Ben and Lauren Happily Ever After - Discussion - *Sleuthing - Spoilers*

mindless wrote:

emusha wrote:i would hope they get super real with each other there's a lot of tiptoeing between them from what we see

Definitely, though I don't know if the cameras in their face have something to do with that. I would hope they can be more open with each other in private. I guess that's what happens when you go for the girl/guy who you think is too good for you (à la Ben). It doesn't really help with persisting feelings of inferiority, and it's hard to be your true self if you're constantly scared of not being good enough.

I agree. I think being in a relationship with someone who an individual might think is better than them, can really affect their confidence in that relationship, short and long term. IMO.

bleuberry wrote:I noticed he says 'I love her, but...' a lot. As if merely saying it is enough. Is he showing that to her though? I hope so.

Hmm. Perhaps in the sense that he's expressing that he loves her, but...he doesn't know if that's enough? (As in: he doesn't know if their love is enough?)

I agree - In his mind, from what he said it seems like Lauren is so mature, put together and confident and certain about her bearings that I don't know if Ben feels very confident or comfortable to be confidently his raw self around her. It's very telling that he's only now sharing his renaissance costume side of him and he seems to be doing that very slowly. Ben's seeking sooo much reassurance because he usually wouldn't let someone so close (push them away) and now that he has it's a long process of pushing them away, getting closer etc. etc.....something about their relationship still puts him in that insecure mode - a big part of it being the fear of rejection.

I think Grant and Lace are a great couple to talk to them if they'd allow that cos those two really did overcome many fears together esp Lace pushing Grant away so much. And now they have this ease and comfort from having come out the other side.

B&L are still taking so long because they're being so careful around each other esp Ben.

I am not a fan of either Ben or Lauren, and I think they both have issues but I personally don't think Ben owes anyone apologies. IMO, Ben has been fantasizing and idolizing Lauren since Day 1, he has been trying to please her since then. When they started to live together, I think he probably saw the real Lauren is not exactly what he has been thinking. Especially Lauren is so cold, imo, and she doesn't seem to be a good listener.

Lauren OTHO, been fantasizing the idea of being the F1 and engaged, and then be married to the bachelor, all the famed and opportunities that come along. I think, they have never left the bubble, they never really got to know each other enough to make a forever decision.

And I don't get why Ben has to be blamed for Lauren leaving her life in LA to move to Denver. I mean, she is an adult and decided to move WAY BEFORE really getting to know him well. She put herself in the bubble love too, and I hate the way she told Ben how much she has sacrificed for him. No, Lauren, you wanted that fairy tale so bad that it is not only on Ben.

These two have some major communication problems, and I wonder how they can solve it when they both seem to shut down so easily.

Oh man- when we first met Ben on Kaitlyn's season, I thought that whole unlovable storyline was such a load of crap. Like how could this attractive, communicative, articulate, friendly charismatic guy think he was unlovable and end up alone? I truly thought it was some lame-o storyline some producer made up to give him some conflict as the next lead.

But nope. The unlovable stuff appears to be real. He has some deap insecurities, as evidenced by him stressing how hard he needs his partner to fan him, and how Lauren is the first person he doesn't want to push away. Odd. I have no doubt he's a good partner and has the ability to be a wonderful husband and father ... but personally I think being in a relationship with him could be exhausting at times.

Wow. So I decided to read some of the comments on her latest Instagram post and I think the best one was someone telling her she should take the ring off since he doesn't want to marry her. Haha people are awesome, aren't they?

I will give Ben this - he doesn't seem to succumb to pressure and isn't as tempted by $$ as I thought (which isn't saying much for Bach nation but still), we know the public have certain expectations of these couples. He could easily take the wedding, do every show asked of them, attend every paid appearance, take all the money, post all the carefully worded perfect IGs etc. But, for better or worse, he's trying to do what feels right to him and is likely freaked the heII out about taking the plunge. IMO.

Still Team Lauren and hope he gets his sh*t together before Lauren resents him even more.

bleuberry wrote:I will give Ben this - he doesn't seem to succumb to pressure and isn't as tempted by $$ as I thought (which isn't saying much for Bach nation but still), we know the public have certain expectations of these couples. He could easily take the wedding, do every show asked of them, attend every paid appearance, take all the money, post all the carefully worded perfect IGs etc. But, for better or worse, he's trying to do what feels right to him and is likely freaked the heII out about taking the plunge. IMO.

