Caila Quinn - BIP - Season 3 - Discussion - #2

siena wrote: Honestly, the fact that they made it as long as they did tells me there were real feelings involved, but this drama and toxicity would be too much for anyone. All JMO.

After Jaila called it off, Jared may have had bad feelings toward Ashley about it, which made Ashley go into "not my fault" overdrive. At least, you would think at some point Jared would begin to realize the sickness around their relationship. How can he not see through Ashley's spin?

If he has had little to no experience with women, and then Caila is over with him and moving on, this could be how he could buy into Ashley I. That sicko could be his only reality.

What a beautiful picture. So peaceful and serene. Looks like she doesn't have a care in the world. Glad to see she's enjoying herself. Makes me want to get away.

I posted the following article in AI's thread too, but because the writer has great insight and support for Caila thought I would post it here too.

This Huffington Post article is spot on (IMO)... sorry if it was already posted. It's from 8/24 and contains twitter quotes that are worth clicking the link below to read.

Poor Ashley Iaconetti, right? The most beloved sentient mascara smear on TV, or at least on “Bachelor in Paradise,” continued her stint on Season 3 this week with more tears and more heartache.

Last week, Ashley arrived in Puerto Vallarta to find her beloved Jared Haibon, the object of her single-minded attentions since last season of “Bachelor in Paradise,” had recently paired up with Caila Quinn, the ever-sunny second runner-up on Ben Higgins’s season of “The Bachelor.”

Devastated, Ashley simultaneously insisted that she’d come to “Paradise” to move on and meet someone else, but also that she could never get over Jared and couldn’t stand to see him fall in love with Caila. But she was ready to move on. But would Jared EVER want to be with her? But she finally had closure with him. But maybe if she can convince Jared that Caila is a robot he’ll fall in love with her at last? It’s like “The Notebook,” ladies and gentlemen!


“It’s impossible not to empathize with Ashley. But the world isn’t black and white. She can be suffering, but also acting in a selfish and even cruel way.


Ashley has become a core member of the “Bachelor” squad since her arrival on the second season of “Paradise” last year. She’s beloved by her co-stars, including Jared ― if only platonically! ― and by producers ― if only for her nonstop capacity to spark emotional dramatics! ― and by many fans ― if only out of sheer pity. We feel like we know Ashley, far better than Caila (and, for that matter, Jared, who barely makes a peep in three seasons on the franchise until he meets Caila and finally gets excited about something).

Perhaps more importantly, we feel like we know Ashley, as viewers, because she behaves exactly how we all would like to behave when a romantic endeavor doesn’t go our way, and how many of us have behaved in the past when suffering through a first heartbreak. Sure, she can’t stop sobbing, following Jared around and begging him to give her a glimmer of hope, but most of us can remember a time when we acted just that pathetic over a romantic object.

Twitter rallied around Ashley this week as she sobbed over Jared and lashed out at Caila:






I won’t dispute this. Years ago, in college (and, for the record, Ashley and I are the same age ― 28), I fell hard for my best friend. We had an on-and-off relationship through graduation, and remained friends throughout. I know exactly why I acted the way I did when I sobbed on his shoulder after he told me that he couldn’t see me romantically, or that he’d met someone else. I know why I remained obsessed with the idea that we were ultimately soulmates and no other girl could satisfy him.

But I was wrong. I hurt him, many times over. I made his life very difficult and his dating life impossible, because he cared deeply about me but he wanted a platonic relationship. I look back and see an agonizing time in my own past, but also a lot of unjustifiable, hurtful actions on my part.

Now, I see Ashley making the same mistakes out of the same pain, and it’s impossible not to empathize with her. But the world isn’t black and white. She can be suffering, but also acting in a selfish and even cruel way. I know, because I have DONE JUST THAT. Most people have.

Defending this as “just being honest” or “being the realest,” though ― that’s a bridge too far.






Ashley might be aware of her own pain, her own resentment toward Caila, and her own hopeless desires ― and how embarrassing all of those are ― but she doesn’t seem aware of how selfish they are, so it might be healthy for her to be made aware. A true friend doesn’t pat a girl on the back for spiraling out and calling a romantic rival a “backstabbing whore” and “a robot” ― they pull a Nick Viall and tell her to pump the brakes. Sometimes tough love is better for you in the long run.

