Becca Tilly - Bachelor 20 - #3 - *Sleuthing - Spoilers*

bluwavz wrote:

AllAboutLove wrote:Given Wikipedia's definition of prude I don't see Becca as a prude.

[A prude] is generally considered a pejorative term to suggest fear and contempt of human sexuality and excessive, unusual modesty stemming from such a negative view of sexuality. It is hence unflattering, often used as an insult.

I don't think Becca has fear or contempt for sexuality or a negative view of it, rather she is just waiting for marriage and is 27 yo so her experience is limited.

I found her reaction to the massage came across more as inexperienced/sheltered than prudish.

I don't think she has contempt for sexuality (she is friends with Kaitlyn after all) but I do get the sense that she fears it especially when it comes to herself. Surely she's come across some sexual content in her life even if she's a virgin? How sheltered can she be? Sex is pretty much everywhere these days.

I dunno. I just don't think she is afraid of it. Fear is the last thing I see. I actually see her being curious about it which is understandable given her inexperience.

Sex can be everywhere but until one has actually experienced something oneself I don't know how much is just head knowledge and even then, that doesn't necessarily mean Becca would have to act nonchalant.

Becca is definitely a rare type of person, especially for this show, but I don't think that necessarily makes it a negative thing or something that has a negative connotation.

In a world that is oversexed as it is, I think Becca's reaction and sexual status is a positive rather than a negative.

AllAboutLove wrote:

rhondam wrote:

mindless wrote:I'm not sure how one can say she has intimacy issues, when she's chosen to not be intimate until her wedding night. It would be more weird if she was all over every man. People would be doubting her virginity like they have Ashley I's or saying she's a technical virgin or whatever. To me she's just acting like someone who's serious about waiting. It's not like she's avoiding physical contact, she was always playing with Chris's hands and Ben's too from the little I've seen so far. She doesn't mind their hands on her leg either.  

I cannot see how she will ever get to a wedding night if she doesn't date anyone period! That is my point. This girl goes out and everywhere most days of the week. She's definitely met people, why isn't there ever anyone good enough to date?? 

The same can be said about a lot of these contestants, some of whom are much older than Becca. She only turned 27 last year so she is still young yet. Many others are nearing 40 rather than 30 and still haven't found anyone to date.

Exactly, AAL! If not dating anyone seriously means there are issues then at least half the contestants from this franchise have them.

Becca's spent the last year and half on this Bachelor nonsense, so it's not surprising she hasn't dated much. And it's really not that easy to find someone you really click with. I'm sure Becca could get a date anytime, but that doesn't mean she'll want to marry any of those guys. She doesn't seem like the type to waste her time on guys she doesn't see a future with either.

AllAboutLove wrote:

rhondam wrote:

mindless wrote:I'm not sure how one can say she has intimacy issues, when she's chosen to not be intimate until her wedding night. It would be more weird if she was all over every man. People would be doubting her virginity like they have Ashley I's or saying she's a technical virgin or whatever. To me she's just acting like someone who's serious about waiting. It's not like she's avoiding physical contact, she was always playing with Chris's hands and Ben's too from the little I've seen so far. She doesn't mind their hands on her leg either.  

I cannot see how she will ever get to a wedding night if she doesn't date anyone period! That is my point. This girl goes out and everywhere most days of the week. She's definitely met people, why isn't there ever anyone good enough to date?? 

The same can be said about a lot of these contestants, some of whom are much older than Becca. She only turned 27 last year so she is still young yet. Many others are nearing 40 rather than 30 and still haven't found anyone to date.

But have these nearly 40 year olds EVER had a romantic relationship before? EVER been in love? Do they go on dates to "try people on" to see if there could be something more? Not everyone wants a long term relationship and that is absolutely fabulous too, but she has been on the show twice claiming that this is what she wants. So why she is not going on dates to find potential someone is what is baffling to me.

Idk, I wouldn't be surprised if there was an underlying issue with Becca and intimacy that has nothing to do with religious beliefs or simply waiting for 'the one.' Just my impression.

AllAboutLove wrote:

bluwavz wrote:

AllAboutLove wrote:Given Wikipedia's definition of prude I don't see Becca as a prude.


