm looking for love and I know my son wants that too."

And he sees that I'm happy; He's happy. But there's just one piece missing. And to me, it was worth it to go try and find if maybe this is the missing piece to make our family whole and make everything better, and I just didn't realize when I was on the show how much it would affect me that I couldn't see him.

And then I could talk to him and he was, like, the cutest thing in the world and he's, like, "I love you, miss you," and, I mean, that just gets to your heart, you know? It just made it all better, but at the same time, it just made me a little sad, you know? So it was a lot tougher than I had ever imagined.

A lot of the guys really go out of their way to be very competitive for Emily's attention and competitive to win this competition. You seemed to have more of a laid-back approach, which I liked, and I was wondering if that's sort of your approach in real life too in that you're not overly aggressive when pursuing a girl?

Tony Pieper: Yes, you know, it totally depends on the situation as far as dating and yes, being aggressive, you know, to ask a girl out or something like that. Usually, I'm a little bit more laid back in that aspect. I grew up playing sports. So as far as competitive, I mean, I'm one of the most competitive people you'll know.

But yes, I didn't want to be that overly aggressive guy and it just wasn't -- it wasn't, like, human nature just to start pushing guys out of the way to get to Emily. Just that's not what I do in normal life. And so, that was a little difficult for me, but I'll tell you one thing, I was there for the right reasons.

And so maybe that was one thing. I know a lot of the guys were too, but maybe some of them just were in it for the competition. So that made them a little bit more aggressive or whatnot. But to me, I mean, everything happened for a reason and I was just going to go in there and be myself and see what happens.

Do you think that it's harder for a single mom or a single dad today or is it about the theme? On conference calls in the past, Chris Harrison kept stressing that he felt there was a stigma against Emily for starring as the Bachelorette as a single mom versus Jason Mesnick being a bit more embraced being the Bachelor as a single dad.

Tony Pieper: You know, I don't -- I don't think there's a huge difference. I don't think it's tougher. I wouldn't look at it being tougher to be a single dad versus a single mom. I mean, we both go through the same obstacles and the same, you know, the same issues with being single parents. I wouldn't look at it any different personally.

I mean, it is tough just because society says that, you know, you're a single mom, you should always be around your kids and, you know, you probably shouldn't be away for a long period of time. And as a single dad, you know, it might be a little bit different just because the motherly role in society is a lot stronger, but I don't -- I wouldn't see any difference in it personally.

And what was the reunion with your son like once you got back to Oregon?

Tony Pieper: Oh, it was one of the best days of my life. I mean, he came running up and I hugged him and kissed him and it's like he grew 5 inches in three weeks, and yes, it was the best thing -- one of the best days of my life to be honest with you, I was just -- it was happiness.

That's all I wanted to do. That's all I could think of, and yes, I was -- I can't even describe it. It was just, like, a piece of my heart was back, you know?

It seems like Emily is definitely prioritizing her daughter when it comes to picking the guys. So I wanted to see if you felt that way when you were there with her, and do you think she's making good choices so far now that you're watching the show from home?

Tony Pieper: Yes, I think she's making fantastic choices. You know, one of them is making sure that not all the guys meet Ricki. I mean, it's just something that you don't -- you want as little confusion with your son or daughter as possible, and I think she's done a great job there.

I think she's done a great job, you know, putting Ricki, like, in the Muppet Show and letting Ricki have a lot of fun with this as well, but also not confuse her and not bring her along on dates and doing things like that. So I think she's done a fantastic job myself.

Do you have any opinions on the best guys for her?

Tony Pieper: The best guy? I might have a little bit of an opinion. He was the guy -- he was my kind of best buddy in the house and I grew really close to him, and that's Sean. I think as far as, like, Sean's morals and values, I think Sean is a person [who's] just a fantastic guy. And yes, I think they'd be a great couple.

You were talking about this a little bit earlier, but I just kind of wanted to go back to and ask, how did you decide to go on The Bachelorette in the first place and what was the process like for you?

Tony Pieper: Well, I had actually just gotten a divorce. It was a couple of months after, and I was just with one of my friends and we were watching The Bachelor. And she's like, you know, "I'd be great on this show. So I'm going to apply." And she's like, "You know what? You would be great on that show. You should apply too."

And so I'm, like, "Yes, okay. I'll apply. Yes, you know? This -- we'll see how it goes." And so I applied and I got a call months and months down the road. It was awhile and to be honest with you, I kind of forgot that I had applied. And when I got the call, they said, "This is so and so with The Bachelorette," and I'm like, "Bachelorette? Bachelorette party? What? I don't understand."

