Becca Tilly - Bachelor 20 - #3 - *Sleuthing - Spoilers*

nothatgirl wrote:I don't think anyone is saying she'll never fall in love or be in a relationship in the future. Just because she might have certain issues currently doesn't mean she can't work on them and overcome them. Even Britt talked about having certain intimacy issues in her blog and she's been able to find someone who she seemingly feels comfortable and safe with. JMO.

Great point, and exactly why I think Becca will find her "one" someday who will make her feel safe, secure, and loved... and appreciate her for all her qualities and just *get* her and be on the same wavelength as her - just like Britt's bf is with Britt.

Once she will find the one. She will give her 110% to that guy without a doubt. for now, she's just searching for that person. I don't doubt her sexuality at all. she need a guy who could make her knees Trimble just by looking at her. something like that. LOL

Whoever the woman will end up with Ben it doesn't matter if Becca or not bcoz I'm sure it won't last long, anyway. Just like the others. but then I really do hope it's Becca

nothatgirl wrote:

bluwavz wrote:

AllAboutLove wrote:Given Wikipedia's definition of prude I don't see Becca as a prude.


I don't think Becca has fear or contempt for sexuality or a negative view of it, rather she is just waiting for marriage and is 27 yo so her experience is limited.

I found her reaction to the massage came across more as inexperienced/sheltered than prudish.

I don't think she has contempt for sexuality (she is friends with Kaitlyn after all) but I do get the sense that she fears it especially when it comes to herself. Surely she's come across some sexual content in her life even if she's a virgin? How sheltered can she be? Sex is pretty much everywhere these days.

I get the sense she's afraid of it too. Just the fact that she "dated" dez on and off for 5 years supports that for me; it seems to me that she chose to be with a guy who only saw her as a friend, so she could avoid really putting herself out there emotionally and physically with someone who really loved her and craved that intimacy with her. And, as much as her family protested about their edit, they did say things like "we've never seen Becca hold hands with a guy!l". Even this bachelor obsession seems like a way of avoiding her issues. I don't think that either Chris or Ben would have ever dated a virgin and I think she probably knew that too. JMO.

I get the sense that Becca is afraid of settling, not sex.

JMO

AllAboutLove wrote:I just don't feel comfortable speculating on someone's sexuality. If Becca is waiting as she said she is then good for her. To each their own.

As long as the discussion does not take a finger pointing angry bent it's all speculation in my book whether it be sexual orientation or sexuality and who or who is not being catty, manipulative etc.  All the same. Speculation is speculation.

mindless wrote:

nothatgirl wrote:

bluwavz wrote:

I don't think she has contempt for sexuality (she is friends with Kaitlyn after all) but I do get the sense that she fears it especially when it comes to herself. Surely she's come across some sexual content in her life even if she's a virgin? How sheltered can she be? Sex is pretty much everywhere these days.

I get the sense she's afraid of it too. Just the fact that she "dated" dez on and off for 5 years supports that for me; it seems to me that she chose to be with a guy who only saw her as a friend, so she could avoid really putting herself out there emotionally and physically with someone who really loved her and craved that intimacy with her. And, as much as her family protested about their edit, they did say things like "we've never seen Becca hold hands with a guy!l". Even this bachelor obsession seems like a way of avoiding her issues. I don't think that either Chris or Ben would have ever dated a virgin and I think she probably knew that too. JMO.

Eh, I'm not a virgin, but I don't think my parents have seen me holding hands with anyone either. Not everyone is into PDA. I also barely dated until I was 26 and now I've been with the same person for almost 4 years. It only takes one after all, if it's the right one. I don't get the thinking that you have to have a bunch of "practice relationships" before you can succeed in one. People are different. Some get it right on the first try, some never will. Becca just hasn't found the right person and doesn't seem to be prioritizing finding one at the moment. She's clearly a late bloomer, but there's nothing wrong with that IMO.

I don't think that there's anything wrong with being a late bloomer either! Heck, I am one. I just think that most people have a reason for being one, whether it is that they are simply not interested, are focused on their careers, have cultural restrictions, or have some kind of issues with self-esteem, trust, intimacy, sexuality, etc. When I look at all of my friends who are virgins and/or have never been in a serious relationship, I can point to one of those reasons. For Becca, it seems like finding a partner has been a top priority for her, but she's not really trying to find one and, IMO, has gone to great lengths to avoid trying. And, I think fear of intimacy is why, but it could be some other issue. I just think that something beyond being picky is going on.

nothatgirl wrote:
I get the sense she's afraid of it too. Just the fact that she "dated" dez on and off for 5 years supports that for me; it seems to me that she chose to be with a guy who only saw her as a friend, so she could avoid really putting herself out there emotionally and physically with someone who really loved her and craved that intimacy with her. And, as much as her family protested about their edit, they did say things like "we've never seen Becca hold hands with a guy!l". Even this bachelor obsession seems like a way of avoiding her issues. I don't think that either Chris or Ben would have ever dated a virgin and I think she probably knew that too. JMO.

Maybe her fear comes not from a place of fear of intimacy but rather a fear that she will just settle?
Because after all, she only plans to have sex with her spouse, so to her unless she marries that person and sees them 100% as her husband, anything else will be settling for her and any relationship not seen as love/sex (which she will only have with her spouse) will be seen as friendzone.

In my mind, real settling will be marrying the truck first and then kicking the tires to see if they are inflated properly or looking under the carriage to see if there are any minor oil leaks. 
Then lo and behold there are, but you choose to go through life pretending otherwise. Putting air in tires and adding oil and cleaning up the mess can be minor issues, but then again who wants that crap in a truck.

Kashathediva wrote:In my mind, real settling will be marrying the truck first and then kicking the tires to see if they are inflated properly or looking under the carriage to see if there are any minor oil leaks. 
Then lo and behold there are, but you choose to go through life pretending otherwise. Putting air in tires and adding oil and cleaning up the mess can be minor issues, but then again who wants that crap in a truck.

Ditto. To me it seems like such a risk to not take a test drive when making a huge commitment like that but hey not my life and not my problem. I respect those who decide otherwise and it doesn't affect me. JMO and no offense intended.

Test drive? Nope, I want a road trip. 

Kasha

It seems like every car I've ever bought, including brand new, I found something after purchasing that I didn't like and that I didn't pick up in the test drive.

So I think I'd need a long road trip, challenging terrain, many different types of road conditions, how is the acceleration going zero to 60.

Long road trip is the way to go. 
No vehicle is perfect, but I would rather not have any surprises.

Okay okay forget the test drive. A road trip is necessary. I've known a few people who ended up with something they didn't quite expect.