Still Team Lauren and hope he gets his sh*t together before Lauren resents him even more.

I almost always agree with you, bleu. Great points.

I think they probably communicate better than what's shown. In lots of interviews they talk about how at times their biggest problem is they OVER communicate. I can see that with Ben- being he gets stuck in his head and needs to be talked off the ledge. (That will never get old, thanks mama Higgins!)

They had cameras in their faces and were sitting in front of a room full of people. I'm not personally ready to make sweeping judgments about their communication style based on that.

sosleepy wrote:Oh man- when we first met Ben on Kaitlyn's season, I thought that whole unlovable storyline was such a load of crap. Like how could this attractive, communicative, articulate, friendly charismatic guy think he was unlovable and end up alone? I truly thought it was some lame-o storyline some producer made up to give him some conflict as the next lead.

But nope. The unlovable stuff appears to be real. He has some deap insecurities, as evidenced by him stressing how hard he needs his partner to fan him, and how Lauren is the first person he doesn't want to push away. Odd. I have no doubt he's a good partner and has the ability to be a wonderful husband and father ... but personally I think being in a relationship with him could be exhausting at times.

I think it's very very real and that it's at the root of his difficulty communicating with her or tip-toeing conflict around her - I actually think he wants more time because he wants Lauren to know him and all of his shortcomings and to go into her decision fully aware -- cos why would she love him to marry him when he knows he's so imperfect?

I also agree with the comment ^ that Lauren is not a good listener. I completely agree with this point and I noticed this about her even right after their ATFR when they were on the media circuit. Lauren imo stays in her fantasy world a bit too much (as evidenced by the zoo trip where she didn't even think about the poop ). I think Ben understands this about her and so wants to take things very slowly so that she can slowly ease into knowing exactly who she's marrying.

I agree with comments about him being an over analyzer and in his head and self-absorbed but I think he's a lot more intuitive than what we give him credit for. The only child syndrome is there where he doesn't always consider the best medium or approach for sharing his thoughts but I do think his intentions and intuitions are good.
all imo and my speculations

Ben has been a complete idiot at times, but I can't imagine what one's thought process would be like if you have a televised, free wedding and a large paycheck dangling in front of your face, but knowing you're not ready for it yet while knowing if you say no for right now, all of that could be gone and given to someone else.

That must be incredibly tough, which is why I personally think Ben is doing the right thing and I hope for these two that they don't agree to a wedding to take place two months from now. JMO

sosleepy wrote:

bleuberry wrote:I will give Ben this - he doesn't seem to succumb to pressure and isn't as tempted by $$ as I thought (which isn't saying much for Bach nation but still), we know the public have certain expectations of these couples. He could easily take the wedding, do every show asked of them, attend every paid appearance, take all the money, post all the carefully worded perfect IGs etc. But, for better or worse, he's trying to do what feels right to him and is likely freaked the heII out about taking the plunge. IMO.

Still Team Lauren and hope he gets his sh*t together before Lauren resents him even more.

I almost always agree with you, bleu. Great points.

I think they probably communicate better than what's shown. In lots of interviews they talk about how at times their biggest problem is they OVER communicate. I can see that with Ben- being he gets stuck in his head and needs to be talked off the ledge. (That will never get old, thanks mama Higgins!)

They had cameras in their faces and were sitting in front of a room full of people. I'm not personally ready to make sweeping judgments about their communication style based on that.

Same! I'm trying to reconcile what I like my couples to do vs what's probably best for them .

In the grand scheme (ie where Bach nation trainwrecks are concerned), I don't think this 'epiaode' in their relationship will end up being detrimental to their future. And if Ben getting cold feet is their biggest scandal, they're probably lucky . I still think everything will get ironed out and we're on track for.a February wedding.

bleuberry wrote:I will give Ben this - he doesn't seem to succumb to pressure and isn't as tempted by $$ as I thought (which isn't saying much for Bach nation but still), we know the public have certain expectations of these couples. He could easily take the wedding, do every show asked of them, attend every paid appearance, take all the money, post all the carefully worded perfect IGs etc. But, for better or worse, he's trying to do what feels right to him and is likely freaked the heII out about taking the plunge. IMO.

Still Team Lauren and hope he gets his sh*t together before Lauren resents him even more.

Kind of IMO. I agree that it's a "good for you!" for him not rushing into the wedding with free stuff and money on the line. But, I think this show has kind of tossed his other credibility out the window IMO. His crown has tipped to the side IMO.