And they're like, "No, the television show." And I'm like, "Oh, okay. Yes, that's right. I did apply." And so, I had a half an hour interview about it and they liked me and I actually had a twin brother down in L.A. who I was going to visit.

And so, I met with the casting people of The Bachelorette and we just kind of hit it off and they're, like, great, great people. And they liked me and they kind of made me think of, well, you know, "Would you really want to do this?"

And so, I started thinking because it started getting more serious, like wow, I could really be a part of this show. And so I'm thinking about it, and obviously the hardest part is that I have a five-year-old son and he's my life. I mean, he's my everything. And the biggest issue was, well, can I be away from him for 10 weeks at max?

And I had a lot of sleepless nights about it, talked with a lot of my family members and just kind of came to the conclusion that I'm like everybody else. I want a family. I had a family once and it was the greatest thing ever, and I wanted a family [again]. I wanted my son, you know, to have a family as well with me and, you know, I wanted to find love.

I thought, "Hey, I'm taking a risk, but at the same time, I could get rewarded with the love of my life, with a family -- and that would ultimately be rewarding to my son as well." So I came in there not thinking, "Oh, this is a competition and I'm going to win and I'm going to do this and that." I came in hoping that I would have a connection and could possibly find true love out of it, and that's why I did what I did.

How long were you gone total?

Tony Pieper: I was gone about three weeks.

So are you going to keep looking for love in your hometown of Beaverton?

Tony Pieper: That is the goal, yes. I'm -- yes, I'm not going to take any time off, you know? It's just -- if something comes up, then, you know, I'm still looking. I'm still out there. So yes, I'm just in Portland now. So...

I know you said you were close to Sean in the house, but it also seems like you were close with Doug and that he'd give forward advice. Was it because he had a kid too and so he understood what you were going through?

Tony Pieper: Yes, most definitely. Actually, Doug was the first person I told in that house that I had a kid and he -- me and him, I mean, we could just -- we could relate to so many things, and that being the toughest thing that was going through my mind while I was there. It was great to go to somebody, and Doug is just such a nice guy. And he's such, he's like a big teddy bear father-type, you know?

So I'd come to him and we actually shared a really close moment when I told him I had a son, and then he talked about his son, and so we definitely had a bond there. And then whenever I was going through some issues, or he was going through some issues, we were there for each other.

So I wanted him to make sure that he knew I was there for him too, because I was the only buddy who could relate to his situation. And so yes, we had a good bond. He's a great guy and I'm rooting him for him too.

Is Emily really as sweet as she's portrayed on the show?

Tony Pieper: I would have to say yes. Every -- I have nothing at all bad to say about her. She was very sweet, very genuine. She was definitely a sweetheart, you know, because I kind of was thinking the same thing. I'm like, "Oh, this might be a little too good to be true." But no, she's definitely a very, very sweet, caring and genuine person and I saw that when I was talking to her. And yes, she was great.

Did you think any of the guys on the show were there for the wrong reasons?

Tony Pieper: You know what? To be honest with you, I liked every guy on the show.

Even Kalon?

Tony Pieper: Well, here's the thing about Kalon, okay? I think he's a good person, but I just think he was raised differently than all of us. I mean, he's kind of the rich kid and he was actually a bunk mate of mine, and when a lot of people were kind of shutting him off, I was kind of there to be a friend to him.

He seemed like a pretty good guy. Now, what I didn't mean is the stuff that's on TV now, you know? Because what I got is just me and him, you know, face-to-face, and he seemed like a decent guy to me. He just has, you know -- he's kind of grown up a little bit like the rich kid, and you know, everybody kind of wanted to make him the outcast and everything.

But what I saw on TV was a totally different side of him. And so, that was a little interesting when I saw him on the last show and I thought he was -- I was kind of defending him a little bit because (unintelligible) were, like, "Oh, Kalon, he's a bad guy, an antagonist, and this and that." And I'm like, "Well, he seemed like a pretty good guy to me."

But now, I see him on TV and kind of in a different light. And now, I think if there was one person that was there for the wrong reasons, I think it would be him. But at the same time, do I think he wants to find love? Sure, 100% percent.

That's really interesting that you saw different things on the show than when you were there. Do you see anything different about yourself watching it back? Did you learn anything about yourself, you think?

