Kaitlyn Bristowe - Shawn Booth - Bachelorette 11 - *Spoilers - Sleuthing* - Discussion

Jmho: Anyone that has been married for a few decades will know that marriage does take work... and personally speaking, I will say that the more firm a foundation when starting on this lifetime journey with another person the better chance that this will be a lifetime journey and not a few years one.

Definitely, there will be plenty of bumps in anyone's relationship but bumps and rollercoasters are two different things and I for one prefer the bumps to the rollercoaster or uphill battle as a starting point. Passion lasts so long and then one is bored.

Kailtyn said in her blog one of her worst fears is "falling out of love" with someone. Well... that is marriage.

Loving someone and falling in/being in love with someone are two different things -- and especially after decades of marriage one will fall out of love sometimes so having a foundation other than passion is what will last those decades... it's what keeps you loving each other even when the passion may not always be there and the physical connection not being there is never a deal breaker, but rather not being respectful, kind, and caring is.

agentcurls wrote:I think anyone going through this process is going to feel angst.
Even though they have some intense feelings for one another, I see 2 people who are analyzing their situation like mature adults.
I don't think the way they are communicating is unhealthy. Quite the opposite.
It's really fun to see how passionate they both are, both as individuals (Shawn's quiet and broody nature, Kaitlyn's fly-by-the-seat of her pants impulsive-ness) and the passion they have for one another.

Absolutely, I think they're being crazy but they're in a crazy environment. My favorite part about how they talk to each other is that it seems like so far at least, they're both really kind and trying to be as patient as each can be with the other; it's really nice to see that they're not yelling or arguing or snarking at each other, but just trying to figure it out as both are about to melt down.

AllAboutLove wrote:Jmho: Anyone that has been married for a few decades will know that marriage does take work... and personally speaking, I will say that the more firm a foundation when starting on this lifetime journey with another person the better chance that this will be a lifetime journey and not a few years one.

Definitely, there bumps in anyone's relationship but bumps and rollercoasters are two different things and I for one prefer the bumps to the rollercoaster or uphill battle as a starting point. Passion lasts so long and then one is bored.

Kailtyn said in her blog one of her worst fears is "falling out of love" with someone. Well... that is marriage.

Loving someone and falling in/being in love with someone is two different things -- and especially after decades of marriage one will fall out of love sometimes so having a foundation other than passion is what will last those decades... it what keeps you loving even when the passion may not always be there and the physical is never a deal breaker, but rather not being respectful, kind, and caring is.

Absolutely. The good, the bad and ugly. Sharing, compromising, giving and giving more and reaping the rewards of it all. 

I don't think it takes "decades" of marriage to know what it takes to make a marriage work. Some marriages encounter EXTREME highs and EXTREME lows in just a few years of marriage. And it's how you work through those highs and lows that helps build your foundation that will carry you through a lifetime together.

I'm going to try really hard to NOT step up on my soapbox about this...but I'm going to say that you do not have to married for decades to speak about what it takes to make a relationship work.

A passionate relationship doesn't have to equate to an unhealthy one.
These franchise relationships are almost always a roller coaster...I just think this particular season was edited to look like it's riding right off the tracks.

Well, Shawn is about become privy to something quite unpleasant about Kaitlyn and he still hangs in there and they are making it "work" for the time being. Only time will tell. Some relationships get tested very early on and survive, and others have to start working at it later. What matters most, IMHO, are the two people who are involved. I like what I see with Shawn and Kaitlyn thus far and think that once the initial lust fades, they might have a real chance (hoping).

I definitely agree it doesn't take decades to know what makes a marriage work...

I will only say for those I know who are on their 50th anniversary or on their 5th anniversary and are in healthy marriages (and not just barely hanging on or just sticking it out for the sake of sticking it out) the only difference is history/longevity and perspective.

Imo, it is like taking a roadtrip from LA to NYC:
One couple is in a car and in the state of Utah and the other couple in a car in the state of NY.
Both are still together on their lifetime ride, the only difference is the one couple in NY has had more mileage and their view is different.
But they both are still healthy marriages.

relaxing wrote:I see them as already having very open communication.  I think Shawn is trying hard to keep her in the loop of where both his head and heart are at.  I think he's doing that so well that he kind of expects her to do,the same with him, but that's where the break down is - she can't given the circumstances and he's missing that point a bit.