In the rush to pump Ashley up on social media ― as many other “Bachelor” stars did ― and to trot her out on “After Paradise” to double down on her nastiest statements, there’s been little regard for the actual couple in the mix here: Jared and Caila.

And believe it or not, Jared and Caila (Jaila?) are real people too. Imperfect perhaps, but easy enough to sympathize with, were there not such an automatic suspicion toward a woman who has a cheery disposition and tries to be diplomatic. Caila has long been dogged by the label of “fake,” though the evidence seems to come down to how much she smiles and how sweet she acts ― which, by the way, can both be genuine behaviors, not to mention behaviors that women are traditionally groomed to possess.




So far, Caila hasn’t been needlessly unpleasant toward Ashley on or after the show, even taking responsibility for not handling the situation with Jared as thoughtfully as she could have. Meanwhile, Ashley has been openly discussing her intent to sabotage the relationship in her in-the-moment interviews and tossing around slurs about Caila behind her back, especially to Jared. When Jade and Tanner, last season’s golden couple, show up to hand out a date card, Ashley goes in for the kill:




Afterward, when Caila finally confronted her underminer, Ashley smugly told her, “I don’t know if [Jared is] ever going to trust you more than he trusts me,” and flaunted her intention to continue telling her main man whatever crap she wanted about Caila.

Meanwhile, between sob sessions, the woman has brought her supposed dear friend Jared to a state of such exasperation he nearly walked off the show.

Has no one ever experienced the misery of a “friend” who controls you by inducing guilt, demands all of your attention, and blackmails you emotionally whenever you try to find a scrap of happiness elsewhere? What about the hurt and frustration of being sl*t-shamed and trashed by a jealous ex or so-called friend of a guy you’re seeing, who’s determined to ruin your reputation?

These may not be comparably intense or heart-wrenching experiences to what Ashley is going through, but both Jared and Caila are suffering because she’s choosing not to deal with her pain in a mature and considerate way.



Frankly, there’s no way for Jared and Caila to avoid the situation short of simply ceding to Ashley’s demands ― and sacrificing their right to pursue a mutual, adult relationship. That’s not a fair or remotely healthy expectation, but it’s one Ashley is creating by constantly surrounding their blossoming romance in a tropical storm of tears.

The Ashley I.-Jared-Caila love triangle is painful to watch because we all relate to the anguish of unrequited love, but her pain is inevitable. Jared doesn’t love her back ― that’s just how it is.


“It’s hard not to love Ashley’s openness and relate to her pain. But kindness and self-control are also virtues, and a little bit of moderation in all things never hurt anyone.


Thus, Ashley is the only person with choices that could minimize everyone’s pain: She could have left when she didn’t get a rose instead of begging to stay. She could seek out non-Jared friends on the show to be her emotional supporters and distractions from Jared and Caila. She could simply be a little less impressed with her own realness and a little more kind.

Honesty is a virtue, of course. It’s hard not to love Ashley’s openness and relate to her pain. But kindness and self-control are also virtues, and a little bit of moderation in all things never hurt anyone.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/on-bachelor-in-paradise-ashley-i-is-all-of-us-but-so-are-jared-and-caila_us_57bd9aeee4b03d51368bb1eb

@BKay It genuinely confuses me how Jared has been unable to see how toxic that "friendship" with Ashley is. I said in his thread how he seems to have some serious cognitive dissonance. Ashley said to him that she's in love with him, a few days later he tells Caila that he doesn't think she is. If he's watched the last episode and still wants Ashley as a friend then he's really got issues. I do think Ashley is incredibly manipulative. And I think Jared on a level is a willing participant. That makes for a very toxic combination, and definitely not something Caila should have to deal with IMO.