Tony Pieper: You know, the one thing is just I live for my son. As a parent, as soon as you have a child, you just -- you live for them, you know? You want to make them happy, you kind of stop everything you're doing to make sure that they're happy, they have a roof over their head, and you know, you're giving them the best life you possibly can give them.

And when I was on the show, you know, a lot that came out was my son, my son, my son. And when I'm back home and I'm dating in Portland or whatnot, it's like, "Yes, I have a son. He's the best thing in my life, but let me tell you about me and get to know me."

And so when I was on the show, a lot of times, I'd be talking to Emily and it'd be about my son or how great I was hanging around kids and this and that. But I didn't really give her that much of myself. And so, something that I kind of looked at was that I still needed to be the best dad in the world.

That's my number one priority, but I also need to step into the role of really giving myself to somebody so they can see me as a person and me as an individual, and that's kind of something I took from that that I need to do. But other than that, what you saw was me. I mean, that they portrayed me how I was, that's who I am. So...

Do you think there are guys left that think they're ready to step into a step-father role that maybe aren't?

Tony Pieper: Yes, I think there's guys there that are going to get a little bit of a shock when they step into that role, you know? That was talked about. You know, actually me and Doug kind of brought that up to everybody in just that, "Is everybody here ready to step into the fatherly role?"

And I think some of these guys even, you know, one night I said, "Hey, you know, who here has dated somebody with kids?" This was the first night, and in this circle of people, no one raised their hand. And I'm like, "Wow." Not saying that these guys aren't capable, because I think a lot -- most all of them are -- but it's just very different and I don't know.

Until you're put in that position, you know, it's hard telling them to say, "Hey, you're going to be a good father," or, "Can you even handle it?" So yes, I think a lot of the guys are going to get a little shocked being placed into that role right away, and I just hope it works out for Emily because I think the same thing, you know?

In the past when I've dated after my divorce and everything, it was like, "Well, you're a great girl," this and that, "But how would you deal with my son?" And then, you know, I kind of look at that and sometimes they're not ready.

They think they're ready, or I just really hope whoever she picks is just going to be great in that role, because it's tough saying that when you're not actually in it and you don't actually have a child.

It seems like some bachelors may be saying one thing but feeling or doing something completely different.

Tony Pieper: Exactly. Yes, that's what I thought the whole time. I mean, a lot of these guys said like, "Yes, I'm ready" and, "Sure, let's you know, I'd be a great day," but until you're actually in the role -- I mean, and that's the one thing.

It's going to be hard because me being a single dad, I mean, if I was the Bachelor and all these girls were around me, I would not bring my son into it until the very, very end. But the one problem with that is, you wouldn't get to see how they interact with the number one thing in your life.

And that'd be the toughest thing, and that's why I'm kind of interested to keep watching and see how Emily does at the end and see how much she let's her daughter into these guys' lives, because there's two different sides: One is that, you know, you want to protect your daughter. You don't want to confuse her.

You don't want to bring her around all these guys until you know in your heart that that's the one for you, but at the same time, the only way you're going to know in your heart if that's the one for you is if they're going to be great with your daughter -- the best thing in your life, you know? So...

The show has been very accommodating to their Bachelors and Bachelorettes, so if they made or bent the rules for you as well -- like move the show to Oregon or allow your son to travel with you -- would you consider doing it?

Tony Pieper: You know, I did see how accommodating they were for Emily and, I mean, everybody on the show has just been absolutely awesome not only for me, but it looks like for obviously Emily too. But if I got that kind of treatment, I would -- I'd really consider it. I mean, I think that's kind of a dream come true. I mean, if they would accommodate everything. I mean, that's the hardest part.

I'd have to think about it, but I think that would -- that would be something that would be, like I said, I mean, a dream come true. But it is -- it'd just be -- I mean, I definitely have... sorry, that's kind of a tough question just because, you know, he has school and a lot of other things that I'm sure took her a long time to really think about and see if it was really right for her.

So, I mean, that definitely would have to be something that I'd have to think about for a while, but just shooting from the hip, I mean, it would be a great experience.

Would you ever consider trying online dating?

Tony Pieper: You know, I've never done online dating before, so I don't know if I -- if I would give it a shot or not. I mean, I don't have anything against it, but it's just something I'm not really used to.

