Arie Luyendyk Jr - Lauren Burnham - Bachelor 22 - Discussion #2

ReneeM wrote:

Bet2Win wrote:

sosleepy wrote:

So because it started on a cheeseball reality show, no biggie. Emotionally cheat, lie and play games, be shady. NBD, it’s just the Bachelor. 

What is emotional cheating, serious question.  Thinking about someone else, I don't understand how that is cheating.  Realizing you can't get that person out of your head, again I don't understand how that is cheating.  
Breaking a relationship off because you can't get someone else out of your head, again, I don't see that as cheating.  

Getting a hotel room and doing the dirty deed... Now that's cheating.  

It's not a new concept, physically having sex isn't the only form of cheating. If you're in a relationship and you're telling someone else that you're in love with them, making plans for a future relationship with someone when you're currently in a relationship another person. Expressing feelings that are beyond platonic to someone other than the person you're in a relationship with. It might not be sex but it's another form of betrayal and maybe I'm just sensitive and totally unrealistic but if someone I was in a relationship with did those things, I'd consider than cheating. I'd be just as hurt, & I'd feel just as sick about it.

Yes, I saw a study that men think cheating is when you cross the physical boundry of having sex with the other person but for women is it is emotional. I am guessing it is because women think of you are conversing with someone you have emotional intimacy which is just as much cheating as physical intimacy because they equate emotional intimacy as important as physical intimacy. The men saw it very differently. You had to actually had sleep and have sex for it to be considered cheating. Those are just the differences in how the male/female sexes view cheating. The men felt they are not threatened with an emotional relationship but they are very threatened by a physical relationship, while the women are very threatened by an emotional relationship and not as much the physical (evidently it has very little meaning) I guess it is because women put much more emphasis on the emotional connection and men put more emphasis n the physical.

ReneeM wrote:

Bet2Win wrote:

sosleepy wrote:

So because it started on a cheeseball reality show, no biggie. Emotionally cheat, lie and play games, be shady. NBD, it’s just the Bachelor. 

What is emotional cheating, serious question.  Thinking about someone else, I don't understand how that is cheating.  Realizing you can't get that person out of your head, again I don't understand how that is cheating.  
Breaking a relationship off because you can't get someone else out of your head, again, I don't see that as cheating.  

Getting a hotel room and doing the dirty deed... Now that's cheating.  

It's not a new concept, physically having sex isn't the only form of cheating. If you're in a relationship and you're telling someone else that you're in love with them, making plans for a future relationship with someone when you're currently in a relationship another person. Expressing feelings that are beyond platonic to someone other than the person you're in a relationship with. It might not be sex but it's another form of betrayal and maybe I'm just sensitive and totally unrealistic but if someone I was in a relationship with did those things, I'd consider than cheating. I'd be just as hurt, & I'd feel just as sick about it.

Okay, yes, in the real world, absolutely. But the premise of this show is to cheat, if you will, on a daily basis since one is dating multiple people at the same time, and having to carry it through to the finale.

Arie told several he loved them, or was falling for them, no different than most leads as of late. Some of the leads have had physical relations (beyond kissing) with more than one person, and still ended up engaged.

I guess that's where my confusion is coming in why there is such an uproar over emotional cheating. Truth be told, every lead emotionally cheats. Arie was stupid to propose, but he did. He admits it was the wrong decision. He reached out to other past leads to see if it was normal to feel the way he was feeling post show, they told him it was, so he hung in there. Until he couldn't.

Not defending him, just looking at it. I'm not a "fan"of Becca or Lauren, but I'm not a non fan either. I say it's a win/win, Becca will get someone someone that wants to be with her forever, hopefully, and Arie and Lauren can ride off into the heatwave of Scottsdale.

ReneeM wrote:

Bet2Win wrote:

sosleepy wrote:

So because it started on a cheeseball reality show, no biggie. Emotionally cheat, lie and play games, be shady. NBD, it’s just the Bachelor. 

What is emotional cheating, serious question.  Thinking about someone else, I don't understand how that is cheating.  Realizing you can't get that person out of your head, again I don't understand how that is cheating.  
Breaking a relationship off because you can't get someone else out of your head, again, I don't see that as cheating.  

Getting a hotel room and doing the dirty deed... Now that's cheating.  

It's not a new concept, physically having sex isn't the only form of cheating. If you're in a relationship and you're telling someone else that you're in love with them, making plans for a future relationship with someone when you're currently in a relationship another person. Expressing feelings that are beyond platonic to someone other than the person you're in a relationship with. It might not be sex but it's another form of betrayal and maybe I'm just sensitive and totally unrealistic but if someone I was in a relationship with did those things, I'd consider than cheating. I'd be just as hurt, & I'd feel just as sick about it.

ITA. Relationships are built on both, emotional and physical connection. When the fiance sends secret messages to another woman through any means, while hoping the other woman would pick on them, and get in contact with him, in hopes of starting a relationship with the already engaged man, the man is emotionally cheating, Imo.

