The Bachelorette Season 11 - Kaitlyn Bristowe - *Sleuthing - Spoilers* - Discussion #2

agentcurls wrote:

peggy0221 wrote:Everyone talks about how mature and unique their communication is, but I can't see it. 

Shawn told her several times that he found it hard, and she said I know, and a little bit more reassurance, then he said I know.

I mean, for the last 2 or 3 episodes, this pattern keeps happening. Why is it mature and unique?

I would say mature, in that when they speak with one another it's very raw, honest, and calm.  It's cathartic for both parties in order to get past difficulties. They disarm each other. They really look one another in the eyes when speaking. There is no waffling (likes and ums, fidgeting). This is the key to their longevity IRL. If they can keep this up, it could bode well for them moving forward.

I will say unique in that they communicate like they've been doing this for years instead of weeks. There's something natural and organic about it. And their emotional/mental connection intertwines so beautifully with their physical chemistry IMO of course.

To me, it looks like they are being careful when they talked, so they were rather calm. They are both insecure people trying to play a game that is bigger than them, they want to win but they are scared they would cross some lines and got DQ, especially I see this in Shawn. IMO, he was not madly in love, he was madly in love with the idea of "in love"and want badly to be chosen as he is the best man.

And why I dont see they are mature because, they actually seldom talked about anything other than those I mentioned. I don't know, maybe those clips were left in the editing floor, but I hardly know anything about Shawn from his conversation with Kait.

soccermom333 wrote:^^^ I think we will start seeing the amazing chemistry between shawn and kaitlyn on their FS date.  TPTB will continue to try and hide it and mask it with the "drama."  There is something very natural between shawn and kait.  I agree, there are many layers and are connecting emotionally as well.

Kait has clearly wanted shawn from day one and from the looks on SM they both seem very happy.  

This is exactly why it bothered me, Kait WANTS him from night one before getting to really know him.
She fell for his physique (just like I did during pre-season sleuthing, shallow me ), but isn't that lust?
Just like Des kept wanting Brooks but found out its Chris that she needs.

I'm sorry for posting in a roll, I'm still thinking about a mature relationship 

IMO, if they are mature enough, they would put effort to grow the relationship, to focus in what they could have but not what they are struggling.

 one keeps questioning, and one keeps explaining and scared of being alone, not a very solid ground to build a mature and long time relationship, jmho.

I don't know, I think we'll have to see how they are together down the road. This show isn't exactly a breeding ground for mature, level-headed relationships.

soccermom333 wrote:^^^ I think we will start seeing the amazing chemistry between shawn and kaitlyn on their FS date.

IMO at some point they show will stop hiding it because it's going to be impossible to hide. It's been cloaked behind a lot of manufactured drama - most from the producers but both Kaitlyn and Shawn have played their own part in it. Somehow though they always seem to come to some degree of understanding and patience and find a way to deal with each other. IMO had they met not on this show but IRL there relationship would have developed quickly and deeply because I think it really does go well beyond just the chemistry of lust.
JMHO

peggy0221 wrote:This is exactly why it bothered me, Kait WANTS him from night one before getting to really know him.
She fell for his physique (just like I did during pre-season sleuthing, shallow me ), but isn't that lust?

IMO not necessarily "just" lust. There are two articles that might be interesting to read that both discuss the "phenomenon" of "love at first sight": This one in Psychology Today and This one in WSJ.

The WSJ article states:

According to an annual “Singles in America” survey of more than 5,000 singles ages 21 to 70-plus, sponsored by the dating site Match.com, 59% of men and 49% of women in 2014 said they believe in love at first sight, and 41% of men and 29% of women say they have experienced it.

I think I would have to put myself in that 41% of men and my wife would put herself in the 29% of women. IMO it's hard to define what it is that happens or exactly why it happens, but for some people it definitely happens and it's more than just "lust"; these articles explain it better than I can.
JMHO

At this point, I'm happy they're both extremely patient and kind with one another. As for their future, no one really knows that, but so far, I've seen nothing but complete commitment to Kaitlyn from Shawn and I assume it's going to be reciprocal once she officially chooses him.