So I don't know. I'm not ruling anything out. I just want to, you know, find love like everybody else does and just hope someday I can find that whether it be online or as, you know, the next Bachelor or just being me in my hometown.




http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/tony-pieper-being-next-the-bachelor-star-would-be-dream-come-true-13533.php

[Love_Me]

Speaking of shows that start with the letter B, it’s time to talk some Bachelorette, and to do that we welcome back EW’s favorite grandma, Nanny! The grandmother of Entertainment Weekly’s Breia Brissey, Nanny shares her pick for favorite suitor, her thoughts on “luxury brand consultant” Kalon, and thoughts on which eliminated contestant was cut loose way too soon. You’ll also need to listen in to see whose rock hard abs inspired the following Nannyism: “With an upper body like that, you’ve got to bet that he’s got butt cheeks that are firm enough to crack walnuts.” (Sure! Why not?!?) It’s a conversation that is more entertaining than the tallest roller coaster in all of Dollywood! (If you want to skip right to Nanny and The Bachelorette chat, it begins at 14:00.)

http://insidetv.ew.com/2012/06/01/podcast-best-summer-tv-show-ever-bachelorette/

[docnash14]

Sorry if this has already been posted. I found it quite hilarious:

Bachelorette Emily Recap: Team Wendy
Tuesday, May 29, 2012 @ 12:05 PM
Author: Lincee

As I mentioned in my Huffington Post article and Y101 radio interview this morning, I found myself pleasantly surprised by all of the brutal honesty pouring out from Emily and her suitors. Who knew that telling the cold, hard truth could be so entertaining? It’s such great timing too, because we needed something to dilute the memories of last week’s Muppet charade, and the promise of country music pop star Luke Bryan making my speakers go boom boom was less than thrilling.

I’ve said it often before and I’ll say it again. Thank you Lord for Dolly Parton.

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER
The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. However, if you or someone you poked on Facebook happens to personally know, sort of know, is friends with the niece/former classmate of someone who is obsessed with the Hunger Games trilogy and looks exactly like one of the contestants on the show…none of this is personal and I’m sure they are all lovely people.

Aside from a few moments dedicated to the camera following Emily’s mother into her rented bedroom to bring her breakfast in bed, the opening scenes were presumably identical to last week’s opener. Our Host Chris Harrison displays his Alpha Male command, all members of the pack choose to stand and or sit on rattan furniture in the driveway, Harrison briefly explains the upcoming dating situations, the lucky date card is retrieved from his back left jeans pocket and is dropped on the table before he confidently strides away from the testosterone in his modern-day take of a wrinkly, grey Members Only jacket.

A quick scan of the bachelors leaves me discouraged at the lack of color in the wardrobe department. I’m sure somewhere in Sonoma, Groban is brushing a strand of wayward hair from his forehead, smiling to himself that he totally made “blah” happen on The Bachelor. To which I say…please Groban. If anyone can make a style comeback using debatable unisex 80s fashion in the hue of dusty grey, it’s Chris Harrison.

TBI Charlie crushes my entire sarcastic wardrobe theory by emerging from the sidelines in a bright pink, red and white horizontal striped v-neck, originally intended for female attendants serving in the pediatric ward of children’s hospitals everywhere. He announces that Chris is the lucky winner of the first one-on-one date and I squash my sudden urge to dip Travis’ dragon egg in a bowl of colored vinegar before listening to the message. “Love is a Steady Climb” it reads and Chris kicks off his constant reminders to the viewing audience that he thinks Emily is the greatest thing ever and he hopes to kiss her before the night is over.

Wearing a grey Henley (Groban = 1, Lincee = 0) and jeans, he meets bandito Emily in her motorcycle tank and tight black pants, as she casually saunters over to the edge of a building. Ropes drop from above and Chris is shocked beyond all measure that he must shimmy into a harness and scale a wall in order to earn his dinner and prove his manhood.

As with Mesnick and Molly bungee jumping, Jake and Vienna bungee jumping, Roberto and Ali tight rope walking, Hotter Than Crap Brad and Crazy Michele cliff climbing, Groban and Gangster Emily bridge tripping, Groban and The Red Head spelunking, the producers insist Emily and Chris talk about how they are nervous but feel comfort from the other and have no doubt that conquering their fears together will bring them closer to yadda, yadda, yadda, yes they are forced to wear dorky helmet cams so help me make it stop.

This isn’t Chris’ first rodeo. He knows that halfway through the life-changing challenge, there will be a you-can-do-it-here’s-a-boost-to-help-you-kiss that is shared before the swelling musical melody signifies certain pending victory in the near future. Due to ill calculated distance between the two ropes and harness chaffing, poor Chris had to settle for a hive five. He was disappointed. We know this because he tells the camera no less than 12 times.

