Jared Haibon - Bachelorette 11 -BIP - Season 3 - Discussion

They are close friends. He hasn't been physical with her in more than 5 months.
This isn't on Jared. It's on Ashley.

He has been clear that he cares about her as a friend, nothing more. She is the one holding on to a fantasy. He isn't responsible for that.

Why didn't she walk away from the friendship - it takes two. She is annoying and behaves like an obsessed, spoiled brat. No sympathy for her...at all!

What a mess. I agree, Jared clearly likes all of those things and is unwilling to draw a line even though it's toxic because it would mean giving some of them up. That's part of what he needs to work on. It's almost an issue of maturity, because in order to actually grow you have to change something. In order to find the right thing, you have to give up the wrong thing (even if you like parts of it).

Edit: Jared absolutely isn't responsible for Ashley's actions. She has to take responsibility for that. But IMO he should have cut off all contact once it was clear that Ashley will always be in love with him. She won't do it, so he needs to. Simple as that.

I both a gree and disagree that he shouldn't be held responsible for Ashley's action.  He's enabling and somewhat encouraging her and her actions by simply not walking away, drawing a line or cutting her off completely.  I get he likes her as a friend and doesn't want to hurt her but she's hurting them both.  And cutting her off doesn't have to be permanent for the rest of their lives, it could just be for however long it takes her to realize he's serious about what he says, that there is nothing more then friendship between them and they both move on to healthy, happy relationships.  JMOAA

IMO the minimum he needs to do is to defend Caila, who's getting the bus driven over her because she dared to ask Jared for a date and they liked each other. His BFF is calling a girl he likes a wh**e, he has to say that's just not right. IMO.

When I talk about responsibility I don't mean that Jared's own actions didn't contribute to or impact how Ashley behaved. But IMO ultimately you are responsible for your own actions. You either make the change or you don't. You can't defer it to anyone else. Ashley could have all the mixed signals in the world, and she can still make the choice to only want someone who loves her completely and unreservedly. That would be taking responsibility for her life.

IMO you can't base your own actions on how perfectly the other person you're interacting with behaves. Jared and Ashley keep waiting on one of them to make the change. How about they both do what's right for them. If Ashley wants to stay obsessed with Jared and not be apart from him then that will be her choice. If Jared actually wants to have a long-term relationship in the future with someone else then he has to choose to end his "friendship" with Ashley because she's clearly stated she will always be in love with him. Now he can keep obscuring that, or he take some responsibility and create that boundary. Each of them have a choice to make and they need to stop waiting on each other to make it. All JMO.

Spoil Me Again wrote:They are close friends. He hasn't been physical with her in more than 5 months.
This isn't on Jared. It's on Ashley.

He has been clear that he cares about her as a friend, nothing more. She is the one holding on to a fantasy. He isn't responsible for that.

Why didn't she walk away from the friendship - it takes two. She is annoying and behaves like an obsessed, spoiled brat. No sympathy for her...at all!

This is the way I see it as well. He has made it clear he is her friend, if she wants something more, and he isn't giving it to her, then she is the one that should move on. Rather than moving on, she is plotting on how she could win him over. She doesn't understand how such good friends can't be more the just friends. She felt that she'll go to Paradise, ( she didn't tell him she was going because TPTB told her not to say anything as per Jared's interview) he'll meet some girls, then realize that SHE is really the one for him. A sick obsessed person thinks like that. Jared wanted her to stay in hopes of her meeting someone, that's the way I see it. That wasn't a mixed signal, he told her, to stay, because wasn't that the purpose of going on BIP, to date other guys? and when she agreed, she couldn't answer him when he asked then why is she behaving that way.

Imagine if Jared told her months ago, if we can't just be friends, then don't contact me, don't talk to me ever again. How would Ashley take that. He may have sent her roses for her birthday, but there's no mention of all the things that she may have done for him to try and win him over.

I have a feeling we will hear more on this when Jared is on AP in a couple of weeks according to Ashley. I don't see him saying anything at this point, because he's still on the show.

