Bachelor 19 - Chris Soules - Episode 9 - *Spoilers & Sleuthing* -

"Falling in love" is a voluntary action. I don't believe in the notion that Cupid shoots an arrow at you and suddenly you are love struck. You need to be open to falling in love and to be an active participant. It's a process of emotionally connecting with someone (fairly subconscious) , of physically desiring someone (fairly primal), but also on some level it has to be cerebral (conscious). You must think about who this other person is, what features and characteristics they offer. Some people call it a "checklist" or (if they are seeking a spouse) ask "Can I see myself married to this person?" I believe that all three actions (emotions, physical, and cerebral) are necessary to someone to "fall in love".

Some people are more emotionally intelligent than others and/or have had the previous life experience that has taught them how to interpret their emotions, the emotions of others, feelings of sexual arousal, and to mentally assess whether someone else would align with their lifestyle, plans, and goals. I don't think this ability to hone in on elements of falling in love is necessarily a function of age or how many times a person has been in love previously, but rather it's their ability to recognize things about themselves and others that is most important.

If you took 100 people and asked them to state why they fell in love with some else, you would surely get answers that are all unique but that all contain the 3 elements I've listed above (emotion, physical, mental). You cannot fall in love in a vacuum, (or in this case, a bubble) without some level of pragmatism, logic, realism. If you are missing the cerebral portion, I think you call that lust or animalistic/primal attraction.

Each person will approach this voluntary action of falling in love in a different manner. Some will be more organized, methodical, perhaps experienced, about what they want and need in a partner. Some people know right away if something is a deal breaker or insurmountable. They may approach this cerebral search in a more compatrmentalized way, and try to separate this analysis from their emotions and attractions. Some people will verbalize this process more than others, talk about what makes them a good match. Others process things more internally and privately.

I am certain that Whitney and Becca are both trying to assess if they are falling in love with Chris, but they are different people and unique. This show cannot be trusted to be showing us the true nature of either of their processes, or Chris' for that matter. It just can't. It never has, and it never will. In fact, one of the most honest statements I have ever heard on this show came out of Chris' mouth when he let Kaitlyn go. He said that there were things that even he did not understand. So true.

So while we each have own guess as to who he chose as F1, or who WE think is a better fit for him, we must always remember how truly complicated falling in love is....and that's just the falling in love part....the "Loving" (as in marriage) is a whole other level of complicated. That will remain another post for another day.

Wonderful Mia! 

  Mura!  Yes, I adore Kaitlyn but have felt that Chris under appreciated her value so was relieved last epi.

Roseanne Roseannadanna moment:
I Roseanne Roseannadanna actually did fall in love with my vacuum. It's a dyson. It gets up all my sheltie, Kasha's long luxurious dog hair. I love it. I am in love with it. It's light, it's simple, it does it's job. Love, love, love.
Oh--you mean fall in love inside a vacuum? Well, I am too big for it. I can't fit in the cyclone. Maybe a hoover, they have bags. Maybe a canister?

MiaHawk wrote:"Falling in love" is a voluntary action. I don't believe in the notion that Cupid shoots an arrow at you and suddenly you are love struck.  You need to be open to falling in love and to be an active participant. It's a process of emotionally connecting with someone (fairly subconscious) , of physically desiring someone (fairly primal), but also on some level it has to be cerebral (conscious). You must think about who this other person is, what features and characteristics they offer. Some people call it a "checklist" or (if they are seeking a spouse) ask "Can I see myself married to this person?" I believe that all three actions (emotions, physical, and cerebral) are necessary to someone to "fall in love".

Some people are more emotionally intelligent than others and/or have had the previous life experience that has taught them how to interpret their emotions, the emotions of others, feelings of sexual arousal, and to mentally assess whether someone else would align with their lifestyle, plans, and goals. I don't think this ability to hone in on elements of falling in love is necessarily a function of age or how many times a person has been in love previously, but rather it's their ability to recognize things about themselves and others that is most important.

If you took 100 people and asked them to state why they fell in love with some else, you would surely get answers that are all unique but that all contain the 3 elements I've listed above (emotion, physical, mental). You cannot fall in love in a vacuum, (or in this case, a bubble) without some level of pragmatism, logic, realism. If you are missing the cerebral portion, I think you call that lust or animalistic/primal attraction.

Each person will approach this voluntary action of falling in love in a different manner. Some will be more organized, methodical, perhaps experienced, about what they want and need in a partner. Some people know right away if something is a deal breaker or insurmountable. They may approach this cerebral search in a more compatrmentalized way, and try to separate this analysis from their emotions and attractions. Some people will verbalize this process more than others, talk about what makes them a good match. Others process things more internally and privately.

I am certain that Whitney and Becca are both trying to assess if they are falling in love with Chris, but they are different people and unique. This show cannot be trusted to be showing us the true nature of either of their processes, or Chris' for that matter. It just can't. It never has, and it never will. In fact, one of the most honest statements I have ever heard on this show came out of Chris' mouth when he let Kaitlyn go. He said that there were things that even he did not understand. So true.

