Vent/Complaint Department - Bachelorette 8 - Discussion

mprssdbyu wrote:I don't think it's fair to Love or San to ask that they implement rules. First of all, it's not in their character to be "Judge Judy." They have more patience than most saints but don't take advantage of it! For some reason, it has yet to sink in... It's not a FAN BOARD so anything outside of "hoping harm" comes to someone is acceptable and of course bashing someone or their opinion. If they make requests, follow those requests. I have no idea why that is so hard to get or understand!!!

I had to choose the FOE button as my friend. It's working quite well. No rise out of me equals ...you been FOED. It really works after all.

I don't know how anybody could have mistaken this for a FAN BOARD... I understood that back before it was posted for the 999,999,999th time that it isn't.

LoveDovez wrote:

mprssdbyu wrote:I don't think it's fair to Love or San to ask that they implement rules. First of all, it's not in their character to be "Judge Judy." They have more patience than most saints but don't take advantage of it! For some reason, it has yet to sink in... It's not a FAN BOARD so anything outside of "hoping harm" comes to someone is acceptable and of course bashing someone or their opinion. If they make requests, follow those requests. I have no idea why that is so hard to get or understand!!!

I had to choose the FOE button as my friend. It's working quite well. No rise out of me equals ...you been FOED. It really works after all.

I don't know how anybody could have mistaken this for a FAN BOARD... I understood that back before it was posted for the 999,999,999th time that it isn't.

I rest my case!

Turns out this is where everybody are ... No wonder the other threads are so slow .... :Biggrin:

I guess this is a ramble, not sure if there is anything useful to anyone in it or not ...

Even though I joined a year ago, I hadn't ventured to post until this season, mostly probably because I'm just being moody and when I'm moody I find some odd obsession to indulge in. This month that is the Bachelorette, and I liked the discussion and knowledge of this board. Plus, my first post everyone seemed very welcoming.

But after that ... I don't know. You all have your friends and your long term relationships and it is hard to feel like one fits in. And a season like this attracts a LOT of new posters. That dynamic is there, and it gets ... odd. I'm seriously wondering how many "foe" lists I've ended up on even I can only think of one total foot in mouth since I started posting. Unless people count this post - they might.

With a season like this, there are always fans who go overboard, to the point of forgetting that what they see as reality isn't anything but their own projection. I get mixed feelings about that. They have so much fun, and it is fun to join in (I truly love the fantasy), but it is also a time that people get very protective of their perceived reality, and I've been around long enough to have seem some very messy crashes out of it. I guess I find myself trying to remind them how scripted this all is, and I don't know how that comes across to people who haven't known me for years, which most here obviously have not, even though between ABC, FORT and a few small boards I've been around a very, very, very long time - just very inconsistently.

OK, and I know it isn't my or anyone else's job to protect people from themselves, but it never is just themselves. It can just get. so. bizarre. And people get hurt. Sometimes I can let it go, sometimes the mom and work mentor sides of me kick in. I guess it kind of depends on if my instincts are feeling harmless, silly, fantasy, or something else. After some of the messes I've seen, I can't help it.

I don't have an issue with snark, but the problem to me is when the snark isn't exactly equal opportunity, but coming from someone having trouble integrating the information they are getting about how things really are, with the reality they are projecting. That is when people get nasty. I've seen it so many times and in so many places. Letting go of an imagined reality is, apparently, a very difficult thing to do. I feel like I've seen a lot of that here, and maybe I'm not accurately differentiating between the equal opportunity snark, and the I-can't-handle-what-I'm-hearing snark.

As for board moderation, the only thing that has surprised me is that Love_Me and San don't seem to like it when the membership tries to work things out by itself. I've moderated on a huge public forum, and I always thought it was cool when the membership would just work it out. Of course, that means the membership has to be actually working it out, and not heading into a flame war ... not always easy to see which is which. But allowing that to evolve organically always seemed like (a) a great way to have less work to do and (b) a way to intuit what the membership wanted and needed from the board. But, maybe since this is a leisure board and that was a serious service board, its different. And ... there isn't any reason they couldn't appoint moderators if the board is growing and it is too much work (which it surely is, running a board takes so much more than members usually know). I do appreciate their efforts and try to keep things easy for them, but every board has its unwritten norms, and it takes a while to figure them out. I feel like I'm still lost on the ones here, to be honest.

dw_a_mom, your post was insightful and your knowledge of this media is a help. Thank you for being bold and honest.

I have perused several boards for bach/bachette and never wanted to post. Too much anger and animosity. Sad really. Will say that when I joined this forum, was pleasantly surprised to say the least. Yes, there are "snarky" moments, but this is still my "happy place" ... even if it rains in Disney Land/World (was at Disney World in the rain and it was still much fun). Just wanted to post something positive .... that is my rant for the day.

