Arie Jr & Lauren Luyendyk - Bachelor 22 - Discussion #5

@Sprite

I don't see anything wrong with Lauren posting what she did. It's their story and if she wants to tell it or express anything about it, go for it. Besides, it's been how many years? .. they're married and have babies, And Becca's moved on, was the Bachelorette and fell in love with someone else. I'm sure Becca could care less about what Lauren or Arie post, as it should be.

@alwayscooking IA I actually don't think Lauren was thinking about other people's feelings or anyone else other than the two of them.

I think it was something that just made her reminisce that that's the day he contacted her and was the start of loving relationship leading to marriage and a family.

There is nothing that tells me she's ever been concerned about his bachelor days and IMO I don't see why she would be.

I was starting to be okay with them but this brings back the reasons they're not my favorite couple. I'm sure that Lauren could have picked a different memory to share. It's not even that Becca would care by this point but that it looks bad on Lauren, imo.

albean99 wrote:I was starting to be okay with them but this brings back the reasons they're not my favorite couple. I'm sure that Lauren could have picked a different memory to share. It's not even that Becca would care by this point but that it looks bad on Lauren, imo.

It's not about Becca. Like you @albean99, they were never my favourite couple, for multiple reasons, but they seemed have found their groove and moved on. And then bam, they highlight...to me at least...just how thoughtless they are...again! Like the saying goes, when someone shows you who they are...believe them.

Sprite wrote:

albean99 wrote:I was starting to be okay with them but this brings back the reasons they're not my favorite couple. I'm sure that Lauren could have picked a different memory to share. It's not even that Becca would care by this point but that it looks bad on Lauren, imo.

It's not about Becca. Like you @albean99, they were never my favourite couple, for multiple reasons, but they seemed have found their groove and moved on. And then bam, they highlight...to me at least...just how thoughtless they are...again! Like the saying goes, when someone shows you who they are...believe them.

I didn't take it like that at all, I took Lauren posting that more as the saying goes " and so it begins" type of thing showing where it began and how far they've come with marriage and kids . IMO I don't think she was referring to that DM to throw shade to Becca at all. Becca moved on became the lead and fell in love with Garrett . JMO

Jolena wrote:

Sprite wrote:

albean99 wrote:I was starting to be okay with them but this brings back the reasons they're not my favorite couple. I'm sure that Lauren could have picked a different memory to share. It's not even that Becca would care by this point but that it looks bad on Lauren, imo.

It's not about Becca. Like you @albean99, they were never my favourite couple, for multiple reasons, but they seemed have found their groove and moved on. And then bam, they highlight...to me at least...just how thoughtless they are...again! Like the saying goes, when someone shows you who they are...believe them.

I didn't take it like that at all, I took Lauren posting that more as the saying goes " and so it begins"  type of thing showing where it began and how far they've come with marriage and kids . IMO I don't think she was referring to that DM to throw shade to Becca at all. Becca moved on became the lead and fell in love with Garrett . JMO

That is exactly the point I was trying to make. She doesn't think...except about herself. I don't think she was throwing shade at Becca and I do agree she was all about this is where we started. Unfortunately, where they started is her husband cheating on his previous fiance! I don't care that he had technically got the OK from Becca to talk to Lauren. That was supposed to be about closure, not about dumping Becca and moving on to Lauren. The fact that she seems proud of that is totally tasteless and tone deaf IMO. She has plenty to post about these days and that she chose that, shows me that she hasn't changed at all.

To share my own experience, I met dh while he was dating someone else who was ultimately incompatible with his values. In his mind the relationship was over, but her work obligations prevented them from seeing each other in person for several weeks to enable the breakup conversation dh was hoping to have but did not want to do over the phone. At that point our friendship was just starting to get a tiny bit more romantic, but I  was uncomfortable being a de facto "other woman."  Thirty years later I still feel badly about that period of time, and almost wish I could see dhs ex to apologize, regardless of how innocent our relationship had been in those early stages. Even on a selfish level I wish I had told dh to back off till
was resolved, but I was really inexperienced datingwise and chose to follow the advice of friends who suggested all's fair in love and war etc. My lack of backbone cheated us as well of having an asterisk-free start to our personal love story,  and caused the ex unnecessary hurt, regardless of their glaring differences in priorities and the fact that their relationship was doomed at that point in time. Some days I still beat myself up for not having followed the Golden rule that I generally try to live by. Live and learn....

@Billysmom I appreciate you sharing that with us. This is exactly what I am getting at. In these type of circumstances people often feel guilty...even if they technically did nothing wrong. They don't go around celebrating the fact that they caused a relationship to end...doomed as it may have been. In their case, it was all very public and hurt and humiliated someone else. Yes, Becca went on to become the Bette and got engaged to someone else, but it is still not a good look for Lauren IMO.

@Billysmom thank you for sharing your personal experience.

Thanks ladies.... I think I've needed to say that out loud somehow for a long time...very therapeutic... Thanks for hearing my confession. Xo

PS should prolly add that at times when I'm insecure I still find myself thinking of the ex and wondering if dh might have been happier with her... Takes tons of self control to not Google her on linked in or Facebook. But I've been pretty good in that regard thus far, hope I can keep it up . Bottom line is, life and love can be messy, I guess... But kindness is never wasted, and can actually end up being very freeing in the long run... Still wish I had been stronger, but it is what it is at this point. Xo

Billysmom wrote:To share my own experience, I met dh while he was dating someone else who was ultimately incompatible with his values. In his mind the relationship was over, but her work obligations prevented them from seeing each other in person for several weeks to enable the breakup conversation dh was hoping to have but did not want to do over the phone. At that point our friendship was just starting to get a tiny bit more romantic, but I  was uncomfortable being a de facto "other woman."  Thirty years later I still feel badly about that period of time, and almost wish I could see dhs ex to apologize, regardless of how innocent our relationship had been in those early stages. Even on a selfish level I wish I had told dh to back off till
was resolved, but I was really inexperienced datingwise and chose to follow the advice of friends who suggested all's fair in love and war etc. My lack of backbone cheated us as well of having an asterisk-free start to our personal love story,  and caused the ex unnecessary hurt, regardless of their glaring differences in priorities and the fact that their relationship was doomed at that point in time. Some days I still beat myself up for not having followed the Golden rule that I generally try to live by. Live and learn....

Gosh, same. My partner and I were both 'technically' with other people when we started. (Long boring story about legal definitions of separated, etc). Even though we have nothing to do with either of those people anymore and we've now been together for a very long time - a heck of a lot longer than Arie and Lauren - we'd never ever gloat about the start of our relationship. It's not something to be proud of even if things have worked out for us all.