This is a perfect example of why I (jokingly) said I was worried my TV is broken because I was seeing a very different story than many others. Some see Shawn as needy and controlling and I see him trying to communicate on subject matters that are extremely difficult to talk clearly about and he's doing a very good job at it. It's the circumstances that Kaitlyn is in (lead on TBette) that prevent her from being as open about her feelings for him as he is for her and that's the cage they are trapped in. She might want to just say "To Hell with this foolishness" and ride off into the sunset with Shawn - but she can't do that. She also can't stop dating other guys - even though it's pretty darn clear to me that she has zero interest in doing that. She's just got to plod through it. And Shawn has got to accept the plodding.

The thing is - if these two can tough it out another what - 2 weeks (filming timeline) the cage disappears so all they have to do is make it through a very short (but possibly very intense) time.

ETA - I swear I didn't remember this specific thing K said but there's a transcription of K & S discussions in the Episode 7 thread and Kaitlyn said there "this is literally weeks in forever". I just thought it funny that I had said the same thing she did not remembering she said it first.

agentcurls wrote:I like what I see with Shawn and Kaitlyn thus far and think that once the initial lust fades, they might have a real chance (hoping).

LOL - just because of who Kaitlyn is, that initial lust might last a bit longer than it does for some others.

What I found most strange about what Kaitlyn said about her worst fear in a relationship being "falling out of love with someone" was that it was focused on her being afraid she would fall out of love with someone not afraid that someone would fall out of love with her.

I have heard many people say they fear the other person will fall out of love with them... but for someone to fear they will do this first?

Interesting perspective. Makes me think that Kailtyn is someone that gets bored easily since she lives "in the moment".

Lucas15 wrote:snipped..

It's the circumstances that Kaitlyn is in (lead on TBette) that prevent her from being as open about her feelings for him as he is for her and that's the cage they are trapped in. She might want to just say "To Hell with this foolishness" and ride off into the sunset with Shawn - but she can't do that. She also can't stop dating other guys - even though it's pretty darn clear to me that she has zero interest in doing that. She's just got to plod through it. And Shawn has got to accept the plodding.

The thing is - if these two can tough it out another what - 2 weeks (filming timeline) the cage disappears so all they have to do is make it through a very short (but possibly very intense) time.

IA those are all the things at are expected from a Bachelorette. She isn't suppose to reveal her true feelings. The contestants are suppose to throw around ILY's like it's an every day common thing to say. OTOH I don't think Shawn is doing a good job of plodding through. He keeps pressuring her to reveal how she is feeling. He even asked her if she's in love with him. Something a lead is never suppose to say. She responds by saying she is falling in love. IMO she should have went the normal route, trust me, trust the process, let your walls down and all that bologna.

AllAboutLove wrote:What I found most strange about what Kaitlyn said about her worst fear in a relationship being "falling out of love with someone" was that it was focused on her being afraid she would fall out of love with someone not afraid that someone would fall out of love with her.

I have heard many people say they fear the other person will fall out of love with them... but for someone to fear they will do this first?

Interesting perspective. Makes me think that Kailtyn is someone that gets bored easily since she lives "in the moment".

The bold is the reason I think Shawn is her best match. He practices my fave scripture
*edit*

He will engage kaitlyn into productive discussion and make sure every issue is discussed and solved. And he will not rest until all is well. That's a mark of a great communicator. I really like that about him. My kind of man!!

GuardianAngel wrote:

Lucas15 wrote:snipped..

It's the circumstances that Kaitlyn is in (lead on TBette) that prevent her from being as open about her feelings for him as he is for her and that's the cage they are trapped in. She might want to just say "To Hell with this foolishness" and ride off into the sunset with Shawn - but she can't do that. She also can't stop dating other guys - even though it's pretty darn clear to me that she has zero interest in doing that. She's just got to plod through it. And Shawn has got to accept the plodding.

The thing is - if these two can tough it out another what - 2 weeks (filming timeline) the cage disappears so all they have to do is make it through a very short (but possibly very intense) time.

IA those are all the things at are expected from a Bachelorette. She isn't suppose to reveal her true feelings. The contestants are suppose to throw around ILY's like it's an every day common thing to say. OTOH I don't think Shawn is doing a good job of plodding through. He keeps pressuring her to reveal how she is feeling. He even asked her if she's in love with him. Something a lead is never suppose to say. She responds by saying she is falling in love. IMO she should have went the normal route, trust me, trust the process, let your walls down and all that bologna.

GA, I don't remember hearing that, I though he asked her if she was in love with Nick, and she responded with " IFIL. You are right, she should have just asked him to trust her and the process. But, after the last RC when he almost didn't get a rose (like I believe she was going to send him home, NOT) I think he is afraid, she will pick someone else in the end.