Kaitlyn Bristowe - Shawn Booth - Bachelorette 11 - *Spoilers - Sleuthing* - Discussion

rosesrREd wrote:

Maggenzm wrote:

agentcurls wrote:

I agree wholeheartedly.
I'm seeing natural, organically blended chemistry like I've never seen before from this franchise.
Despite the delivery sometimes, Shawn has demonstrated a high level of emotional intelligence with Kaitlyn. If more men were as forthcoming as he is, it might've saved many a relationship.  He is being so raw, honest, and natural about this situation.  I would say the same for Nick, Ben H, etc. if they were behaving in the same manner. They aren't though. Nick is not as invested emotionally. Ben H. is indifferent.
Kaitlyn is full of zest and seems to grab life by the horns. Shawn, with his brush with death, seems  to have just as much passion. It truly is a dynamic pairing, IMO.

True to that! show me a couple who do not address situations as they come, I will show a couple who are not going to make it long term. These two have major chance of making it.JMO

Not a chance in hades these two will make it long term. I don't think Kaitlyn was really looking for a husband, and I think Shawn just wanted to win.

Roses, you forgot to mention "JMO", because it is just an opinion, no body knows the future, but we shall see.

agentcurls wrote:

nuts2uiam wrote:I personally don't find Shawn attractive either physically or in his comportment.  I think he is displaying rather possessive qualities that seem frightening to me.  I know it is a tv show but I think there are ways of showing you care deeply for someone without getting to the bullying stage. Just my opinion of course.

Kaitlyn has a very strong personality and I think she needs an assertive man and not one who passively waits by on the sidelines. I actually think she thrives on Shawn's intense feelings. If she found it scary and not endearing, she would send him packing, IMO.

I've said it before but I think that Kaitlyn wants someone like Shawn but needs someone like Jared or Ben H.
Imo, just because K doesn't find Shawn scary doesn't mean he is not.
A lot of people thrive on negative behavior in relationships that is not healthy and yet consider it to be "love", so her not sending Shawn packing doesn't mean it is healthy.
Sometimes it takes a while for a person to figure this out.
jmho

rosesrREd wrote:

Maggenzm wrote:

agentcurls wrote:

I agree wholeheartedly.
I'm seeing natural, organically blended chemistry like I've never seen before from this franchise.
Despite the delivery sometimes, Shawn has demonstrated a high level of emotional intelligence with Kaitlyn. If more men were as forthcoming as he is, it might've saved many a relationship.  He is being so raw, honest, and natural about this situation.  I would say the same for Nick, Ben H, etc. if they were behaving in the same manner. They aren't though. Nick is not as invested emotionally. Ben H. is indifferent.
Kaitlyn is full of zest and seems to grab life by the horns. Shawn, with his brush with death, seems  to have just as much passion. It truly is a dynamic pairing, IMO.

True to that! show me a couple who do not address situations as they come, I will show a couple who are not going to make it long term. These two have major chance of making it.JMO

Not a chance in hades these two will make it long term. I don't think Kaitlyn was really looking for a husband, and I think Shawn just wanted to win.

I am of the opinion that Shawn did not just want to "win".

If Shawn was not interested in having a relationship with Kaitlyn beyond the end of the show, it would've been a much easier road for him to walk away before the end. He could have said good bye to her at any time, on his terms & likely had the opportunity to be a considered a strong candidate for the next Bachelor.

But instead he chose to stay, despite the personal difficulties, and pursue this relationship with risk of rejection at the end. I'm not going to rehash the mistakes Shawn made along the way, they've been mentioned often. But I feel that Shawn's motivation for sticking thru this all was much bigger for him than "winning".

relaxing wrote:

Lucas15 wrote:

agentcurls wrote:Kaitlyn has a very strong personality and I think she needs an assertive man and not one who passively waits by on the sidelines. I actually think she thrives on Shawn's intense feelings. If she found it scary and not endearing, she would send him packing, IMO.

I couldn't agree more. Almost nobody checks all the boxes but I see a lot of "alpha" in Kaitlyn (and I would say the same about Shawn as well) and IMO she would perceive someone who is not assertive and doesn't call her out as a weakness - IMO she is not going to be attracted to a weak man. IMO she is more attracted to Shawn because he pushes back on her and would walk away if he didn't.

Shawn seems to nicely blend (in an intuitive way) the ability to figure out when to push back and when to pull back - he's done both at seemingly the right time. Likewise Kaitlyn seems to know when she can push and when to pull and their relationship is fascinating to me to watch as they learn how to deal with each other and their instinctive mutual attraction.

This is so true.  Despite how messy this is, I love how real they feel as a couple and how they already seem so committed to working through things together without expecting each other to be perfect.  IMO, they're getting way further along as a couple than the usual initial physical attraction and romantic bubble dates allow.  That is refreshing actually.

I agree with this and especially the "no bubble dates!" I am glad they are not on some deserted island or exotic location. I am thinking this is what kaitlyn meant as "refreshing."

I bet only Kaitlyn, Shawn and their families are there for the final rose ceremony. :cutesmile!:

More true to real life out of the bubble.