I don't think Becca has fear or contempt for sexuality or a negative view of it, rather she is just waiting for marriage and is 27 yo so her experience is limited.

I found her reaction to the massage came across more as inexperienced/sheltered than prudish.

I don't think she has contempt for sexuality (she is friends with Kaitlyn after all) but I do get the sense that she fears it especially when it comes to herself. Surely she's come across some sexual content in her life even if she's a virgin? How sheltered can she be? Sex is pretty much everywhere these days.

I dunno. I just don't think she is afraid of it. Fear is the last thing I see. I actually see her being curious about it which is understandable given her inexperience.

Sex can be everywhere but until one has actually experienced something oneself I don't know how much is just head knowledge and even then, that doesn't necessarily mean Becca would have to act nonchalant.

Becca is definitely a rare type of person, especially for this show, but I don't think that necessarily makes it a negative thing or something that has a negative connotation.

In a world that is oversexed as it is, I think Becca's reaction and sexual status is a positive rather than a negative.

I don't really see her sexual status as a positive or a negative. I see it as a personal choice just like deciding to be a non-virgin. I don't really see the world as being oversexed either. More than a bit of the world is quite repressed. Even with how much sex is out there in our society there are still things that are taboo.

I agree she is rare for this show and I don't think that's a negative thing because honestly who wants to be like everyone else on this show? Look I'm not trying to bash the lady here. I've been exactly where she is though at a younger age so I get it.

I don't think she could openly date anyone at the moment anyway, since she's supposed to still be in the running for Ben's heart. She did date before going on Chris's season, since she sometimes tweeted about it. And she did have a relationship of some sort with Dez, so it's not like she's been single all her life.

bluwavz wrote:

AllAboutLove wrote:Given Wikipedia's definition of prude I don't see Becca as a prude.

[A prude] is generally considered a pejorative term to suggest fear and contempt of human sexuality and excessive, unusual modesty stemming from such a negative view of sexuality. It is hence unflattering, often used as an insult.

I don't think Becca has fear or contempt for sexuality or a negative view of it, rather she is just waiting for marriage and is 27 yo so her experience is limited.

I found her reaction to the massage came across more as inexperienced/sheltered than prudish.

I don't think she has contempt for sexuality (she is friends with Kaitlyn after all) but I do get the sense that she fears it especially when it comes to herself. Surely she's come across some sexual content in her life even if she's a virgin? How sheltered can she be? Sex is pretty much everywhere these days.

I get the sense she's afraid of it too. Just the fact that she "dated" dez on and off for 5 years supports that for me; it seems to me that she chose to be with a guy who only saw her as a friend, so she could avoid really putting herself out there emotionally and physically with someone who really loved her and craved that intimacy with her. And, as much as her family protested about their edit, they did say things like "we've never seen Becca hold hands with a guy!l". Even this bachelor obsession seems like a way of avoiding her issues. I don't think that either Chris or Ben would have ever dated a virgin and I think she probably knew that too. JMO.

Being in love before and having relationships before doesn't mean automatically having successful ones or having happy or healthy marriages down the road.

So just because Becca hasn't had that doesn't mean that she won't have a happy, healthy relationship or marriage. Just like someone who has had many relationships and been in love before doesn't mean they will.

There are things I don't care for about Becca, but her sexual and relationship experience (or lack thereof) are not part of them.

I don't think anyone is saying she'll never fall in love or be in a relationship in the future. Just because she might have certain issues currently doesn't mean she can't work on them and overcome them. Even Britt talked about having certain intimacy issues in her blog and she's been able to find someone who she seemingly feels comfortable and safe with. JMO.

Ok so I forgot to quote—this was in response to mindless' post. I'm sorry if this mixes everything up. 

Ok well I thought he was a family friend and there was no love there after 5 years so assumed not a real relationship. Yes she can't openly date now but she's not hiding the fact that she's single either. If she didn't hop on SM every other day (I'm being generous with this timeframe) some viewers might think she was in a relationship with Ben or having SHV. Anyway, I don't hate this girl and I think it's coming across that I do so I'm off her thread for tonight.

nothatgirl wrote:

bluwavz wrote:

AllAboutLove wrote:Given Wikipedia's definition of prude I don't see Becca as a prude.