IMHO Arie is a weak, extremely thin skinned, hypocritical, self serving, user idiot. He had no issue with going after past contestants, like Chris, in order to paint himself in a better light. But he can't take even the slightest amount of criticism aimed at himself. He had the right to change his mind, but IMHO he should've ended the relationship with Becca when he felt the need to contact Lauren. He instead led Becca on, lied to her, and in the end filmed their break up under the misleading, that she thought they would be having a happy couple meeting.
Instead of owning up to his behaviour, saying, that he's sorry for the shoddy way he went about things, and then just keeping quiet, he goes on defensive. He attacks people who call him out, he uses Becca as his excuse and shield for his own cr*p, and uses the ever failing excuse that the end justifies the means. Just because he got Lauren in the end excuses how he got there with her. And imho until he fully owns his own nasty behaviour, he will never be a man, he will always be an entitled, weak, hypocritical excuse for a man. Jmho.

Bet2Win wrote:

ReneeM wrote:

Bet2Win wrote:

What is emotional cheating, serious question.  Thinking about someone else, I don't understand how that is cheating.  Realizing you can't get that person out of your head, again I don't understand how that is cheating.  
Breaking a relationship off because you can't get someone else out of your head, again, I don't see that as cheating.  

Getting a hotel room and doing the dirty deed... Now that's cheating.  

It's not a new concept, physically having sex isn't the only form of cheating. If you're in a relationship and you're telling someone else that you're in love with them, making plans for a future relationship with someone when you're currently in a relationship another person. Expressing feelings that are beyond platonic to someone other than the person you're in a relationship with. It might not be sex but it's another form of betrayal and maybe I'm just sensitive and totally unrealistic but if someone I was in a relationship with did those things, I'd consider than cheating. I'd be just as hurt, & I'd feel just as sick about it.

Okay, yes, in the real world, absolutely.  But the premise of this show is to cheat, if you will, on a daily basis since one is dating multiple people at the same time, and having to carry it through to the finale.  

Arie told several he loved them, or was falling for them, no different than most leads as of late.  Some of the leads have had physical relations (beyond kissing) with more than one person, and still ended up engaged.

I guess that's where my confusion is coming in why there is such an uproar over emotional cheating.  Truth be told, every lead emotionally cheats.  Arie was stupid to propose, but he did. He admits it was the wrong decision. He reached out to other past leads to see if it was normal to feel the way he was feeling post show, they told him it was, so he hung in there.  Until he couldn't.  

Not defending him, just looking at it.  I'm not a "fan"of Becca or Lauren, but I'm not a non fan either.  I say it's a win/win, Becca will get someone someone that wants to be with her forever, hopefully, and Arie and Lauren can ride off into the heatwave of Scottsdale.  

It's not at all the same thing though imo. When you sign up for the show, you know the lead will be having relationships with other people, maybe even sex and saying ily, when the show is over, whoever is chosen is now in a monogamous relationship. In a monogamous relationship, it's not acceptable to start a relationship whilst currently still being in another one.

littlereddress wrote:

ReneeM wrote:

Bet2Win wrote:

What is emotional cheating, serious question.  Thinking about someone else, I don't understand how that is cheating.  Realizing you can't get that person out of your head, again I don't understand how that is cheating.  
Breaking a relationship off because you can't get someone else out of your head, again, I don't see that as cheating.  

Getting a hotel room and doing the dirty deed... Now that's cheating.  

It's not a new concept, physically having sex isn't the only form of cheating. If you're in a relationship and you're telling someone else that you're in love with them, making plans for a future relationship with someone when you're currently in a relationship another person. Expressing feelings that are beyond platonic to someone other than the person you're in a relationship with. It might not be sex but it's another form of betrayal and maybe I'm just sensitive and totally unrealistic but if someone I was in a relationship with did those things, I'd consider than cheating. I'd be just as hurt, & I'd feel just as sick about it.

Yes, I saw a study that men think cheating is when you cross the physical boundry of having sex with the other person but for women is it is emotional.  I am guessing it is because women think of you are conversing with someone you have emotional intimacy which is just as  much cheating as physical intimacy because they equate emotional intimacy as important as physical intimacy.    The men saw it very differently.  You had to actually had sleep and have sex for it to be considered cheating.  Those are just the differences in how the male/female sexes view cheating.  The men felt they are not threatened with an emotional relationship but they are very threatened by a physical relationship, while the women are very threatened by an emotional relationship and not as much the physical (evidently it has very little meaning)  I guess it is because women put much more emphasis on the emotional connection and men put more emphasis n the physical.  

This is a total cop out on the part of men imo and if any man I'm seeing ever comes to me with this stupid sh*t that's the end of our relationship.

Bet2Win wrote:

ReneeM wrote:

Bet2Win wrote:

What is emotional cheating, serious question.  Thinking about someone else, I don't understand how that is cheating.  Realizing you can't get that person out of your head, again I don't understand how that is cheating.  
Breaking a relationship off because you can't get someone else out of your head, again, I don't see that as cheating.  