AllAboutLove wrote:I've said it before but I think that Kaitlyn wants someone like Shawn but needs someone like Jared or Ben H.

IMO Kaitlyn wants a man like Shawn but she also needs a man like Shawn. I've posted before but I see a lot of alpha in Kaitlyn and as suggested by this article:

Men who don’t possess a similar inner strength an Alpha Woman has will quickly get walked over and she will easily bore of him. He will lose her respect as a potential mate. If he’s a nice enough guy, he will be reduced to what is known as “the dreaded friend zone.” No potential suitor wants this. ... He will end up being replaced by someone who provides her with an intellectual and/or emotional challenge.

IMO this is why Jared - as nice a guy as I think Jared is - never really got out of the friend zone with Kaitlyn. This is also why Nick was able to interest her "online" but couldn't hold on to it once they got face-to-face - neither is what she needs nor what she wants.

agentcurls posted upthread about "natural, organically blended chemistry" but IMO what this really comes down to is eons of natural selection favoring a combination of the best strengths of our male ancestors with the best strengths of our female ancestors - the alpha male and alpha female combination may encounter fiery clashes of wills and may be messy but they are instinctively drawn to each other. That is what Kaitlyn needs.

One of themes of the season is..."it's all going to be worth it in the end..." Emotional turmoil and all.

I can speak from experience and my own personal brush with death that it changes people. All emotions after are more relevant and more intense (love, sadness, jealousy, anxiety) and the tolerance for wasting one's time and dealing with BS are much lower than before.

And while I can't excuse all of Shawn's behaviors, I think this is one of main reasons I can relate to him as a human being. Things matter so much more after you've had something devastating happen to you.

Also, PTSD from a significant life event such as a car accident can last a long time, even years, and it can make one's "flight or fight" response a bit more primitive. The mind wants to make you realize that you don't need to feel anxious...your life is not in danger, but the body's chemical response sometimes takes over and wins out. Not very pleasant sometimes, but very human.

I guess in a way I am trying to justify some of Shawn's intensity.
I just don't think for one second Shawn poses any danger or threat to Kaitlyn as other have suggested.
I actually think because of what he went through, he will make an even more tender, warm, and compassionate boyfriend/husband someday.

agentcurls wrote:Also, PTSD from a significant life event such as a car accident can last a long time, even years, and it can make one's "flight or fight" response a bit more primitive. The mind wants to make you realize that you don't need to feel anxious...your life is not in danger, but the body's chemical response sometimes takes over and wins out. Not very pleasant sometimes, but very human.

I guess in a way I am trying to justify some of Shawn's intensity.
I just don't think for one second Shawn poses any danger or threat to Kaitlyn as other have suggested.
I actually think because of what he went through, he will make an even more tender, warm, and compassionate boyfriend/husband someday.

ITA.
1)I have had BIG traumas, and you are 100% correct.
2)Lived in many parts of the country.
3) I have experience with cheating. I dated a lot.

Taking fandom away from this show ( not a fan of Kaitlyn, Nick, or Shawn, looks-wise or personality-wise), I can relate to Shawn more than Kaitlyn or Nick.

Prefacing with IMO:
1)PTSD can make a person feel things that are not there, or magnified, or distorted reality. Shawn mentioned his parents splitting, a trust issue....
2)Peoples' behavior can be regional. NE people many times are what you see is what you get. They will tell you to your face, and not back stab you, as you see in the last Shawn Nick conversation. Shawn is NOT dangerous. He is simply telling Nick that he will tell him to his face, and not sneak around, or back stab.
3) Ahhh, the cheating. I give Shawn credit for sticking it out. I would have LEFT. What some of you may not know is that it's one thing to be cheated on with another person, but it's ANOTHER thing if someone is cheating on you with someone who you perceive as a person of lesser quality. We know that Shawn sees Nick as a weasel. He has no respect for Nick. The problem:
a)S feels insecure about their relationship, but he's dealing with that part, ok, because he's fine with the other guys
b)The problem lies that Kaitlyn is diminishing his SELF ESTEEM every time she goes out with N (weasel, not liked), therefore she is reducing S to be worthless. It's a double whammy.
I know it's a difficult thing to understand, but there is cheating and there is CHEATING with a piece of chit. At least if Kaitlyn cheated on S with maybe Brad Pitt, S would think that his value is  the same. S still would be insecure and hate it, But it wouldn't be as painful. Sitting by and waiting for K to get her rocks off with the lowest perceived by S human being is damaging on way too many levels, and he's having a problem dealing with it. He cannot control K, so he tries to control N by confronting him.

I wish to root for this couple, I wish to Like Shawn, but I just can't. I really cannot see mature conversations, interact like normal couple.

All I see is, she THINKS he is the kind, but it obviously is not best for her imo. If kaitlyn needs a guy with inner strength, that is not Shawn, because of his jealousy and possessiveness are likely coming from insecurity. He doesn't know how to be the rock for a woman, instead, he needs too much validation.

A male version of Britt really make me want to puke.

Banging 2 other dudes...so disrespectful to the woman he supposedly loves.

Well again she banged the dude(s) after saying he was the one. I guess two wrongs or rights however you look at it.