I don't think Becca has fear or contempt for sexuality or a negative view of it, rather she is just waiting for marriage and is 27 yo so her experience is limited.

I found her reaction to the massage came across more as inexperienced/sheltered than prudish.

I don't think she has contempt for sexuality (she is friends with Kaitlyn after all) but I do get the sense that she fears it especially when it comes to herself. Surely she's come across some sexual content in her life even if she's a virgin? How sheltered can she be? Sex is pretty much everywhere these days.

I get the sense she's afraid of it too. Just the fact that she "dated" dez on and off for 5 years supports that for me; it seems to me that she chose to be with a guy who only saw her as a friend, so she could avoid really putting herself out there emotionally and physically with someone who really loved her and craved that intimacy with her. And, as much as her family protested about their edit, they did say things like "we've never seen Becca hold hands with a guy!l". Even this bachelor obsession seems like a way of avoiding her issues. I don't think that either Chris or Ben would have ever dated a virgin and I think she probably knew that too. JMO.

Eh, I'm not a virgin, but I don't think my parents have seen me holding hands with anyone either. Not everyone is into PDA. I also barely dated until I was 26 and now I've been with the same person for almost 4 years. It only takes one after all, if it's the right one. I don't get the thinking that you have to have a bunch of "practice relationships" before you can succeed in one. People are different. Some get it right on the first try, some never will. Becca just hasn't found the right person and doesn't seem to be prioritizing finding one at the moment. She's clearly a late bloomer, but there's nothing wrong with that IMO.

AllAboutLove wrote:

bluwavz wrote:

AllAboutLove wrote:Given Wikipedia's definition of prude I don't see Becca as a prude.


I don't think Becca has fear or contempt for sexuality or a negative view of it, rather she is just waiting for marriage and is 27 yo so her experience is limited.

I found her reaction to the massage came across more as inexperienced/sheltered than prudish.

I don't think she has contempt for sexuality (she is friends with Kaitlyn after all) but I do get the sense that she fears it especially when it comes to herself. Surely she's come across some sexual content in her life even if she's a virgin? How sheltered can she be? Sex is pretty much everywhere these days.

I dunno. I just don't think she is afraid of it. Fear is the last thing I see. I actually see her being curious about it which is understandable given her inexperience.

Sex can be everywhere but until one has actually experienced something oneself I don't know how much is just head knowledge and even then, that doesn't necessarily mean Becca would have to act nonchalant.

Becca is definitely a rare type of person, especially for this show, but I don't think that necessarily makes it a negative thing or something that has a negative connotation.

In a world that is oversexed as it is, I think Becca's reaction and sexual status is a positive rather than a negative.

I totally agree, and I can relate! In my own experience, I'm very cautious with purusing guys. I don't want to waste their (and my) time if I'm not into them in a more-than-friends way. Finding someone that is accepting of my desire to wait until marriage and lack of dating experience can (but not always is) be challenging. With others who are in the same boat, the lack of dating experience could be for a variety of reasons. In my case, it's because I'm picky.

It's not because I think I'm this hotshot who is to good for everyone, or because they're not good-looking enough, etc. In fact, I care more about one's personality/heart than looks. I'd take a guy who others view as a 5/10 or 6/10 in the looks department, but has a great heart/personality over a guy that is a 9/10 or 10/10 in looks, but has an inconsistent personality. But rather, my picky nature is because I know exactly what I want and I don't want to waste time/feel like I'm settling below my standards. I was raised in a conservative family (I still am conservative) and I want someone whose values line up with mine, or at the very least, someone who is accepting of them. Don't get me wrong, I've met PLENTY of great guys, but up until this point none that I would currently want to marry.

Can it be frustrating? Absolutely! Especially looking at what my parents have and the fact that some of my siblings/close friends are engaged and/or married. I do want to get married and have kids, but I want it to be with the right person. I want to get engaged only once and get married only once. But I just have faith that everything will work out.