So while we each have own guess as to who he chose as F1, or who WE think is a better fit for him, we must always remember how truly complicated falling in love is....and that's just the falling in love part....the "Loving" (as in marriage) is a whole other level of complicated. That will remain another post for another day.


 

Wow, Mia! ITA! You articulated your thoughts so beautifully- pretty spot on.

happygolucky wrote:

KB_Mom wrote:***snipped***
I firmly believe that if Whitney found the Chris in person was not the Chris she saw on TV, as she so adorably said, she would have "excused herself."  

I would politely disagree with you. I think she arrived to TB with a crush ... and through those kind of rose-colored glasses it's not always easy to see the "real" picture. Just remember Nick, no matter how smart he was/is, no matter his approach with scepticism, no matter how much he questioned and analyzed ... he still got caught up in a "bubble" ... and only at the end saw the real Andi... and realized they are incompatible.

But I think the difference may be that Andi was not the person she presented herself as, whereas, Chris is. Andi was putting up a strong front, but Chris put all his insecurities out there. Nick didn't find what he was expecting, but Whitney did.

happygolucky wrote:

stuckinsc wrote:**snipped**
Becca is from a smaller area of LA, moved to CA to be near her sister and stayed.  
*snipped*
So where is this huge difference that everyone talks about?
*snipped*
Great for the bubble, rarely successful in real life.

Becca is from Shreveport, (third largest city in the state) Louisiana (I google it), moved to San Diego, CA ... currently spending an awful lot of time in LA
and I share your opinion Stuck

I agree with both of you.

I would need a pic of Becca and Chris S together at this point to believe she's F1 (the loser in my mind).

GuardianAngel wrote:

Litta123 wrote:

To your point about falling for Chris before the season began, it reminded me of something I saw on the evening portion of their FD. When Chris describes Arlington, he says it has a population of 500. As Whitney is responding to his concerns, she says it has a population of 400. Why would she switch his number? It bothered me...so I looked it up. (q=population+arlington+Iowa&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8]Arlington Pop) In 2013, the population was 416. Whitney's number is actually closer than Chris's. Clearly, she had been doing her homework.

snipped....

I noticed that too. The fact that she corrected him bugged me. It made him look like he doesn't even know the population of his home town, and she had one up on him. I think it was her way of showing him, she did her homework.

She shouldn't have recently tweeted that she would never quit her job since her edit appears she is willing to move to Arlington and have babies. Reminds me of Jason/Melissa.

For some reason I had the number 400 in my head too and was stunned enough to hear Chris (who probably knows) say 500.  I have never looked the population up so I an thinking we heard or read that when the girls took the road trip.  Can anyone confirm?

Has it been mentioned on the show before? I thought I heard 400 too, it's possible the girls all knew, especially after they paid Arlington a visit.

Chris did say 500 on Monday night's epi. Maybe he wanted to build the town up? Like an addition 86 people would do that. I don't think it makes a big difference.

Sprite wrote:

happygolucky wrote:

KB_Mom wrote:***snipped***
I firmly believe that if Whitney found the Chris in person was not the Chris she saw on TV, as she so adorably said, she would have "excused herself."  

I would politely disagree with you. I think she arrived to TB with a crush ... and through those kind of rose-colored glasses it's not always easy to see the "real" picture. Just remember Nick, no matter how smart he was/is, no matter his approach with scepticism, no matter how much he questioned and analyzed ... he still got caught up in a "bubble" ... and only at the end saw the real Andi... and realized they are incompatible.

But I think the difference may be that Andi was not the person she presented herself as, whereas, Chris is. Andi was putting up a strong front, but Chris put all his insecurities out there. Nick didn't find what he was expecting, but Whitney did.

This is just my opinion, but I don't know if Chris is presenting a completely honest version of himself either. I think that there's this image of him as a simple farmer, who enjoys living the quiet life in a small town, and just wants a wife and kids. Yet, he spent most of last year away from the farm - 2 months to do the Bachelorette, 2.5 months to do the Bachelor, and now possibly another 2.5 months for DWTS. I think that he's enjoying the fame and attention A LOT, and I don't think that he's in a rush to get married and have kids.

Also, even Andi did talk about her insecurities of getting cheated on. So, I think that just because Chris talks about his insecurity about Arlington, I don't know if I would consider that putting it ALL out there.

I have a different thought on this. Perhaps instead of thinking Whitney was trying to one up Chris or correct him when she said 400, she did her homework and had that number cemented in her mind. When you are in an intense conversation with cameras in your face, it's probably easier to go with what you know instead of trying to recall a number that someone else said. Whitney has never appeared to me to be the type of person to "one up" anyone. Instead, she stood up for treating other girls with kindness and was absent during many of the backstabbing sessions.