Chad, like him or not, his tweet was interesting.

Chad Johnson ‏@realchadjohnson  13h13 hours ago
Chad Johnson Retweeted Allison Johnstone
Ashley I cries all the time cuz she thinks she's gonna get her own show & they tell her that's what they want LOL

I am still shaking my head over last night, I think Ashley was
convincing, then on after show its smiles and laughter. Miraculously 
she got over it. On the other hand Jared is believing her crap.
I'm having a hard time folks falling for this. How much longer
do we endure Ashley?  Give her the Gold statue and send her home.
More Jared and Caila. IMO a beautiful thing is happening.:strings1

I wonder if Ashley is normal around Jared except when on tv? Otherwise I don't see him remaining friends. IA that he needs to tell her it's never going to happen and move on. I'll be curious to see if Jared & Caila are still together. I'm hoping they're on the after show next week to explain.

GuardianAngel wrote:

Spoil Me Again wrote:They are close friends. He hasn't been physical with her in more than 5 months.
This isn't on Jared. It's on Ashley.

He has been clear that he cares about her as a friend, nothing more. She is the one holding on to a fantasy. He isn't responsible for that.

Why didn't she walk away from the friendship - it takes two. She is annoying and behaves like an obsessed, spoiled brat. No sympathy for her...at all!

This is the way I see it as well. He has made it clear he is her friend, if she wants something more, and he isn't giving it to her, then she is the one that should move on. Rather than moving on, she is plotting on how she could win him over. She doesn't understand how such good friends can't be more the just friends. She felt that she'll go to Paradise, ( she didn't tell him she was going because TPTB told her not to say anything as per Jared's interview) he'll meet some girls, then realize that SHE is really the one for him. A sick obsessed person thinks like that. Jared wanted her to stay in hopes of her meeting someone, that's the way I see it. That wasn't a mixed signal, he told her, to stay, because wasn't that the purpose of going on BIP, to date other guys? and when she agreed, she couldn't answer him when he asked then why is she behaving that way.

Imagine if Jared told her months ago, if we can't just be friends, then don't contact me, don't talk to me ever again. How would Ashley take that. He may have sent her roses for her birthday, but there's no mention of all the things that she may have done for him to try and win him over.

I have a feeling we will hear more on this when Jared is on AP in a couple of weeks according to Ashley. I don't see him saying anything at this point, because he's still on the show.  



Chad, like him or not, his tweet was interesting.

Chad Johnson ‏@realchadjohnson  13h13 hours ago
Chad Johnson Retweeted Allison Johnstone
Ashley I cries all the time cuz she thinks she's gonna get her own show & they tell her that's what they want LOL

Re: the bolded, how do we know that this isn't exactly what happened?  I have no doubt that if Jared ever did tell Ashley don't contact me again unless you can accept just being friends (although he probably would say it in a much kinder way), she would have told him don't worry, she CAN just be friends with him, even though it's obviously a lie, and she would still be hoping somehow he'll miraculously change his mind in time.

ironcat wrote:snipped..

Re: the bolded, how do we know that this isn't exactly what happened?  I have no doubt that if Jared ever did tell Ashley don't contact me again unless you can accept just being friends, she would have told him that she CAN just be friends with him, even though it's obviously a lie, and she would still be hoping somehow he'll miraculously change his mind in time.

I think you may be right, now that I think of it. Jared convinced her to stay when she acted like a two year old and wanted to go home. He specifically told her the purpose of her being there was to date other guys, to which she agreed. But when asked then why are you behaving this way, crickets. She later admitted her plan of hoping he met other girls, only to realize that she Ashely is truly the one. Maybe she should write romance bunny boiling novels.

Has Jared shown support for Caila on SM this week? Has he been liking or commenting on any of the "team Ashley" tweets? He just seems curiously quiet.

Jared need to grow a backbone which he is sadly lacking and has been since Kaitlyns season.