Re: Rachel Lindsay & Bryan Abasolo - Bachelorette 13 - Discussion - #2

by Aria Wed Sep 27, 2017 8:34 pm

teamkristina wrote:
nikikass wrote:I don't understand when you call someone aggressive it means they are an angry black woman????

There's a huge history of african americans being called aggressive. You don't have to follow a rule book just be respectful and aware of what certain things mean to people. Not everyone knows but it's always good to educate. And i think this is a reason why rachel spoke out now. JMO

Yeah, exactly. I know that I've said stupid, offensive things just because I didn't know. But when someone tells you "hey, this word is offensive to me because of the history of how this word has been used to hurt my people in this country", IMO, don't get defensive and rude. Just stop using that word. It never hurts us to show compassion towards other people, even if we don't fully understand their experiences and why exactly it's hurtful. IMO.

by nikikass Wed Sep 27, 2017 8:47 pm

That's fine I appreciate that. Nobody can tell anybody that they didnt hurt their feelings its not for the hurter to decide that.

But at the same time what choice of words do you use then. Combative? Forceful tone? Angry?

I'm not trying to be facetious i just want to know. Because I really dont know.

by Aria Wed Sep 27, 2017 8:52 pm

nikikass wrote:That's fine I appreciate that. Nobody can tell anybody that they didnt hurt their feelings its not for the hurter to decide that.

But at the same time what choice of words do you use then. Combative? Forceful tone? Angry?

I'm not trying to be facetious i just want to know. Because I really dont know.

Hostile, antagonist, argumentative, confrontational...Lots of options!

I also think the main problem is that both Kenny and Rachel were called aggressive and were very confused where that word was coming from. I've personally never heard it being used before on the show (unless it's paired with passive), so it's not like it's a common insult to throw. It's a pretty harsh word and there should be evidence behind it to justify it. Lee wasn't able to give that evidence to Kenny. And, if we believe Rachel, she asked Vanessa to give examples and she wasn't able to either. If all Rachel did was roll her eyes and use her lawyer voice, that's NOT aggressive. And for someone to call that aggressive, they (possibly unknowingly) are seeing things through a lens of stereotypes of African Americans being agressive. IMO.

by nikikass Wed Sep 27, 2017 8:55 pm

At the same time POC need to realize people dont know the detailed black history. We didnt experience that in Canada and we were not educated. We never had segregation and everyone was equal.

We learn our history and a little of everyone's world history but not into fine detail. Unless of course you major in that in university.

Canadians dont expect everyone to know our history. Hell we are just happy when the world knows we don't live in igloos.

Perhaps its a tad arrogant that each and every person in the world knows this fau pa?

by nikikass Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:02 pm

Aria wrote:
nikikass wrote:That's fine I appreciate that. Nobody can tell anybody that they didnt hurt their feelings its not for the hurter to decide that.

But at the same time what choice of words do you use then. Combative? Forceful tone? Angry?

I'm not trying to be facetious i just want to know. Because I really dont know.

Hostile, antagonist, argumentative, confrontational...Lots of options!

I also think the main problem is that both Kenny and Rachel were called aggressive and were very confused where that word was coming from. I've personally never heard it being used before on the show (unless it's paired with passive), so it's not like it's a common insult to throw. It's a pretty harsh word and there should be evidence behind it to justify it. Lee wasn't able to give that evidence to Kenny. And, if we believe Rachel, she asked Vanessa to give examples and she wasn't able to either. If all Rachel did was roll her eyes and use her lawyer voice, that's NOT aggressive. And for someone to call that aggressive, they (possibly unknowingly) are seeing things through a lens of stereotypes of African Americans being agressive. IMO.

You see I use the word aggressive often.. I have many nephews and they are loud and boisterous and are rough with the girls when they play. So I ask them not to be so aggressive and have a gentler tone.

by coolangel Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:03 pm

sbolduc wrote:Rachel is completely entitled to her feelings. Just as Vanessa is entitled to hers.

I am in a mixed race family. Unfortunately in our society aggressive, angry etc. have a negative connotation with people of colour.... which is not right. At the same time i believe a person can be aggressive or a bully, regardless if you are white or a person of colour.

I personally don't see the Lee/Kenny situation here at all. Vanessa has dated a man of colour, one of her best friends in Montreal is a woman of colour and one of her best friends on the bachelorette is a woman of colour.

Rachel has every right to feel the way she feels based on her past experience and in being a woman of colour, and the unfortunate connotations that come with that. At the same time Vanessa is entitled to feeling bullied by someone, regardless of whether they are white or a person of colour. It sounds they both disrespected each other.

All IMO

This! Well said! ITA! :claphands

I had believed that the incident was cut coz it showed neither woman in a good light. Reading the details, I can see both the POVs. Seeing the behavior of the squad on the show and on SM during Nick's season, I can see why Vanessa felt bullied. I also understand why Rachel felt disrespected with the words Vanessa used. Hopefully, now it's water under the bridge and everyone can move on. Still like Rachel and Vanessa but Danielle L can kick rocks.

All JMO

by mprssdbyu Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:11 pm

nikikass wrote:At the same time POC need to realize people dont know the detailed black history. We didnt experience that in Canada and we were not educated. We never had segregation and everyone was equal.

We learn our history and a little of everyone's world history but not into fine detail. Unless of course you major in that in university.

Canadians dont expect everyone to know our history. Hell we are just happy when the world knows we don't live in igloos.

Perhaps its a tad arrogant that each and every person in the world knows this fau pa?

V felt bullied whether Rachel's idea/meaning of the word "bully" matched V's or not. I saw enough after filming wrapped to know the squad is not a friendly bunch if you are deemed not a part of their clique. Call it what you want. They are all entitled to feel how they feel. All includes V, too no matter how R chooses to spin her version.

by Guest Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:13 pm

@mprssdbyu and yet V only saw rachel and danielle L as the threat jmo

by mprssdbyu Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:17 pm

teamkristina wrote:@mprssdbyu and yet V only saw rachel and danielle L as the threat jmo

I don't think she ever saw Rachel as a threat....she knew Rachel didn't like her and basically called her out....it didn't go well. The house was getting smaller by the minute and in order for V to survive, she knew something had to give...she just chose the wrong avenue!!!! IMO

ETA: In other words, V clapped back. It rings a bell....doesn't it?

by Guest Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:29 pm

is it just me or does bryan bring the worst out of her? She never got into public feuds like this when he wasn't in the picture all jmo

by sdmom Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:37 pm

teamkristina wrote:is it just me or does bryan bring the worst out of her? She never got into public feuds like this when he wasn't in the picture all jmo

What? The fight between Rachel and Vanessa started in Nick's season and both parties have moved on until DLo gave her very vague answer and Rachel had to clarify. Nothing to do with Bryan. And, Bryan is in Miami, Rachel in Dallas today and the interview was today. So imo Bryan has nothing zero zilch to do with it.

In fact, I think Bryan is the main reason Rachel didn't clipback at Demario's stupid insensitive (IMO) IG comment. He told her to stay focused and nothing else matters.

by Guest Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:38 pm

@sdmom i'll just agree to disagree haha anyways, i feel so bad for rachel she's getting attacked and losing followers. This is so unfair to her. all jmo

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