Re: Nick Viall - Bachelor 21 - FAN Forum - Discussion #25

[chrissy1295]

I'm just gonna try to remember May. Such a good month, they were really happy then..

[coolangel]

The very first feeling I felt when it was announced was relief. My reason though is probs a bit different. I am a Nick fan and have been along for the ride for his journey to hopefully find happiness. I still have that hope for Nick that he will find his happiness and always will  

me too! I greatly admire Vanessa.  She is effortlessly beautiful, devoted to charitable acts, spontaneous... the list of positives is long.
But Nick. I've never seen anyone on a franchise show that is a piece of me; openly flawed, sometimes atypically intense, pragmatic in a way that is rarely understood yet still optimistic which many find to be a weird combination, risk taking without fear of being judged. I so appreciate how people have reacted to Nick over the years because it has given me more insight into how I am sometimes perceived in terms of that handful of  common traits and I think that is part of the benefit of the show -  relatability and food for thought. It sounds a bit self centered to frame it this way but it's my truth I mean don't we all gravitate to people cast on the show that we can relate to?
So   , relief. We all are worthy of unconditional love and if only a few love us in that way, as opposed to many, it doesn't much matter.  If there is quantity along with quality that's great but not everyone is going to have broad appeal nor do all people strive for it.  I very much agree with what Nick said on the show. A marriage is a couple as their own unique family. People who want something different find that different and that is wonderful for them but what is most important in that everyone have the opportunity to live the autumn of their lives in a way that suits them best. Some seek a partner who is a best friend, some believe otherwise. Some want a "traditional" household, others do not. The one constant is that people need love to fully experience richness and I too look forward to that future time when Nick can share his life with grace.

@notarose, I can't say this enough but you truly have a gift! You write so beautifully and your words touch my heart every single time.      

I always see break-ups as new beginnings. There is a reason why things don't work out and it's coz there is something out there waiting for us which would make us truly happy and satisfy the yearning of our soul. I do think N/V gave it their all but sometimes it's not enough. I hope this leads them towards that unconditional forever love they both deserve.

[Jane781]

http://people.com/tv/nick-viall-vanessa-grimaldi-split-not-overnight-decision/amp/

This seems to echo a lot of what has been said above

[notarose]

"something out there waiting for us which would make us truly happy and satisfy the yearning of our soul." - @coolangel
And I think that is truly romantic, the gift of being found by another and simply appreciated as is, simply loved as is, cherished as an individual built and sometimes scarred by experiences. I think it is romantic to be loved  in that moment and in anticipation of all the moments yet to come, to enter the soul of another and fill that once vacant space - "now and forever".
To new beginnings

[ukglasgowkiiss]

I am so sad to hear this news.
I havent posted on this thread for a while as have been following other journeys & caught up. But i always follow Nick & Vanessas ig and did feel something felt different. Also at Evan & Carlys wedding I cdnt see their bond, Nick looked tense. I just am so sad. Mainly for Nick, he has gone to such lengths and I truly believed she was his soulmate. Just shows how it cant be forced or wished for, they obviously loved each other but it didnt work in the end.
Just around the corner, another door will open. I got into this Bachelor world because of Nick & I truly want the best for him in his life. I hope they can both heal & move on without too much pain.

[AllAboutLove]

http://people.com/tv/nick-viall-vanessa-grimaldi-split-not-overnight-decision/amp/

This seems to echo a lot of what has been said above

“Their friends knew the relationship wouldn’t last,” the source close to the couple tells PEOPLE. “It was a mismatch from the start. She’s super fun, bubbly and outgoing and he’s more of a serious personality and more introverted. She would try to bring him out of his shell, but he’s just not as comfortable in big groups.”

I agree that this was the real reason. As hopeful as I was, this was why I always said if they were to break up it would be because of personality differences. Nick has always been an introvert and quiet and serious, preferring 1-on1 conversations/connections to big groups or socializing. That's his base personality and Vanessa is much more extroverted and much more "on", liking to be social and in big groups. So extrovert = need stimuli and gain energy from others/socializing.... introvert = gain energy away from others/within themselves and away from stimuli.

For an introvert, being consistently "on" or in a relationship with someone where that expectation from a partner is to be brought out of ones shell, can be exhausting and draining and a feeling of never being enough just as oneself. As an introvert myself I too would find it like walking on egg-shells to try to be something I am not. Literally physically draining because as an introvert, one gets one energy from within and away from stimuli/groups.  

