Arie Luyendyk Jr - Lauren Burnham - Bachelor 22 - Discussion #2

Lucas15 wrote:

GuardianAngel wrote:Women are strung along, if they let themselves be strung IMHO.

I have to admit I am somewhat confused by Arie's exes. They all appear to sing Arie praises as being sweet and kind and someone who would give you the shirt off his back and help an old lady across the street (or change her flat tire for her) - all of these seem to be qualities that IMO would be attractive. But then they all seem to blame only him for being unable to commit to them when they have never brought up the subject of commitment to him. I wonder why - if they wanted commitment - did they not say so? Why did they hope for something more when they never said they wanted something more? Were they perhaps afraid to ask those kinds of questions of Arie? Because if so - IMO they knew already knew the answers but didn't want to risk ending the relationship by asking the questions.

Is Arie blameless here? IMO no - he bears some of the blame - but IMO so do these women. I think it takes two people to be in a relationship and if it's not the relationship one of them wants - ask the questions, hear the answers, and move on if it's not headed in the direction you want. But don't put up with it for years and then put all the blame the other person; own your own part of it.

And then, there's Lauren and IMO she's a different breed of cat from these exes. She made it quite clear to Arie: - "If you're only looking for closure (ie to make yourself feel good about what you did) then we have nothing to talk about". "If you're looking for something more, I'm all in - but commit to it and put a ring on it." IMO very clear and very concise and very smart and very different from these exes.
JMHO

Regarding the bolded, IMO that's precisely why Arie gets away with this crap year after year. If he was a moody jerk, the women would be over him as soon as he put a foot wrong, but it seems he's great company and everything is great right up until he decides to move on to the next woman (or more like informs them that it's over when he's already moved on to the next woman). I find that chilling to be honest. How can you ever trust a person a like that? You never know when he's going to walk out the door with no warning or what he's doing behind your back while acting like the perfect guy when he's with you. JMO.

And are we going to just gloss over the part where Giustina told Arie he needs to break up with his live-in girlfriend if he wants to be with her? Arie did it, over the phone like the emotionless robot he is (IMO), yet was back to acting shady soon enough. Seems kind of reminiscent of Lauren telling him he needs to be finished with Becca, doesn't it? Oh but he put a ring on it this time. I might think that actually meant something, if he hadn't put a ring on Becca just a few months earlier. IMO it doesn't seem like that engagement meant anything whatsoever to him in the end, so it's hard to believe this one is hugely different. Maybe it is, but nothing Arie's done so far with or for Lauren seems like a big departure from his usual way of going about things. He seems happy now, but judging by his past behaviour that could change with the wind any time. Maybe he'll feel pressured to commit this time since the public is watching, but he's still the same fickle emotionless guy IMHO, so good luck to Lauren.

All JMOAA.

I think that it is part of hi MO. That's how he hooks his girls, by being the one who would like help an old woman cross the street because being a 36 year old man, he knows it works and hooks them in. JMO

Kashathediva wrote:IDK when I used to date many moons ago, I had a relationship in a couple different cities, hometown and college town. Unless I had specified exclusiveness, I always assumed the relationship was not. 
When things like this are not discussed, ILY's are not exchanged etc., IMO anything goes. Ya want to move in with me and pay my bills that's good. I hope I just don't getting killed in my sleep. But if you're not telling me I'm the one and I'm not asking, that omission alone says volumes to me.

IMO if Arie's ex (or any other girl for that matter) lets her imagination run amuck and believes that a relationship is more than casual, they are playing themselves. IMO if a relationship progresses from casual dating to exclusivity it needs a clear conversation to take place where each of the two agrees that they will see the other on an exclusive basis to better figure out if that relationship is one that's right for both of them. No guesswork, no imagination playing tricks and making you believe what you want to believe instead of the real truth - just the real truth. I think that the girls who don't ask the tough questions are afraid that the real answer won't match what they want to believe which suggests to me that they knew the answer all along but chose to ignore it.

@Lucas15 IA I would never stand for that. A normal relationship consists of conversations about the future. What conversations were they having? If I expected some sort of future plans and he wasn't discussing them, I'd want to know where he stood otherwise don't waste my time. If they were happy with the arrangements then IMO they didn't ask questions because they didn't want to know.

Guistina told him he needs to break up with his live-in g/f?? So she knew he was living with someone else but continued opening and closing that bedroom door?

Amberish wrote:When did Arie say he called Lauren for closure? I don't even remember Becca saying he said that.

IMO Becca tried to make it seem like Arie was shady, but Arie made it clear he told Becca he was calling Lauren to figure out if he wanted to pursue things with Lauren. Becca didn't rebuke him, so she knew exactly what was up. Messed up situation, but at least he was honest.

This whole interview with Giustina screams bitter lying ex as well. No direct quote that they actually had sex, which is suspicious. He never told her he loved her. The fact that she sold her story to some shady gossip magazine makes her a very questionable authority when it comes to moral behavior. All IMO.

He was discussing Becca moving to AZ with him while he was trying to win back Lauren and dump Becca.  So how do we know for sure he wasn't discussing it or giving them some sort of hope about the future?

IMO living with someone or spending multiple nights a week with them is pretty committed whether it's addressed in a serious where is this relationship going conversation or not.

JMO

IMO but Becca didn't try to do anything to make Arie look the way he does. Arie chose act the way he did. He's a azzhole with a pattern of treating women like sh!t. Lauren will be next unfortunately. All JMO

Also telling someone you are calling someone for "closure" is not telling them you want to explore a relationship with the other person. JMO

IMO Becca doesn't have to try to make Arie or his actions look shady, he does that well enough on his own.

JMOAA

Maybe Arie just really isn't that great of a guy? Maybe not all these women are stupid, bitter or jealous? Crazy thought I know. I'm sure Arie is the greatest guy who's ever lived hahaha. All JMcrazyO.

GuardianAngel wrote:@Lucas15 IA I would never stand for that. A normal relationship consists of conversations about the future. What conversations were they having?  If I expected some sort of future plans and he wasn't discussing them, I'd want to know where he stood otherwise don't waste my time. If they were happy with the arrangements then IMO they didn't ask questions because they didn't want to  know.

Guistina told him he needs to break up with his live-in g/f?? So she knew he was living with someone else but continued opening and closing that bedroom door?

According to her, she found out when they were on a trip together in Napa and had already been seeing each other again for a while. That's when she told him he needs to end things with her, and he did while still on the trip. So seems like she was asking for an exclusive relationship and Arie at least pretended to be on board with that for a bit.

Okay this is hilarious. Lauren went into her old wedding registry and updated it only she forgot a few things.
1. She didn’t update the url so it still has her ex’s name: https://registry.theknot.com/lauren-burnham-chris-crane-july-2017/16186937
2. She’s apparently marrying Arie’s dad. (Forgot the Jr. there)
3. Don’t know, AZ
4. A random Thursday in June

I just can’t.