“GET ON WITH IT!” I yelled, frustrated at the clichéness of the entire ordeal. I knew it was time to reach for the remote to fast forward when “On the Wings of Love” crept into my subconscious. Stupid Jake Pavelka.

Then lightning struck in the distance. How in the world did the ABC Intern manage that? Harnesses and helmet cams roughly six stories up in the air? This installment of “Conquer Your Fear: Lightning Edition” might be viewable. Bring it on! I’ll even stomach a few lightning analogies.

Chris: “That moment proved to me that a kiss from Emily would be electrifying.”
Emily: “Each flash bolted right through me, but I was determined to reach the top.”

And reach the top they did, celebrating the moment with another triumphant high five. Come on Our Bachelor Chris Not Harrison. What would your namesake do? Lean over and kiss her for crying out loud!

Emily takes him to dinner on the roof and showers him with compliments before asking what happened in his previous relationship. We learn that Chris dated his high school sweetheart for almost six years before recently breaking up with her. Emily quickly does that math in her head and cautiously asks, “How old are you?”

Answer: Chris is 25-years-old even though he acts and looks much more mature. Unfortunately, a suitor who graduated a year later than her in high school is not on a check on the “pro” side of the column and she lets him know it. Is he prepared to be a father to Little Ricki? Does he even know who the Backstreet Boys are? Does he consider Tobey Maquire the original reboot Spiderman? These negative feelings are mitigated with the gentle crooning of Luke Bryan and a swarm of people who just happened to be in downtown Charlotte gathered around the lucky couple as they swayed back and forth, eighth-grade dance style.

Emily: “I heard you liked country music, so I arranged for a little concert.”
Lincee: “Go ahead and put a stake through my country music loving heart ABC.”
Chris: “I’m a man. There’s no other place I’d rather be than right here.”
Lincee: “You and half of the straight men watching this exchange, but go on.”
Chris: “Would it be okay if I kissed you at the end of this song?”
Lincee: “Would it be okay if I petitioned that every man this season learn the basic intricacies of two-stepping because Emily has clearly negotiated live country music elements in her iron-clad contract?”

Emily coyly answers, “Why don’t you try it and you’ll find out” before craning her neck up to meet Chris in the most intimate and loving kiss since Wesley and Buttercup in The Princess Bride.

This is according to Chris of course. To the rest of the viewing audience and rambunctious members of the Charlotte chapter of the Luke Bryan Fan Club, it was consistent with the eighth-grade theme Chris established at the beginning of the slow dance. Props to him for having the stones to actually go through with it though. Too bad he’s going to get his young heart broken by someone older (almost in their 30s), wiser and more than likely in a tighter t-shirt. Or a race car driver. Who knows?

Group Date
Let’s Play
TBI Charlie
Andro
Stevie
Ryan
Portuguese Brad Pitt Andro
Sean
Wolf
Snape’s Son Michael
Doug
One F Jef
Tony
Travis & Shelly

Emily arrives at the mansion in tiny cut off shorts and a green and white off-the-shoulder striped number. Clearly this outfit was borrowed from Ashley. She takes the guys to a freshly mowed meadow and begins to toss a football around before randomly wandering off over a hill. Doug absent mindedly tugs at the arm hole of his medium-sized shirt, wondering aloud why Emily would ditch them so early in the date? He’s eager to find out if he skins in the scrimmage because he’s slowly losing circulation to his brain and it may become medically necessary that he takes off his shirt and the last thing he wants to look like is a complete chach in front of Emily.

Or her friends. It turns out that Emily has gathered four very important women to help her decide which of “her boys” is worth her time and energy. These women took their responsibility seriously.

For the most part.

It is my hope that Emily’s friend Wendy hit the sauce earlier than usual that day because she was nervous about being on national television. That is the only logical reason that she behaved the way she did. Sure, I was fully engaged when she insisted that Sean remove his shirt and do push-ups for her, but was it really necessary for her to sit on his back while he performed the request? With that said, I think the show needs a little more Wendy in future episodes. Bring on the crazy. And tell the ABC intern not to forget the shot of Vodka in her juice box.

Ryan was also forced to do push-ups on a picnic table. Stevie busted out the break dancing moves. Wolf choked. One F Jef charmed. Tony lamented about his kid back home. Doug shared a nice lemon bar recipe that he received through a PTA email chain. Wendy asks Travis if he fertilized the random egg he’s carrying around. This woman is awesome. And Portuguese Brad Pitt began digging his own grave by honestly answering that he has cheated on a girlfriend before and yes, he’s had a one-night stand and he doesn’t have pets because it’s too much responsibility. That’s how gypsy bandits roll!