Likewise, Vanessa as an extrovert, I could see being bored with someone who is more serious and introverted and frustrated that the other person isn't wanting to be socializing and as active and needing stimuli as much as them.

Not saying that those personality types can't work out together. But for them to work neither partner should want to change the other. Meaning, an extrovert shouldn't want to bring an introvert out their shell, because that will only cause the introvert to want to walk on egg-shells and ultimately withdraw even more (and vice versa for the opposite).

From what is being said, it seems like Vanessa wanted Nick to be more like her and extroverted. And I think Nick would know, even if he tried, that it would unhealthy to do so for the long-term and unsustainable. Hopefully as with any relationship, some lessons have been learned and Nick will find someone with whom he can be the introvert that he truly is. And Vanessa find her person that she can be extroverted with.

As a fan from the beginning, I have nothing but best wishes for Nick and his happiness and no regrets following his journey and will continue to do so wherever it may take him

[Billysmom]

I'm sure there are many nonfans who will find it hard to reconcile nicks tv stints and acting or panelist gigs with his not wanting to be "out there"..... It can be confusing. I remember johnny carson saying he was really a shy introvert, and that doing his job took a lot out of him....a lot of people couldn't get it. My career requires me to put myself out there as well, but I too find I can't wait to get home and recoup. And I talk on the phone as little as possible. I wonder if Vanessa saw this as a potential issue between them, or was surprised by it.

[Guest]

I am curious about what Nick enjoys during his quiet times at home. I wonder if he reads and if so, what kind of books, or is he a tv watcher and if so, what kind of shows. I'd love to hear about that aspect of him.

I love and admire Vanessa too, but I can see where her vibrancy might be a little too much for a quieter introvert. She seems like she's a big talker and my introverted self couldn't cope with that for long. Such are the dynamics that allow love to grow or make it wither and die, and you just don't know which it will be until you've spent alot of time together.

[AllAboutLove]

IA Lots of people who are in entertainment, actors, comedians, public figures, leaders, have jobs that require lots of socializing,networking or leadership skills...and are introverts. I can socialize, network, and be in public settings very easily when I need to be and may be mistaken for an extrovert. But too much of that and too much external stimuli and I am utterly drained (emotionally and physically) and need time to regroup after doing so.

I can definitely see that being the case with Nick and him feeling drained and if Vanessa was wanting Nick to be more extroverted like her and going by her posting how she was bored (meaning, imo, she wants that social stimuli) then I can see her seeing it as an issue as well if she wanted him to be more outgoing. I can also see why Nick would shut down even more if she was wanting him to be more out of his shell because it would become almost literally impossible for him to do. It's like filling up with gasoline/energy at home and away from socialzing (introvert) compared to filling up with energy when socializing and in groups (extrovert). It's just how some people are wired and one can't fill up the other way because their energy sources are different.

Most introverts that are like Nick imo are the ones who can be outgoing and be "on" when it comes to outside things (work, job, etc) but will always be exhausted after all of it and need to decompress. Most importantly, that's why when it comes to a relationship and homebase they need to be able to not have to be on. It's literally part of their health and well-being for them to not have to be "on". So their relationship is like a refuge from too much stimuli. My SO and I are exactly the same. Work, socializing, etc... we can be outgoing and network etc in our field, but being away from all that and with each other is our refuge and reprieve. It's like we can both decompress and know how each other feels because we truly get each other and there is the true sense of acceptance and feeling like home, just being ourselves completely.

My hope for Nick is he finds that compatibility with someone where he can truly be who he is (and they can too). His liking that twitter post about being an introvert makes me think Nick and V may have recognized this about their relationship, how they have different base needs that sustain their energy and going by how they communicated even on the show, I have no doubt they may have had this discussion and communicated and seen how longterm, their base personalities wouldn't fit and wouldn't be sustainable, especially if Vanessa was wanting Nick to be more extroverted. So I wish them nothing but the best and as a longtime Nick fan I hope he knows he is enough just as he is and finds his happiness

[Guest]

@AllAboutLove Aww, love your post. and I'll just say 'ditto' to all you said.

[AllAboutLove]

@BKay

[OnePromise]

Nick seems to seek out Sharleen's wisdom when working through matters of the heart, esp those related to the shows. I thought it was a little strange when he was spending time at her Bachelorette party without Vanessa. Sharleen and Nick are really very similar and I think it helps him to hear her perspective on things. It is so nice that she seems to be defending him on SM with her latest Twitter post:

[Sponsored content]