LoveDovez wrote:

mprssdbyu wrote:I don't think it's fair to Love or San to ask that they implement rules. First of all, it's not in their character to be "Judge Judy." They have more patience than most saints but don't take advantage of it! For some reason, it has yet to sink in... It's not a FAN BOARD so anything outside of "hoping harm" comes to someone is acceptable and of course bashing someone or their opinion. If they make requests, follow those requests. I have no idea why that is so hard to get or understand!!!

I had to choose the FOE button as my friend. It's working quite well. No rise out of me equals ...you been FOED. It really works after all.

I don't know how anybody could have mistaken this for a FAN BOARD... I understood that back before it was posted for the 999,999,999th time that it isn't.

So Dove, who won't end up in a divorce by summer's end, and who deserves someone better than Emily? = = = WAIT!!!! DON'T ANSWER!!!! I was just kidding! Really! Bad joke!!! This isn't a fan board! I just wanted to get your number up to 1,000,000,000 without you having to round up!.

I'm new to this board this season. I followed the ABC board last season. I haven't posted much but what I have posted has been received kindly. I am not out to dis people on here - everyone has their opinion. In turn, I would ask my opinion be respected as well.
The one thing I will say is that most of the time I am lost on these discussions. There are lots of regular posters on here and they carry on conversations totally unrelated to the discussion. Lots of person stuff shared. When I am trying to following the thread I have to weed over alot of "friend" stuff. that is the only real complaint I have. Just wish it was more of a discussion of the thread persay and not the people in the thread.

I understand why some people are upset. I have been around this board for a while. I hardly ever post, because when I do post I feel like no one cares to answer. Everytime I sign in here I leave. I don't feel like hearing how wonderful 1F is. I know there are rules, that is why I hardly post because if I did I would most likely be banned for a day or two.

With that said, I do find it crazy that a thread like this needed to be open. I feel we are all over 18 and we should know how to act. If not just do what I do and walk away or in this case just sign off the board for a few...


What I said is not directed at anyone, it is just the way I have been made to feel around here.

This is the first season out of many that I have ever had to think about whether or not I should post. EVER. On any message board. And I do not attribute this to our lovely hostesses. They are great and try to bend over backwards to please all.
If it had been me dealing with all these tattling pm's...I would have simply given them 3 strikes and then told them, maybe they need to take a break from our forum, until they can tolerate it.
I post a lot of snark and sarcasm. Sorry for those who are not fans. I would again encourage those of you to please foe me or skip past my posts. Because my posting style will not change. That is who I am.
I also sleuth. And if I had an unpopular spoiler, again I would definitely think before publicly posting. Sorry. There are many, many fans who can't handle it.
I don't ever remember posting a comment like: you/your post is ______ or anything derogatory towards a poster in negative fashion. This lesson I learned early on FORT was a major NO-NO. It's impolite and worse than any snarking or sarcasm imaginable IMO.
We all come from different cultures and ways of life. Let's just try to do what is asked of us--and it is very little...RESPECT for each other. And if we can't do that here...maybe we need a break or another hobby. But pm'ing our mods for this stuff...they have lives outside of here, too.

mom2brieandbray wrote: I understand why some people are upset. I have been around this board for a while. I hardly ever post, because when I do post I feel like no one cares to answer. Everytime I sign in here I leave. I don't feel like hearing how wonderful 1F is. I know there are rules, that is why I hardly post because if I did I would most likely be banned for a day or two.

With that said, I do find it crazy that a thread like this needed to be open. I feel we are all over 18 and we should know how to act. If not just do what I do and walk away or in this case just sign off the board for a few...


What I said is not directed at anyone, it is just the way I have been made to feel around here.

:WAVEY: Your avi of gorgeous Roberto sure put a smile on my face - thanks for that!

It's a shame that a thread like this is necessary even after constant reminders from our wonderful mods about board rules. It's not that tough to ignore the nonsense. I haven't even used the foe button because I simply skip over entire pages of posts. I used a similar strategy with the "fast forward" feature on my remote while watching Ben's season. :Nod:

Idleness is the devil's playground.

In the absence of anything to figure out, we create scenarios of our own fantasy. Fall in love with ideas. And, with so little real-time information, the line between fantasy and reality begins to blur, and we believe.

The foe button is a valuable feature of this site. Ignorance is bliss. Why people don't turn to that instead of to mods, I do not understand.

I agree that when things get personal, the best response is time away. Go read 50 Shades of Gray or something ;)