Me too Alanna, and while I do like them together, this is the easy part. I hope they figure it out in the real world too.

bleuberry wrote:Me too Alanna, and while I do like them together, this is the easy part. I hope they figure it out in the real world too.

What is sad is that this is the easy part and these two people together have made it look so dang hard.

I do agree that once they finally sit down they communicate in a calm way that I think most of you are calling mature, and I can agree. For me and others I think the problem is the extreme immaturity that has led to almost everyone of these sit downs. A lot are stuck on the immaturity that lead to the sit down.

Not to be mean, but if most of you had a girl friend that getting together with her guy in real life was this hard, you would probably tell her to reconsider the relationship. The first part is supposed to be the fun part, not so darn drama filled. I do realize that Shawn has not handled the format of the bachelorette well and Kaitlyn has not helped that at all. I am sure there is fun between these two, but mostly it is drama, drama, drama and it reminds some of us of high school, which I personally don't find cute. These are not two teenagers with hormones racing for the first time to confuse them, it is a 28 year old man and a 29 almost 30 year old woman. We expect a tiny bit more maturity to start.

I really think we will see how good they are when Shawn is out of the format of the show which many are using for the excuse for his incredible immaturity. I will hold judgement until after AFTR, let's see how life goes when there isn't Nick and the producers to be blamed for everything.

I just don't enjoy Kaitlyn. Her crying over telling Shawn about Nick sex, to literally tell him, yup and I am going to do it again. Seriously, we had three episodes of crying for too bad, I will have sex with him again? I unfortunately agree with Shawn, Kaitlyn's words and actions don't match. I appreciated Shawn not freaking out too much about the Nick sex, and hopefully for them the Nick confrontation was all producer driven.

I will be happy for these two to leave the bubble and see if Lust at first site can grow into love or if both of their insecurities and drama destroy them. Some people love and feed on drama, maybe that is who both of them are and in that case they are perfect for each other.

stuckinsc wrote:

bleuberry wrote:Me too Alanna, and while I do like them together, this is the easy part. I hope they figure it out in the real world too.

I just don't enjoy Kaitlyn.  Her crying over telling Shawn about Nick sex, to literally tell him, yup and I am going to do it again.  Seriously, we had three episode of crying for too bad, I will have sex with him again?  I unfortunately agree with Shawn, Kaitlyn's words and actions don't match. I appreciated Shawn not freaking out too much about the Nick sex, and hopefully for them the Nick confrontation was all producer driven.  

This. I can't picture this "beautiful love story" when 4 days after telling Shawn he's the one, she's giddy out of her mind about the prospect of having sex with Nick. She was smiling in the balcony the next morning before the producers whispered "Nick is going to tell." Then, she's panicking and as soon as she told Shawn and he didn't run away, she gives herself permission to play house with Nick again, and she looked d*mn satisfied about it. If she care so much for Shawn she would have send Nick home, really, IMO it's a huge slap in the face to Shawn that she takes Nick to FSD, and Shawn is taking anything she's giving him just so he could end up with her in the end. Also, there's the question of Ben, Kaitlyn looked disappointed when Ben talked about the FD and just talking, so again IMO, she's ready to "test drive" Ben too knowing for a fact that her F2 are Nick and Shawn....and at the end of all this she's worry and so "in love" with Shawn....I can't even.

Beagle, Like Like Like x 1000.... Excellent Post. I totally agree with you. No love story, no respect, just me me me! Not mature in anyway.

Yup, totally agree that she wanted to take Ben out for a test drive. RS still maintains that Ben/Kaitlyn had sex, and, although I doubted him in the beginning, their last conversation turned me around. I think that Kaitlyn is basically the female Ben Flajnick. Although she may have decided on her Courtney early on, she still wanted to have her fun and bang as many hot guys along the journey as she could. And, like Ben, I don't think she ever put much thought into marrying her F1. It was really about the exposure and fun and, as a bonus, getting a hot boyfriend out of it.