I don't know how to post instagram stories here but there's a cute one of Caila with her family singing. Her Mother has a beautiful voice! So glad she's away from all this nonsense and enjoying herself. Definitely where she needs to be!

bluwavz wrote:

Chris ‏@formula1tifosi 2h2 hours ago
@CailaQuinn hanging out with my darling daughter - Kandersteg, Switzerland

Love this!So glad she's in another country. I would love her to stay overseas and if she has to appear for interview let it be all via skype!
@bluwavz agree, so unfair how he just gets off. I've had it.If that bully clan want's to come for Caila Tues. I hope it backfires. Meaning, I would love to see the host of ap meaning Sean to grill and make the hot seat on Jared for lying on many occasions.Plus, that he loves to be an enabler. That he loves that sick attention.I think it's time he get's his own dose and not slide by on being just a nice guy. How is it fair to only come for Caila and not him or Ash for bullying? I would love that social media via twitter, facebook, ig, and etc would do the same. It's sicking that it's all on Caila when that's far from the truth esp  with the two parities who are toxic duo together. jmo
@siena he loves it. He's twisted! Hints the many times he's lied in the last episodes!

If Jared & Caila are done, then Ashley gets to say "I told you so" to both Jared and all of the viewers that she was right all along about Caila...  And if that's her mindset right now, then she would have no problem with all the heinous things she said about Caila because we'll all soon learn that she was right...and being right justifies it all.  Again, she's a bratty little middle schooler.  

Reading all the tweets posted here makes me want to start tweeting myself in defense of Caila's actions.  (Even though I don't know her, I despise bullies.)  But then I realized (a) that would make me as immature as those other nitwits and (b) why would I spend the time on people I don't know or care to know.      

And then I wondered - is this why we see so few tweets in Caila's defense - that those who ARE her friends don't feel the need to stoop to the immature levels of others by tweeting.  Forget the show and all of these petty contestants.  I hope her friends are just staying above the fray and getting in touch with her outside of the social media spectrum...the way "real" people do.

http://giphy.com/gifs/bachelorinparadise-season-3-bachelor-in-paradise-bip-l2SpM20HF0xbNK7Ti

http://giphy.com/gifs/bachelorinparadise-season-3-bachelor-in-paradise-bip-3o6Zt9X36L6YP8ofqo

http://us.blastingnews.com/showbiz-tv/2016/08/are-bachelor-in-paradise-stars-caila-quinn-and-jared-haibon-still-together-001080533.html?sbdht=_pM1QUzk3wsek6rcPXJICbQLGP4Ie05JNd6iZJCKc-HXeP-LN2YwBXQ2_

The bully clique are acting as though the only reason Caila spoke to Ashley and was upset was that Ashley had questioned whether Caila actually liked Jared. They're completely ignoring everything else that had been going on and just focusing on that one thing as though it absolves everything else. Ashley had been trash talking Caila behind her back and interfering with their relationship far beyond just questioning Caila's feelings.

And why was Caila expected to like Jared as much as he liked her anyway? Isn't this entire show about how people are at different stages of a relationship... that most people don't have exactly the same feelings for each other when they start dating? Aren't Jared and Ashley the poster child of this? Why is Jared excused for not feeling as strongly about someone, but Caila is painted as a bad person?

Ashley feeling vindicated because Jared and Caila broke up is ridiculous. What was Ashley right about? That two people beginning a relationship weren't emotionally at the same place? Why should she feel justified in bullying someone because that person didn't have stronger feelings for the person they dated?

IMO we're getting presented with information to make it seem as though Ashley was "right" about something that isn't even a bad thing for Caila to have felt. You date people in order to see if there's a future there. If there isn't then you break up. IMO Ashley is grasping at anything to justify her hatred. If Jared and Caila were still dating, Ashley would've twisted that into something to fit her narrative. Caila's actions are inconsequential, if Ashley needed to make herself "right" then she'd change the goal posts to suit her needs. All JMO.

I've seen several comments where people say that Caila has been bullied by BIP cast (not Ashley I). Is that true? I haven't seen any, just where they say that they also had doubts about Caila which is annoying but not what I consider bullying. I don't follow everyone so could have missed some.

I like Caila a lot and I don't particularly like some of the others but I do want to know if anyone has any links. I realize that she's had a lot of criticism from people on her Instagram but that's normal with a lot of them. I feel for Ali every time she posts about her baby.