Just when they think the torture is over, Emily whistles and a bunch of kids come running from an unmarked van and command control of the entire community park. Emily takes a juice box and stands over by the monkey bars by her friends handing each a spiral notebook and large magic marker so the boys can be judged Olympic-style on their elementary playground technique.

Ryan immediately makes the beefier kids pick up tires and roll them to the far end of the perimeter. One F Jef finds the awkward kid and bonds with him as they go down the slide backwards. Sean piles three on his shoulders and becomes a human jungle gym. Tony cries. Snape’s Son Michael chillaxes on the swing set with the kid who refused the chocolate chip cookie snack, opting for the organic, glutten-free granola bar instead.

Ryan instructs his impromptu training camp kids to take five and wanders over to Emily and her entourage. One of Emily’s confidants noted that Ryan was “put together in a pretty, but manly way” (okay, it was slurred and it was Wendy) and the conversation somehow turned to Emily apologizing for not being dolled up at the park. Obviously, she was fishing for a compliment. Daftly, Ryan confided that he wants a woman who is always put together. Five women eyed him carefully as he explained he would love Emily if she chose to “get lazy,” but he wouldn’t love on her.

Emily: “He has the guts to tell me that I better not get fat. I don’t know how I feel about that.”

Much like the bump-it in his hair, Emily, I’d suggest you proceed with caution when it comes to Ryan’s questionable motives.

For the record, Emily’s posse all agreed that Doug and Sean were the two best candidates. She decides to take their advice and seeks both men out when the cocktail portion of the date proceeds.

Let me just say that Sean was looking extremely hot in jeans, crisp white shirt and black blazer. There was resounding agreement all around that this look is typically preferable without a tie, but Sean’s choice to loosen the knot and own the decision was well played. He further endears himself to me by complimenting his parents’ 28-year marriage and vows that he has the best example to ape when it comes to a husband and father. Then he kisses her on the cheek.

A-dorable.

I can’t say the same for Doug. There’s just something about him that make me want to throw my yellow flag. Yellow, because I’m cautious. He talks about how life was hard growing up and how his Mom left and his Dad died and he and his sister were forced into foster care. That’s very sad and Emily was so touched that she cried. She is amazed that he doesn’t have anger issues and appreciates that he knows what it’s like to really have a bad day. I believe him. But I feel like there’s something under the surface that is about to bubble up. I just can’t put my finger on it.

Emily retreats into the weeping arms of Tony and they bond over how hard it is to leave your child for weeks on end. I don’t have children and can’t imagine what it must feel like to be apart from your little one. Emily does a great job of encouraging Tony, even though his sweater deserves constant abuse. She promises that the experience may be worth it if he really tries to make it work.

A few more sips of her Cosmopolitan and a kind word from One F Jeff and we’re back in the alley where Tony has walked into the loving arms of Doug. Doug straight up asks Tony if he wants to go home and is answered with a wavering, “I don’t know.” I was glad Doug took the high road, ensuring Tony that his kid was totally fine and the minute he got back, he would forget he was ever gone.

Tony calls the boy for the second time that day and begins to emotionally break down against the brick wall. The ABC psychotherapist is called in to administer some sort of comforting message in the form of a Valium when Emily walks up. Seeing him in such pain, she eloquently reveals that her feelings for him are not strong enough to make him stay when he doesn’t really want to be away from his son in the first place. She tells him that his son is the luckiest kid in the world and walks him to a waiting taxi.

Emily further exudes grace by telling the other contestants that Tony decided to go home because he was so distraught over being away from his kid. The men seem to respect her even more and none were openly irritated when she bestowed the coveted date rose to Hot Sean.

What am I watching? This can’t be the reality show I’ve been reacapping for almost eight years, can it?

“There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to ABC. It is a dimension as vast as Mike Fleiss’ little black book and as timeless as Our Host Chris Harrison. It is the middle ground between gallant and chach, between classy and bless her heart, and it lies between the pit of Kalon’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of The Bachelor. It is an area which we call “The Twilight Zone.”