Getting a hotel room and doing the dirty deed... Now that's cheating.  

It's not a new concept, physically having sex isn't the only form of cheating. If you're in a relationship and you're telling someone else that you're in love with them, making plans for a future relationship with someone when you're currently in a relationship another person. Expressing feelings that are beyond platonic to someone other than the person you're in a relationship with. It might not be sex but it's another form of betrayal and maybe I'm just sensitive and totally unrealistic but if someone I was in a relationship with did those things, I'd consider than cheating. I'd be just as hurt, & I'd feel just as sick about it.

Okay, yes, in the real world, absolutely.  But the premise of this show is to cheat, if you will, on a daily basis since one is dating multiple people at the same time, and having to carry it through to the finale.  

Arie told several he loved them, or was falling for them, no different than most leads as of late.  Some of the leads have had physical relations (beyond kissing) with more than one person, and still ended up engaged.

I guess that's where my confusion is coming in why there is such an uproar over emotional cheating.  Truth be told, every lead emotionally cheats.  Arie was stupid to propose, but he did. He admits it was the wrong decision. He reached out to other past leads to see if it was normal to feel the way he was feeling post show, they told him it was, so he hung in there.  Until he couldn't.  

Not defending him, just looking at it.  I'm not a "fan"of Becca or Lauren, but I'm not a non fan either.  I say it's a win/win, Becca will get someone someone that wants to be with her forever, hopefully, and Arie and Lauren can ride off into the heatwave of Scottsdale.  

IMO 
JMO

Arie is never gonna have anything but scathing criticism lobbed at him for anything he does so I accept that.  He will never do anything right.  I accept that.  Whatever....he is the worst bachelor we have ever had, personal non grata.  He will never do anything right so he might as well just live his his life best he can.  It is what it is...

Exactly, the show was over.  He was supposed to be working on a relationship with one woman.  Not warming up his next chick while scheming with producers how to go about getting everything from break ups to make ups on film.  It goes back to his past actions and behaviors, IMO.  And hopefully now that he's supposedly found his true love with LB he'll now be able to become faithful and monogamous.  Sadly, I'm not sure she'll dump him even if (more like when IMO) she finds out he has multiple side chicks.  

JMO

MiaHawk wrote:

http://i.pinimg.com/736x/88/39/03/8839038adeb4bcda42f204fd77efebb2.jpg

This is beautiful Mia.

This is how my sister lives....she has been battling cancer since 1996, and you would never know it.  

Okay, I'm joining Thread Killers Anonymous.  

Bet2Win wrote:Okay, yes, in the real world, absolutely.  But the premise of this show is to cheat, if you will, on a daily basis since one is dating multiple people at the same time, and having to carry it through to the finale.  

Arie told several he loved them, or was falling for them, no different than most leads as of late.  Some of the leads have had physical relations (beyond kissing) with more than one person, and still ended up engaged.

I guess that's where my confusion is coming in why there is such an uproar over emotional cheating.  Truth be told, every lead emotionally cheats.  Arie was stupid to propose, but he did. He admits it was the wrong decision. He reached out to other past leads to see if it was normal to feel the way he was feeling post show, they told him it was, so he hung in there.  Until he couldn't.  

Not defending him, just looking at it.  I'm not a "fan"of Becca or Lauren, but I'm not a non fan either.  I say it's a win/win, Becca will get someone someone that wants to be with her forever, hopefully, and Arie and Lauren can ride off into the heatwave of Scottsdale.  

Sure, except... the 'show' was over. He picked Becca. He proposed to her. He was planning a future with her and helping her decide what to do with her place in Minnesota since she was going to move to Arizona. That's not the same as when they're filming the show and Becca knows there's still one other girl there and he might pick her instead. Other leads may emotionally cheat during the show - because yes, the premise is to have multiple relationships at once - but Arie continued to emotionally cheat after the show by checking Lauren's Instagram 11 times a day, sending her 'messages' via his Instagram stories, getting in contact with her, and making sure she was willing to take him back before he ended it with Becca IMO.

Just because the show hadn't finished airing yet doesn't mean it wasn't the real world. It was the real world to Becca who was making plans with Arie to uproot her life to move for him, because they were engaged to be married. Arie does not get a pass from me because 'it's the show', since the show ended when he proposed to someone. Him changing his mind is not what anyone is calling emotional cheating. It's the grade-A douchebag way he handled it, by making sure girl #2 was locked up before he dumped girl #1. JMO.

I disagree.  I think if Lauren rejected him he would have gone back to his life.  Coutney, Syndey, a new girl, whoever would have wanted him.  I think he would have found new girls interested him after  his time on the bachelor.  I just don't buy it that it was because Lauren was willing to take him back.  I think he new he and Becca were not meant to be in the long  run.  JMO.  I don't think he would have been lonely every night. You can despise the dude but he seems to do well with women. I just don't buy it.  JMO.