Second One-On-One Date
Arie
“Love is a Wild Ride”

Another pair of tiny denim shorts and striped shirt is paired with very tall knee boots. Clearly this is the perfect outfit to traipse around Dollywood with her favorite beau Arie, who is somehow wearing a black shirt and grey jeans. (Groban = 2, Lincee = 0)

Arie calls Dollywood “cute” to Emily’s “happiest place on earth.” They ride roller coasters, dance along with a banjo, toss a few rings and win Little Ricki a stuffed animal. They are forced into a concert hall to write a love song (gag me) when the curtains open and Dolly Parton stands before a shocked Emily and confused Arie.

Just as he’s about to ask, “Who is that lady with all the plastic surgery, obvious wig, boobs resting on her guitar and bedazzled henna and why are your crying?” Emily squeezes his hand, uttering, “I could die. I could die. Dolly Parton. I could die. It’s Dolly-Friggin’-Parton.”

Wishing he had access to a smart phone with a Google ap, Arie quickly realizes that he is standing before THE Dolly who is THE Dolly behind DOLLYwood. He tries to quickly recover with a dropped jaw of his own.

Arie: “I couldn’t believe Dolly Pardon was right in front of us. Emily was so excited and it was amazing to see her stand there in awe. Dolly Pardon!”
Lincee: “It’s Parton Formula 1 boy. Now put your arm around her and sway you fool.”

Dolly sings a song she wrote five minutes ago (so talented) and then sends Arie to fetch her a funnel cake. She and Emily have a heart-to-heart and it was obvious that Emily was freaking out about crossing off an item on her bucket list. Arie comes back, Dolly sings again and they dance back and forth eighth-grade style. Even though in three weeks we’ve witnessed Emily sway back and forth two feet away in the straight out arms of three different men, I’m going to choose to be in the moment, wishing I could have switched places with Emily for this portion of the date. Dolly Parton at Dollywood? So cool.

At dinner, Emily asks about Arie’s relationship with the Mom of two kids. He goes into great detail about how they lived together and his responsibilities as a father figure to the kids. But she didn’t want any more children and that was a bit of a deal breaker for him. He switched topics and asked if his career as a driver and the busy schedule that accompanies it would hinder a relationship with her. She admits that she would be okay with it and would embrace the time she spent alone when he was away.

She messes with him for a few minutes, pretending that she’s not going to give him the date rose, before giving him the date rose. He kisses her cheek and then they walk the familiar path toward the carrousel. Just when I’m writing in my notes, “weird purple animal print dress + black blazer = something about Bon Jovi groupie on the Slippery When Wet Tour” I notice that Arie is leading her to a bench on the carrousel. You can’t very well make out on two horses bobbing up and down in opposite directions can you? They sit side-by-side and he smoothly moves in for the kill. Solid lead in. Nice head tilt. Great form. I give it a well deserved 10 and for the second time I wished I could trade places with Emily.

Emily: “Where did you come from?”
Lincee: “According to his bio, the Netherlands, but I’m equally confused by the identifier under his name and age that reads Scottsdale. The real question should be why do you care at this exact moment in time? Stop asking silly questions and keep kissing him Emily. Geez.”

Rose Ceremony
Ever the gracious host, Emily adjusts the peephole in her golden gown and seeks out the men who were not lucky enough to be invited on dates this week. First up?

Kalon.
Wearing luxury, driving moccasins.
And no socks.
This should be good.

Kalon: “I took it personally when I didn’t get a date this week. I’ve never had to share my life with anyone before.”
Lincee: “Yes. This is key information to provide the woman whom you are woo-ing who happens to have a daughter. Selfish behavior is such a turn on!”

Kalon: “We were talking about how you let Tony go. Obviously you’re a lady of class.”
Emily: “Thanks. How do you feel about me being a Mom?”

Kalon: “Of course, I never assumed as I recorded my inner most thoughts in my luxury journal when I was a kid that my first child would not be one of my own.”
Emily: “Wow. That’s…

Kalon: “I love it when you talk, but I wish you’d let me finish.”

Side Bar
Murphy from the Y101 Morning Show and I are going in together to make this the next big pop culture catch phrase since “I want to go to there.” and “That’s what she said.” It will be available in bumper stickers, buttons, mugs and embroidered pillows. Patent pending.

Next up? Travis.

You probably don’t recognize Travis’ name because you affectionately refer to him as The Egg Guy or Humpty Dumpty. Of course, Emily’s entourage peppered her with questions regarding the strange dude who carries around a dragon egg like it was a security blanket. Travis got the message and ceremoniously escorted Emily out into the courtyard to free himself from further embarrassment (and the responsibility of making sure the egg was kept safe from harms way). The best decision he made was to allow Emily the honor of smashing the egg to smithereens before the ABC intern was sent to clean up the mess. One moment that will go down in Bachelor history is when a handful of men raised a glass to “Shelly” and toasted her over easy demise. I love this show.

The Shaggy Andro steals Emily away to get some much needed one-on-one time. He uses this time to share that he has no experience with kids and is willing to compromise his life to have Emily and Ricki a part of his gypsy lifestyle. Emily does a great job trying to convince Andro that he must be mistaken and that there is a language barrier because SURELY he doesn’t mean that she is a compromise. He means it would be an honor, right?

Andro: “No. I do not see it that way. It would be a compromise. There is no language barrier. And if you haven’t talked to your friends yet, I cheated and had a one-night stand with a bohemian woman I met when admiring the texture and simplicity at the Valley of the Moon. There were no words spoken. Only caressing.”

Honesty is the best policy kids. Emily kicks him to the curb with one dainty combat boot before the rose ceremony has even begun. This just gets better and better.

Emily storms into the house and is immediately handed an appletini. Sean senses that Chilean Andro has shared too much. Ryan smiles and Kalon regrets that he didn’t get to share his deep conditioning luxury hair treatment before the gypsy left in the night. Arie wisely pulls Emily to a secluded part of the mansion, puts a comforting, yet protecting arm around her shoulders and genuinely seems concerned for her well-being. He gives her sweet little kisses over and over and over again, making sure she’s fit to face the other idiots.

Taking cues from Arie, Sean steals some time and confesses that he would do things differently if this were a conventional courting. Since time is of the essence, he needs Emily to know that if things went his way, she should have no doubt that he would embrace Little Ricki as his own. He vows to be the greatest father and husband in the world. This earns him a long, lingering kiss by the fire.

Harrison clinks his champagne glass, irritated that there is but one bachelor who will NOT receive a rose and wonders again why we don’t reverse the rose ceremony and save Stevie the trouble of having to wait forever and day before he centipedes right out the front door. Alas, we have to sit through the process, almost witnessing a vein pop in Ryan’s head and checking our cheat sheet to figure out who the blonde kid is at the end before the axe is dropped on Stevie. Kalon hands him a luxury razor for that awful patch of hair on his chin and bids him adieu.

Next week? Bahamas baby! And Ryan’s competitive side is out to get Arie. WATCH OUT FORMULA 1! Good luck One F. TEAM WENDY!

All about the shame, not the fame,
Lincee

Here’s what we definitely know:
1. Emily is not playing around when it comes to choosing her husband.
2. Her friend Wendy should be on every episode from here on out.
3. Dolly Parton is an American icon.
4. Arie can kiss.
5. Kalon is a d-bag.
6. Sean is slowly winning me over.
7. Ryan is slowly losing me under.
8. If I never see another wall/mountain/cliff/gorge climbing and or dropping date that results in conversation about conquering fears, I will give each of you $100 million.
9. RIP Shelly.
10. My mini recap is up at Huffington Post (CLICK HERE).

[GrahamGal]

^^ Thank docnash14, that gave me a good laugh.

[nutty1]

That was really funny!

[bilolo]

yes it's fuuny

[KareyR2]

OMG!!!! Lincee's recap was great. Now I am going to try to find her other ones! Too funny. Thanks for posting it.
Karey

[moonpie]

OMG!!!! Lincee's recap was great. Now I am going to try to find her other ones! Too funny. Thanks for posting it.
Karey

Lincee's blog/recaps are at www.ihategreenbeans.com. She's very funny!

[KareyR2]

OMG!!!! Lincee's recap was great. Now I am going to try to find her other ones! Too funny. Thanks for posting it.
Karey

Lincee's blog/recaps are at www.ihategreenbeans.com. She's very funny!

Thanks so much. Off to read them.
Karey

[jlccaz]

I've read lincee since bach 10

She is 20x funnier than RS and today only Ashley S with her brilliant caption comes close to lincee for consistent laugh out loud commentary and that she's spoiler free gives it a fresh outsider "girlfriend" vibe that is fun and snarky at the same time. End endorsement!

[ajview]

I've read lincee since bach 10

She is 20x funnier than RS and today only Ashley S with her brilliant caption comes close to lincee for consistent laugh out loud commentary and that she's spoiler free gives it a fresh outsider "girlfriend" vibe that is fun and snarky at the same time. End endorsement!

I agree!! That was an awesome recap and I will look forward to her future recaps :Smiley:
Thanks for bringing that over.

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